


Wicked

by LyricalKris



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-02
Updated: 2012-06-02
Packaged: 2017-11-06 16:38:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 88,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/421016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricalKris/pseuds/LyricalKris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spend two seasons with the Cullen Actor's Troupe. How do you measure a year? In romance, friendship, violence, passion, and love. But does Edward deserve any of it when his past is a little...well...wicked?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How About Love?

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://s118.photobucket.com/albums/o82/lyricalkris/Twilight%20Fanfic%20Stuff/?action=view&current=WickedBanner.jpg)

**Dedication: To my lovely friend and beta jadedandboring. You're almost as excited for this fic as I am, and I love you for it.**

_**"525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.  
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?  
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.  
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.  
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?"** _

_**~Seasons of Love, Rent** _

* * *

"Thanks for doing this, Edward. I wouldn't have asked you to come in again except that I'm having trouble narrowing Mimi down, and you're the only one who knows the audition piece for every male part."

Edward Masen looked up from the sheet of music he was studying and grinned at the lone woman sitting in the audience. "You know me - thorough," he said amiably. "Besides Esme, you know I'd do anything you asked."

Esme Cullen laughed, smiling fondly at him. "Well, don't let my husband hear you say that. He might get the wrong idea."

"Who do you have coming in? Not Rosalie. I know she's hellbent on getting Maureen."

"Yes," Esme muttered distractedly, rifling through a stack of papers she held. "Well, she doesn't have much competition for that role. Jessica maybe... But no, neither of them are coming in today. It's a new girl. Her name is Isabella... no, Bella Swan. She spent the last two seasons at the Wolves Playhouse. They did  _Grease_ in the spring season. She made a fantastic Frenchy."

"Is she young?" The character of Mimi was very young, he knew, which was why he asked. Not that such things always mattered on the stage - whomever could best portray the part was the best choice for the job no matter what technicalities existed.

"Ninteen," Esme confirmed. "Almost twenty. She read for Joanne. You know, she figured that part fit her most. She can pull off bookish, proper and-"

"Lesbian?" Edward quipped, smiling cheekily.

Esme looked up, pushing her thick-framed glasses down her nose so she could raise an eyebrow at him. "I don't honestly know." She shrugged, pushing her glasses back up and leaning back.

"Mimi is a far cry from Joanne," Edward remarked, curious now.

"She has the ... spunk for the part, I think," Esme responded easily. "We'll see. That's what we're here for, after all."

The door opened, and Edward leaned against the front of the piano as the new girl walked in.

His first instinct was that there was nothing spectacular about the woman. She was petite and lovely, but many women were. Small breasts but since when did anyone really need more than a handful? Her body was shapely - long legs that flared out into supple hips. Long brown hair that feathered perfectly right just past her shoulders.

Suddenly, inexplicably parched, Edward cleared his throat. His eyes continued their journey appreciating the way she wore no jewelry. Her neck was oddly attractive... graceful somehow. And her lower lip...

But he forgot all of that when her eyes flicked up to him as she got close enough for him to really see her.

There was no stage, no Esme in the audience and no one at the piano beside him. He was drowning in something warm and deep. Her eyes. All of her emotions were in her eyes. He saw her nerves and wanted to soothe them. He saw her hope and wanted stoke it, fanning the flames because he knew he could make the soft caramel depths dance. And when their eyes met, he swore he saw a lightning bolt of-

"Edward!"

Edward's head snapped over to his director. She was leaning on the seat back of the seat in front of her, head cradled on her folded arms and a knowing smirk on her face. She turned to Bella. "As I said, this is Edward Masen. He'll be singing Roger's part for you."

Calming whatever ridiculous flutter of nerves had taken root in his stomach, Edward turned to Bella and smiled, extending a hand. "My pleasure, Bella," he said smoothly.

He didn't miss that she swallowed hard as she put her hand in his. Her skin was so soft, her fingers fitting perfectly in his palm. He brushed his thumb over the back of her hand once before he let her go. Her lips quirked. "Likewise," she said, and her voice was breathy.

He grinned. He couldn't help it.

"Alright, kids," Esme said. She gestured with one hand to the stage. "When you're ready."

Bella looked a little flustered. She pressed one hand to her neck, clearing her throat with a somewhat worried expression. Edward understood the feeling - like your breath wouldn't hold your voice for anything stronger than a whisper.

Acting mostly on instinct - though why he felt the urge to protect this girl from a potentially embarrassing moment he didn't know - Edward stepped forward, his hand on her arm. "Hey. You got this," he said low enough that only she could hear, holding her gaze.

He watched, fascinated as the nervous, darting light of uncertainty in her eyes calmed. She breathed in and out, then nodded.

Edward grinned at her, reassuring he hoped, and stepped back. "Take it away, Mrs. Cope," he said to the piano player. The notes began promptly and he rapped three times on the piano to give Bella a jump on her cue. "What'd you forget?" he sang.

She played it smooth, the nervous girl disappearing entirely as her slight smile became vaguely predatory. Her every movement was aware of his presence, like he was a stationary sun and she the solar system that spiraled out around him. The way she walked was perfect. She would lean in until he was drawn closer, his face tilting down to hers, and then she would spin away, turning her back.

"What are you staring at?" she sang.

 _The flush on your cheeks. That pouty lower lip. "_ Nothing. Your hair in the moonlight. You look familiar." Their eyes caught again and she visibly swayed. He reached out, steadying her automatically though she was only playing to the part. "Can you make it?"

Her eyes held his for a beat longer than was necessary and then she was turning away, already singing. "Just haven't eaten much today. At least the room stopped spinning, anyway." She turned, and her smile made him want to smile in return. "What?" she asked gently.

"Nothing. Your smile reminded me of..."  _My mother,_ he realized belatedly.

"I always remind people of... who is she?" Even in song, her voice was soft and unassuming. He wanted to tell her... the truth.

"She died," he admitted, glad his automatic memory knew the words well enough to fill in the next word with Roger's story and not his own. "Her name was April."

Her eyes were almost coy as she continued the song. Like she was playing with him. Shaking off the odd feeling that this woman he'd known only minutes could somehow see him so completely, he accepted the silent challenge. When she pressed into his personal space, her clothes brushing the skin of his arms, he only swayed closer to her.

"Would you light my candle?" she sang to him.

"Well..."

"Yeah?" There was a surprised sort of uncertainty in her eyes then, her bravado faltering just long enough that he thought he could see... this was affecting her as much as it was him. She flinched away from him. "Ow!"

Reaching forward, wanting to tease her a little, he snatched her 'injured' hand, bringing it up as if to examine it. "Oh, the wax..." He heard her breath catch and he looked up at her from under his eyelashes. "It's-"

Her eyes hardened a moment before she pressed their joined hands forward, onto his chest. She brushed against him fully, her movements subtly suggestive. "It's dripping." Her voice was dripping ... pure sexiness, flirting without words, as she put her other hand on his shirt over his abs. Her eyes trained up from where her hand rested to his eyes, making a thrill travel up his spine at the same pace. "I like it between my..."

"Fingers!" His exclamation was surprisingly raw and panicked, and this time it was him turning away from her. "I figured. Oh, well. Goodnight."

Mrs. Cope brought the music to an end with a flourish, and Edward turned back, needing to see her. Bella stood ramrod straight on the stage. Her eyes a little wide and startled now that the music had stopped. He felt the way she looked - completely bewildered, a little awed and... very turned on.

"That was lovely, Bella." Esme's voice made them both start and they whirled to look at her in unison. Out of the corner of his eye, Edward could see she was blushing tomato red now, her mouth parted and her breath a little more labored than was probably normal. Esme only smiled sweetly. "I'll be making my decision by the end of the week."

"Thank you," Bella said, seeming to collect herself.

"My pleasure," Esme responded, standing as Bella descended the makeshift stairs attached to the stage. "Good luck." She grinned. "And welcome to CAT."

**~0~**

Edward was humming to himself softly as he drove up to his apartment building. He was in unusually high spirits as he parked and climbed up the stairs.

He'd begun the day not caring what part he got in the Cullen Actors Troupe's production of Rent. Acting was still new to him, and he was not attached to any part in particular. He'd been in the Troupe's production of  _Footloose_ the previous season. It was the first time he'd acted on stage since he was in  _The Nutcracker_  in fourth grade.

But now, Edward was positive that he'd nailed the part of Roger... mostly because Bella had absolutely made the perfect Mimi and their chemistry was obvious. It would play great on stage.

He sang Roger's part in Roger and Mimi's love song,  _I Should Tell You_ , as he opened his door, imagining the song ending with a kiss.

The inimitable sound of a gun cocking brought him back to reality. Edward froze, his heart jumping into this throat and his body tensing for fight or flight.

"Bam, motherfucker. You're dead."

Edward slumped in relief a second before he turned, knocking his friend's arm away with a growl. "Alec, you prick."

As Alec cracked up, Edward turned on the lights, moving quickly into the living room.

"You should have seen yourself," Alec said, still chuckling as he followed Edward. "Oh, tra la la," he said in a high pitched, sing song voice. "Here I am, in my own little world." He laughed again. "A g'damn elephant could have snuck up on you."

"Pretty sure I would have noticed the broken stairs," Edward muttered.

"Oh, don't be such a bitch," Alec chastised, throwing himself down on the opposite end of the couch as Edward. "That was funny."

"I've been shot before, asshole," Edward grumbled. "I didn't survive that shit just to end up shot in the head accidentally by my own best friend."

Alec sobered somewhat then. "Come on, you know it's not loaded." Edward made a non-committal noise that Alec must have taken for an admission of forgiveness because he changed the subject then. "So, I need to crash on your couch."

Edward snorted. "What did Heidi kick you out for this time?"

"Meh," Alec waved his hand, obviously not wanting to go into the details.

Glad to oblige, Edward just threw one of the couch pillows at him as a sign of his okay. As Alec got comfortable, Edward's thoughts drifted back to the production. He was hearing Bella's voice in his head singing the rest of the song from their rehearsal. 'They say that I have the best ass below 14th Street. Is it true?'

She did have a fantastic ass.

Why did he know that? He'd seen her for all of -

"Edward... Edward... Hey! Asshole!"

Startled, Edward looked up, blinking at the knowing smirk on Alec's face.

"Jesus, I've been trying to get your attention for like... a minute." Alec handed over a beer - considerate, considering it was from Edward's fridge - and sat back down. "So...who is she?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Edward said, opening the beer and taking a long drink.

"Come on," the other man rolled his eyes. "I know the look of a man on the prowl. She's gotta be something if she has you, of all people, off in la-la land."

Edward rolled his eyes and remained stubbornly silent, turning up the volume on the TV.

"Where'd you meet her?" Alec asked easily a minute or so later.

"Work," Edward replied distractedly. It wasn't a lie per se. Edward did work at the theater where the Cullens played. His friend didn't need to know he acted on the same stage he helped maintain.

Alec chortled. "I knew it. There is a girl."

Cursing Alec's ability to pull the wool over his eyes to lead him exactly where he wanted, Edward chuffed. "Girl is the operative word."

"Ohh," Alec hissed. "Jailbait, huh? That's harsh."

"No, she's legal," Edward said quickly. "She's just..." He shrugged it off. "I'm already going to hell. I'm not going to add corrupting an innocent girl to my laundry list of sins."

"You are like... what, four years older than her?"

"Three," he admitted grudgingly. But he was willing to bet he'd put a lot more wear and tear into those three years than the average 22 year old.

"See, drama queen?" He scoffed. "Three years," he said scathingly. "And you're not as bad as you think you are, little boy."

"Little boy," Edward repeated. "Pot meet kettle; you're three years older than me."

Alec flashed his signature cheeky grin. "It's not the years, honey. It's the mileage."

Edward had to laugh. However badly Alec could annoy him, there was no doubting why they were friends.

_**~0~** _

"You realize you've hammered that nail halfway through the board, right?"

Edward looked up, frowning at his boss - Esme's son Emmett Cullen. Emmett was smiling, but then Emmett was usually smiling. "Go on, kid," Emmett said, taking the hammer from Edward's hand. "I know you want to. I'll finish here."

Edward thought about protesting but then he just exhaled. "Thanks, Em," he said with a smile, already slipping his tool belt off.

He wasn't running precisely ... but he was walking really fast. At the end of the hallway was a crowd of people... everyone who'd auditioned for  _Rent_ to be precise.

His eyes fell on Bella first. She'd obviously already seen the cast sheet. She was leaning against the wall looking distinctly green. "Bella..." he found his hand moving of its own volition as he squeezed her arm comfortingly.

Bella looked startled as she blinked up at him. "Hey," she said, her voice thin.

"What's the matter? You can't tell me Esme didn't cast you..."

"No, she did," Bella said quickly. Her eyes, as she looked up at him, were wide and a little overwhelmed. "I'm Mimi."

"Well, that's fantastic. Congratulations," he said, feeling relieved and oddly happy about the prospect of working with her.

"It's just... such a big part," she muttered.

Edward squeezed her arm again, realizing belatedly that he had yet to let her go. Self-conscious, he drew his hand back, crossing his arms. "You got this," he repeated his words from the day they auditioned together. "Trust me," he said, winking at her.

He was pleased when a blush lit her cheeks and a hint of a smile tugged at her lips.

"Woo!"

Both Edward and Bella's heads snapped over to look at the source of the loud cheer. Mike Newton was fist bumping several other members, obviously pleased with his new role. Edward guessed he'd be Mark... he and Jasper Whitlock were always vying for the lead roles. He scanned the crowd, looking to find Jasper so that he could gauge the other man's reaction but before he found him, Edward was distracted by Mike heading in his direction, a huge grin on his face.

Sliding right by Edward as if he wasn't there, Mike picked Bella up, swinging her around in a circle. "Hey!" Bella protested, but Mike set her down just as quickly.

"Sorry. I'm just excited we'll be working so closely together," Mike said, his grin so broad it must have hurt. He pulled Bella's hand to his lips, kissing her grandly. "Miss Mimi, I'm looking forward to being your Roger."

Edward's half bemused, half irritated smile fell away, the first prickling of disappointment making his stomach twist.

If Mike had been cast as Roger... where did that leave him?

_**~0~** _

Edward waited until everyone else had gone off to celebrate. They'd invited him, of course, and he knew he was being a bit childish, but he really didn't feel like celebrating. Instead, he was skulking around Esme's door, trying to convince himself not to do what he was about to do.

_Fuck it._

He knocked on the door to her office. As always, it was open, but she was lost in her own world, her pen moving quickly across paper. She looked up when he knocked though, her glasses sliding down to the tip of her nose. "Edward. Didn't you go with the others?"

"No, uh... I still had a little work to do," he said vaguely.

She gave him a look but didn't call him on his fib, instead returning her eyes to her sketch. "So, how can I help you?"

"It's just that..." Edward exhaled in a huff, running his hands through his hair, not sure if he was irritated at her or himself. "Not that I'm questioning your decision, but I was just curious. Why Angel? I didn't even read for that part."

Esme looked up again, this time putting her pen down. "No, you didn't," she agreed. "Angel is an integral part, Edward. She's the heart of the whole play. It's a very important role."

"Please don't think I'm protesting or that I'm ungrateful," Edward said sincerely. "It's just... I thought Bella and I had great chemistry... I don't know, maybe I imagined it."

He trailed off when Esme's look of concern turned into a knowing smirk. "Of course I felt it. Sweetheart, I'm fairly sure the majority of Seattle experienced a very strange warmfront that afternoon - you two exuded that much heat." She waggled her eyebrows at him playfully. "But of all my boys, you're the only one who'd look fabulous in that dress... so Angel it is."

Edward rolled his eyes but he offered Esme a smile as he did. Esme tapped a finger against her lips, considering. "In all honesty, Edward, you bounced off of each other very well. That was part of the problem. Roger and Mimi vacillate between cool and warm. I don't know that you two could have pulled off the coldness toward each other you'd have needed in some places." She looked at him, her expression concerned but gentle. "If you're going to start something with her-"

"It's not about that," Edward insisted quickly. "I was just looking forward to working with her. That's all."

Her expression indicated she didn't quite believe him, but again she didn't call him on it. "Well, no worries then. Mimi and Angel are best girlfriends after all. You'll be working with her plenty."

**A/N:For the record, the part of Alec is being played by Shiloh Fernandez in my head. I need to update my profile to include the GORGEOUS banner heatherdawn made for me. Growl.  
**

**If you are unfamiliar with Rent, I suggest YouTubing Light My Candle, which is the song Edward and Bella auditioned to. I like the movie version best (yes, yes blasphemy). I'll post a complete cast list next chap, so don't worry.**

**jadedandboring gets a note here, too: Kris is practically insane for preferring the movie version of** _**Light My Candle** _ **, but I'll let that slide. Watch** _**Today 4 U** _ **and see what Esme means about Angel looking fabulous in a dress. And if you're familiar with it, you'll understand why I am sofa king excited about** _**La Vie Boheme.** _ **Two words: Mucho. Masturbation. Ahem.**   
**  
Anyway. So Wicked will not begin posting regularly (about once a week) until In the Mirror is marked as complete (which is no more than 2 weeks from now).**

**Guesses? Initial thoughts? I've been sitting on this one for MONTHS so I'm dying to know what you think.**


	2. Live This Moment

**Main Cast List for Rent:**

**Mark - Tyler  
Roger - Mike  
Mimi - Bella  
Collins - Jasper  
Angel - Edward  
Joanne - Jessica  
Benn** **y** **\- Eric  
Maureen - Rosalie**

**Rent songs to YouTube (if you want):** _**I'll Cover You, I Should Tell You** _

* * *

_**"The heart may freeze ,or it can burn  
The pain will ease if I can learn  
There is no future  
There is no past  
I live this moment as my last"** _

**~ Another Day, Rent**

* * *

Bella was mesmerized by the sight on the stage. Who wouldn't be?

She peered around the curtain from the side of the stage, oblivious to the hustle and bustle just behind her. She was captivated by the two men rehearsing. They were both beautiful specimens of all that was great about the male species. The blond was statuesque - broad at the shoulders without being bulky. His back was to her, but Bella knew he had captivating blue eyes and a smile that would disarm even the moodiest asshole around.

But the other man...

It was hard to know where to start on him. His hair, his eyes, his freakishly beautiful hands, his eyelashes - they were all notable. Besotted was not a word Bella often used to describe herself, but the first time she'd laid eyes on him, her breath had caught in her throat and her tongue had tangled in her mouth - both bad things, considering that she was supposed to be singing with him.

He'd smiled at her then, and every thought in her head had vanished. The lopsided grin completely fried her brain. Bella was convinced that the only reason she'd gotten through the audition was that her lips and voice knew the song even without the help of her frontal lobe.

Perhaps it was lucky that the Mount Olympia reject had not gotten the part he'd auditioned for where Bella had. It was bad enough that Angel and Mimi were friends. She had at least one verse of La Vie Boheme to sing with him.

Instead of working with him, she was watching as he sang to the blond playing Collins. They were just trying to figure out how their voices meshed together and so weren't dancing yet but merely holding hands. The blond sang in a deep baritone - thick and smooth as honey. The jade-eyed man sang at a sweeter, higher tone, his voice so silky it was both music and the words between the lyrics.

Their song ended and he smiled at the blond with that lopsided grin that was forever burned in Bella's memory. Bella bit her lip hard as he leaned in, and oh god... his kiss.

"He's an amazing kisser," a female voice sighed from beside her.

"Gah!" Bella jumped, turning with one hand over her heart to the woman who'd sidled up without her noticing. "What?" she asked brilliantly, feeling her face get hot.

The woman was familiar, but Bella hadn't learned many names yet. She seemed amused. "Jasper. He's an amazing kisser," she supplied. She tilted her head, fixing Bella with a mock-stern look. "You're not ogling my man are you?"

"Oh, no," Bella said, maybe too quickly.

The woman grinned. "Good. We can be friends then. It's always a good idea to be friends with the woman who wields the pins." She stuck her hand out. "I'm Alice by the way. Alice Cullen. You must be the new girl. Bella Sparrow, right?"

"Swan," Bella corrected kindly.

"Ah, my bad." They both looked back out to the stage. "See this kid?" she tilted her chin at the one who was not Jasper. "He also works construction on our sets. Construction, wiring, whatever we need... but last season he turns up and auditions. I swear, he's a natural." She shook her head. "His name is-"

"Edward Masen," Bella murmured, remembering the way the name had rolled off his tongue when he shook her hand.

Alice gave her a knowing look. "Jasper tells me he's a great kisser," she said with a wink.

She consulted with her clipboard. "Swan, Bella. Mimi." She seemed impressed and Bella had to hold back a not so modest grin. "Nice, kid." She grinned again and her eyes flitted back over to the boys on the stage, both squatting as they consulted with Esme in the audience. "I'll give you a few more minutes of staring time, but then I need you backstage for your first fitting."

"Thanks," Bella said, already liking Alice.

She watched the boys rehearse the song again, for the millionth time praising any available god that she'd found drama. There weren't a lot of places where she could watch pretty boys kiss and get paid for it.

A few minutes later Esme released the boys for the moment. Edward came sauntering in her direction. His lips quirked up on one side when he saw her, and any one of the compliments that she might have uttered fell away. He nodded at her, and Bella was somewhat irritated to realize that his cocky little grin meant he knew what he was doing to her. "Bella," he said in greeting, and her annoyance helped her ignore the way his voice wrapped around her name, making her feel sexy just because he said it.

"Edward," she returned, pleased that her voice was steady and confident. "You and Jasper sound great out there." She turned, beginning to walk away from him with a little shake in her step. She turned back, winking at him and silently thanking the theater gods that she was able to do it without blinking both eyelids. "I think you'll kill in your little red dress."

She walked away then, slow enough to show she was unconcerned but quick enough to get her out of there before she could ruin the act. She fought her smirk until the sound of his startled laughter wafted back to her.

_Masen, Edward. Filed under D for Dangerous._

~0~

It was late when Bella got back to her dorm room. "Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me," she chanted as she walked in the door.

"Hmm," Angela murmured from where she was sitting cross legged on her bed. "Nope. I don't think I'm at that experimenting stage of college. Try again later."

"Ha ha," Bella muttered as she sat down at her desk. "Fuck. I have a class at seven and homework I haven't done."

"Well, whose smart idea was it to sign up for a seven o'clock class?" Angela laughed, putting her book aside. "You can still drop it. I'd get all over that."

Bella grumbled, burying her head in her arms. "I just might."

Her cell phone rang and, because she was distracted, Bella answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Bells," said a startled but happy voice on the other end of the phone.

Bella's shoulders slumped. "Jake."

Angela instantly straightened up, her expression concerned.

There was silence on the other end for a moment before Jacob Black, Bella's ex, sighed. "You said that we could still be friends."

"I said eventually," Bella countered, wrapping her free arm around her middle.

"It's been six months," Jacob said.

Bella breathed in slowly and then out through her mouth.

Her relationship with Jacob had been relatively short-lived. After six months of turning the whole situation over and over in her mind, she'd come to the humbling conclusion that they'd had no business being in a relationship in the first place. Fresh out of high school, their relationship wasn't based off much of anything besides a mutual like. They'd been friends forever, and when they reached college without either of them having been so much as kissed, they more fell into a relationship than anything else. Looking back, Bella was almost ashamed that she'd been so surprised when he cheated on her.

Really, she wasn't heartbroken. Her pride had been severely wounded, but as irritated as she was at Jacob's inability to keep his dick in his pants, she wasn't going to fall apart talking to him.

And honestly, a large part of her had missed him terribly.

"What's going on, Jake?" she finally asked.

Bella could almost hear him grinning. "Not a lot. We're doing West Side Story this season."

"Did you get a part?"

"Yeah. Tony."

"Wow," Bella said, honestly impressed. "That's fantastic. Congrats."

"Thanks," Jacob said sincerely. "It would have been better if you were around though. You'd have been a shoe-in for Maria. Now I gotta play with Leah."'

Bella hissed in sympathy, glad she was on the phone so he couldn't see her delighted grin. Leah was known for being a ball buster. "Thems the breaks, kid," she offered, thinking it was only what Jacob deserved. After all, it was chemistry with his last onstage love interest that he'd given as an excuse when Bella had caught him cheating.

"We miss you around here, Bells."

"Can we not start with this?" Bella said sharply.

There was a sigh on the other end. "Fine. But seriously. You didn't have to stop hanging out with the rest of them, Bella."

Bella chuffed. "I'm sure they miss me," she said sarcastically. "Come on. They're your friends, not mine."

"Do you have any friends outside the Playhouse?"

The silence in the room was deafening. Bella's blood ran cold. "Goodbye, Jacob," she said.

"Bella, wait! I didn't-"

"Ugh," Bella grumbled, turning over and growling into her pillow as she ended the phone call.

She heard Angela's footsteps and felt her friend's hand on her back a second later. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Bella said dryly, straightening up again. "He never had any tact. It's just... when he was my best friend instead of my ex, it was a lot easier to deal with.

Since she didn't want to voice Jacob's assumption out loud, Bella changed the subject. "You and Ben had a date tonight, didn't you?"

Angela's grin was full and immediate. "We did. Oh, guess what, Bella," she said, almost bursting with excitement. "Ben got us tickets to the Glee concert!"

Bella tried to hold back the automatic grimace that threatened her every time anyone spoke about Glee. She forced a smile. "That's... great. When is it?"

"The thirteenth of next month," Angela said, sighing happily.

"Oh."

Usually, Bella appreciated Angela's kind and observant nature. That day, though, she cursed it. "What's wrong with the thirteenth?" Bella didn't answer right away and Angela's eyes went wide as she remembered. "Oh my God, that's your birthday, isn't it?"

"It's not a big deal, Ange," Bella said quickly.

Angela bit her lip, looking guilty. "Maybe you could come with us? I could get you a ticket."

A shiver of absolute dread went down Bella's back. She could go to the Glee concert, but she was fairly sure that being tortured wasn't high on her list of ways to celebrate her birthday. "No. I couldn't intrude on your time with Ben. Besides, it's no big deal."

The other good thing about Angela was that she usually knew when to quit. She sighed and nodded, then smiled again. "Tell me about the production."

Bella smiled, remembering watching Edward and Jasper on stage together. "I watched two utterly gorgeous boys sing and kiss today."

Angela whistled appreciatively. "Collins and Angel?" she asked, familiar with Rent because she owned the movie. She sighed wistfully when Bella nodded. "Too bad they're theater boys and probably as gay as their characters."

"That's such a stereotype," Bella said with a roll of her eyes. "Jasper is definitely not gay. I met his girlfriend today. She's the costumer and the director's daughter."

"See, that doesn't mean anything," Angela teased. "That's just tactics. If he's dating the director's daughter, he can leverage his way into the parts he wants."

"Anything's possible," Bella allowed, amused at her friend.

"What about the other one?"

"Edward?" Bella did her best to ignore the ridiculous little flutter in the pit of her stomach when she said his name and thought about his cocky grin. "I honestly don't know." A tiny smile quirked at the edge of her lips. "Honestly, he could easily get anyone he wanted - man or woman."

"Do I detect a hint of a crush?" Angela asked carefully, keeping her voice light.

"An appreciation," Bella corrected. "You know I'm done with theater guys and all their feelings and staying true to character."

She knew that Angela picked up the slightly bitter tone to her last words but thankfully, her roommate knew better than to call attention to it.

~0~

Bella and Mike were the last of the duets to sing for Esme. They'd been asked to memorize a a small part of one of the songs they sang together and acted it out as they felt natural.

Mike was a very nice guy with a set of eyes the prettiest shade of blue Bella had ever seen. As they strolled the stage, hand in hand, singing a piece of their love song, she could see it wouldn't be difficult to act with him.

At the end of the song when Mike leaned down to kiss her, Bella's eyes fluttered closed. Without consciously realizing she was doing it, she imagined it was Edward with her on stage. In her mind's eye, his lips brushed hers lightly before they claimed her completely, and Bella sighed into his mouth as she melted into his kiss.

"Thanks, kids. That's really good."

Esme's voice brought back the present, making Bella step back from Mike self consciously. The director was sitting down in the audience, distractedly making marks on her clipboard.

Looking around, Bella's eyes flitted first to Mike then quickly away, finding that she felt strangely guilty. For what, she didn't really know. She was pretending to be a girl kissing a boy that Mike was pretending to be while imagining kissing a man she barely knew. It was more confusing than anything.

The bewildering feeling only intensified when her roaming eyes caught a tall, lean figure in the darkness off stage. He was standing right where she had the day before, watching her and Mike the way she'd watched him and Jasper. His arms were crossed over his chest, his mouth a tight line, as if he was irritated about something. But when he caught her looking, he smiled.

Bella was again distracted as Esme put her clipboard down on the stage a little harder than she intended. The sound echoed in the small auditorium. "Alright. Do me a favor and gather everyone in the main practice room. I need to talk with the whole troupe."

Immediately, Bella's eyes darted to where Edward had been leaning, suddenly and irrationally nervous about having to walk by him to get to the practice room. But when she looked, Edward was no where to be seen.

~0~

Bella was at that awkward stage with her new company where she didn't quite fit in. Most of the others had been with CAT for at least the season before. Her time with the Wolves Playhouse taught her that the theater could be as competitive as any sport - maybe more so. The others didn't know what to make of her.

She was fairly certain Mike would have sat with her, but Bella purposefully held back. She preferred being slightly apart so she could take in the little community of this troupe. Entering the room after most everyone had already gathered, Bella slid down the wall, settling on the floor only a foot or two from the door. It gave her a good vantage point.

Edward's name caught her attention, and Bella tilted her head to where Tyler Crowley and Jessica Stanley - the troupe's biggest divas as far as Bella had observed - were whispering cattily to each other just a few feet away from her.

"-still don't understand the logic here. I could have owned that part. Angel. Gay. Impeccable fashion sense. Likes to wiggle her pretty little ass in other people's faces. I mean, hello!" Tyler bitched. "But no, I get the part of the bespectacled spectator whose obviously," he gestured to himself, "beautiful face is blocked behind that toy camera of his?"

"Oh, stop your whining," Jessica said, rolling her eyes. "Mark is a great role. He has to have more lines and scenes than anyone else." She folded her arms, scowling slightly. "Meanwhile, I have to make out with Rosalie."

"Woe is you. I don't get to make out with anyone." The two of them giggled and Tyler sighed. "But really. It should have been me and Eric. It makes sense." He paused. "Or Edward as Collins. I could have worked with that just fine," he said wickedly.

"But Edward isn't gay," Jessica pointed out.

"Are you sure about that?" Tyler asked. "He is so very pretty."

"If you don't believe me, ask Tanya. That boy enjoys the company of women. According to Tanya, he must enjoy it thoroughly because he's good at what he does," Jessica gossiped.

Bella tried to stop listening then, knowing it wasn't any of her business. She shouldn't have been eavesdropping on private conversations.

And she definitely shouldn't be thinking venomous thoughts about this Tanya person. She hadn't heard that name before but she was suddenly sure that she disliked Tanya...intensely.

"I love Esme, but I just wonder what Edward has over me," Tyler was saying.

"Don't take it personally, sweetheart." Edward's teasing voice so close behind her made Bella's head snap up. He chuckled, walking the remaining few steps to where Jessica and Tyler sat. "My figure is more flattering in a dress, that's all." As if to demonstrate, he shook his ass a little in their direction as he sauntered by.

Bella hid a smile behind her hands, watching both Tyler and Jessica's gape-mouthed expressions as Edward crossed the room. He took a seat on what looked like it might have been a hair dresser's chair. Bella wondered idly if CAT had put on Sweeny Todd in recent years.

It didn't escape Bella's notice that though the company was grouped off, Edward remained slightly separate. He nodded at Rosalie Hale when she passed, but he kept to himself. Bella couldn't help but wonder if this separation was the at the group's discretion or Edward's.

Before she could ponder that thought further, Esme strode into the room followed closely by Alice. She dragged the piano bench away from the piano that sat in the corner and sat with her legs astride it.

"Okay, kids, here's the good news. Everyone meshes well so there won't be any casting changes. I'm sure we'll be playing with the extras as we go along, but the mains should stay the same." She sat forward, her hands on her knees and a serene look on her face. "Of course, the bad news is that means playtime is over. Rehearsal after today will be all business and we have a lot of business to take care of.

"Tomorrow, you're going to meet Bob Banner. He's our new music director since Miss Carmen had to move away. Some of you are going to be working with him and me, and some of you are going to be working with Tanya." Bella straightened up at the sound of that name, a small and ridiculous feeling of dread passing through her. Esme paused, looking over the group. Her eyes settled on Bella and she smiled kindly. "Tanya Ivanov is our dance instructor. She is utterly fabulous at what she does."

Bella nodded, hoping her smile wasn't as tight and forced as it felt.

"If you're not working with Bob, Tanya or me, I expect you to be busy memorizing your lines. There's always plenty to do, especially with a production as big as this," Esme said sternly, pushing her glasses down her nose so she could look out at all of them. Satisfied that her message had gotten through, she smiled again. "Alice?"

Alice bounced to the front, consulting her clipboard. "I'm sure I'll be talking with everyone separately about their costume or costumes later. For now, we're going to talk about hair. Tyler," she began, pointing at Tyler. "You're going to keep your hair shortish. You can do with a little length up top but close cropped around your ears."

She scanned the room, her eyes landing on Bella. She detached a card from her clipboard, coming to stand in front of her. "Bella, you have an appointment at this salon. The stylist's name is Charlotte. She's amazing, so don't worry. She's going to be bleaching streaks into your hair." She grinned as Bella, a little stunned, took the card from her hand. "We're going to start out by coloring those streaks purple though we'll see what works with your hair."

Without giving Bella time to process this, Alice was off to the other side of the room. "Edward, shave your head. Not bald - there should be stubble - but-"

"I'm sorry. What?" Edward said, his eyes as wide as saucers. He reached back, running his hand through his hair. There had been more than one gasp and Alice's command. Bella felt an odd disappointment, almost mourning the idea since she spent a good amount of time wishing she could smooth some of the troublesome locks away from his face.

"Is there a problem, Edward?" Esme asked, looking entirely too amused.

Edward's eyes flitted from Esme to Alice and back again. "Well, no. I just... doesn't Angel wear a wig?"

"Yes," Alice said cheerfully. "He wears a wig in the first act but he dies in Act II. Wearing your hair like that will help us create the illusion that you're sickly." She smiled cheekily. "Don't be a baby. Mike has to grow his hair long and, hopefully, wavy."

"How terrible for him," Edward muttered, but he nodded his acquiescence.

"See, that could have been you," Bella heard Jessica whisper to Tyler.

"It would have been fine for me," Tyler hissed back. "That? That's just a tragedy."

Watching Edward absently run his hands through his hair and loving the way it stuck out in every conceivable direction, Bella couldn't help but agree with Tyler's assessment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: That's right, I'm killing his hair. His ridiculous hair.
> 
> Oh, don't worry. It'll grow back.
> 
> Thank you to barburella and jadedandboring for all you do for me. And thanks to y'all for your initial response.
> 
> Soooooo. It's my birthday on Saturday. The only thing better than reviews is Kristen or Rob at my doorstep and I know that ain't happening. *sweet smile* No really. Let me know what you're thinking so far.


	3. Reason Says

_**Songs to YouTube: Tango: Maureen (for music only), Out Tonight (Broadway stage version is best).** _

* * *

_**"Look, I find some of what you teach suspect** _

_**Because I'm used to relying on intellect  
But I try to open up to what I don't know  
Because reason says I should have died three years ago"** _

_**~Life Support, Rent** _

* * *

Every few minutes, Edward couldn't help but reach up, running his hands through his hair self consciously.

Alice, when she saw him doing this, rolled her eyes. "Do you need me to do it for you? Would that be easier?" she asked, not entirely teasing.

"No, I'll survive," he'd mumbled, thinking it was rather ridiculous to be so attached to bronze colored dead cells.

Then she'd looked entirely too gleeful as she handed over the instruments of torture that were currently riding shotgun as he drove home.

Platform heels... very large platform heels.

"Get used to these now," she'd said. "You need to wear them as much as you can or you're never going to be able to dance on them."

Edward drummed his fingers on his steering wheel as he turned into his apartment complex. Though it had been nearly two years since his life had taken a drastic change - a second drastic change rather - he still couldn't quite grasp how he'd wound up doing what he was doing. Two years ago he'd still been a punk hoodlum, a con artist... a thief. He'd been a criminal. Now he was getting fitted for Christmas dresses and high heeled shoes.

The only tie he had left to his old life was still occupying space on his couch. Edward ran his hand through his hair one more time, glancing back and forth between the damnable shoes on his passenger seat and the window of his apartment where he could see Alec watching TV.

There was no way Alec would understand why he was cross dressing, let alone dancing, singing and kissing other men onstage.

Edward grabbed the shoes and tossed them to the backseat, resolving to help his friend patch up the latest tiff with Heidi as quickly as possible. Otherwise he was never going to be able to practice.

All thoughts of over-sized heels vanished when Edward got close to his door. The stench that could only be marijuana smoke hit him a number of feet from his door.

"Alec, what the fuck?" he said as he opened the door. He plucked the joint out of the other man's hand and flicked it into his half full beer bottle.

"Hey, prick!" Alec protested, sitting up. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"You know I'm trying to keep clean, asshole," Edward said, turning on the fan to air out the apartment.

"It's just a little bud, man. That's... barely illegal," Alec grumbled.

"You know my feelings on the matter, but until it's all the way legal, not in my house, okay?" Edward's voice was firm, letting Alec know this wasn't something to test him on.

"Not even weed?" Alec checked again, a little incredulous.

"What part of straight and  _narrow_ is difficult for you to grasp," Edward asked, crossing his arms. "I even gave up speeding. You know how much I love speeding."

"Bitch, I know you love speeding. I know we're cool like that and I can tell you this, but I damn near pissed my pants more than once riding with you," Alec laughed. He threw his hands up in a placating motion. "Fine. No fun at Edward's place. I got it."

"Speaking of which, how are things with Heidi?" Edward asked as he moved down the hallway and into the bathroom. He rummaged under the sink until he found the clippers, still in the box, at the very back. He looked at the thing mournfully.

"I'm working on it, I'm working on it," Alec said, coming to lean in the doorway of the bathroom, fresh beer in hand. "She wants to forgive me. I can tell."

"Have you considered, oh, I don't know... apologizing?" Edward snarked as he set the box on the sink.

"Overrated," the other man dismissed. "Dude...what the hell are you doing?"

"Making tea and crumpets," Edward deadpanned as he spread a towel over the floor in front of the bathroom mirror.

"You're giving yourself a haircut?" Alec chortled. "Man... that is not a good idea. If you're that broke I can help you out. The chick Janey goes to-"

"I'm shaving it all off. I think I can handle that."

Alec's eyes bugged out of his head, his jaw dropping. "Are you crazy or just stupid? Chicks dig your hair. You buzz that off and you're going to have to depend on your face to get dates."

Edward rolled his eyes and plugged in the clippers. He sighed, staring in the mirror for a bit longer than absolutely necessary before flipped the switch. The buzzing sound was strangely ominous.

Wincing as the clippers pulled at his longer hairs - he realized belatedly he probably should have used one of the guards to trim before he just started hacking away - Edward shaved a stripe into the right side of his hair. He was on the fourth stripe when his throat suddenly went tight, making it difficult to breathe.

Setting the clippers down on the sink, Edward raised shaking fingers to the thick scar that ran a few inches above his ear. Normally his hair covered it, and so Edward had forgotten just how jagged and ugly it looked. And of course, the memories of how he'd gotten that scar came back in flashes.

He was 17 - pissy and petulant in the backseat of the car as his parents drove them back toward home. They actually made it out of city limits before his father's work called with an emergency. There was always an emergency.

He raced up the front stairs in front of their house ahead of his parents. Since the house sat a little awkwardly on a hill, the driveway was a floor below the front door.

He came face to face with a person - a boy really, not that many years older than he was - carrying his family's television set out the door. The other boy froze. Edward froze. The boy dropped the TV, raising a gun at Edward's head with wide eyes and a shaking hand. Edward couldn't move.

He remembered his father and mother screaming his name and the way Edward, Senior seemed to fly up the steps. He remembered the crack of the gun - so lout it cut off all other sounds. And he remembered flying through open space because his father pushed him out of the way.

The next thing he remembered was waking up in the hospital. His throat felt raw and his body ached. There was a blond-haired doctor talking softly to him - Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Dr. Cullen gently explained that he'd been in a coma for two weeks after striking his head on a rock. His father had died at the scene - taking the bullet that had been aimed at Edward's head in the chest. His mother had died at the hospital hours later. The gunman was a 19 year old kid who'd panicked. He'd left both Edward and his mother, Elizabeth, for dead as he fled the scene. Carlisle assured him that the police had found him very quickly.

"Hey."

Alec's hand on his shoulder jarred Edward back to the present. He swallowed hard, trying to get his voice back so he could shake off the ache and the inevitable anger that came with remembering his parents' death.

"Let me do this," Alec said, picking up the clippers. "Do you know how many times I wanted to shave your head when you were drunk? It would have served you right too. All those girls... what is it with girls and your hair?"

Edward's smile was small but it was there. He didn't say anything for a long while and Alec didn't push him. For many minutes, there was only the buzz of the clippers and the gentle swish of hair falling to the floor.

"Thank you," Edward said when he was finally able to speak again.

Alec only smiled at his reflection in the mirror and continued his work.

_**~0~** _

"Oh, Edward," Esme sighed when she saw him the next day. "I'm sorry. I didn't think about that at all. I should have known better."

Edward shrugged, glancing at his director mildly from under his eyelashes. "The show must go on and all that," he said flippantly. "I think it adds to the effect."

Esme's eyes were concerned. "You can grow it back, if you'd prefer. We can figure out something else. Maybe a skull cap."

"No," Edward said firmly. "Thank you, but no. I'll be fine. I promise." He flashed her a grin so she would know he was serious before he moved off to find Emmett. He had a full day of work before he would spend the afternoon rehearsing.

"Finally here, Masen?" Emmett called, hopping down from where he'd been studying a plan backstage. "This motherfucking stage is going to be a bitch to - Whoa!"

Edward mentally braced himself for the onslaught of good-natured ribbing.

"Jayyysus," Garrett Larsen was the first one to overcome his shock. He reached out and Edward struggled not to cringe as the other man ran a hand over his stubbly hair as if it were Buddha's belly. He whistled lowly when he reached the scar. "What's this, Edward?" He gave a light scoff. "Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby?"

McKenna Tennant got right up in his face, surveying the damage with a critical eye. She looked at him, smirking. "You know, sudden changes - especially butchering your hair - is a sign of severe depression and suicidal behavior."

"Hey. Cut it the hell out, all of you," Emmett commanded, waving them all away. "You don't pick on a man's scars." He shook his head and the gathered crew had the sense to look ashamed. "There are much more fun things to pick on."

Edward rolled his eyes as Emmett put an arm around his shoulders, leaning in close. "Alice asked me to ask you - shoe shopping this weekend? She wants a girl's day out."

"Shoe shopping with Alice?" McKenna inquired, looking amused.

"It appears our Edward looks just darling in heels," Emmett said.

"Heels. No kidding?" Garrett asked, snickering. He clapped Edward on the shoulder. "I'd say you're a better man than I, but evidence is beginning to point to the contrary."

"Hey, hey," Edward said, finally provoked into action. He pulled up his shirt, tapping on his toned muscles. "See this. Six pack. All male."

Emmett lifted his shirt, his build a great deal wider than Edward's. "See this? Eight pack. You couldn't fit this in a dress."

"Ha, we'll see about that. I bet your sister is up to the challenge," Edward countered.

Uncertainty flashed across Emmett's features. He knew damn well that it was an idea Alice would endorse readily. "Look, I ain't paying you to fuck around. Like I was saying, this set Mom wants is going to be a motherbitch to construct..."

_**~0~** _

After work, Edward walked out to the car to put his tools away. He unlocked the car slowly, his eyes darting around the theater's parking lot as he tried not to acknowledge he was looking for someone in particular.

The girl got under his skin in a way Edward wasn't used to. Despite Alec's teasing, he knew he was attractive. There wasn't a shortage of women he could date, but Edward had never been interested in dating.

And it wasn't that he wanted to date this woman. To the contrary, his thoughts were so oddly protective that he wouldn't have let himself date her even if he wanted to. He just found the way his thoughts meandered back to her unusual. In reality, they'd said only a handful of words to each other, yet Edward found himself looking forward to the afternoon because he knew she would be there. It was an emotion, not a conscious thought, and on some level it annoyed the ever loving crap out of him.

Edward's annoyance was forgotten when he finally spotted her.

Bella drove a purple Pontiac Sunfire, which amused Edward for no good reason at all. The thing had obviously seen better days, and he wondered if she'd bought it used or inherited it. He found himself adding this information to the mental list he was compiling. It was as if he thought he could get to know her through observation alone.

He watched her get out of the car, a small smile playing about his lips as she shuffled through what looked like a backpack. She was a student then?

He wondered ridiculous things... like why she had left the Wolves Playhouse, what she was majoring in and why in God's name was she still a teenager?

A low whistle from behind him drew Edward's attention and he turned to find Tanya appraising him, one hand on her hip. "Not for nothing, Edward, but standing around in your jeans with a toolbelt slung low on your hips just isn't fair."

"Fair to whom?" Edward said, smiling easily as he drew the woman into a quick hug.

"Womankind? Most of mankind...here anyway," Tanya joked. "Though, I could do without the haircut. Maybe you should wear a hat for a while..."

"Hmm," Edward murmured distractedly, turning slightly so he could watch Bella out of the corner of his eye. She loosed her hair from the bun she'd been wearing and as he watched it spill about her shoulders, he couldn't help but think that sight was much more unfair than him looking like a blue-collared worker.

"Looks like you and I get a little alone time again," Tanya said, oblivious to Edward's distraction.

"Pardon?" Edward said, looking back at her.

"Angel and Mimi have the only single numbers in the whole show. I'm working the first half of this week with Mimi," Tanya said, consulting her notebook. "But the second half of the week is just you and me."

"Half a week?" Edward asked, arcing an eyebrow. "I only have half a week to get used to those platforms enough to dance in them?"

"You can learn the steps in your socks, pretty boy," Tanya teased. Her smile then was sultry. "And if you need additional help afterwards then we'll just have to arrange for a little one on one time."

Edward rolled his eyes and ruffled the blond woman's hair. "We'll see. As it happens, I'm a quick learner."

"Oh, I remember." Tanya winked at him, and Edward just laughed.

"How have you been, Tanya? It's been a while." As he spoke, Edward slung his tool belt into the car.

"And whose fault is that?" she admonished. "I must have invited you out with everyone at least six times this summer, Edward."

After a brief glaring match with his dreaded heels, Edward grudgingly retrieved them from the backseat. "I know, I know," he said to Tanya. "I'm not very good with social."

"That's an understatement," she muttered as they walked toward the theater. "To answer your question, I'm still me. You know I keep busy. Same goes for Irina."

"And Katrina?" Edward asked after the youngest of the three sisters.

"Katrina," Tanya sighed. "I don't know how she does it. She's still with Garrett. You know," she leaned in close as if imparting a huge secret. "Sometimes they talk about marriage."

Edward laughed. "Oh, no. Not marriage. Heaven forbid."

The blond woman shook her head. "I just can't do it. You know me. I have too much fun to tie myself down to one guy." She shrugged. "But she seems happy, so thanks for introducing them."

Edward waved her off. He hadn't done anything. Katrina had been wandering around, waiting for Tanya. Edward and Garrett were working together on a wiring problem. The other man had given him the classic 'dude, hook me up' eyes when Katrina stopped to say hello and the rest was history.

"Hey, T," Esme greeted, coming down the hallway at the same time. The two women embraced. "You ready for this?"

"Born read, obviously," Tanya replied.

"Let's do it."

Edward slipped by the two women to join the main cast in the practice room.

"Alright, kids. Let's get down to it," Esme said as she breezed in. "Mark, Collins, Angel, Chorus One and Two. You're with Bob and me on the stage. Mimi, you're working with Tanya solo today. Everyone else, I want you going over your lines."

Jasper sidled over, taking Edward's hand. The blond haired man had warned Edward from minute one that he was all about immersion. As long as they were on Esme's time, he was going to be clingy for the sake of understanding their characters. It was less uncomfortable than Edward would have imagined, and he could see the benefit. The physical attention and flirting really put him in the right mood.

"It's our time to shine, sugar," Jasper drawled, placing Edward's arm over his shoulders as they began to walk with the others.

"We're going to be working on  _Santa Fe_  through  _I'll Cover You_ ," Esme said.

Edward threw one more look over his shoulder, watching Tanya introduce herself to Bella before he turned forward, clasping Jasper's fingers and reminding himself that Angel was attracted to men.

~0~

A few nights later, Edward still hadn't put in any time with the dreaded heels. He resigned himself to staying late at the theater since Alec still hadn't patched things up with Heidi. He figured it was probably for the best. After all, he would be dancing in the things on stage - not at home.

It took him a minute to figure out the straps. When he stood, he immediately fell over, thankfully landing on a couch. After that, he was a little more steady. It only took him a few minutes to get his balance enough to venture out into the hallway. He felt more than a little ridiculous, and wondered how he would feel when he was in the whole tights and dress ensemble.

As he rounded the corner, he could hear music coming from one of the practice rooms. Curious - he thought he was alone in the building save for Esme in her office - Edward headed toward the sound. He stopped short at what he saw, his mouth suddenly going dry at the sight.

Bella's character, Mimi, was an exotic dancer, and the number she performed solo -  _Out Tonight_  - was just that: an exotic dance. She was straddling a section of railing that had been provided for her to practice on.  _Out Tonight_  was typically performed on a stairway. Edward watched, utterly unable to turn away, as Bella stretched high, her hips rolling to the beat of the music.

She was clad in tights and a tank top, the clothing perfectly outlining the shape of her body. For being so short, her legs were long and as she stretched out, balancing herself on the bar by the soles of her feet, they were provocative.

And her ass. Lord in heaven...her ass.

That thought fluttered away the next second when Bella threw her arms out. The movement threw her off, and Edward watched in vague horror as she swayed. He hardly registered he was moving before he was across the room, steadying her before she could fall.

"Jesus Christ," she cried, her body starting. "I didn't see you there."

"Sorry," Edward murmured, stepping away from her as soon as he was sure she wouldn't fall. "I didn't mean to startle you."

She glanced at him furtively, embarrassment coloring her cheeks as she brought her right leg to join her left on the right side of the bar. She hopped down quickly and sighed. "Thanks for the help," she said sincerely, ducking her head and pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

Edward couldn't help but smile. She was obviously shy in that innocent way only very young women could pull off. It was such a contrast to the provocative vixen she'd been just moments before that it intrigued him.

"I'm just practicing," Bella said, pointing out the obvious as she gestured at the bar. "Balance isn't my forte, so I figured I'd better get it down before I have to do this one flight up."

Edward chuckled lightly and the sound made Bella glance up, her expression questioning. "You're in a business where you dance at the same time you sing and act," he explained. "It's just not where you'd expect to find someone with bad balance."

"That's how I got into it, actually," Bella said, leaning against the bar. "It was my dad's idea. When I was a kid, I couldn't walk across a flat surface without finding something to trip on. Charlie signed me up for all kinds of dance lessons. I guess he figured if I could learn grace in dance, I wouldn't be so clumsy."

"Did it work?" Edward asked softly, adding this detail to his observations.

She hesitated for a moment but when their eyes met, she blurted the truth. "Yes and no. In real life I still trip over my own two feet sometimes. But when I'm playing a role or doing a dance, I can be the most graceful person in the world." She smiled slightly, looking down. "I guess that's why I like acting so much."

Edward felt a strange warmth begin to spread from the center of his chest. He could understand that. To an extent, it was what had drawn him to acting as well - the chance to be someone he wasn't.

But rather than tell her this, he chose to tease her, wondering if he could make her blush again. "You'd rather be a agile exotic dancer with AIDS?"

She looked up at him, startled, and Edward smirked as he cheeks tinged bright pink again. Then she rolled her eyes. "In my defense, I did try out for Joanne."

"So you wanted to be a lesbian lawyer?"

"Geez," she said, smacking his arm but smiling back at him.

"Seriously though, why did you try out for Joanne? Not that she isn't a good character. I guess, in my opinion, she's the least important character of the play," he said, wondering why he was so curious.

Bella glanced at him, again looking uncertain. "You really want to know?"

"I'm honestly curious," he affirmed.

She sighed. "I wanted to do the tango," she admitted.

He blinked a moment and then he couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" she protested. "I don't have a particular attraction to any of the parts and I've never done the tango."

"Silly, Bella," he chided gently. "You don't need to be Joanne to tango." He took one step toward the stereo before he remembered he was still wearing the platforms. A little irritated, he kicked them off. It would be better if they were both in their socks anyway.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked as he crossed the room.

"Come here," Edward said, waving her over rather than answering her question directly.

She looked hesitant but she walked toward him. Edward did his best to keep his grin of satisfaction off his face. He picked up the Rent CD that was laying on the table next to stereo and looked up the song he needed. Turning it to the  _Tango: Maureen_ , he turned back to Bella, holding his hand out.

"I don't know how to tango..." she hedged.

Edward rolled his eyes. "I know that. I do." He beckoned her with his fingers. "It's fine. I'll go slow. I promise."

She looked unsure but she put her hand in his. Edward couldn't hold back his grin then. He tugged her gently, placing her left hand on his waist while he held her right hand out. "Step back. That's right," he coached, holding her closely and reveling in the feel of her slight body against his. "Now, walk, walk, tan-go-close," he narrated as he walked her backward.

She gave a little laugh as he led her through the first, simple steps. Her face was flushed and her smile slow as it spread over her face.

 _This is weird, it's weird, very weird, fucking weird_ , Fredi Walker and Anthony Rapp sang as Edward and Bella tangoed across the floor. Edward couldn't help but agree with the lyrics.

It was weird that it felt so right to hold this girl - this woman - in his arms. Edward's general mindset was a little stormy. He never felt quite right, not with anyone, yet in the few minutes he'd spent with Bella, he felt strangely at piece.

Edward pushed that thought away, knowing it didn't matter. He wasn't going to try anything with her. He wasn't a prude by a long shot. He'd been with women. He'd flirted and charmed. But those women weren't like Bella. He had the feeling that Bella wasn't the one night stand kind of girl.

He had an odd feeling he wouldn't want her to be.

So no, he wasn't going to act on this strange, not unpleasant attraction.

It was difficult to remember that a second later when, following the instincts of his body, he dipped her backward. Bella's breath caught in her throat and she clung to him instinctively. He froze, not only because she seemed startled but because their faces were merely inches apart. It would take nothing at all to tilt his head and-

"Ah, Edward! Have you seen my wife?"

Edward gasped wildly, almost dropping Bella a fraction of a second before he gained his bearings and held her against his body. He straightened them both and turned, seeing Carlisle in the doorway.

Clearing his throat, Edward reluctantly stepped away from Bella. "Have you checked her office?" he asked calmly.

Carlisle's eyes were darting between Edward and Bella. He gave Edward and apologetic look. "If she was in her office, I wouldn't have been looking for her here," he pointed out mildly. Then he chuckled, obviously amused at interrupting their moment. "I'm the doctor. Historically speaking, shouldn't I be the workaholic?"

"You are a workaholic," Edward pointed out, grinning lopsidedly at his friend.

"Oh, right." Carlisle said, shaking his head ruefully. He turned to face Bella. "I apologize. I'm Carlisle Cullen, Esme's husband."

"Bella Swan," she said, shaking his hand.

"It's very nice to meet you, Bella," Carlisle said sincerely. He looked at Edward out of the corner of his eye. "I'm sure you're going to find life with this particular crew is very interesting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The taaaannnngggoooo: Maureen. It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round.
> 
> Heh.
> 
> Thanks to jadedandboring for all her Rent research help and for betaing. And thanks to barburella even though she's gonna yell at me for posting when she hasn't finished reading...but that's what she gets for going to sleep.


	4. To Being An Us For Once

**YouTube: Another Day, You'll See**

* * *

_**"To days of inspiration, playing hooky, making something out of nothing  
The need to express, to communicate.  
To going against the grain, going insane, going mad!"** _

_**~La Vie Boheme, Rent** _

* * *

If Bella wasn't mistaken, Edward had been just milliseconds away from kissing her.

It was a ridiculous thought. They didn't know each other, and Bella had never had the urge to kiss a complete stranger before. Yet when he tilted her body back, bending his body over hers, there had been a delicious moment of anticipation. Their eyes met, and there was nothing else in the world but a desire that bordered on need to have his lips against hers.

It was good that Carlisle interrupted them, at least that's what Bella was trying to tell herself as she slipped into the dressing room she'd stashed her bag in. As she changed out of her tights and into more Seattle in the Fall appropriate clothing, Bella tried to ignore the persistent flush in her cheek.

 _Ridiculous_ , she reminded herself, eager to get out into the chill of the evening. It was way too hot in the theater.

The voices in the hallway told her that there was no hope of getting out of there without seeing Edward again, which she found herself torn between being pleased and annoyed about. Taking a deep breath to steady her erratic nerves, Bella rounded the corner.

Esme had been found and was tucked under her husband's arm. Seeing them, Bella smiled. It was like seeing one of the pictures that hung in her director's office come to life. It had struck Bella more than once the obvious love the couple had for each other.

_This is real._

"There you are," Esme said, looking at Bella. "I was just telling Edward that it was far too early in the game for you two to be burning the midnight oil. There will be plenty of time for that later. The night is young and so are you. Be anywhere else but here."

"Not that she's one to talk," Carlisle said, gazing down on her adoringly. "I had to drag her away." He looked up at Edward, his eyes twinkling with mischief

Bella smiled somewhat sheepishly. "I guess I should go home and hit the books."

"Books. Like school books?" Esme balked. She shook her head as they all made their way through to the door. "Edward, take this girl out. That's an order."

Bella was about to protest but Edward looped his arm through her. "I'll take care of it, boss." When Bella turned to look at him incredulously he winked.

"Yes, you take care of that. I'll take care of this one," Carlisle said, leaning down and voraciously attacking his wife's neck. His hand reached around, cupping Esme's ass as he pulled her against him.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Edward protested. "Take it easy. We don't want to see that." He shook his head, tugging on Bella's arm. "Come on, Bella. Let's get away from them before you're scarred for life."

Laughing, Bella let him lead her away. He shuddered a little, letting go of her arm as he dug through his pockets. "It's always so creepy when they do that," he muttered, finding his keys.

"I think it's sweet," Bella disagreed. "They must be so different - a doctor and an artistic spirit. And they've been together for at least as long as Emmett's been alive." She smiled slightly. "It's nice to see."

"Right, that's all great," Edward said, waving a hand. "But watching them is like watching your parents make out." He shuddered again as they both stopped in front of what must have been his car.

"I guess Carlisle is around a lot," Bella surmised, shoving her hands deep in her pockets. The chill she'd craved only minutes before was biting at her skin.

"What makes you say that?"

"Your camaraderie. I mean, you obviously know him well."

Edward looked down, not answering right away. He opened his backdoor, throwing the high heeled shoes inside the car without looking at them. Bella bit her lip to hold back a laugh. It still amused her to no end to think about this particular man wobbling around in high heels. She'd been disappointed when he kicked them off earlier.

"Actually, I've known Carlisle and Esme since I was 17," Edward said sofly, and there was something in his tone that made Bella's heart begin to quietly ache, though she couldn't figure why. "I owe them a lot." He looked up then, grinning at her lopsidedly. "Which is why what Esme wants, Esme gets," he said, opening the passenger side door for her.

"Oh," Bella said, startled. "No, you don't have to do that."

Edward leaned on the door, looking at her. "I don't have to do anything I don't want to do," he said easily.

Bella tilted her head, a thrill going down her spine. "You want to go out with me?" she asked before she realized how pathetic that sounded. She looked down quickly but looked up again when he chuckled.

"Well," he hedged, holding up his cell phone, "I have to consult my busy social calendar..." he said, pretending to click. "Hmmm. It looks like I have a little time." He smiled at her, giving a little shrug. "Why not? Unless you have something better to do?"

"No. Just studying, like I said," Bella said slowly, considering.

Edward leaned further over the door, looking at her from underneath his eyelashes in a way that made her a little dizzy. "We could go dancing."

Bella felt her mouth fall open and she sputtered, not knowing what to say until he laughed. "I'm kidding. How about coffee?"

"So original, Masen," Bella said, gaining her wits back. "Coffee in Seattle."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Yes, well, some of us are underage," he reminded and Bella grimaced. "So what do you say, Swan. Me or school books? It's a difficult decision, I know."

_**~0~** _

They pulled up to a small, cozy coffee shop a short distance away from the theater. Bella had compromised that she could stay for a little while, and Edward promised to drive her back to her car promptly.

Though the coffee shop was well lit and looked inviting, Bella was slightly unnerved by a pair of not-so-sober looking men meandering up the sidewalk toward them. Edward saw them too, and asked her to sit still for just a second while he made his way around to the passenger door. Bella thought about protesting, but Edward was out of the car before she could.

"Dude, bro!" one of the men chortled, approaching Edward. Bella straightened up, her nerves getting the better of her. "That scar is sick."

Edward recoiled as the man tried to touch his head. "Why don't you fuck off, buddy?" he said, his voice furious but even.

Both the men laughed. "Hey, hey. No harm, man," the touchy-feely one said, holding up his hands.

Edward watched them a moment, making sure they really did walk away before he opened the passenger side door.

The previously lighthearted mood seemed to be the only casualty in the otherwise innocuous interaction. Even as he fell into step beside her, Edward was distracted. He self consciously touched his hair, his eyes darting around to the people huddled at the tables outside the coffee shop. They'd probably been curious about the confrontation but it was clear Edward was self-conscious about his scar.

Bella paused, rummaging through her bag. She brought out a dark blue, knit cap, hoping she wouldn't make things worse, and handed it to him.

Taking it, Edward smiled. "Thank you," he said sincerely, tugging the cap on his head. He chuckled lightly. "I might need to invest in a couple of these things for the duration, eh?"

"Maybe," Bella agreed amiably.

In spite of her better judgment, half an hour later Bella was still seated across from Edward. She was sipping on hot tea because she detested coffee. They were playing 20 questions to get to know each other. Rather, Edward was playing 20 questions. Bella was stuck on 20 answers because he was shooting out his questions so quickly. She couldn't imagine that he was that interested, but he never looked bored and somehow Bella, normally very quiet, found herself talking.

"I have no idea what I'm going to major in."

"Not theater then?" Edward asked.

Bella shrugged. "I like acting with groups like this. If I was a theater major, I'd have to go out for the plays at the University," she pointed out. "Besides, I don't think that I'm so invested that I'd want to do this for a living."

"You must have been with the Wolves while you were still in high school, right?"

"Yes," Bella said shortly, setting her cup on the table a little harder than she intended at the mention of the Wolves.

"Why did you leave them anyway?" He looked apologetic. "I mean, you can tell me to fuck off if it's none of my business."

"No, it's fine," Bella lied, looking down at the table. She thought for a moment, trying to find the right words. He didn't need to know her sad little story. "Like you said, I'd been with them since high school. Sometimes you need to explore your options rather than settle just because it's always been there."

"Hmm." Edward murmured around a drink of coffee. She could feel his eyes on her and thought for a moment that he was going to press the issue. Thankfully, he didn't. "Are you from Seattle?"

"Technically. I was born in Forks but we moved to Phoenix when I was 1. We moved back to Seattle when I was 12."

Two cups of tea and coffee later, Edward was still at it.

"When's your birthday?"

Bella looked up, her lips quirking before she answered. "Next Friday."

Edward raised an eyebrow. "Your birthday is the 13th? Friday the 13th?"

"Not every year." Bella said, wrinkling her nose and neglecting to mention she'd been born on Friday the 13th.

Edward whistled, looking amused. "So, going to party hard?"

"I don't really celebrate my birthday," she said, tracing a pattern on the table with the pad of her finger. "Getting older isn't an accomplishment after all."

"Hmmm," Edward said again. Bella was relieved when he didn't press the issue.

It was well over an hour later that they were finally back in the parking lot of the theater. Edward pulled his car up right beside her Sunfire. He tilted his head, quirking an eyebrow at her. "Purple?"

"When the price is right, you don't argue about color," she returned.

"For purple, I might," Edward joked.

Bella smiled. "Thanks for tonight. It's been a while since I've just ... hung out."

"What? No frat parties for you, college girl?" He shook his head. "I had a good time."

Just as Bella was about to slide out of the car, Edward stopped her. Bella turned back, a little breathless with anticipation, but he was only handing her the knit cap. "Don't forget this."

Bella took it, looking at him with curious eyes. For a moment, desire overcame her inhibitions - only enough that she reached out, running her hand along the stubbly growth of hair on the side of his head opposite his scar. She'd always loved the feel of very short hair under her fingers and his was soft as felt. "It doesn't look bad, you know," she murmured, not adding that he could probably shave only half his head and still look good.

She heard him swallow hard and, afraid she was annoying him, yanked her hand back quickly. But when she looked, his smile was soft, a glint of something she couldn't quite name reflecting in his eyes. All she knew was that the world had condensed to just the tight space inside the car and the atmosphere between them was charged like the calm before the storm. She bit her lip.

"You can keep the hat," she blurted, needing to say something. She reached behind her for the door handle, forcing herself to turn around and get out of the car.

"Thanks," Edward said, and Bella noticed his hands were gripped tightly around the steering wheel. He swallowed hard again and leaned forward, rolling down the window as she closed the door. "Drive safe."

"I will," Bella assured.

Edward waited, letting her back out of her parking space before he followed her out of the parking lot.

~0~

"You know what you felt the first time you saw him. This one was different - not just another pretty boy conquest. You could see he was an injured soul, and even though he's denying what he feels, you know you connected."

Bella listened to Esme's intense voice, feeling a shiver go down her spine. She was on the stage, face to face with Mike as Esme walked them through  _Another Day_. Bella loved the way Esme talked the cast through each of the songs, directing the emotion that should bleed into their voices. Esme was an intuitive, passionate woman, and it showed.

"You're not used to hearing no from anyone, and that only makes you want him even more," Esme continued.

She walked around them, resting a hand on Mike's shoulder. "You're just learning that you can live with a disease that's going to kill you. You're terrified of life, and this woman - this girl - is trying to make you feel again. Your fear comes out as anger."

Esme looked over Mike's shoulder to Bella. "This song is an argument. It's not a calm argument. It's a shatter glasses against the wall, scream until your throat is hoarse fight. He's telling you to try again tomorrow when you live only for today because today is all you know you have.

She backed off, letting her words set in. Bella found her eyes drawn to Mike's, her heart beginning to beat hard against her chest with conflict. Time felt short, each minute too precious to waste. She was angry that he couldn't realize how little time any of them had.

"Yes," Esme said, her tone excited. "You can feel it. It's the importance of life and death, right here on this stage." She nodded, putting her glasses on as she made her way into the audience. "Take it from the kiss. Roger, Mimi is going to kiss you, and for a second, you're going to want to give in. You want to touch her, bring her to you. But you're scared, and you're angry. Push her away and go."

~0~

An hour later, Bella was in a happy haze. Being on stage was like embodying the best ideas and ideals of all literature.  _Forget regret, or life is yours to miss._ On the stage, it felt possible to live that way. She loved this atmosphere - like life's problems could be solved by simply changing the way you lived. The closed off could learn to live and love. The dying could get a second chance. Life could be measured in seasons of love.

"Don't look now, but Jacob Black has been watching us for the last half hour," Mike said into her ear while Esme was distracted.

Seated on the table in the middle of the stage, Bella craned her neck. Sure enough, Jacob was sitting several rows behind Esme, leaning on the seatback in front of him and staring intently in her direction with a friendly smile on his face. Bella sighed. Since the day he'd stuck his foot in his mouth the week before, Bella had been ignoring Jacob's phone calls. Apparently, he'd decided to track her down here.

"What's he doing here?" Jasper muttered, coming to stand in front of Bella so he could look over her shoulder. In fact, by that point the majority of the cast - almost everyone except Edward was scattered on the stage - had figured out Jake was there. Many of them looked uncomfortable, which confused Bella until she remembered that C.A.T. and The Wolves were in direct competition. She'd never taken it seriously, but many of the Wolves had, so it stood to reason that some of the others would, too.

"I saw him slip in about an hour ago," Mike said. "I didn't want to say anything. Everyone was in a zone. He's just been watching us so I thought... no harm, right?"

"He wants to talk to me," Bella said, knowing she'd have to face the music if only for the comfort of the rest of the group. "I'll get him out."

"Not for our sake," Esme said, and Bella jumped, swinging around on the table to face her director, whom she hadn't thought was paying attention. Esme gave her a grin that was uncharacteristically cocky. "I know I have the more talented kids, so let 'em weep."

There were several chuckles and anyone who'd been suspicious eased considerably. Dismissing the topic, Esme looked down at her clipboard. "You can go to talk to your friend, Bella. I'm done with you for the moment anyway. Mark, Benny, Roger, Collins, let's talk about  _You'll See_. Bob can fill in for Angel's part. Joanne - don't go anywhere."

Jasper turned to Mr. Banner. "C'mere, Bob. Let's make out," he said, reaching for the older man whose eyes went comically wide. The rest of the cast giggled as Bella reluctantly turned away.

Resenting having to leave the safe haven of the stage, Bella couldn't bring herself to erase her grimace as she walked back in the audience to where Jacob sat. He stood, a huge grin on his face and took a step toward her, but Bella held out a hand. "Sit. Stay," she commanded, crossing her arms.

Jacob's grin fell. "I'm not a dog," he grumbled, though he sat back down like she asked.

Bella scoffed. "Right."

"Jeez," Jacob said, rolling his eyes. "Are we going to get beyond that ever?"

"What do you want, Jacob?"

He grumbled, running a hand through his hair and looking very much like a little boy. "That's what I want... for us to be over this," he said, gesturing around them vaguely. "Look, you know I know what I did was..." He huffed, obviously struggling for words. But then he took a deep breath and looked at her, his deep, brown eyes pleading. "We got off track, trying to be together. But I think we're supposed to be friends. I miss you, Bella."

Bella debated internally for a moment. "Scoot over two seats," she said grudgingly.

Jacob raised an eyebrow, looking like he wanted to question, but he wisely said nothing. He got up and took the seat she indicated. He watched, looking like a little boy whose parent was reaching for the toy he wanted, as she sat down, keeping a seat between them.

"It's not easy, Jake," she said finally, staring ahead but not really seeing anything. "I mean... it's not like you broke my heart. You didn't. You're right. We never should have tried to be something more than friends. But see, that's my problem with what you did."

There was silence for a handful of moments. "I don't understand," Jake finally admitted.

Bella brought her hair forward, playing with the long strands she'd had dyed purple just the day before. "What you talked about - letting the emotion of the character you were playing get the better of you - I get that." Bella's lips quirked, remembering the swell of the music as Edward danced her around the practice room, the way their bodies had responded to each other automatically. "I could have forgiven that."

"Then what-"

"The problem is that it happened more than once. It happened often enough that I had the time to catch you, and that meant that you had the time to think about what you were doing," Bella continued. She looked at him then, knowing her eyes were sad because this is what made her heart ache. "As my friend, I don't understand how you could have done that to me. So not only did I have my best friend not telling me that my boyfriend was stepping out behind my back, but everyone else I thought was my friend was covering for you,too. Do you realize that I had no one left to trust?"

As she said the words, the ache intensified. All of Bella's life, she'd felt separate from her peers. Not entirely different but like she was just one shade off - like everyone else was in monochrome and she was in pastel. With the Wolves, she'd begun to feel like she'd found a family. Then they had betrayed her. Bella understood, of course. Jacob had seniority, so to speak. He'd grown up with most of the kids at the other theater. But it didn't make it hurt any less.

Jacob slumped in his seat, resting his head on the back and craning his neck to stare at the ceiling. Bella knew that he understood. That was the thing she missed most about Jacob - how he noticed the things that most people missed. Unlike most everyone who was too wrapped up in themselves and their own life, Jacob was observant. She knew he cared. That was what made his betrayal all the worse because she never would have believed it if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes.

"Well, look... can't we start over?" he asked, his voice a little plaintive. "Let me take you out for your birthday. I know Charlie's working."

"And you know I'm not going out with anyone else," Bella repeated bitterly.

Jacob groaned. "It was a stupid thing to say, but like we all know - I'm stupid," he said, sitting up and thumping his chest.

Bella smirked before she could help it.

"See?" Jacob said, ducking his head to try to catch her eye. Bella could see out of the corner of her vision that he was grinning again. "You don't hate me. Just let me take you out, Bells. Have a good time. Everyone should have a good time on their birthday."

Not speaking right away, Bella started to allow herself to mull his request over. Then a familiar strain of music hit her ear. She glanced at the stage, a little shocked to find the players had changed and Tyler was face to face with Jessica, singing the beginning lyrics of  _Tango: Maureen_.

Her body remembered even as she tried to push the memories back. Her skin felt hot, remembering Edward's hand at the small of her back, pulling her flush against him as he tilted her backward.

"I have to get out of here," she mumbled, standing suddenly. She could feel her cheeks were pink, and she knew damn well that Jacob would notice. Since he had no tact, he was also likely to pester her until she revealed the reason for her flustered state. There was no way she wanted to have that conversation with anyone, let alone Jacob.

"I'll think about it, Jake," she said to distract him. "Now, you should probably get out of here. Some of the others think you're spying."

"Pffft." Jacob waved his hand dismissively. "Spying on what? Our moves are a lot sweeter than this."

Bella rolled her eyes. "We haven't gotten to the dancing yet, jackass. Now go away," she said, but she smiled.

Staying only long enough to make sure Jacob got up, Bella hurried down the aisle, heading to the backstage area. Heading for the safety of the practice rooms - they were sound proofed for exactly this reason - Bella had occasion to pass the room where Edward and Tanya were working.

She stopped short, suddenly forgetting the heat in her bloodstream. Tanya was standing behind Edward, her hands on his waist. She was swaying him, trying to get him to use his hips rather than his body to move to the beat.

Logically, what was going on in that practice room was all business. Bella knew that. But she wasn't oblivious to the catty whispers about Edward. If Jessica and Tyler could be believed, he'd had a fling with Tanya the previous season. And why not? Their bodies pressed against each other, moving to the music, it would have taken nothing for Edward to tilt his head back and capture her lips...

Like it would have taken nothing for Edward to kiss Bella when they'd danced last night.

Bella shook her head to clear her thoughts, breathing through a sudden tightness in her chest. She made a beeline for the prop room instead. No one was in the prop room yet.

Once she was hidden away, Bella tried to find the centered place she'd been in just a short time before. She couldn't. Ridiculous as it was, Bella felt some odd sort of betrayal, seeing Edward in an intimate position with Tanya. She was playing the games in her head that she'd rolled her eyes at when she was in high school. Did he like her? Had Bella misread every signal that has passed between them.

And why did she care so much?

Bella laughed lightly to herself, remembering her words to Jacob. She understood the emotion of the stage. She also understood that it wasn't real. Life wasn't something that could be packaged up so neatly.

There was a sense of romance to whatever existed between her and Edward. When she'd walked into the theater to audition, she'd been nervous. Her eyes had been on her shoes as she repeated the lyrics she was to recite over and over in her head. Then she'd looked up and there he was. There was no denying the man was gorgeous, and the way he was leaning against the piano, watching her, had every worry, every lyric, skittering away like a dandelion blown into the wind.

Bella had been to her share of auditions. Often, the people she auditioned with didn't look at her, but Edward never stopped. He acted to her, and that was rare. That had made it so easy to disappear into the character.

But she wasn't Mimi, and the pretty ideas of love at first sight - or whatever this was at first sight - would fade with the music. She wasn't going to be like Jacob - continuing on as if he could live in a dream world forever. Bella resolved herself to keep one foot firmly on the ground ... especially when it came to Edward Masen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh, Bella.
> 
> Jadedandboring - I would have your children if you didn't already have them. Thanks for everything you do... including finding me lyrics when the characters decided not to do what I wanted ... as per usual. Thanks for singing to me and with me and for me and... yeah.
> 
> Barburella - stfu, I love you.
> 
> Youz guyz - I love you too. How we doing out there?


	5. No God Awful Champagne

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I apologize for not getting to the review replies. BAD ME! I promise to do better this time.

_**"I think I should be laughing** _

_**Yet I forget- Forget how to begin** _

_**I'm feeling something inside and yet I still can't decide** _

_**If I should hide or made a wide open grin"** _

_**~Happy New Year, Rent** _

* * *

Though he spent most of his working day on his feet, Edward had never felt sorer than he did coming home that Sunday evening. It had been a grueling few days - not on the job, but at the theater.

Edward glared at the heels that had quickly become the bane of his existence. Why some women wore the damn things every day was beyond him. Masochism was not a practice he understood.

Despite the pain that radiated his from his toes all the way up his ankles, Edward was proud that he was a lot steadier on the damn things. He could now successfully dance in them, as he needed to. He was working up to jumping on the table.

All he wanted to do was stretch out on the couch with a cold beer and maybe a slice of pizza.

Eagerly, Edward bounded up the steps to his apartment. As he opened the door, he was greeted by a sight he wished he could unsee. It looked like Alec was trying to grind Heidi into his couch cushions. That wasn't so bad except that in her fervent passion, Heidi had pulled Alec's pants halfway down.

"Son of a bitch," Edward exclaimed, and the couple flew apart. "That was more of you than I needed to see, thanks."

Alec's answering grin was cheeky. "Don't lie, bitch. I know you've been dying to get a peak of this," he said, flashing his ass at Edward again.

Edward threw his hands over his eyes like he was staring into the sun. "Please. I'm already traumatized. Put that away."

"Sorry Edward," Heidi said sweetly, standing and going to him.

"Tell me you're taking him back and I will forgive all," Edward said, pulling her into his arms for a quick hug.

Heidi laughed and sighed dramatically. "Yes. Unfortunately for me, I love the bastard, and I will be taking him off your hands."

"Thank Christ," Edward muttered. "This calls for a celebration."

"It does," Alec agreed, a ridiculous grin on his face. For all his faults, Edward knew Alec loved Heidi with an intensity he didn't always know how to deal with. "Good eats. On me. What's your preference?"

A few minutes later, Alec was out the door in search of Thai food, and Edward was finally stretched out on his couch.

"You look beat, hon," Heidi said, clucking. "Were you at work? I didn't think you worked on the weekend."

"It's a little side project," Edward said carefully.

"Oh." She looked slightly uncomfortable and it took Edward a minute to understand why.

"A legal side project," he amended.

Heidi smiled wryly. "I'm sorry. I'm just..."

"You're used to Alec," Edward finished. He understood. Alec's projects were never legal. "Is that what this fight was about?" he asked gently.

Typically, Heidi was a beautiful, confident woman with a cocksure smile. Just then, she looked more like an uncertain little girl. She rubbed her neck, radiating self conscious discomfort. "I was done. I  _should_ be done," she said in a small voice.

Heidi looked down at her hands. "I used to think it was... I don't know, glamorous, I suppose? Dangerous. Now I just think, what would I ever tell our children? Can I really live like this - always wondering who he's hurt to put food on the table?"

She looked up at him, her eyes sad and pleading. "You got out, Edward. What does it take to go clean?"

Edward tilted his head up, staring at the ceiling. "You know what it took for me."

"I'd shoot him, too, if it meant he got out," Heidi admitted.

"It wasn't just being shot, though," Edward continued. He swallowed hard because it was very difficult to talk about his road to redemption. "I was pissed. Hellbent on revenge." He breathed deep, remembering the fury that made it so difficult to sit still in his hospital bed. "Until someone reminded me that my parents could have lived, except that they saved my life."

Edward looked over at Heidi, smiling sadly. "What a shitty thing, huh?" He lifted his shirt, running a finger along the scar the bullet left on his side. "One inch to the right and I'd have wasted the second chance my parents bought with their lives."

They were both silent for a moment before Heidi spoke. "I already know I'm not enough of a reason," she said with a sigh.

"And he has Jane," Edward murmured, seeing her worry.

"Jane," Heidi hissed scathingly. "She'll never give up that life and he'll always want to protect her." She stared into space, her lip quivering for a moment before she calmed herself. "It's hopeless, isn't it?"

When he was hospitalized after being shot, it was chance that the same doctor who treated him when he was 17 treated him again. After he realized what he'd done with his life, Edward had uttered those very same words.

"Nothing's hopeless," Edward said softly, repeating Carlisle's answer from two years before. He wanted to believe that of his friend, more than he'd wanted to believe it was true of his own life.

_**~0~** _

"I have a special treat for us today," Emmett said, pushing in a wide cart of various metal things - an old, rusty bike, a side of a shopping cart, pipes.

"Wow," Garrett muttered. "Scrap metal. You shouldn't have."

Emmett snickered. "This is for Edward's tree. See, this play is about a bunch of yahoos who think they shouldn't have to work or pay rent. So poor Edward here," Emmett put his arm around Edward's shoulders, "has to make his Christmas tree out of whatever he can find as he wanders the streets of New York, killing dogs with the power of his drumming." He shook his head at Edward. "You're such a diva."

Edward rolled his eyes. "You got Fs on your book reports at school, didn't you?"

"How'd you guess?" Emmett asked innocently. "Now, come on. You guys have to help me because this has to be 'artistic' according to Mom." He craned his head, looking up at the pieces of the set that had already been constructed. "It has to be arty farty  _and_ not get in the way of the scafolding  _and_ leave enough space so the actors can be seen in the middle here," he gestured to a part of the scaffolding. He looked to Edward. "You're a pain in the ass."

"You're jealous, aren't you? Is it the heels or the dress, because I can get some made in your size. Believe me," Edward quipped.

"Jealous?" Emmett said, raising his eyebrows. "My friend, you make out with my sister's boyfriend. I don't want to make out with my sister's boyfriend, even if it does come with fabulous shoes." He proffered Edward a long pipe. "Now get to work."

A few hours later, Alice appeared, calling for her brother. Emmett, who had been at the top of the scaffolding, climbed down like a hairless gorilla.

"Hey, Alice," Edward said, jumping from much lower down. "I have a favor to ask of you."

"Whoa, hey, hey," Emmett said quickly, wrapping his arm around Alice's shoulders and steering her away from Edward. "You don't want to listen to him right now. He dropped a whole bunch of tools on his head and is talking nonsense."

"I'm not going to tell her you want to kiss her boyfriend, jackass," Edward said, rolling his eyes.

"Wait - you want to kiss my boyfriend?" Alice asked, looking up at her big brother. "What would Rosalie say?"

Emmett waggled his eyebrows. "She would say that Jasper isn't nearly as hot as she is."

"Dude," Garrett called from where he was working. "I forgot something the other day and when I came back for it, your girlfriend was making out with that other chick. What's her name... Jessica?" He whistled. "If I were you, I wouldn't tempt fate by letting it get out that you want to kiss boys. Rosalie and that girl - that shit was hot."

"Larsen, are you looking to get fired?" Emmett threatened.

"Anyway," Alice said with a laugh. "If not to out my brother, what did you need me for?"

"You're the one who arranges the parties, aren't you?"

Alice tilted her head at him. "You mean the parties which you have never attended, oh anti-social one?"

Edward grimaced.

"Yes," Alice answered after she let him stew a bit, "the parties are typically my doing."

"I know it's short notice, but Friday is Bella's birthday..."

Alice looked highly amused. "Bella, eh? Is that what it takes to get you to play nice with others?"

"Look, I didn't mean to come off like a dick," Edward said, rubbing his too-short hair self-consciously. "I didn't know it mattered to anyone."

The diminutive woman studied him carefully. "Well, no time like the present to turn things around. Seriously, you and Bella?"

"What is with you people?" Edward grumbled. "There's nothing going on between us."

"Forgive us. There hasn't been a decent theater romance around here since Rosalie and this idiot," she patted Emmett.

"Hey... and that's not even true. Didn't Tyler hook up with Eric at the last shindig?" Emmett interjected.

Alice shuddered. "That does not count. Drunken mistake on Eric's part." She shook her head. "He's too good for that drama queen."

"Focus, Alice," Edward said, smiling.

"Right. Party. If not to impress Bella, then why? And if it's her birthday, isn't it likely that she already has plans?"

"Let's just say I have a feeling she doesn't have plans," Edward hedged. "Look, if she does, she does. Then she says no and I'll play nice with everyone else."

Alice grinned. "Okay, Masen. You're on."

**~0~**

Once Alice was on the job, it was almost frightening how quickly the party came together. The rest of that week, Edward caught little snippets of conversation - people rearranging plans to be at Alice's party.

He was pleased that Alice kept his name out of the planning. After all, he'd done nothing but call attention to a reason to celebrate. The possibility of Bella spending her birthday alone made him unreasonably sad.

Besides, the members of CAT had used lesser reasons as an excuse to party.

Alice hooked the guest of honor early. The same day Edward had enlisted her help, he passed by the two of them in the hallway.

"Really, Bella. It's just a little get together for everyone. Even the crew will be invited. We just like to get together offstage every once in a while," Alice said.

Edward smirked as moved by them. Alice was being sneaky and making it seem like a company party rather than a birthday party.

He lingered in the hallway just long enough to hear Bella's, "Um, okay. I'm not busy."

All week long, when Bella came around corners people would stop talking. Other times he might have found her curious, suspicious expression distressing. As it was, he had trouble holding back his laughter. She was funny when she was irritated.

Alice's instructions to the cast and crew were simple: bring alcohol, snacks and/or gag gifts. She was taking care of everything else. So really, he hadn't done anything.

~0~

"If you need someone to blame, blame Edward," Alice said that Friday night, rubbing Bella's back with an amused grin on her face. "He's the one who told me it was your birthday."

Bella looked at him accusingly, her cheeks as bright red as the clown nose on the IT standee in the corner of the room. Seeing as it was Friday the 13th, Alice had gone with a horror theme. All of the guests were wearing Jason masks when Bella stepped into Esme and Carlisle Cullen's house that evening.

Edward held his hands up. "Hey, the horror movie theme was not my idea," he protested.

"I'm not scared!" Bella said, narrowing her eyes at him. "I mean... I was started, but I... It's..." She huffed and took a long, slow breath. "Surprises. I don't like surprises."

"Oh." Edward's frown turned into a grin. "So, next time just be sure you know you're the guest of honor. Got it." He waggled his eyebrows at her, feeling cheeky. He laughed when she growled at him.

"You're funny, B," Mike said, giving her a loose hug. "You'll get up in front of hundreds of people to sing and dance but you're shy in front of us?"

"I'm a walking paradox, I know," Bella said, but as the blush was fading from her cheeks her smile was returning.

"Well, there's a cure for that," Emmett said, stepping up and handing her a shot that was bright green. Off her look, he laughed, waggling his eyebrows. "It's an Alien Secretion."

Bella looked uncertain, but seemed to rally when she saw the knowing looks of the people around her. She took the shot glass and threw it back without flinching.

"Ha. Pay up, fucker," Jasper demanded, holding his hand out to Emmett.

"Whatever," Emmett muttered, grudgingly handing Jasper what looked like a twenty.

"What..." Bella looked to Esme and Carlisle. "Your child is trying to corrupt me for profit. I'm still underage!"

Esme chuckled, handing Bella a glass. "It's a party, after all. Don't worry, Bella. You're among friends. There's a reason we had the party here instead of at the bar we usually gather at." She raised an eyebrow. "But we won't push you."

Bella looked around at all the smiling faces and relented, reaching for the drink Esme held out.

"Alright! Time to get this party started!" Mike cried.

"Does this look familiar to anyone else?" Jessica asked, amused as they all sat down at a group of tables that had been placed end to end.

Tyler banged on the table top. "Wine and beer!"

_**~0~** _

"The new girl is fun, isn't she?" Mike asked, sitting beside Edward randomly. The party had moved to the Cullens' giant, open living room after dinner. Edward had been there before, but today it was all done up with a makeshift stage at one end and more chairs and sofas than he remembered littering the room. "I'm glad you thought of this." He took a drink, his eyes still on Bella. "Maybe it will help her feel like one of us... help her get over that Jacob guy for once and for all."

"Jacob guy?" Edward asked. His body was already tense because Mike was sitting near him - ridiculous, he acknowledged. For some reason, ever since he'd been exposed to Mike and Bella acting and kissing together, his thoughts about Mike had become rather venomous. But the mention of another man and Bella had him automatically curious.

Mike glanced at him askance. "Well, I'm not one to gossip..."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Out with it, Newton."

Mike glanced around as if checking to see if anyone was listening before he leaned in close to Edward. "Did you hear about one of the Wolves paying us a visit last week? That was Jacob Black. He's their director's son, but I have it on good authority that he and Bella were a thing. No one's been able to get the story out of her, but we think that's why she left them."

"Hmmm," Edward murmured, looking over at Bella and remembering the hurt that had flitted through her eyes when he asked why she left the Wolves. What had she said?

_"Sometimes you need to explore your options rather than settle just because it's always been there."_

"That's gotta be tough," Mike said thoughtfully.

"What in particular?" Edward asked, still trying to work out the unreasonable anger he felt toward this man he didn't even know. It was a story almost as old as civilization - heartache and loss. The idea that anyone had hurt Bella was different somehow.

"Well, I don't know how you feel about it," Mike answered. "But I've always felt at home here." He rolled his eyes slightly, his signature goofy smile lighting his face. "I know it's cheesy but I feel like we're a family. That's the danger, I've always thought, of some of the romances that spring up around here. If a break up is bad enough, you could lose your family."

Hearing the truth in Mike's words, Edward thought back, remembering all the times he'd observed that Bella stood a little apart from the rest of the group... not quite part of them yet.

Like him.

"Anyway," Mike said, polishing off his drink. "Time for a refill." He stood and looked back at Edward, smiling sincerely. "Incidentally, Masen, nice of you to join us, too."

**~0~**

"Hey, Bella," Edward whispered. Somehow, he'd ended up on one of the love seats next to her. She'd been talking with Alice, sitting on Jasper's lap in the armchair next to them. He put a finger to his lip, motioning for her to be quiet, and then pointed to the other side of the room.

Rosalie was chatting animatedly with Esme. Unbeknownst to either of them, Emmett was coming up slowly behind them, Freddy Krueger fingers. As Edward, Bella and several others watched expectantly, Emmett dangled the long, creepy fingers in both women's hair.

Esme jumped a mile and Rosalie's scream was loud enough to capture the attention of the whole room.

"You asshole!" Rosalie exclaimed, smacking Emmett on the chest.

Bella was laughing so hard she leaned on Edward's shoulder, smothering her chortles against his arm. Edward had to stop himself from twirling a coil of her hair around his finger.

Emmett waggled his fingers at Rosalie, his shoulders hunched as he avoided the brunt of his attack. "Come'ere, babe."

"Get away from me with that nasty thing!" Rosalie exclaimed, trying to bat his hands away.

"That's not what you said last night!"

"Hey. Whoa. Things parents shouldn't have to hear their sons say for $500, Alex," Carisle said, putting his hands over his ears.

Emmett gave his father a look. He promptly stood on one of the chairs. "Excuse me, everyone? Can I have your attention?" When he was positive every eye was on him, he spoke again. "You know the prop table? The table where you all have had your hands on many a time?"

"Emmett," Carlisle said, warning in his voice, but it was far too late.

"That table has been well christened by my parents. Believe me, the image of my dad's lily white ass is emblazoned on my brain." He put on his best traumatized expression. "I just thought you all should know."

"Thank you for that, Emmett," Esme said wryly amidst a series of groans and whistles from everyone else.

"Hey," Emmett said, throwing his arms out, "I'd prefer to go on believing that my birth was a result of divine conception, but you guys are the ones with the public sex fetish."

"Ew," Edward muttered, rubbing his suddenly queasy stomach.

Bella laughed harder, putting her hand over his on his stomach. "It's never easy realizing Mom and Dad have a sex drive," she giggled, lifting her head to look at him. Instantly, the din all around them became nothing more than a dull roar in the background.

She looked so happy. Her face was pink from the alcohol and her eyes, deep and wide, were mischievous. She was beautiful, and his skin, where she was touching him, seemed to grow hot with the most pleasant burn. Without really thinking about what he was doing, Edward turned his hand, wrapping his fingers around her hand on his stomach.

Slowly, the giddy grin fell from her face. Her eyes seemed trapped on his. They were both frozen, the atmosphere between them suddenly alive.

He definitely wanted to kiss her.

As his eyes finally found the will to move, he looked down at her lips. They were slightly parted, and it would take nothing at all to lean forward, taking her full lower lip between his. He looked back at her and realized that she might just let him.

Taking a deep breath, Edward's nose was struck with the cloyingly sweet scent of the cocktails Bella had been handed on a consistent basis. He closed his eyes, severing the connection between them.

If he was going to kiss her - and that possibility seemed increasingly likely - he wasn't going to do it when she was well on her way to drunk. He wasn't entirely sober either for that matter.

With his eye closed, the white noise in the background became clearer. They had an audience, or if they didn't, they would very quickly.

Bella's hand left his, and it was easier to think. He heard her clear her throat, and when he opened his eyes, Bella was looking across the room. "I ummm..." she stumbled. "I didn't realize until right now..."

"What?" he asked, his voice low.

"I didn't realize ... that Emmett and Rosalie were together," she managed finally.

Edward couldn't help but laugh. He looked over, realizing Emmett had pulled Rosalie onto his lap and was nuzzling her neck to get her to calm down. "Surprised the hell out of the rest of us too, last season. Whenever they were in the same room they fought like cats and dogs. Then at the opening night party, they were practically dry humping. Which, by the way, only slightly less traumatizing than watching Carlisle and Esme make out."

Bella laughed, and he was glad to see the smile return to her face. She nudged him. "You've got a weak stomach. It's just some PDA."

"Yeah, and now we have to get a new prop table..."

_**~0~** _

"No," Edward said flatly.

"What? Come on. You know the song," Bella begged.

"Yeah! I want to see you pretty boys kissing!" Jessica cheered.

"Seconded," Eric and Tyler said at the same time.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Like you're not going to see it enough at rehearsal. You're going to hear  _I'll Cover You_  so many times you'll get sick of it. You don't need to hear it from us now," he said, crossing his arms.

When everyone was appropriately inebriated, Alice had broken out the karaoke equipment. So far they'd been treated to Eric's version of  _I Will Survive,_ Emmett's rendition of  _I'm Too Sexy_ , complete with a strutting strip tease, and Jessica and Alice singing _Mama Mia_. Bella, flipping through the songs available, had found a handful from Rent and started begging Jasper and Edward to perform.

Edward wasn't sure how to feel about the fact that Bella wanted to see him sing love songs to Jasper.

Jasper threw his hands up. "Compromise." He beckoned to Edward, crooking a finger.

When Jasper whispered his plan Edward had chugged the rest of his tumbler of whiskey. "Fuck me." He considered Jasper's suggestion. "Fine, fine."

"Follow my lead," Jasper commanded.

That was how he found himself on the make-shift stage with Jasper, performing Gwen Stefani's  _Holl_ _ab_ _ack Girl_  complete with head tosses and hip thrusts to the catcalls and whistles of the gathered group. They all erupted into cheers when the song concluded, and Edward grinned as he hopped off the stage next to Bella.

"That," she said between titters, "was almost as good as boy kisses." Pushing up onto her tiptoes, she kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

He wrapped an arm around her waist to steady her - she was not at all sober. "Happy birthday, Bella."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:So, my girl jadedandboring has this cute, hot story called Worthy of Trust and Confidence that she's going to be updating soon. Edward as a Secret Service agent? Yes, please. It's funny so do check it out.
> 
> fanfiction s / 5810915 / 1 /
> 
> Here's a tease for the upcoming chapter:
> 
> "Less talking, more kissing, Isabella," he growls just before taking my lower lips between both of his and nipping at it.
> 
> We kiss this way until someone knocks on my door and I pull away from him. He pouts for a minute and I straighten his tie, then finally open the door to Alice, who is beyond irritated. "The only reason I knocked is because I don't especially feel like getting another free look at either of your naked asses. Edward, will you please explain to Leah about the whole me not needing a babysitter to visit Jasper thing? I may kill her otherwise."
> 
> "He's been vetted, Clearwater. Alice will be fine next door. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to make out with my girlfriend," he says with an impish smile.


	6. More Like Fiction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So... I suck. I started posting what I thought was gonna be a quickie drabbly type fic and it kind of took over my posting schedule. . It's almost over so I should be back to updating normally pretty quickly here. I'd like to also apologize for my lack of review replying. I'll be back to THAT again too. Just know that all your lovely comments are well and truly appreciated (even that anon who obviously didn't understand what was happening in the first chapter... Sign your reviews...I don't bite. Promise)
> 
> Dedication: I keep forgetting to tell you - this fic would not be possible without the love, affection and plot pointing of jfka06. Mwah darling.

_**"How can you connect in an age** _

_**Where strangers, landlords, lovers** _ _**  
** _ _**Your own blood cells betray** _ _**  
** _ _**What binds the fabric together** _ _**  
** _ _**When the raging, shifting winds of change** _ _**  
** _ _**Keep ripping away"** _

**~Rent, Rent**

* * *

"Are you sure you have her? You're not so sober yourself."

"I have her."

Bella was only barely conscious of the voices around her. It didn't feel like more than a few minutes before that she'd curled up on the couch, suddenly too tired to keep her eyes open. But the party had been very loud then and now it was quiet, aside from the voices hovering somewhere above her. She considered trying to open her eyes, but it felt like entirely too much effort.

Arms hooked under her knees and around her shoulders. Bella gave a little grumble of surprise as she suddenly found herself airborne, but she felt inexplicably safe. Though she might have protested someone carrying her around like a rag doll under normal circumstances, the person in question was warm and smelled delicious. Her hands came up, fingers finding fabric and twisting as she rested her head against a shoulder.

It chuckled - he chuckled - jostling her slightly.

"You smell so good," she mumbled against his neck.

He chuckled again, and Bella couldn't help her smile.

"I think the third guest room is still unoccupied," the other voice - the one that was not his - said.

"Okay," he said, and they were moving.

Only a minute later, Bella heard a rustle and she was placed carefully on a soft bed. She rolled over immediately, hugging the pillow her hands found like it was a teddy bear. She pouted slightly when she heard that chuckle again. "Don't laugh at me," she complained.

"I'm not laughing at you," the voice soothed. He brought the comforter up, tucking it around her and Bella sighed, content and warm.

Bella was drowsing a second later when she felt a tentative, tender touch. The pads of his fingers traced the line of her cheek. Where his fingers touched her, Bella's skin felt heated, almost alarmingly so, and her eyes fluttered open.

Edward's face was so close, but for some reason, she didn't find it strange. Her hand came up, knocking off the beanie she'd given him so she could feel his soft, bristly hair. Smiling, she closed her eyes, trusting this relative stranger in a strange room as she fell asleep.

_**~0~** _

Bella groaned.

Something had obviously spent the night in her stomach and had beaten the shit out of it. And left a trail of nasty on her tongue and in her throat.

And she was sure the demon light coming in from the window was trying to kill her.

Opening one eye cautiously, Bella took in her surroundings.

This was not her dorm room. She should have known because though everything else hurt, she was not cramped from sleeping in a tiny bed. The bed she was in was entirely too comfortable for words.

Sighing, Bella forced herself upright. It was time to face the music.

Making her way downstairs, Bella was relieved to find she wasn't the only one who passed out the night before. In fact, a good number of CAT's members were draped across every available couch space.

Smiling at the way Emmett had Rosalie tucked right up against his chest, Bella completely missed the blanket-covered lump on the floor until she landed on it.

"Ooof!" the lump groaned.

"Fuck," Bella hissed, rolling off the lump and holding her throbbing head.

The lump kicked off his blankets, peeking out, his beanie shoved halfway down over one eye.

"Oh, shit," Bella muttered. "Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there," she whispered.

"No kidding," he whispered back wryly. He sat up so there were facing each other. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm more worried my head is going to explode," Bella muttered, covering her eyes with one hand.

Her breath caught in her throat when she felt his soft touch at her hairline. "Your hair looks like a haystack," he said, laughing softly. "But I like it."

Bella's cheeks felt warm with a touch of embarrassment...and more than a little pleasure that he noticed at all. She peered out at him from behind her hand. "Thanks for your approval."

He smiled at her, dropping his hand back to the ground. For a beat they stared at each other, but before either of them could speak, Esme strode into the room, already dressed.

"Hey kids!" she said in her 'can you hear me backstage?' voice. The sleeping cast members startled awake, groaning and clutching their heads. Esme clapped her hands loudly. "Time to rise and shine. Up and at 'em and all that!"

"Mom," Emmett grumbled, rubbing his eyes. "You really suck."

"Yes, Emmett. I believe you told that story last night."

"Ah, jeez," Emmett muttered, ducking behind Rosalie's shoulder. Edward shuddered and Bella laughed until the pain in her head overruled her amusement.

"Yes, yes. I'm a mean old lady. How about greasy breakfast? Will that make it up to you?"

Heads perked up all around the room.

"God, yes. Please," Tyler said, standing and ambling over to her. He hugged Esme tight. "I will love you forever. And I don't care if you want to suck your husband dry in the supply closet. I, for one, don't blame you."

Edward groaned, flopping back down on the floor and pulling his blanket over his head while Bella laughed at him.

**~0~**

"What's up, butter cup?"

Bella started a little as Alice plopped down beside her at the table. She ducked her head, quickly looking down at the hashbrowns she'd been pushing around her plate. "I was just trying to remember everything I did last night," she admitted to the other woman in a low voice.

Alice furrowed her eyebrows. "Nothing really embarrassing. I mean, unless you count breaking into a rather impressive white girl rap to _The Real Slim Shady_."

"No, that I remember," Bella said, wincing. "I'm just curious as to what I did to Rosalie. She's giving me that judging look."

"You mean she's got her eyes open?" Alice said dryly. "That's just her natural expression, honey. Don't mind her."

Bella just hummed, not entirely convinced.

"Well,  _I'm_  glad you came."

Smiling, Bella reached out, hugging the smaller woman with quick sincerity. "It really was a great party, Alice. Thank you so much."

Alice tilted her head. "I wasn't kidding last night. Edward was the one who asked for my help throwing this party."

Bella looked down, letting her hair fall into her face before Alice could notice that she was blushing...and smiling. "That was nice of him."

"Mmmhmm," Alice agreed, her hum suspicious. "It's funny," she said, her voice carefully nonchalant. "I've known Edward for a while now. He's never come to our parties, let alone instigated one."

Surprised, Bella looked up into Alice's curious brown eyes. Then she looked across the table to where Edward was talking with Emmett. As if feeling her eyes on him, Edward looked up and, catching her staring, grinned at her. Bella bit her lip, blushing and looking back to Alice. "Really?" she asked, a little incredulous.

Alice nodded. "And that includes the parties when he was just staff - because they're usually invited." The raven haired woman smirked, waggling her eyebrows. "I find that intriguing, don't you?"

Bella just hummed noncommittally, taking a long drink of her water and doing her best to ignore the impulse to smile widely.

"I'm just saying, Bella... Men will do anything to impress a woman they're attracted to." She snickered. "He did  _Hollaback Girl_ for you last night."

"So did Jasper," Bella pointed out.

"Yes, but I was making eyes at him. And Jasper's whipped."

"I heard that," the man in question grumbled, coming to sit next to Alice.

She smiled sweetly. "My orange juice?" she asked, batting her eyelashes.

Jasper grimaced, sliding the orange juice he'd brought over to her with a sigh. "I am whipped, aren't I?"

"Yes," Alice nodded, straightening up to kiss him. "But well rewarded, right?"

His frown softened and he smiled, brushing her cheek with the back of his knuckles. "That's a fact," he murmured softly, leaning in and kissing her.

Bella turned away, both to give them a little privacy and to make a get away before Alice could turn her questioning around.

_**~0~** _

"This is all of it, I'm sure," Emmett said.

"I still can't believe you all brought me gifts. That was so unnecessary," Bella shook her head.

Emmett just smirked. "You're going to love mine."

Bella blushed scarlet. "Yeah, Emmett, thanks. I saw yours. A vibrator in the shape of a cucumber... classy."

Emmett doubled over laughing. "I couldn't help it. I saw it at Spencer's and I thought of you."

"That's... a little disturbing."

"Yeah, well. Look at it this way. It will be a good re-gift. The gift that keeps on giving."

Bella smirked, feeling mischievous. "But Emmett..what if I want to keep it for myself?"

Emmett's eyes all but bugged out of his head, his mouth dropping open as he sputtered. At the same time, Bella's attention was drawn by someone's exclamation of pain. She looked over, noticing Edward had emerged from the house and had promptly tumbled down the stairs.

"Edward!" Bella exclaimed, going to his side. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Edward said quickly, sitting up. "Just... missed a step."

"Yeah, he missed a step," Emmett said, joining them and helping Edward to his feet. "Or he was suddenly picturing you using a rubber cucumber to -"

"Emmett!" Edward hissed.

Chortling, Emmett just pulled Bella into a hug. "Glad you had a good time, kid. You're kind of bad ass." He grinned. "Have fun with your gifts," he said with a wink before disappearing into the house.

"I'm sorry," Bella said when they were alone. "He just thrives on unsettling people. I thought he might like a taste of his own medicine." She reached out tentatively, pulling his arm toward her. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

He chuffed, his eyes on her as she examined the scrape on his arm. "It wasn't your fault," he assured. "And it's no big deal."

There wasn't any reason for her be holding his hand, but she didn't want to let go, and he wasn't shaking her off. She dusted the tiny pebbles and dirt off his hand just for something to do. Then, realizing she was being odd, she looked up, giving him a smile that she hoped wasn't as shaky as she felt. "I think you'll live."

"Hmm," Edward murmured, still not taking his hand back. "That's a relief." He was staring at her face, and Bella licked her lips, suddenly hungry.

"I. Um..." She struggled to cast off the sudden haze that had nothing to do with her lingering hangover. "I need to go. Studying...I need to studying. I mean, study."

Edward looked amused. "Right," he said, smiling. "Just the thing most people do on their birthday weekend. Isn't college supposed to be one big party?"

Bella snorted lightly. "My dad's a cop."

He tilted his head, eyes widening slightly. "Now you tell us. We plied you with alcohol last night. A lot of it."

"Not exactly my first rodeo, cowboy," Bella teased lightly. "But I'm smart about it. One night is more than enough for me."

"Yeah, but studying? There's a lot to do between partying and studying."

She looked up at him, her heart giving a sporadic little sputter. "What are you suggesting?"

He looked at her, his eyes curious... and a little nervous, though she felt she might just be imagining that. But then a slow smile quirked at the corner of his lips until he was grinning lopsidedly. He took a step forward, invading Bella's personal space. Her heart beat hard against her chest, the rushing audible between her ears. She felt his hand brush her waist and the hunger she'd felt earlier intensified. She felt ravenous, desperate for more. She wanted him to pull her close and -

Edward's hands dipped into her coat pocket, pulling her phone out and taking a step back. Bella's breath wheezed as she tried to steady her heart again. "What are you..?"

He offered her phone back. "My number. If you get bored of your books, call me," he said with a wink.

_**~0~** _

Bella was exhausted when she finally got home. Hangovers didn't hit her that badly - they just made her want to sleep the entire day away.

Though it was almost noon, Bella opened the door to her dorm room as quietly as possible, knowing Angela had been out late the night before. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw her roommate squirming under the blanket. "Oh you're up. I'm going to pass out but -"

She cut off with the lump she thought was her friend squealed, moving frantically until not one but two heads emerged from under the blanket.

"Oh! Guys, I'm sorry," Bella cried, throwing her hands up in front of her face even though Angela and Ben were well covered. "I'll um... Uh."

"It's okay, Bella," Angela said, her voice a little high pitched and breathy. "I didn't expect you'd be here."

"Hi, Ben!" Bella gave the embarrassed boy a little wave.

He waved back sheepishly. "Happy belated, Bella."

"We'll go to Ben's room. Anyway, Conner should be out by now, right?" Angela asked, looking at her boyfriend.

Bella groaned, peeling back her blankets and climbing into her nice, warm bed. "I don't really care. Just don't make porno noises and you two can do whatever you want," she mumbled, pulling the blankets over her head and turning toward the wall. "I'm sure I'll be out in a few minutes."

She heard Angela laugh. "Whatever works. Either way, when you wake up we're talking about how exactly you ended up spending the night with Edward."

Bella rolled over, yanking the blanket down again. "How did you know I was with Edward last night?"

Angela grinned innocently. "He called. He said he didn't want me to worry and that you were safe. It was really sweet, actually."

Groaning, Bella turned her face into her pillow. "Ugh. I don't remember." She peeked out, narrowing her eyes at her friend's knowing expression. "Nothing happened, Ange."

"Sure. Fine. Whatever," Angela said dismissively. "Either way, you're telling me all about it when you're up to it."

In response, Bella just rolled over again, pulling the blankets over her head. She fished for her cell phone, squinting at the little screen until she found Edward's number.

It was nice of him to give her an out, letting her decide if she was going to give up her number. And honestly, his flirtation had been mild. A number of people in the group had her phone number. It wouldn't be a big deal if Edward was one of them. Right? It didn't mean anything.

Rolling her eyes at herself, Bella quickly typed out a text message, thanking Edward for calling Angela. Her roommate would have worried if she didn't come home on her birthday. Then she switched her phone to silent, closed her eyes and let sleep take her.

_**~0~** _

"So," Angela said, her eyes dancing after Bella told her the whole story. "Are you going to call him?"

Bella narrowed her eyes. "For what? We haven't even had a chance to work together. There's no reason for us to hang out."

Angela gave her an exasperated look. "Bella, come on. The guy obviously likes you. Is that such a bad thing? I didn't realize you'd sworn off dating after Jacob."

"I didn't swear off dating," Bella protested. "I swore off dating theater guys. He's a theater guy. Come on, Ange. You were right there with me six months ago. You agreed - theater guys are too much... drama."

"Yeah, but that was my duty at the time. You know, after a break up, especially in the case of cheating bastards, it's my best friend duty to go all She-Ra, Man-Hater with you."

Bella smirked. "I didn't realize there was a rule book."

Angela snickered. "Yes, of course. I'll make sure I pick up a copy at the next meeting." She sobered a bit before she continued. "Seriously, Bella. You're not the type to generalize anyone like that. You have a passion for the stage. Most good relationships begin with a shared interest. It's more of an excuse than a lot of people need to go on one date."

"Hmmm," Bella grumbled, wanting to dismiss her friend outright. "Who says he wants to date me, anyway? Maybe it's just pity. Obviously, I've got nothing better to do."

"Gee, thanks," the other woman grimaced at her.

"I'm sorry. That's not what I meant. I mean, obviously my social calendar isn't bursting."

Angela got up, crossing the room to put her hands on Bella's shoulders. "Bella Swan, you repeat after me. 'I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, I'm more than g'damn sexy enough-" Bella had to giggle at the preacher's daughter taking the lord's name in vain, "-and, doggone it, people like me.'"

"Angela -" Bella started to protest.

"No. Repeat it. Right now."

Bella rolled her eyes, giving her friend a look that clearly said 'you are the most ridiculous creature on the planet' but she complied with Angela's wishes. "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, I'm more than g'damn sexy enough and, doggone it, people like me."

Satisfied, Angela nodded and sat on the beside her. "So you're going to call him now, right?"

"You're not usually this persistent," Bella grumbled rather than answering.

"It's all part of the handbook," Angela said with a little laugh. "Bella... I know you say that you're open to dating other people, but Edward isn't the first person who's asked you out since Jacob."

Bella traced the pattern of the quilt with the pad of a single finger. "Who was I supposed to say yes to? The party-hardy frat boy in my history class? Sir-Smokes-A-Lot from the diner?"

"That soft spoken, cute,  _nice_ guy in your English class?" Angela pointed out.

That made Bella pause. In all actuality, she should have said yes to the boy in English. In fact, she probably would have said yes to him except...

Except that he wasn't Edward.

And that was... stupid.

Bella had no idea what was happening to her, but she was fairly certain she didn't like it.

Although, when she remembered the little thrill that ran through her body when he touched her - so many little touches that morning and last night - and the way her head spun when she looked in his eyes... It wasn't unpleasant.

"See?" Angela said knowingly.

Bella quickly looked down again, hiding behind a curtain of hair.

"I won't push you, Bella, but if you're interested and he's interested, I don't see a good reason not to go for it. Yeah, he's a theater boy, but so what? Not all theater boys are created equal."

When Bella didn't answer, Angela had enough sense to finally drop the subject. "Come on. It's technically still your birthday, since I wasn't around yesterday. What do you want to do."

"Hmmm," Bella said, tapping her lips. "Something that includes Chinese food from cartons and not moving out of this bed... except to pay for the Chinese food of course."

"Done and done!" Angela said, clapping her hands together. She got up, rummaging around her desk until she found the folder of menus they kept handy. "Here. Order more than we could possibly eat and I'll see what movies are actually in the right case..."

An hour or so later, they were both curled up on Bella's bed, Bella resting with her head on Angela's lap as they watched one of her favorite movies.

"Drink up, young man," she quoted with Kate Winslet on the screen. "It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant."

Repugnant was an apt word for how Bella felt about the whole dance people did when they were interested in one another. In a lot of ways, her relationship with Jake had evolved of a fervent desire to escape all that. Jacob had been her friend. They got along. They knew each others faults and positives and accepted each other just as they were. That they had no spark - no fire - seemed like a secondary concern at the time. Bella thought she could be happy being with her best friend.

Bella turned the word seduction over and over in her head. Was Edward seducing her? Was he trying to seduce her? The little touches... 'teaching' her the tango... their Esme-inflicted mini date. It all felt like seduction. Edward was all spark; the sensation titillating her skin, scalding hot but entirely painless. More than painless, when she remembered the way he looked at her, she felt like she could fly.

But why was he trying to seduce her?

She didn't want to assume that rumors were correct, but she'd heard more than idle gossip about Edward's former conquests. She wasn't about to be a notch on anyone's belt.

A wordless anxiety crawled over her skin as she second guessed herself, wondering again if she was reading him wrong. Maybe he had no interest in her at all.  _That_ thought was irrationally painful.

Among other worries was the reason she didn't trust theater boys in the first place. Maybe Edward's attraction was genuine, but it was his job, as an actor, to make people believe what they saw. How many times in the last few weeks had she marveled at the absolute adoration in 'Angel's' eyes as he looked at 'Collins'?

Bella scowled, glad that Angela couldn't see her. She hated that she felt like one of those girls who went over every tiny detail of every interaction, trying to read between the lines. Bella liked things straight forward - so she knew what she was dealing with.

When Edward texted her later that evening, cheekily asking how her books were doing, she replied that she was out with Angela - which was the truth - and that she would see him on Monday at practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I don't know if I'm going to be able to update again before I have surgery on the 29th. I'm sure going to try. Honestly, I expect that AFTER the surgery, updates will only come FASTER...but if you don't hear from me for a bit, that's why.
> 
> I also submitted the prologue and first chapter of an upcoming E/B fic of mine called Tomorrow is Another Day to the LLS compilation. It's a post Civil War era fic and I'm super excited about it. If you want a sneak peek, I think you can still donate for it. Otherwise... it will be here eventually. LOL.
> 
> Thanks to jadedandboring, barburella and jfka06. Endless love.


	7. Anyone Alive With A Sex Drive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel the need to explain to you a little about where they're at in the play,Rent. Maureen (Rosalie) is with Joanne (Jessica). They're all gathered at a cafe where Benny (Eric) is with his father-in-law. Benny and the father-in-law represent all that is "evil" in the world... corporate, clean, sell-out. La Vie Boheme is the bohemians' way of saying fuck you. You should take a gander. It's fabulous.

**YouTube: La Vie Boheme - both movie and stage versions is what I recommend. There's some fun, raunchy stuff in both of them. Hehehe.**

 

 

_**"Viva la vie boheme!"** _

_**~La Vie Boheme B, Rent** _

* * *

"But what if the stage breaks?"

Emmett banged his head on the back of the theater seat in front of him. "Ma, when has one of my stages ever broken?" Esme was about to protest when Emmett quickly interrupted. "It's not a job in another universe. Something breaks, we'll be around. And you know we'll be here, like we always are, when it gets down to the wire."

Chuckling, Edward turned away from the family drama. "Every damn time."

"Even the coolest mothers are mothers," Garrett said, propping his feet up on the back of the nearest seat.

"Garrett Larsen, I know you don't have your feet on my seats."

"Sorry, Mrs. C," Garrett called, sitting down properly. To Edward he said, "See?"

Edward just shook his head, digging his phone out of his pocket. He smiled when he saw the text he'd just received was from Bella.

It was somewhat bewildering. Though she had tap-danced around any suggestions of dinner or hanging out alone, she continued to text him after her birthday. Edward wasn't used to the texting phenomenon. He'd worn his poor thumbs out texting with Bella for hours on some nights. During the days when he was at work and she was at school, she texted most often when she was bored, as she was then.

Wrapped up in trying his best to entertain her, Edward almost missed Esme's end rant.

"Fine, if you have to take another job I understand," Esme said, sounding slightly frazzled. "Just make sure you let Edward go on time. We're beginning to practice the big numbers and he needs to be here. Especially today. His dresses just came in and your sister needs to make sure everything fits," she said distractedly as she retreated to the side of the auditorium.

Edward swallowed a groan as his coworkers snickered. "Yeah, Edward, you wouldn't want to make you late for your dress fitting," Garrett said, clapping him on the arm.

McKenna came up beside him as Edward stood, heading for the back of the auditorium. "Mommy actually wrote you a get out of work note. Isn't that sweet?"

Putting on an unconcerned grin, Edward just waggled his eyebrows at the other two. "Don't be jealous just because the boss's mommy likes me."

Emmett snorted, catching up with his crew. "Uh, Edward. You have dress fittings tonight. She's putting you in a dress. I don't call that like..."

~0~

As he promised, Emmett let Edward go with plenty of time to get to his fitting. As a result, as he meandered into the dressing room, Edward was stopped in his tracks by the sight in front of him.

Bella was in one of her costumes, the most revealing costume. Of course.

Edward groaned as he leaned heavily on the door jamb. Bella was facing away from him, though that hardly mattered considering she was facing a mirror. Still, though he could have been caught at any second, Edward couldn't bring himself to move. Vinyl pants that showed off her long, slender legs... and her ass. Dear God.

Alice had Bella stretch her arms out, offering a better view of her body. The top Bella wore left her midriff bare, and Edward's fingers twitched, longing to feel the skin at her sides, above her waist. He'd admired women's attributes before, but it had never been like this for him. In those minutes, he thought of a thousand different ways he wanted to touch her. His hand splayed over her hip as he kissed the back of her shoulders. Both palms on her ass as he kissed her lips...

It was amazing how many of the mini fantasies involved kissing her in some way.

Edward's lips quirked as he folded his arms self consciously over his chest. He had to acknowledge then that though he'd had no intention of pursuing the girl, it was all he wanted to do. All of the little fantasies that traipsed across his thoughts...none of them were new.

Edward purposefully filled his life with distraction - his construction job, his acting and the time he spent with Alec. It was why he worked so hard and tirelessly on the plays he did, learning not only his parts, understanding his characters, but everyone else's as well.

He remembered when Bella admitted that she liked acting, where she could disappear and become someone who was graceful. For Edward, acting was relief from his own life, a chance to live a life, for however brief a period, that meant something to someone. He didn't regret giving up his criminal existence. Sometimes though, he missed the friends that had come along with that. It was like losing a second family.

Lately, in those moments when he let the loneliness of his existence leak into his consciousness, he'd thought of Bella in the empty spaces of his life. He thought how nice it would be if, after practice, they would slip out of their assumed lives and exit the theater holding hands. Then he would be free to touch her the way he imagined.

Alice clearing her throat made Edward startle. She gave him a look over Bella's shoulder, grinning knowingly. Smirking at her, Edward continued to stare unabashed.

"Oh, good, you're here Edward," Alice said loudly. Bella spun, self consciously wrapping her arms around her bare midriff. "I'm just about done with the adjustments to Bella's costumes. It'll give you time to get tucked."

"Get what?" Edward asked, his voice choking at the end.

"Tucked," Alice said sweetly, holding a small sweater against Bella's outfit. For her part, Bella was flushed and biting her lip, trying valiantly not to laugh. "Everything you need is set out for you."

That was something Edward hadn't considered, though it seemed obvious now that he did. Of course he would have to be tucked in the costumes he was wearing - skirts and tights.

Seeing the realization dawn on his face, Alice's grin widened. "Let me know if you need help, kid."

Maybe Emmett wasn't so wrong about Esme trying to torture him, casting him in this role.

~0~

When Edward emerged into the main dressing room, Bella was nowhere to be seen. He couldn't possibly be that disappointed, given that he was uncomfortable, squirming as he tried to get used to the tuck... and he thought he looked ridiculous in tights.

"Look at that. You do have a nice ass. Hmm, I'd never noticed," Alice said with a chuckle.

He raised an eyebrow. "Who said I have a nice ass?"

Alice's look was nothing short of bratty. "Wouldn't you like to know."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Bring on the dresses."

"Not yet," Alice said, gesturing to the chair in front of her. "Sit. We have wigs to try."

"Sit," Edward grumbled. "Easy for you to say."

"Has anyone ever told you that you whine a lot?"

"Has anyone ever told you you're a pain in the ass?" he shot back, but he was smiling.

Alice grinned, pulling a black haired bob wig out of a box. "Come on. I grew up with Emmett. 'Pain in the ass' is the least of what I got. Sit still."

With a sigh, Edward looked at the mirror as Alice straightened the wig. He had to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Alice asked distractedly.

"If you had told me a few years ago that I'd be sitting here in a wig with my dick tucked between my legs..."

"Kissing my boyfriend?" Alice finished, examining him with a practiced eye.

"That's one of the perks," Edward joked, winking at her in the mirror.

Alice took the first wig off, replacing it with a second - a long blond number that he would thankfully only have to wear briefly during the New Year's numbers. "Soooo," she began, and Edward groaned because he knew she was going to start sooner or later.

"Nothing's going on between us," he said flatly.

"I realize that, Edward. What I want to know is why." She picked up a comb, frowning as she arranged the long, blond hair first on his shoulders and then off. "You like her, she likes you... what is the issue here? With Tanya -"

"She's not Tanya," he cut in, his voice harder than he'd intended.

Alice's eyes flicked up to his in the mirror. "I know that, honey. If you looked at her the way you looked at Tanya, I'd be warning you to stay away from her. She's a baby...and she's not that kind of girl."

She walked off a ways, returning with a Santa Clause dress - Angel's signature look. Edward sighed, unbuttoning his shirt dutifully. "She doesn't want me, Alice. I gave her a chance -" Her snort interrupted him and Edward grimaced. "What?"

"You gave her an opening. That's what you were about to say, right?" He scowled at her in the mirror. "That's pathetic, Edward. That's pursuing her as much as some mall rent-a-cop yelling 'halt!' is." She expertly buttoned and zipped him into place. "Give her something direct to deal with. Then you can figure out what her problem is."

"I'll keep that in mind," he mumbled.

For minutes, there was mostly silence except for Alice instructing him to hold his arm our or stand up straight. Edward watched his reflection in the mirror, trying to see the bohemian, free-spirited drag queen there. This was his time. Instead all he saw was himself. Edward Masen didn't have the beautiful, giving spirit that Angel did.

Alice was mostly silent until near the end of their time together. "It's not that you think you don't deserve her, is it?"

Edward's eyes shot to hers and narrowed slightly, both alarmed and defensive. Alice rolled her eyes. "Don't underestimate my snooping ability. I've known about you for a long time, Edward. And don't make the mistake of thinking my parents are the only ones who care about you," she said easily.

"What's the worst that could happen?" she said a few minutes later, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It's not like your kiss will make her one of the eternal damned," she joked.

Edward wished, not for the first time, that his parents had given him a sibling.

"Oh, and one more thing," Alice said as she gathered up her trusty clipboard. "You need to shave your legs. There's only so much tights can do to hide the hairy beast you are."

She smiled innocently and walked off in the direction of her mother's office, leaving Edward gaping after her.

~0~

Back in his jeans and t-shirt, Edward joined the rest of the cast on stage. Aside from  _Seasons of Love_ , which required no choreography, there were four songs that required the attention of the entire cast, including the Chorus members. Esme, Bob, and Tanya were overseeing the cast as they went through  _Rent_ one more time. That one was easy to do without Edward seeing as Angel only appeared at the end of it and the only choreography he needed to know was how to hang off his 'tree' with a 10 gallon pickle tub. On his cue, he took his place, finishing out the song with them.

"Good job, everyone. That's coming along pretty well." Esme said, nodding approvingly. "We're going to skip  _Christmas Bells_  for now and go straight for  _La Vie Boheme_."

At her direction, the troupe got together, rearranging the stage to the Life Cafe set.

"Who you going to get to play Benny's stuffed-shirt father-in-law?" Jessica asked curiously. For the time, Eric sat alone at the smaller table.

Esme's eyes twinkled mischievously and she smirked. "Hmmm, who could I get to look like the uptight enemy of all outside-the-box thinkers? Who would be horrified to be around drag queens, lesbians, gays, tattoos, and -"

"Anything taboo?" Tyler suggested, laughing. "You asked him didn't you?"

"You have much to learn about marriage, young one. Asking had nothing to do with it," Esme scoffed. "Yes, you will all be directing your vulgar gestures and contempt to my dear husband."

The cast laughed, some of them chuckling nervously. "Great," Rosalie said, rolling her eyes. "Emmett will never let that go...me waggling my bare ass at his father."

Jessica put her arm around Rosalie's waist, putting on a pout. "Who's Emmett?"

Rosalie made a face at her but then grinned lasciviously. "No one, Pookie."

They got down to it and Edward found himself distracted as Esme spoke to Tyler. His eyes had strayed a little ways down the table to where Bella was sitting between Mike and one of the Chorus members Edward remembered was named James. He had to struggle not to glare. Watching Bella with Mike was tough, watching her with James - who played the drug dealer known as The Man in other scenes - was harder. The man made him uneasy in entirely different ways than Mike did.

Edward was drawn back into the moment as Jasper took his hand. The blond man leaned in, nuzzling the side of Edward's head with his nose. "You distracted, lover?" he whispered against Edward's ear.

Trying to shake off his real world concerns, Edward tried to regain his sense of character. He turned slightly, smiling. "Not anymore," he murmured.

"Okay, Mimi and Angel, you're up," Esme called a moment later.

A tingle of excitement ran down Edward's spine. He'd almost forgotten that Mimi and Angel were friends and therefore danced together several times for short periods. He got to his feet and then hopped up to stand on the table. Edward bit the inside of his lip as he recalled the stanza they had to sing together.

_To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries_ _  
__To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese_ _  
__To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo_ _  
__To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou_

It wouldn't be so bad to be singing about , and listening to Bella sing about leather and dildos, except Tanya and Esme directed them to do that playful, galfriends grinding thing while they did it.

Over and over again. Until they knew every move their bodies were to make together by heart.

It was difficult to think of the lyrics he was supposed to be singing, the moves of the dance and thinking of walking in on Esme and Carlisle doing nasty things at the same time. What choice did he have? He couldn't be walking around with a hard on all evening.

Of course, it was worse a minute later when they were still up on the table, dancing as Rosalie, Jasper and Tyler sang. Bella was grinding her ass against Edward's crotch.

"Okay," Esme said, pleased at how they were all progressing, but a little frazzled since everyone on stage had to have something to do at all times. "Now, Angel, when Mark sings 'Mucho masturbation' you reach between Mimi's legs and mime masturbating her."

"Mime what?" Edward asked, his voice more high pitched than he'd ever heard it.

Esme leveled him with an impatient look. "I know you know the mechanics of this. Tanya wouldn't shut up about your fingers last season."

Tanya cackled. "Oh, he knows how to use his fingers," she assured.

In front of him, Bella's shoulder's stiffened and she backed up, rubbing her ass against him. Edward swallowed a groan, having not been prepared. "It's fine," she hissed over her shoulder, her voice harder than he'd heard it before.

When they ran through the stanza again, Bella was definitely being more ... emphatic with her movements. Both reluctant and entirely too eager, Edward snaked his hand between her legs, barely cupping her. As much as as the heat he felt under his palm brought on a rush of lust that made him want to moan out loud, he felt like a cad, molesting her in front of everyone.

"Come on, Edward. You can do better than that," Tanya taunted, winking at him over the din.

He struggled not to glare at her, remembering that she and Esme had every right to expect him to be able to do this. Angel had no problem showing off in front of the suits, and Mimi wouldn't be bothered. He had to find his character again.

When they ran through the stanza again, he went for broke, cupping Bella fully and moving his fingers against her. In spite of himself, he grinned smugly when he heard her low little gasp.

By the time they got to the part where he and Jasper had to lay on top of the table, making out for all to see, Edward was past the point that any amount of thinking of Carlisle and Esme in various states of undress could help his... problem.

With an internal groan, Edward lay down on Jasper, quickly putting his lips to the other man's so he wouldn't have to look at him. Below him, Jasper made a surprised noise at the back of his throat, but quickly got back in the moment, wrapping his arms around Edward.

"Dude," Jasper hissed when they took their seats, "you legit had a hard on." Thankfully, he sounded more amused than upset.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't for you, believe me," Edward muttered.

~0~

When practice was finally done, Edward felt antsy. He located his jacket, eager to get home.

"Hey Edward!" Jasper called and Edward stopped short. He ran a hand through the stubble where his hair used to be, pulling Bella's knit cap over his head as he turned around.

"What's up?"

Jasper fell into step beside him. "I was thinking that we should get together soon. We're gonna be spending the next couple of weeks practicing these big numbers, but we should keep current on all the other songs. You know, so it'll be easier when we start winding it all together."

"Makes sense," Edward agreed, nodding. "Not tonight though."

"No," Jasper said, his grin becoming wicked. "Got a hot date tonight, do ya?"

Edward didn't dignify that with a response.

"You know, when you have sex with three people they call it a threesome, then I can see why they call you handsome," the blond man said innocently.

"Jesus, you're worse than Emmett, do you know that?" Edward groused.

"Where do you think I got that one from?" Jasper asked, laughing. "Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow. Have fun."

"Yeah, yeah," Edward said, shaking his head. He offered the other man a smile to let him know he could take a joke before he headed to the opposite end of the parking lot.

Just as he was about to hit the clicker for his own car, he heard a muttered, "Fuck!" Looking over, he saw Bella struggling to open her car door, her arms full of too much stuff. It looked like she'd dropped her keys. He stepped forward quickly, plucking the keys up off the ground as she was turned away, balancing the rest of her burden on the roof of the car. When she turned back she jumped, yelping in surprise.

"Jeez," she breathed. "You're just everywhere today."

Her eyes flicked to his, suddenly uncertain. She looked even younger than her years then. Young, innocent, and very aware of his presence. He cleared his throat, suddenly just as bashful as she seemed. "Your keys," he said quietly, holding his palm open to her.

Bella looked down at his hand as if she was surprised to see her keys there. She picked them up, her fingers barely brushing his skin. "Thanks."

They both stood, the silence between them not as awkward as it maybe should have been. Bella looked down. "I have studying to do, so..."

He chuckled. "So studious." He tapped her chin because he couldn't help himself. "Goodnight, Bella."

Hands deep in his pockets, he walked away then, feeling ridiculously light headed.

On the drive home, Edward put the volume up on the music, trying to shake off the odd feeling that was clinging to him like a second skin. Despite the cold night - it was mid-October - he felt warm. At home he relaxed on his couch, cold beer in hand, sipping as he flipped through channels. Eventually, he shut the TV off, staring instead at the blank ceiling above him.

He couldn't concentrate. His mind refused to wrap around anything concrete at all save for the one thing he was trying not to think about.

Seeing Bella in the dressing room, her curves not at all hidden by the clothes she wore, and having to work with her body pressed against his so often all afternoon and evening had a lasting effect. The inane, idle fantasies that had flitted through his mind since he met her were not so easily batted away. Never before had he truly understood the words 'imagination run wild.' His had, conjuring fantasies that ranged from filthy - taking her right there on the folding table in front of the cast - to sweet - God, he just wanted to kiss her.

Edward propelled himself off the couch, craving relief. He had to calm the sudden need he had for her, and it didn't help at all that he'd been physically stimulated by the unwitting object of his affection for hours on end. He stripped as he walked through the hallway, already nude by the time he was in his bathroom.

In the shower, the warmth of the water sliding over his skin calmed him considerably, tempering the anxiety that made him feel like he was seconds away from exploding. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of the cold tiles beneath his hands contrasting with the heat of the water.

His hands still remembered how she felt as he held her waist, and Edward imagined she was standing right in front of him then. The steam and the water would make her hair bedraggled, falling past her shoulders and sticking to her skin.

He bent his head, pressing his lips at her collarbone to the rivulet of water that ran down between her breasts. He felt her hands on his shoulders, her fingers teasing the sensitive skin of his neck. As he followed the little river down, licking the shape of her breast, her chest rose and fell quickly under his lips. She moaned when his tongue found her nipple, the pads of her fingers pressing hard against his back.

Remembering the way she'd teased him all evening, pressing back against him harder than was necessary, he smirked, intent on getting his revenge. He straightened, spinning her around and pressing her hands above her head to the cool tiles. He swept her hair onto one shoulder so he could kiss her neck as he longed to do so many times. Before today, her neck had been foremost in his fantasies if only because it was the only part of her he'd really seen unclothed. She had such a slender neck and it - like most everything about her - beckoned to him.

With one hand splayed against her waist he mimicked the movements they'd practiced over and over that evening. He ran his hand down her back, enjoying the shiver the movement elicited. It would be different this time. He wanted her to feel the bite of desire - so sweet, but so painful. He could tell by the she spread her legs and her body tensed that she was anticipating his touch.

He chuckled in her ear. "Don't like being teased as much as you like teasing, do you?" he rumbled, his hand running lightly over her ass, occasionally squeezing one cheek or the other a little roughly.

"Oh, yes I do," she said with a moan.

"Wanton witch," he whispered, nipping her earlobe as he reached between her legs, giving her what she wanted because it was what he wanted too. She gasped when his fingers entered her, and he bit down lightly on her shoulder, muffling his own moan against her skin. Jesus, she felt so good around him, and this was just his fingers. The thought of being inside her...

He worked her hard and quick, his fingers rubbing fast over her clit as she writhed beneath him. When she came, she called his name.

Edward gasped, breathing erratically as he came back to reality. His cock was going limp in his palm. He leaned his forehead against the tile feeling a little shaky.

His desire for Bella, his inane fantasies and meandering thoughts had not abated, but they were quieter than they had been when he got home. Still, that voice in the back of his head that called for him to do something, anything, about her was not as silent as it once had been. It would want attention... soon.

Pandora's box was open and there was no going back. He had to know, one way or another. He had to have some sort of resolution, even if it meant knowing for sure he could never have her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks to jfka06 and Barburella. Special thanks to jadedandboring for betaing when she was ready to pass out. ILY and all you do for me.
> 
> And thanks so much to y'all for the love and support. Surgery went well. I'm recovering fine and I will hopefully be back to updating this at a more steady pace now.


	8. It's Not That Kind Of Movie

_**"This lot is full of motherfucking artists!"** _

_**~On the Street, Rent** _

* * *

"You need a fucking cigarette after that, don't you babe?"

Tyler's voice made Bella jump. She ran her hands restlessly through her hair, feeling like her thoughts were written across her skin in bright, fluorescent ink. Heat clung to her flesh like humidity in Florida and she searched her pockets for a hair tie, suddenly desperate to have her neck exposed.

"I don't smoke," she snarked at Tyler, pulling her hair up as she looked around for her bag. It helped that Edward had already left the the theater. She found she could concentrate better when he wasn't anywhere near her.

Tyler snickered. "The stage begs to differ, darling. That's two days in a row you and your little boy toy have turned up the heat. You do realize you're suppose to be platonic friends, right?"

"Yeah, Bella," Mike said, pouting like a child. "You're supposed to be saving all that spice for me, not your girlfriend."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Bella muttered, rolling her eyes and trying to ignore that her cheeks were glowing hotter than the rest of her body - which was saying something.

"Yet another reason I should have been Angel," Tyler muttered.

"I don't know what you're complaining about," Bella said, rolling her eyes at Tyler. "I mean, Mark's got all the best solos."

"It is true," Tyler said with a sigh. "No one could play it the way I can."

Shaking her head, Bella climbed down off the stage. A sullen looking Mike fell into step beside her. "You know, we could stand to practice our songs outside of rehearsal," she said grudgingly. "Last time, I still stepped on some of my harmonies."

Mike frowned. "I got things to do, Bella. Why don't you ask Edward? I'm sure you'd mesh with him better anyway."

"Jesus, what's gotten into you?" Bella asked, severely irritated.

"Whatever. I'll see you tomorrow," Mike muttered, brushing by her.

Bella was watching his back retreat when a snicker drew her attention. "Don't worry about it. Mike usually has little fits of temper about this time in production," Edward said, appearing out of nowhere.

"How do you do that?" Bella said, feeling like every inch of her body was suddenly aware and on alert. For what she had no idea.

Edward looked confused. "Do what?"

"Appear out of nowhere," she accused. His constant presence and the effect he had on her senses irritated her to no end.

He just chuckled. "I was at the same practice at you, you know."

"Oh, I know," Bella muttered under her breath. "So what are you doing hanging out here?"

"A friend of mine borrowed my car," Edward said with a shrug.

"Ah. I can take you home, if you need," she offered despite her better judgement. Whatever effect he had on her, Edward hadn't been anything but nice to her. It was the least she could do.

"Hmmm," he appeared to consider this. "I have a better idea. I couldn't help but overhear that you need to practice?"

"I'm a little flat on  _I_ _Should_ _Tell_ _You_ ," she admitted.

"Well, I know pretty much everyone's parts. Not the choreography, but the music. I've got an hour or so to kill. I could help if you'd like," he offered.

Bella's first impulse was to say she had studying to do. This time, it wasn't false. Midterms were baring down hard. And it felt so dangerous, so to speak. Dancing with him with every cast member, Bob, Tanya, and Esme watching them had felt so entirely sexual. _I_ _Should_ _Tell_ _You_  was a love song.

Of course, since it was probably the worst decision she could make, she nodded. "Yeah, okay."

His grin was impish, and it made her heart flutter wildly. "Good," he said smoothly and gestured back to the front door of the theater. "Shall we?"

"Why do you know everyone's part anyway?" Bella asked as they made their way to one of the practice rooms.

Edward laughed. "Can I get away with 'it's part of my process?'" he asked.

"You could have if you hadn't phrased it like that."

"Well, it is what it is," Edward admitted. "It just sounds... weird to me." He shrugged. "Besides, I don't have anything better to do with my time."

That statement struck Bella and she automatically wanted to know what he meant. Surely he had a life outside the theater and his job with Emmett. The idea that he went home to an empty apartment made her sad.

But before she could ask, he slipped out of his jacket and offered his hand to her. She'd almost forgotten what they were doing as she put her hand in his. "Ready?" he asked, his eyes on her.

There was an uncertainty in his eyes as he looked at her - reluctant hope tinged with barely contained fear. It was exactly how Roger should look at Mimi at that point in the play, she reminded herself. All of his walls were coming down as she challenged everything about the way he lived his life.

Bella nodded, answering Edward's question. She tried to remember her part. She was supposed to be the aggressor, the one who urged him to forget his fear and rely on his instincts, his attraction to her. As he started singing, Bella couldn't help but feel their roles were reversed, or maybe that she was trying to convince herself it was okay to give in to what she wanted.

By the conclusion of the song they had been drawn closer, almost chest to chest. The emotion of the lyrics and the moment were all she knew, and it seemed the most natural thing in the world when she rose onto the balls of her feet, tilting her head to catch his lips. It wasn't even in the choreography, it was simply what she felt like doing - like her body was being pulled on a string.

The last hum of the of the song vibrated on their lips as their mouths met. Edward froze for a moment before his lips moved with hers. Their hands, still joined, were crushed between them.

It was so much better than any kiss she'd ever experienced. More than that, it was better the than the most exhilarating stage rush. The innate thrill of an audience watching as she poured her heart into her words and song - something she never thought she could experience - was a dull, dim memory compared to what was happening in that little practice room.

She let go of his hands, pressing her palms flat against his chest for a moment before she gripped her fists in shirt, holding on tight because she felt like she was free falling. Their mouths parted for a second, and Edward tilted his head as he gasped for air. Then he was there again, his mouth on hers as his hands rose to cup her face.

Bella's head spun, some part of her too frightened because she knew it was only another second before she would give him anything, everything. Wasn't this the last place she wanted to end up?

With a grunt, she pushed him away. Though every part of her body screamed to pull him closer, Bella held fast to the last bit of her self control. "I'm sorry," she said breathlessly, not looking at him. "That was out of line."

"Bella -" he started, but she wouldn't let him speak.

"Thank you for your help. I'll, um... see you," she rambled as she grabbed her coat, fleeing the room as quick as her feet could take her.

~0~

Bella was face down on her bed later that night. She'd tried to study, but she couldn't concentrate at all. She would read a line or two from her text book before her thoughts trailed off. She ran her fingers along her lips, closing her eyes and remembering.

Giving up her books, Bella had thrown herself on her bed, stuck earbuds in her ears and turned her Zune up high. She hit the shuffle - several times before realizing, with great irritation, how many of the songs on her list were love songs.

No sooner had she yanked the headphones out of her ear than she heard her cell phone buzzing. A glance told her she had a missed call and a text from Edward. Frustrated, she threw her phone across the room.

"Whoa, okay," Angela said, eyeing the phone that had landed near where she was sitting cross legged on the floor, a project set up around her. "I was trying to ignore your sudden bout of the emos, but if you're going to threaten my head..."

"Sorry," Bella groaned as she rolled onto her back.

"So... do you want to talk about it?"

Bella stared at the ceiling. "I kissed Edward."

"Oh," Angela said slowly. "I'm sorry, is this supposed to be good or bad? I'm a little lost on where we're at in the situation."

"It's not good," Bella moaned. She glanced at her roommate. "But it was really, really good."

Angela was quiet as she looked at her friend. "You're afraid."

"I'm not afraid," Bella protested.

"You think you're exempt from that part since you and Jacob weren't ... head over heels?" Angela asked. "It's the whole falling off the horse thing. It's scary to let someone in again."

Bella chuffed. "Ange, it was... so... dramatic. We were singing together. A love song. I just got caught up in the moment." She shook her head, sitting up and pulling her book onto her lap. "That's not real."

"Keep telling yourself that," Angela said, but she turned back to her project, dropping the subject.

~0~

It was lucky that they had moved on to the second part of the song. She only had to dance with Edward for a brief moment.

She pretended not to see, out of the corner of her eye, Jasper physically turning Edward's head away from her when she and Mike had the spotlight. Mike seemed to be mollified by Bella's complete attention to her character.

"Bella," Edward tried to get her attention when Esme let them go for the evening.

"Not now, Edward," Bella said quickly, stepping around him.

She was halfway to the exit when she realized she'd left her backpack in the dressing room. With a sigh, she did an about face and made her way back into the theater.

In the anteroom, Bella was surprised to find she wasn't alone. In a quiet corner, one of the Chorus members - James, if she recalled - was standing with his head bent close to Mike. She slowed as she passed, curious about what was going on, until she realized that James was really earning his role as The Man.

Bella's lips quirked as she moved off to the room where she had stashed her bag. She frowned, not seeing it where she'd thought she left it. She checked a few of the other rooms, finding nothing.

When she turned, Bella jumped, surprised to find James leaning in from the antechamber. "Hello," he said, and his smile was predatory.

"Hi," Bella said uncertainly. Suddenly, her backpack seemed unimportant. "Can you excuse me please?"

"What's your hurry?" James asked, crossing his arms. "You know what your problem is? You look... stressed."

"I'm fine, thanks," Bella said icily.

"Seriously, kid. I have some stuff that can take the edge right off." He whistled as he gestured.

"I said, I'm fine, thanks," Bella repeated, firmer.

James only grinned at her. "You're a little spitfire, aren't you?" He pushed off the side of the door, taking a step toward her. "Why don't you let me take you out instead? Then you don't need to pay for a sample. It'll be my treat," he said, reaching out to pet the side of her hair.

Bella recoiled away from him.

Someone clearing their throat from the hallway caught both their attention. "Hey, sweetheart," Edward said, his voice steady as he turned from glaring at James to look at her tenderly. He extended a hand. "I have your bag. Are you ready to go?"

James finally stood to the side, letting Bella dart by him. "Sorry, Masen. I didn't realize you had prior claim."

Edward just looked at him cooly. "No harm, no foul," he said, but his voice was tight. Just wanting to be away from there, Bella slipped her hand in his.

They walked at a brisk pace down the hallway but once they were outside, Bella yanked her hand away. She turned, grabbing her backpack from him. "What were you doing with my stuff?"

"I'm sorry," Edward said with a sigh. "I knew you had forgotten it and I knew that Mike and James were going to be... doing what they were doing. I grabbed your pack and came out here to look for you..."

"But I'd already gone back in after it," Bella finished. "Fine. Thank you for that," she said, waving at the theater. "I was handling him, but thank you."

"I know you were fine," Edward said, a grin tugging at the edge of his mouth. "James just reminds me of some people I used to know, that's all."

"He's harmless," Bella said dismissively.

Edward snorted. "Okay, the drug dealer with personal space issues is harmless, but you run from me?"

Bella didn't have anything to say to that. She grimaced, staring down at her shoes.

"Look," Edward said with a sigh, "I'm gonna be honest with you. I have... feelings for you, and I sure as hell would like to figure out what they're all about."

"Feelings like you had for Tanya?" Bella challenged, really just trying to convince herself that she was crazy for wanting him.

Edward actually laughed. "Bella, you're young, but I won't believe you're naive. Tanya and I are friends, and yeah, we fooled around, but that doesn't take any feelings." He paused and then tried again. "Look, why don't you let me buy you dinner, and we can talk. I swear I'll never bother you again if that's what you want, but at least explain this to me."

Bella chuffed. "Fine. But I'm buying my own dinner."

"Fair enough," Edward said.

When they sat down at a little cafe close to the the theater, Bella finally admitted her disdain for theater boys. "The charm is just so distracting. It's dangerous because they can evoke emotion. I mean, isn't it our job to manipulate feelings? I can't help that I'm hardwired to swoon a little with boys who can recite poetry and speak from their heart."

Edward's lips turned up at the corners and he looked down at the table. After a moment, he reached out, putting his hand over hers and looking up from underneath his eyelashes. "Love goes toward love as schoolboys from their books, but love from love, toward school with heavy looks," he quoted. Bella bit her lip, her heart stuttering at an odd tempo and Edward smiled more broadly.

"I see what you mean. How crafty," he said, withdrawing his hand. "So I can quote you  _Romeo_ _and_ _Juliet,_  but you want to know something? I also think Romeo was a fickle teenage asshole who married a 14 year old girl so he could get some. I've never seen the romance in that."

Bella laughed lightly, looking down at her hot tea.

"Look, Bella. I get it. I really do. We live kind of an... alternate reality than most people do," Edward said thoughtfully. "We explore these totally different lives and personas, and I think it's natural to be drawn toward the beauty of the characters we play." He scoffed. "I thought it would be weird kissing another guy, but when I'm in the moment, it isn't. It really isn't.

"But all that being said, I know the difference between the person I am on stage and the real me." He smiled at her slightly. "And the real me is completely smitten with this beautiful, spunky girl who keeps giving me mixed signals."

He sighed again. "I have no idea how to do this. Bella, if you want complete honesty, I even swore to myself I wouldn't... try to pursue you."

At that Bella scoffed. "Right. What is it you were trying to pull with the dancing... and the party?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "I know you have no reason to believe me, but you bring out a curious side of me, Bella Swan. Like I said, I'd love a chance to figure out what it's all about." He was silent for a moment before he grinned at her. "It's either that or make sure I get all the parts opposite you from here on out just to get to kiss you again."

Bella laughed under her breath but didn't answer. She was confused about what she wanted, or what she should want.

"No day but today, right?" he asked, his voice teasing.

Bella glared at him, but she couldn't keep it up for long. She shook her head, letting out a long, slow breath. "Okay, I'll agree to a date on one condition. Just try not to be so charming."

Edward laughed. "No promises, but I'll try."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Almost done with Rent! We're gonna be getting down to the real drama shortly here, folks.
> 
> Thank you so much to jfka06, barburella and jadedandboring. Whatever would I do without you.


	9. Dark Dizzy Merry Go Round

**YouTube- Christmas Bells - it's only available in the Broadway version.**

* * *

_**"When you're dancing her dance  
You don't stand a chance  
Her grip of romance  
Make you fall  
So you think, 'Might as well'  
"Dance a tango to hell"  
'At least I'll have tangoed at all' "** _

_**~Tango: Maureen, Rent** _

* * *

"This fucking wig itches like crazy," Edward complained, tangling his fingers in his shirt so he wouldn't scratch his head.

"You whine a lot," Bella said, grinning at him from behind her sunglasses.

"Come on, sugar," Jasper interrupted, coming to collect him. He twined their hands together. "Esme wants us on stage." He looked to Bella. "You too, little girl. And quit eyeing my man."

Bella held her hands up, mouthing 'my bad' in between laughter. She pushed herself off the table, heading toward the stage with them. Edward looked over his shoulder, winking at her.

"This scene may kill us all," Esme said with a sigh. "I'm gonna need your full attention and cooperation here, people. The entire cast, minus Maureen until the end, is on stage and constantly moving during this bit so you should always have something to do and somewhere to be. Everyone has to be mindful of their props."

Since the scene for  _Christmas_ _Bells_ was set in an open market place most everyone had a prop. Esme had requested Edward wear his wig at all subsequent rehearsals to get used to the thing. Now, Edward had to admit it was the right call. He could barely concentrate when it felt like there were things crawling along his scalp.

For the most part, Edward was back in the zone, perfectly content to slip fully into his character. His extreme distraction in Bella's presence had been somewhat sated since they'd begun to see each other outside of the theater.

Well, that was true for the most part. His eyes did stray as she gathered with the other druggies around The Man.

He still didn't like to think of her anywhere near James, and even though it was all an act he bristled a little that it was Mike putting himself between them.

Beside him, Jasper chuckled. "So how long has that been going on? You and Bella, I mean."

Edward smiled, rifling through the coats in front of him as he was supposed to be doing. He didn't bother pretending not to know what Jasper was talking about. He'd noticed that the blond haired man was particularly observant. "It's been about a week," he said quietly.

Jasper clucked under his breath. "Damn. That's all? I guess Emmett won that bet."

"You bet about us?" Edward asked.

Before Jasper could comment, Esme was over to them, already mid-direction and expecting them to keep up.

"Okay, Collins. When you see your coat, your voice should raise above everyone else's. It'll make you pissed."

"Hey, Edward," Jasper said several hours later when they were all getting ready to go. "I hope you don't mind about the betting thing."

"Emmett likes to gamble, this I know," Edward said easily. "I was just surprised, that's all. I didn't know anyone was paying attention."

Jasper huffed. "You and Bella are a lot alike, you know. We've all noticed, and you would know that if either of you joined us after rehearsal once in a while." He tilted his head, offering the other man a grin. "If we hadn't noticed, Mike was about to ask her out himself. He figured you had first dibs seeing as you met her first."

Edward shook his head. "Esme sold me out, didn't she?"

"In her defense, she was a little drunk," Jasper laughed. "'If I knew I could get that much emotion out of him, I'd have pulled Bella away from the wolves last season,'" he imitated.

"The girl does things to me," Edward admitted with a grin. It was amazing how easy it was to talk to Jasper. Natural even.

"I know what you mean," Jasper said, looking back up on stage where Alice was gathering all the coats.

That was nice too, Edward reflected. If he'd had this conversation with Alec, his best friend would have called him a pussy. And as much as Alec loved Heidi, he would not have let anyone catch him watching her the way Jasper was looking at Alice. Alec would gladly eye-fuck not only Heidi but any other girl he pleased, but watching her with tenderness?

"Maybe we can double, eh?" Jasper rolled his eyes. "I mean, honestly, when Alice finds out, she's going to be all over you with questions. You might as well just let her observe you in the wild."

Edward snickered. "I'll have to ask Bella. Not this weekend though. We're going to a tango class."

"Tango?" Jasper asked, his eyebrows raised.

"Shhh." Edward waved his hands, looking around. "Bella doesn't know that yet."

"Nice, Masen." Jasper nodded approvingly. "Very sneaky."

"Hey, she wants to learn the tango. That's why she went after the part of Joanne at first," Edward defended, grinning. "It's not my fault that the tango is the dance of seduction."

"Nice," Jasper said again. "Anyway, just remember you and I have a date. Saturday afternoon."

In a good mood, Edward reached, wrapping his arm around the other man's waist and pulling him closer. He leaned in, as if he was going to kiss him. "Oh, I'll be there, darling. With my high heels and everything."

"Ungh, that's so hot."

The boys looked over to see Bella leaning against door of the theater, watching them.

Edward let go of Jasper to put his arms around Bella's shoulders. "That's what gets you, does it? Me being with another man?"

Bella looked up at him and then over at the blond haired man. "I think you kissing Jasper is hot," she allowed, leaning against his side. "Anyone else? Well, we might have to talk about that."

"Well, that's good to know. You know, for future reference." He smiled at her. "Dinner?"

"Sure," she answered, a smile just for him pulling at her lips.

~0~

"I think they meant it wh- Whoa!"

Midway through a twirl, Jasper lost his bearing, and both men toppled to the ground, upending an end table as they went. The blond haired man landed right on Edward, hitting him in exactly the wrong way.

"Jesus fuck!" Edward swore as all the breath left him. Jasper rolled off him almost instantly. Edward curled on his side, trying to breathe through the urge to throw up.

"Christ, I'm sorry, man," Jasper said, getting to his knees.

Edward waved a hand dismissively.

"Though, I gotta say," Jasper continued, laughter bubbling into his voice, "that was all you."

"Bitch," Edward rasped, "you try dancing and singing in these fucking shoes."

"Oh, hell," the other man chuckled. "If I tried to dance in those things, there'd be bloodshed." He reached out, grabbing Edward's hands, helping to pull him upright.

Leaning his back against his bookshelf, Edward breathed in and out for a minute before he could open his eyes. "Shit, we made a mess," he observed, and then he laughed. "Shut that music off will you?" he asked, trying to kick off the high heels.

Jasper climbed to his feet. "It's hot as hell in here," he said, peeling off his sweater. He struggled for a moment as his shirt stuck to the sweater, coming off with it.

And of course, that moment, with Edward on the floor among a mess of upturned magazines, grabbing his aching crotch, and Jasper standing in the middle of the room with his shirt off, Alec decided to make an appearance. As usual, he walked in without a key - Alec didn't need keys to get into Edward's apartment - and his eyes went wide at the scene in front of him.

"Alec, fuck would it kill you to knock for once in your life?" Edward groaned, pulling himself to his feet.

Jasper managed to make it to the stereo, shutting off the music that had been playing in a loop. He started to separate his shirt from his sweater.

"Come on, bud," Alec said, looking at Edward with a shell shocked expression. "I heard that music, I figured you were in here with a chick. I mean, you've seen me and Heidi."

"I saw you and Heidi when you were fucking her on my couch, in my house," Edward clarified. "And this isn't what you think it is." He sat heavily on his couch, nervously rubbing his head. He was trying to keep his cool but he felt remarkably panicky - like he was doing something wrong.

Once, several years before, he and Alec had been caught robbing a house. Edward hadn't felt this guilty then.

"Uh, dude..." Alec said awkwardly. "I am thinking about as little as possible right now, trust me."

Edward rolled his eyes. "This is Jasper Whitlock. He's one of the actors at the theater I work at," he said, clearing his throat.

Jasper's calm, blue eyes found his, and Edward pleaded silently for his cooperation. "Edward was nice enough to help me run my lines," the blond man said with an easy smile.

Alec didn't look convinced. "Why does it look like some seriously athletic, throw me against the furniture sex happened in here?"

"You think everything looks like sex happened," Edward grumbled.

"Bitch, did you hear the music you had on?" Alec challenged.

"Well, the play I'm doing is a musical," Jasper explained. "You know, singing and dancing? I got a little overzealous and, what can I say, Edward took a hit to the jewels."

For a moment, no one spoke, Edward and Jasper both waiting to see if Alec bought it. Then Alec burst out laughing. "That's fucking funny."

"Hey, shut up, prick," Edward grumbled, though he felt relief that his best friend seemed to buy their story. He shot a quick look of thanks in Jasper's direction.

"Well, hey. I'm going to head out. Alice is waiting," Jasper said, righting the end table. "See ya around, Edward. Thanks for helping me out and I'm sorry about your nads," he cackled.

When he was gone, Alec went to sit on the opposite end of the couch. "Jesus, what was that all about? Why would you say yes to helping him...what the fuck does that mean? Running lines? Sounds like something you do with coke."

"It just means reading the other parts so he can practice his part," Edward explained quickly. "And he's my boss's sister's boyfriend. I couldn't say no."

"See, this is exactly why I will never have a boss," Alec said, slumping down further on the couch.

"You have a boss," Edward muttered. Then he shook his head. "Look, you can't stay long. I've got a date."

Alec looked highly amused. "Oh? Who's the lucky guy?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Ha - you think you're funny. Why are you here, anyway?"

"Don't be pissed because I got in the way of your booty call."

Rolling his eyes, Edward got to his feet, groaning a little at the lingering ache. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Before you can ask, I'm not joining you," Alec said, propping his feet up on the now empty couch.

"That wasn't an invit-" Edward sighed. "Never mind. Feel free to be gone when I get back."

~0~

After he managed to get Alec to go home - Alec claimed he couldn't remember what he came over for in the first place - Edward headed over to the university.

Though things seemed to be going well with Bella, he was still nervous that he would do something to send her running. In all honesty, there was something about this girl that made him want to give her everything she wanted. Anything. She'd said she wanted to tango and Edward wanted nothing more than to give that to her - properly this time.

Of course, it was charming as hell. He wasn't unaware of this fact.

Edward laughed to himself, clunking his head on his steering wheel. She was the only woman on the face of the planet for whom charming might be a bad thing.

Shaking his head, because of course, he was all the more smitten because of it, Edward got out of the car.

After meeting the roommate, he and Bella got on the road to their destination.

"You know, I don't like surprises," she groused, having already complained that she had no idea what to wear. What she was wearing was more than fine. Her skirt was modest but it showed off her legs.

He loved her legs.

"See, I'm not at all sensitive to your wishes," he pointed out, grinning wickedly at her when she scowled. "I promise you'll survive, Bella."

She crossed her arms but digressed on the topic, instead amusing herself by flipping through his preset stations.

Bella couldn't have been too mad as she took his hand automatically when they got out of the car. "What are we..." she started to ask, but then she spotted a sign with a list of classes on it and her eyes went wide. "No way."

Her step got noticeably more jaunty, and she almost started dragging him along. Edward laughed. "Good surprise then?"

She paused, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling his face down for a kiss. It was no quick peck, but a full on public display of affection that might have scandalized an older couple who passed them.

When they had to breathe again, she looked up at him, scrunching her nose up in concentration. "Just so you know, you're not getting laid tonight."

For a moment, he blinked, thinking he must have heard her wrong. Then he laughed so hard his stomach hurt.

"Not kidding," she warned, but she laughed a little too.

He stood up straight, cupping her cheek and kissing her chastely. "I'm not doing this to get you into bed, Bella. You're worth the wait."

She sighed, melting against him and tilting her head up for another kiss. "You'll be the death of me, Edward Masen. I swear you will."

~0~

"Soo..." Jasper started the minute Edward walked in the dressing room on Monday afternoon.

Edward sighed and waited.

"You're not out of the closet, yet."

The blond haired man's voice was more teasing than anything, which settled Edward's nerves. "Alec is literally the only person in my life who doesn't know I act. I really don't think he'll understand," he said quietly.

Jasper nodded. "I get that." He looked around and took a step closer, leaning in and dropping his tone. "Edward, is Alec from... you know, your old life?"

Edward sucked in a sharp breath. "What do you know about that?"

The other man rolled his eyes. "Come on. Let's get serious here. What the Cullens know, I know." When Edward didn't answer he tilted his head, his eyes hard and serious. "Edward, I've known for years. I've never treated you any differently, right?"

Reluctantly, Edward nodded his head, swallowing hard. "Yeah, Alec is from that part of my life. He'd never fuck with any of you though, if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm not worried," Jasper said quickly. "I trust you, and if you trust him, I trust him. I was just putting it all together, that's all. You've never struck me as the kind of guy who would be ashamed of this," he gestured around them.

"I'm not," Edward said firmly. Why he found it so easy to talk to Jasper, he didn't know. Something about the man was welcoming.

Or maybe it was that Edward hadn't ever talked about any of this to anyone before. "I have a lot of... I don't know, energy, I guess. Emotion that I didn't know what to do with. I used to watch you guys - how you would all totally disappear into these totally different characters. And I thought it was such a brilliant idea. How do I get relief from being me for just a few hours a day?"

"You become someone else," Jasper answered.

"Exactly," Edward said, nodding. He shrugged. "So, I tried out and here I am." He gave a humorless laugh. "But that other world? You don't talk about emotions there. You don't spend that energy, you know..."

"Dressing up in drag and kissing boys?" Jasper suggested.

Again, Edward nodded. He chuffed. "I wouldn't know where to begin with him, so I'd just as soon avoid that conversation."

~0~

As luck would have it, Edward couldn't avoid that conversation for long.

He was, as he had been for the last week and a half, in a fantastic mood. In the scene, he was supposed to be shopping for a new (used) coat for Collins who was touched by his giving nature. The focus of the song hopped around a lot, so after Edward pulled Jasper close, singing to him, "Kiss me, it's beginning to snow," and they shared a kiss, the spotlight was off of them and onto Tyler and Mike.

"Don't look now," Jasper said into his ear, holding his embrace for a beat longer than normal. "Your friend is watching us."

Edward's head snapped toward the audience where, sure enough, Alec was sitting toward the back of the theater. From the stage, Edward could see his arms were crossed but he couldn't tell the expression on his face. "Shit," he muttered.

"He wouldn't cause a scene, right?" Jasper asked, setting them both in movement again. They were supposed to be 'inconspicuously shopping' - Esme's words - through Tyler and Mike's bit, the various chorus members, and Mike and Bella's bit.

"No, he won't do anything," Edward answered with a long suffering sigh.

"Then head in the game, Angel," Jasper whispered. "The show must go on."

"Yeah, yeah."

By the time he had to sing again, Edward was back in character. After all, he'd reasoned, he was already wearing the wig, and Alec had undoubtedly seen him kiss Jasper. The gig was up.

When rehearsal was over, Edward didn't bother heading back to the dressing room to get his things. Instead, he jumped off the stage, heading down the aisle toward Alec. Leaving a seat between them, he sat down next to his friend, pulling his wig off. "So... you followed me, I take it?" Alec didn't answer right away so Edward continued. "Why?"

"Ah, I don't know," Alec admitted, staring straight ahead. "It was a couple different things, really. I mean, when I see you, you're smiling like a jackass over nothing. And when I ask you, you say it's nothing." He finally looked over at Edward. "How long have I known you, man? I know when something's up with you. I knew something was up when you shaved all your hair off and then kept it under a hat. And then you have this guy over at your house - singing and dancing and kicking you in the balls, apparently," Alec snorted. "And then you're throwing around the dating word. Again, how long have I known you? I don't know anyone who's been on a date since... like... fucking high school."

"You go out with Heidi," Edward pointed out.

"Yeah, I take my girl out for a good time, but that's not what you said."

Edward nodded and waiting for his friend to continue.

"I don't know, it just didn't sit right with me - you not telling me what was up." Alec shrugged. "You know me..."

"Yeah, I know you," Edward said tightly. He knew Alec's innate curiosity. What it boiled down to was that his friend simply had a sense of entitlement toward all of his friends and family's secrets.

"Whatever I was expecting, it wasn't this," Alec said, idly wrapping his finger around a chord that hung at his neck.

"It's not me up there you know," Edward said after a minute. "I mean, it's just a character."

"I'm not an idiot," Alec sighed, casting a sidelong look at him. Then he laughed. "When we were in high school, Demetri - you remember, Felix's brother?" He waited for Edward to nod before he continued. "Well, Demetri was in Camelot one year. He had to grow his beard out, all scruffy too." He tilted his head, giving Edward a teasing look. "Of course, Demetri is gay..."

Edward rolled his eyes, knowing they were going to get there sooner or later. "Well, I'm not gay. My character is very, very gay, but I am not."

"Too bad about the character though. There are some truly hot looking women up there." Alec whistled. He turned to Edward, his eyes alight with curiosity. "So the wig?"

"Angel is a drag queen," Edward confessed. "And yeah, before you can ask, a bunch of my costumes include skirts."

"Holy shit," Alec chortled. "I can't picture that at all." He shook his head. "You asked for this?"

"I did a general audition - which means I wasn't after any part in particular," Edward explained. "The casting was Esme's choice." He paused, wondering how much to tell his friend. "Last season we did Footloose."

"No shit? You weren't Kevin Bacon, were you?"

Edward smirked. "No. I was the abusive asshole boyfriend."

The other man snickered again. "Teenage hoodlum. See, that fits."

Chuckling, Edward looked over at his friend. "You get this?" he asked. He shouldn't have cared what Alec thought. It was his life, and as Edward had told Jasper before, he wasn't ashamed of what he did.

Still, he could not deny the simple fact that Alec's opinion mattered.

Alec appeared to consider this. "The guy from your apartment? Is he gay?"

"No," Edward scoffed. "I wasn't lying. Boss's, sister's boyfriend."

"Oh, right." Again Alec lapsed into silence for a few seconds, watching the milling cast members on stage. After a while, he shrugged. "Whatever, man. You gotta do something to keep you out of trouble, right? "

Edward snorted. "Yeah, I guess you're right about that."

"Well," Alec concluded. "I guess this works as well as anything. Maybe you gotta run around in a dress, but everything has a downside, right?"

"Yeah, you're right about that." He spotted Bella coming from the dressing room and his lips pulled up automatically. "Course... there are some pretty definite perks too."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So there's that.
> 
> Thanks to barburella and jadedandboring for everything.
> 
> What are we thinking, eh?


	10. Here Goes

_**"Trusting desire, starting to learn** _

_**Walking through fire without a burn** _

_**Clinging - a shoulder, a leap begins  
Stinging and older, asleep on pins  
So here we go,"** _

_**~ I Should Tell You, Rent** _

* * *

"So... how many of these guys did you have to kiss?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Just the one. Are you going to get over this any time soon?"

"I'm not hating, man," Alec said with a huff. "I'm just...Look. If you were kissing guys and you were gay, I get that. That's what gay guys do, right?"

"Christ," Edward said, shaking his head. "If you'd caught me at this last season, you'd have seen me making out with her," he said, gesturing with his chin at Rosalie.

Alec whistled. "Now that is more like it. Holy crap. She belongs on a runway." He leaned in closer. "Tell me you hit that."

Edward snorted. "Boss's girlfriend, slick."

Alec continued to stare at him. "So?" he challenged after a moment. "Tell me you hit that."

"No," Edward said flatly. Indulging his friend's perversions he sighed and nodded at Tanya. "She and I had a... moment," he admitted.

"Good for you, kid," Alec congratulated, nodding approvingly. "I was beginning to worry you were joining the priesthood."

"You know, you are way too concerned with my sex life," Edward groused. "Is it that you can't get over me kissing boys -"

"In a dress," his friend added.

"- or are you jealous?" Edward challenged, eyeing his friend.

Alec scowled and pushed Edward's shoulder. "Shut up, ass."

Edward was too distracted to take the bait. Across the auditorium, Bella, who had been talking to Mike, looked in his direction. She smiled, tilting her head, obviously curious about who he was talking to.

The sudden tightness in his throat made it difficult to breathe.

He didn't like this - the idea of his two worlds colliding. His and Bella's relationship was so new, so very tentative, and he suddenly wondered if he was being dishonest by not being upfront with her about his past.

Edward had to admit he'd had a chance. They'd spoken about the past, and Edward had carefully edited around the years he spent robbing and cheating. He wasn't that guy anymore - but he had been.

Would she run from him? Would she understand at all?

"Hey, fucker. What's up?" Alec said, elbowing him in the side. "You look green... worse than when that dude kicked you in the balls."

"He didn't kick me," Edward muttered under his breath. "We were dancing and we fell because I was in high fucking heels."

"Fuck," the other man muttered. "Anyway, what the fuck is wrong with you? All of a sudden you're all irritated."

Edward tried to look away, but Alec followed his gaze across the auditorium. He tilted his head, his lips pursed in that way that made Edward extremely uncomfortable. It was his scheming face, like he'd just found a mark. "Is that the, uh... date?"

"Leave it alone, Alec," Edward warned.

"What? Jesus, you're fucking touchy. I'm not doing anything," his friend protested.

"Well, don't. Just..." He shook his head. "She's not..." He blew out a breath, not even knowing why he was so nervous. Bella was heading toward him now, her expression a little guarded. Edward had no doubt she'd seen the look on his face. One of the things he loved about her was how perceptive she was, reading secrets on his face he thought he'd tucked away carefully.

"Alec," he said lowly. "I like her. Please be..."

His friend looked down. "Less me? Less... darkside?" he suggested, his voice less animated than it had been before.

Edward grimaced, knowing that his words had been less than graceful. After everything he'd done, Alec didn't deserve his derision. Before he could apologize, Bella got to them and Edward smiled. He couldn't help it.

"Hey, are we still on for tonight?" she asked softly.

"Of course," he assured, reaching out and clasping her hand. He cleared his throat. "Bella, this is Alec Scarpinato, he -"

"I'm an old, err, construction buddy of Edward's," Alec butted in smoothly. "Before he landed this sweet gig here, that is." He shook her hand, smiling with his most charming grin.

Bella smiled back, looking between him and Edward. "Bella Swan," she introduced herself.

With a wicked look on his face, Alec looked back winking at Edward before he turned back to Bella. "It's nice to meet you. I've been wondering why Edward's been all spaced out recently. It's a nice change."

"Alec," Edward groaned, but he knew it could have been a lot worse.

"No, no," Bella said, amused by Edward's obvious discomfort. "Tell me more."

"Like this." Alec sighed, tilting his head up and staring off into space with a dreamy expression.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Edward asked, but he was smiling because Bella was laughing.

"Pffft. See that, he wants to get rid of me already. So much for bros before... well, you know," Alec said, getting to his feet. "I'll leave you to your plans."

Edward watched his friend carefully, sitting back in his seat to let him by.

"You can... Edward, if you haven't seen your friend in a while, we can do something later," Bella said, her eyes darting back and forth between them as if she sensed the tension in the air.

"Don't even worry about it sweetheart." Alec grinned at her again. "I've got a girl of my own who sent me out for... something." He grimaced, looking back at Edward. "Shit, I better remember what it is before I get back or I might be in need of your couch again."

Hearing the threat - that he might just stop in uninvited - Edward scowled darkly at his friend. He was being oddly possessive. Almost jealous.

Alec cackled, his grin turning into a smirk as he waved. "Later, Edward."

Edward let out a long, slow breath as Alec walked away. After a moment, Bella slid into the seat next to him. "What was that about?" she asked quietly.

His smile as he reached for her hand was genuine. She looked around furtively, but allowed him to wind their fingers together. "Alec is just... Alec. He can be a little much to deal with." He ran the back of his knuckles over her cheek tenderly. "I was afraid he would scare you."

She scoffed. "You're much more frightening than that guy, trust me." She looked at him, smiling as she raised a tentative hand, tracing the pad of her thumb over his chin. "How bad can your friends possibly be?"

Edward just shook his head, choosing not to answer that for the moment.

"It's a little weird," Bella said suddenly, breaking the silence that had fallen between them. "I mean, now that I think back on it - it's silly. I just didn't realize you had friends outside of this," she said softly, gesturing around them.

"I really don't," Edward admitted.

"Why is that?" she asked, looking curious.

Somehow, Edward resisted the urge to squirm in his seat. "After my parents died..." He took a deep breath, both not liking this topic of discussion and not wanting to tell her everything. "Well, hell. My friends were all teenagers, like me. If I didn't know how to deal with what happened to my parents, how could they?"

Bella said nothing, only squeezing his hand tightly in hers, a pained look on her face.

"I was always pissed off, and I didn't want to be around people," he continued. "I don't know. It all feels like a different life. I'm not the person my parents knew," his confession was soft, his voice tinged with the ache of shame. His parents would not have been proud of who he became.

"Edward..." Bella started but he just shook his head.

"Anyway. I was... not okay for quite a few years. It's only been more recently that I've started to put my life together." He smiled gently. "That I've felt like I could be someone's friend or... more." As he spoke he rubbed his thumb at the inside of her wrist, looking at her intently so she would understand. He was trying so hard to believe he was worthy of her, of a life he thought he'd lost the day his parents died.

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

"I'm here, right?" Edward asked, smiling down at her. "I'm happy. Believe me, things could be worse."

Bella looked at him, a remarkably serious expression on her face. She lifted her free hand, oh so gently putting her fingers to the scar his hair normally hid. "It could have been a lot worse," she agreed.

~0~

It had occurred to Edward, over the course of dinner, that while Bella had mentioned her friend and roommate Angela, he had never seen her. He'd pestered Bella, accusing her of being ashamed of him. He was teasing, of course, but it worked. It gained him access to her dorm room.

Above everything else, Edward was curious about all things Bella. He wanted to know more about her friends, but he was glad when it turned out Angela wasn't home yet.

"We'll just have to think of ways to entertain ourselves while we wait," Edward said after he'd thoroughly explored the squat bookshelf at the end of her bed and rifled through the chaotic mess that was her desk.

"I probably should kick you out. Do you know how many term papers I have due?" Bella's voice was only half hearted as she sat on the bed, watching him tear apart her room with his eyes.

Grinning impishly, Edward laid down on the bed behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist and dragging her hard against him. Bella squealed and laughed, turning in his arms so they were face to face on the narrow bed.

"Is one of your classes anatomy?" he asked, his voice a low rumble as he manuevered her mostly under him. He leaned on one arm so their bodies were touching but he wasn't putting any weight on her. "I'm good at anatomy."

Bella was sufficiently breathless enough that she didn't answer right away, and Edward took the moment to capture her lips. He was very careful to keep relatively still, keeping to her rules and not pushing her boundaries. But then she moaned into his mouth, her hands gripping his shirt, pulling him closer, not pushing him away.

He rolled again, onto his side, keeping her cradled to him. Needing to breathe, he pulled back slightly, smiling because she was so lovely when her cheeks were piqued and her lips parted.

"I like this," he murmured, nuzzling her neck with the tip of his nose. "Feels like I'm filling in something I missed."

"You missed making out on a bed so narrow, we'll both fall out of it if we get too...you know, enthusiastic?" She blushed. Hard.

Edward smirked. "Enthusiastic?" He pushed her over again, keeping his arms firm around her so he was holding her half off the bed. She squeaked and clung to his neck. "You're going to have to tell me when I'm getting too enthusiastic." He kissed the side of her head, taking an earlobe carefully between his teeth.

"Edward!" It was half exclamation, half moan as she hung on for dear life.

Chuckling, he righted them, pressing his back against the wall and pulling her to safety. "I don't mind the narrow bed," he said teasingly.

"Right now, neither do I," she admitted, pulling his face back down to her.

When they'd kissed themselves into a lazy stupor, Bella rested her head against his chest, her arm tucked up around him. With his fingers running idly through her hair, Edward reflected that he was happier than he could ever remember being.

"Oh, I keep forgetting. Jasper wanted to know if we wanted to go out for dinner soon. You and me, him and Alice." It sounded so wholesome - double dating with friends.

Bella groaned slightly. "Alice. I've been dodging her questions," she muttered.

She pulled back, settling her head in the crook of his arm so she could look at him better. Edward's eyebrows furrowed when he realized her expression was pensive. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," she sighed. "I just think I need to know we're on the same page."

"Uh oh." Edward's voice was light, but his heart began to pound erratically. That feeling, like he was going to lose everything all over again, tugged at the edge of his consciousness.

She blew out a breath. "I feel very... young and stupid around you sometimes," she admitted.

"Bella..."

"I know," she interrupted him. "It's how I feel. It's hard to explain, because I know you're just a few years older than me, but I feel like... there's more in those years than I can keep up with." She chuffed, rolling out of his arms and sitting up on the bed. "I'm not an idiot. I know... it's not difficult for you to get sex, which is the one thing I'm denying you."

"Bella," he said more firmly, sitting up beside her. "What are you trying to say? I've told you before, you're worth the wait."

She eyed him skeptically. "Just because you'll wait to have sex with me, doesn't mean you're not getting it elsewhere," she said finally, looking down at her feet.

For a moment, Edward stared forward, not even sure if he heard right. He stood, resting his hands on her shoulders and waiting until she looked up at him. "You do realize that this," he gestured between them, "is an exclusive thing for me, right?"

"We just hadn't really talked about it, is all," she explained. "I don't want to be going around with Alice and Jasper like we're a couple if we aren't."

Edward pursed his lips. "I have the weirdest feeling...like I should be giving you my class ring or my letterman's jacket." He cocked his head, suddenly thoughtful. "Actually, I think I may still have my letterman's jacket from high school..."

Her eyebrows shot up. "You have a letterman's jacket?" she asked, a little incredulous.

"Oh, yes. Not for anything manly, of course. It was for band," he admitted a little sheepishly.

"You play an instrument?" If it was possible, her eyebrows arced even higher.

"I did," he said wistfully. "Once upon a time. The clarinet."

Edward could tell she tried not to, but Bella couldn't seem to help herself. She raised a hand to her mouth, trying to hide her giggle, but he heard it anyway. Seeing she was caught, Bella let out a full blow laugh. "You were a band geek."

Growling, he pounced at her, again tackling her to the bed. "I'm not a geek."

"Did you wear glasses? Thick ones?" she continued to tease him even as he held himself over her. "And braces. You probably had braces."

"Of course I had braces. Why do you think my teeth are so straight?"

Bella was practically shrieking with laughter then. "You were a geek!"

"I'll show you geek," he grumbled, leaning down to swallow her giggles. She still tittered as he kissed her, so Edward released her lips, seeking sensitive spots along her neck. He nipped her lightly, turning her laughter into a gasp. She tried to wind her hands behind his neck, but he caught her wrists, pinning them above her head as he put his full weight on her.

"Oh, Edward," she moaned when he unbuttoned the first button of her shirt, pushing the fabric away so his lips had better access to her shoulders.

"I don't want to share you," he growled against her collarbone, pressing a wet kiss there. "I don't want you to do this with anyone else. Is that clear enough for you?" He didn't wait for her to answer, kissing back up to her neck. "And I promise, you share me with no one."

Bella whimpered, trying to tug her hands from his grasp. He let her go and instantly, her hands were all over his back, pressing him closer.

"Promise me," Edward demanded, suddenly needy. "You don't kiss anyone else."

"No one," she promised breathlessly. "Except..."

Startled, Edward drew back. "Except?"

She smirked at him. "Mike."

He blinked at her, not quite sure whether he wanted to laugh out loud or be furious because he did not want to think about the fact that Mike got to kiss her. He settled for muffling his laughter against her shoulder as he nipped her skin, making her yelp. "You are a wicked woman," he accused.

She only smiled sweetly at him, and kissed his lips, cupping his face in her hands.

~0~

Dinner with Jasper and Alice went surprisingly well.

The few days leading up to it, Edward felt bizarrely like he was straddling two different worlds. On the one hand, he was still the same man who'd spent years among the dredges of Seattle. He knew thieves and drug addicts. He'd known a life where going out on Friday night meant parties with copious quantities of alcohol, fast women, and probably a fist fight before morning.

Yet, the last few years he'd lived, as he told Alec, on the straight and narrow. He did his work well - Emmett had never had cause to complain. He was passionate about the characters he played on the stage. He tried to be the man he thought his might make his parents proud...or at least not make them ashamed. And now he was dating - a wonderful, innocent, good woman. He was double dating with friends.

He'd turned the word friends over and over in his head, surprised that it fit.

It hadn't fit for anyone besides Alec in so long, and even then, their friendship came with certain boundaries. There was so much he couldn't say - could never really explain.

Hanging out with Jasper and Alice at the blond man's house, Edward felt relaxed - comfortable. It was like Bella's birthday, but even better because she would hold his hand or kiss him occasionally. He felt at home. Conversation flowed easily. and they all seemed to be having a good time.

"Oh, oh. Mom finally let slip what next season's show is gonna be," Alice said excitedly, setting down her wine glass so hard she almost toppled it.

"She's usually so good at keeping that under wraps until the last minute," Edward observed.

"Ah, no secret is a match for my Ali," Jasper said, wrapping his arm around Alice's shoulders. "Even Esme is putty in her very capable hands."

"It's Wicked. We're going to do Wicked! Can you imagine?" Alice was as gleeful as a kid in a toy store. "Those gorgeous costumes." She sighed dreamily. "So much better than the bohemian stuff we have you all in with this production."

"Wicked. Wow," Bella breathed. Edward turned in time to see a little of Alice's dreaminess flicker across Bella's face.

When they'd finally called it a night and Edward and Bella were walking to his car hand in hand, he asked her about it.

"It's silly," she said shyly, but her expression was far off.

"I'm sure it's not silly," he argued, taking her hand over the console.

"Have you ever seen Wicked?" When he shook his head, she gave a little sigh. "I saw it years ago, when I was just a little girl. My mother took me to New York City and we actually saw it on Broadway.

"The climax of the first act is a song called  _Defying_ _Gravity_ , and at the end of the song, Elphaba - that's the main character - is lifted up to the very top of the theater." She shivered. "It was one of the most powerful moments I've ever witnessed. Her voice filled every inch of that theater." She laughed lightly. "I started crying just hearing her."

To Edward's amazement, Bella looked a little glassy-eyed even then, just remembering.

Bella sighed wistfully. "It wouldn't be the same in our little theater, but I've dreamed of that... Singing that song and listening to my voice fill up a huge auditorium." She shivered again. "I can't even imagine the rush..."

"That's not silly at all," Edward said softly, squeezing her hand. "I bet you would sound amazing."

"I'm no Idina Menzel," Bella said simply, her voice rueful. "But it would be nice."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh, what it would have been like to see Idina sing that part. She's so amazing.
> 
> Thanks to barburella, jfka06 and my lovely, lovely jadedandboring who surprised me by betaing this cuz she was supposed to be out enjoying her Saturday. *glares*


	11. Let's Always Stay Friends

**YouTube: Defying Gravity. The one you want is labeled: Wicked - Idina Menzel & Kristin Chenoweth "Defying Gravity" Uploaded by WickedGaGaFan - It's very important you get the right one. Heh.**

* * *

_**"Though we may have our disputes  
This family tree's got deep roots.  
Friendship is deeper than blood  
That depends  
Depends on trust  
Depends on true devotion  
Depends on love  
Depends on not denying emotion!"** _

_**~Happy New Year B, Rent** _

* * *

After a couple of weeks, two thoughts weighed on Edward.

The first revolved around Alec, who usually dropped by or texted every few days. Edward hadn't heard from him since the awkward scene at the theater. Edward wondered if his anxiety over introducing Alec to Bella had insulted his friend, or if the older man was actually more uncomfortable with the whole cross-dressing thing than he let on.

When an electrical problem shut down work on the site, Emmett and his crew were working, Edward decided to use his sudden free time to track Alec down. Among other things, he needed his friend to get his mind off the other nagging thought he couldn't get out of his head .

As Edward approached Alec's neighborhood, his wariness grew. It wasn't that the other man lived in the slums, though the area was definitely not considered a nice part of town. Having lived in the area for years, Edward was very familiar with Alec's neighborhood. His nervousness stemmed from the fact it was highly likely he would run into someone from his old life, and he was fairly certain that not all of them would be as easy going as Alec.

There wasn't much honor between thieves, and a lot of his old friends wouldn't take kindly to someone who'd gone respectable, so to speak, lurking around the neighborhood.

Edward got a few curious glances but made it up to Alec's third story apartment without incident. Just as he was starting to relax, the door opened, he and found himself face to face with a man a good head taller and quite a bit broader than himself.

"Felix," Edward greeted, hoping his face betrayed none of his displeasure.

"Well, well." Felix smirked and leaned on the door jamb. "I never thought I'd see your face here with us lowlifes."

Edward didn't acknowledge that. "Is Alec here?" He tried to look around Felix but the man stood at his full height, quite effectively filling the doorway.

"What are you doing here anyway? Just seeing some of the things in this apartment may violate your parole."

"I'm not on parole," Edward said, getting irritated.

"Felix, for fuck's sake. Just let him in," Alec called from somewhere back in the house. "Jesus Christ. It's just Edward."

The bulking man frowned but stepped aside. "It's your fucking neck. Remember when Eleazar came back here? He was wearing a wire and Marcus got put away for seven years."

Alec snorted. "You're so fucking paranoid. We aren't that important. Marcus and the brothers are big league. You and I? We're not. So as long as Edward hasn't joined the cops, we're golden." Alec finally looked up at Edward, raising an eyebrow. "Are you a cop?"

Edward just rolled his eyes in response.

"Well, what do you want?" Alec asked.

"I want to know why you're being a bitch," Edward said bluntly, folding his arms and looking down at his friend. "Where the hell have you been lately?"

"That's what you wanted, isn't it?" Alec's tone was bitter. "Heaven forbid I taint the blessed visage of Saint Edward."

Edward couldn't help but snicker. "Visage? That's an SAT word, Alec."

"Bitch! I'm not an idiot," Alec said, scowling momentarily. When he smiled and rolled his eyes, Edward knew he was going to get over it. "I got it from 'Chasing Amy.'" He glared when Felix chortled. "Heidi made me watch it. Dude, seriously. Hot lesbians making out and talking about fucking? Totally worth it."

"You're all class," Edward remarked dryly.

"I've got places to be," Felix said after a moment. "Alec - the thing we talked about?"

Alec waved him off quickly. "Yeah, yeah. I'll have what we need. I got it."

Felix nodded. His eyes flicked briefly over to Edward, and he gave a curt nod. "Masen."

Edward tilted his head in acknowledgment but otherwise said nothing. He kept quiet until he heard the large man's steps on the creaking staircase near Alec's window. Letting out a quiet sigh of relief, he sat on the opposite end of the table from his friend.

"You're doing a job with Felix," Edward said softly, not asking.

Alec's eyes narrowed as he looked up. "What's it to you? You don't want to know these things, remember?"

Edward held his hands up. "Forget I asked." He looked around. "Where's Heidi?"

"Work," Alec grunted.

"Right, of course."

"Speaking of which, shouldn't you be at work? This is the time when all you respectable types got their nose to the grindstone...or up some asshole's butt. Whatever."

"Not all bosses are assholes." Edward shifted in his chair, wondering why he always felt the need to justify his life to his friend. "Anyway, I have the day off."

That got Alec's attention. "Free time? During the week? Jesus, what are you gonna do with yourself?" He looked around, as if someone were listening, and then leaned across the table. "Ya know, Aro's always on the look out for pretty boy whores. You could make a quick buck in your skirt. It'd be like holding down three jobs at once."

Smirking, Edward kicked Alec under the table. "Shut up."

"What?" Alec asked innocently, but he was snickering. "You could just call it acting." He sobered somewhat. "So what to do, what to do. And what's happening with your girl? Why are you over here with me instead of wherever she is?"

"She's in school." A small smile playing at his lips as it did whenever he thought of Bella.

"That sounds so weird. Like you're dating a high school chick or something," Alec muttered.

Edward tapped the table restlessly, trying to talk himself out of what he was going to say next. It didn't work. He found himself telling Alec about Jacob and admitting that he knew the Wolves held rehearsal earlier in the day.

"You want to know what this fucker looks like," Alec surmised, nodding knowingly. "Well, shit. Let's get on this. I got nothing better to do."

At that, Edward had to grin. He'd debated talking about his irrational need to know more about Jacob with Jasper. He just didn't know that the blond man would understand. He was a laid back kind of guy, and it didn't seem like he would approve of the low-level stalking Edward and Alec were about to engage in.

_**~0~** _

They got in easy enough. Like the theater the Cullen's occupied, the Wolves' Playhouse was unlocked during rehearsal. Nearing showtime, everyone was on stage or rushing around, so no one noticed the two men stealthily sliding into seats toward the back of the auditorium.

The problem occurred after Alec figured out what was going on in the "West Side Story" storyline. He wouldn't stop snickering. The idea of tough guys rival gangs dancing and snapping at each other was hilarious to him.

"Would you shut up?" Edward hissed. He hunkered down lower in his seat, not particularly wanting to be caught.

Imitating Edward's position with a chuckle, Alec crossed his arms. "Which one of these tools was your girl's guy?"

"I'm my girl's guy," Edward said irritably.

"You know what I mean."

Edward shrugged. "I don't think he's on stage yet. I'll know him when I see him."

"Oh, really?" Alec wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"He's the main character. Tony," Edward explained.

"Things that mean nothing to me for $500, Alex."

"You're an uncultured swine, you know that?" Edward shook his head. "I'll show you. Just wait."

"That's him?" Alec squeaked when Edward elbowed him, pointing out the the tall man with cropped black hair playing the part of Tony.

"Shhh!"

Lowering his voice considerably, Alec leaned closer to Edward. "First of all... that's a child. And who smiles like that? Really, what the fuck?"

Edward had to bury his head in his hands to cover the sound of his chortling. When he saw one of the guys standing just offstage glance in their direction, Edward tugged on Alec's sleeve, gesturing that it was time to go.

"You got nothing to worry about," Alec continued when they were safely away from the theater and headed back to Edward's car. "You could totally take that dude, no problem. Fuck, you could take him wearing high-heeled shoes. Easy."

"I wasn't worried." He ran a hand through his hair, feeling irritated at his need to put a face to the name. "This was a stupid idea."

"Nah, I get it." Shoving his hands in his pockets as they walked, Alec gave him a knowing look. When they arrived at the car, his expression was uncharacteristically serious."You want to kill him for hurting her and thank him for letting her go." He leaned on the top of the car, looking around furtively. "You want I should break his knee caps? Make sure he never dances again? It'd ruin his career."

"What?" Edward looked around to make sure no one had heard and leaned forward. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Oh for Chrissake." Alec shook his head, getting into the car. Edward climbed into the drivers seat, looking at his friend expectantly. "Like I was really going to break the guy's kneecaps. Come on, man. I haven't changed that much since you dropped out of the game. I'm not a fucking savage. I've never hurt anyone during one of my jobs, let alone just for the hell of it. Not ever."

Edward blew out a long breath. "Sorry."

Alec just shook his head. "I thought you were over this bullshit. I'm a big boy, Edward. If you're too ashamed to be around me all of a sudden, that's something you should be man enough to tell me."

"Fuck. Alec, it's not like that." Edward threw the car into reverse, driving them away from the Wolves' Playhouse. "I don't agree with what you do - with what I did - for a living, but I'd never be ashamed to call you a friend."

"You wouldn't think so with how you've been acting." He looked over at Edward, scoffing as the younger man fumbled for some sort of explanation. "Whatever, man," he said softly. "It had to happen, I guess. You went respectable. It makes sense that you'd go all the way, right? You want the whole picture. You want the white picket fence with the wife, 2.5 kids and two cats in the yard."

Edward made a face. "I'm not a cat person," he tried to joke.

Alec smirked but didn't laugh. "So where does that leave me? You didn't want me to even talk to your girl. You think you're going to let me around your kids down the line? Just get it over with. I promise I'll survive."

"What do you take me for?" Edward asked, more than a little irritated by his friend's dramatics. "You think because I have a girlfriend, I'm suddenly an ungrateful asshole?" He shook his head. "Alec, without you, I'd be dead several times over. I'm not unaware of that, and it's not something I'm going to forget."

Edward let out a long, slow breath, looking at the road intently. "It's not you, okay? It really isn't. I just... I want to be someone Bella can be proud of." He tapped on the steering wheel nervously. "The things I did... they're not going to make anyone proud."

Alec looked at him for a moment before he burst out laughing. "Holy shit. This girl has you by the short and curlies."

Edward glared, not knowing what he'd expected. As he'd explained to Jasper, Alec was just not the kind of person he could talk like this with.

"You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't," Alec said bluntly. "Any bitch who can't accept that isn't worth it."

**_~0~_ **

At practice that evening, Edward found his thoughts were far too jumbled. They clung to him, not letting him slip out of his world and into Angel's as easily as he usually did.

"Angel, you better get yourself in the now before you step back on this stage," Esme warned when they'd run through the first couple of scenes he was in.

Edward frowned and nodded. Before he could make any sort of excuse, Jasper laced their fingers together, dragging him offstage.

"Okay. Whatever is on your mind, you tell me now," Jasper said softly, leading him to a quiet corner behind the prop table.

With a disgruntled sigh, Edward slumped against the wall, his hands over his eyes while he tried to find the right words. "You know about my past."

"Yeah."

"Well, Bella doesn't."

The words hung in the air for a few moments before Edward chanced to look up at Jasper. The blond man had his lips pursed as he processed those words. "You are serious about her, aren't you? I mean, this isn't just one of the fifty billion little flings that happens around here."

Edward held Jasper's gaze, nodding slowly. It definitely wasn't a fling. If it was, Edward would have been trying everything in his considerable arsenal to get into her pants. It wasn't that he didn't want her. Sometimes he wanted her so badly he literally felt dizzy. He just found it more important to show her he was worthy of her trust.

But there was the rub.

No part of Edward could understand how Jacob could hurt Bella the way he had. It made him furious that anyone could betray Bella's trust. But in not telling her about his past - everything about his past - he was, in essence, doing the same thing. And while it was true that he didn't ever want to go back to the person he'd been, she deserved to know what he was capable of.

Jasper ran a hand through his hair, scratching his head restlessly. "Ah, hell," he muttered under his breath. "Typically speaking, I'm a live and let live kind of guy. I don't get involved with the on again off again couplings around here. Every season brings on a different wave, and people who couldn't stand each other last time can't keep their hands off each other this time." He waved his hand.

"But I get it, man. You? You have a serious issue. None of this bullshit like Jessica breaking it off with Mike because he got the wrong birthstone in that necklace he gave her last year." He rolled his eyes.

"Really?" Edward asked, amused in spite of himself.

"I shit you not." Jasper gave a snort of derision. "I love Jess plenty, but diva is an understatement."

They both calmed, and Jasper spoke again. "I can't speak for anyone else, Edward. I know you work your ass off for Emmett, and you work hard here on the stage." He tilted his head, giving Edward a significant look. "And I know from Esme and Carlisle that you don't have to work at all. Your parents left you quite a bit of money, didn't they?"

Edward's eyebrows furrowed. "Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

Jasper paused again as if considering his words. "I'm not going to pretend to guess at your reasons for living life the way you have, either now or in the past. What I will say is that it's a damn fool who doesn't understand that people change. You? You're not a criminal. I'd stake my own reputation to testify to that if I was asked to."

Edward was taken aback. Everything in Jasper's tone and expression said that he believed what he was saying. Edward's heart began to hammer fast against his chest, an odd sort of happiness sparking at his core.

It sounded a lot like Jasper was proud of him.

"If I were you," Jasper continued, oblivious to the fact Edward was having a moment. "I would tell Bella as soon as possible. If you feel at all for her like I feel about Alice, you gotta build your relationship on trust from the get go."

He clapped Edward on the back. "I'll admit I don't know Bella very well, but she seems like an amazing girl."

"She is," Edward said fervently.

"Then she'll understand. We all have shit in our past we'd rather forget. The people that are worth it are the people who learned from their mistakes. I think you have."

Edward nodded, taking in the blond man's words. It didn't alleviate his worries entirely, but it made the burden easier to bear. He was slowly learning that having people to talk to about these things could make life all the more tolerable.

Though Alec had essentially given him the same advice, it was different with Jasper. Edward didn't really believe that Alec took his feelings for Bella seriously; Alec rarely took his feelings for Heidi seriously. On the other hand, Jasper was completely unashamed about showing his absolute adoration for Alice. He was as desperately in love with the woman as Edward thought he might be with Bella. Even if Jasper couldn't relate to the situation, he could relate to the emotion - the fear that he didn't deserve the woman he loved.

"Collins! You're up. Angel, get ready for your big entrance," Esme called.

Again, Jasper twined their fingers, giving his hand a squeeze, slipping back in character. "Ready, sweetheart."

Edward gave a short laugh, feeling a lot lighter than he had just a few minutes before. He took a deep breath, letting Edward Masen cool his jets while he put on Angel's smile. "After you, lover."

**_~0~_ **

Bella and Angela's dorm room was a mess of open books and scattered CDs. Both the girls were hard at work, trying to get a jump on term papers and projects. Bella knew she would be busy with the production - the first performance was in a week - and Angela was just that much of a nerd.

It was around 11:30 when someone knocked on the door. Neither were surprised. It was fairly rare for students to have their doors closed, so some of the other residents on their floor took that as an open invitation to pester the two studious girls, trying to get them to join in on whatever shenanigans were on that night.

"You're closer," Bella called over her shoulder.

Angela grumbled but climbed to her feet, ambling over to the door. "Oh! Hey, Edward. What are you doing here?"

Bella's head snapped up. Sure enough, Edward stood in the doorway giving Angela his most disarming grin. His eyes lifted, finding Bella easily. "I came to kidnap your roommate, actually."

Automatically, warmth pooled at the center of Bella's chest, making her want to smile back at him. Part of her was so pleased to see him.

The other part was somewhat mortified. Her hair had to be a wreck given how many times she'd put it up and pulled it back down. Currently it was piled on her head in a haphazard mess that only partially resembled a bun, held together with a pencil. She was wearing pajama pants and a sweatshirt that was way too big for her. "What do you mean kidnap me? Edward, I have a lot of work to do."

She tried to look stern, but as he stepped by Angela, his expression was pleading. "You absolutely cannot say no to me right now," he said softly, his voice more of an entreaty than a command.

"It's almost midnight! Where would we be going at almost midnight?" she demanded.

"I know a few places," Angela said under her breath. Bella glared at her roommate. It was a topic of debate between the two friends that Bella still wouldn't consider sex with Edward.

Edward raised an eyebrow but didn't otherwise comment. "It's a surprise." He extended a hand, waiting expectantly. When Bella didn't move he looked down, only to look up at her from underneath his long, pretty eyelashes. "Bella, please?"

If he kept that up, she wouldn't be able to go because she was on the verge of losing all her bone mass. "Fine," she grumbled. She stood and rather than take his hand, she began pushing him out the door. "Only get out of here a second. I need to change."

"You're lovely," he argued.

"Out!"

The minute she'd managed to shut the door in his face, Bella raced around, trying to look halfway decent. She changed quickly, ignoring Angela's quiet snickers.

"You're in love with that guy, you know."

Bella stopped short for a moment, feeling like all the breath had been knocked out of her. She sighed and continued to pull on a clean shirt. "Yeah... I know," she admitted softly.

Of course she was falling in love with him. She'd been fighting her attraction from the moment they'd met, and what they had went so far beyond physical. It was amazing and exhilarating, but also very frightening. What she had with Edward was so much more than what she'd shared with Jacob. Bella didn't like being out of control of her emotions. What she felt toward Edward sometimes seemed like it would consume her whole.

It was a lot of trust to put in another person. More trust and more of herself than Jacob had ever had.

Bella shook off the fear, as annoyed by it as she was of her overwhelming giddiness when Edward was around. She wasn't going to be afraid of this - whatever it was.

**_~0~_ **

"The Paramount?" Bella asked as they pulled into a parking spot behind one of Seattle's largest performing centers. "I don't understand. There are no shows on at midnight."

Edward reached for her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her protectively against him. The people milling around seemed harmless, but Bella was glad of his occasionally overprotective nature, especially in the middle of the night.

"Shhh. Just trust me."

He led her around to a side door, knocking on it at a particular rhythm. The door opened, and a young, handsome, olive-skinned man stood there. "Edward Masen?"

"The same," Edward verified.

"I'm Benjamin," the young man introduced, shaking first Edward's hand and then Bella's. "Everything is set up like you asked," he said as he stepped aside to let Edward and Bella in. "I'll be in my office when you're done." He smiled at them, winking at Bella before he disappeared down a hallway.

"Edward, what is going on?" Bella asked.

"You'll see," he said, grinning at her lopsidedly.

It took Bella a moment to realize he was leading her backstage. She stopped short, tugging his hand. "We can't do this, can we?"

"We can. Of course we can. Benjamin set it all up for us. Didn't you hear?" he teased her lightly.

"Who the hell is Benjamin?"

"He runs the business end of things here," Edward explained, tugging Bella's hand to get her moving again. "Don't worry. This is totally kosher. I promise."

"I believe you," she murmured, letting him take her through the winding passageways. The set up at the Paramount was a lot more complicated than the theater she was used to. "But that still doesn't explain what we're doing here."

Edward pursed his lips and said nothing. Finally, they were back stage. He held the heavy velvet curtain aside, gesturing for her to move forward. "Center stage, Miss Swan."

Bella blinked, completely astounded by what he was suggesting. Her heart began to pound erratically in her chest, a combination of nerves and delight bubbling through her system all at once. "Really?"

He nodded, his smile adoring as he waited. Taking a deep breath, Bella walked on stage.

The Paramount was immense. Not including the side balcony seats, it had four tiers and seated around 4,000 people comfortably. It was empty now, of course, and not entirely lit. Still, it was a rush. Bella had never dreamed she would be anywhere but the audience here.

"This is amazing," she breathed, leaning back against Edward as he stepped up behind her.

He chuckled. "That's not all." He reached around her, clipping a mic to her collar.

Bella spun, looking at him with wide eyes. "What are you..." She trailed off, jumping as her voice echoed through the huge, empty space.

Edward stepped back, heading toward the side of the stage. He pressed a button on a control she hadn't even noticed he had. The auditorium filled with familiar music.

It was the beginning notes of  _Defying_ _Gravity_ , Bella realized numbly.

"I know it's not the same," Edward called to her. "No audience. No orchestra. No lift." He grinned cheekily. "No green makeup."

"I can't do this," Bella said, not even realizing she'd spoken the words out loud until she heard them bouncing off the walls of the theater.

"This is your chance, Bella. Take it. You'll be phenomenal."

And because it was him, because she trusted him so much, Bella closed her eyes. She let herself feel the music, knowing by heart the mostly spoken conversation between Glinda and Elphaba. Finding her place, she opened her mouth and began to sing.

Slowly, as the song built, Bella's voice got steadily louder. The giddy delight that had bubbled in her since she realized the gift Edward was giving her grew as the song continued. She'd never felt as if she was made of light - pure, burning energy that her frail skin couldn't possibly contain.

When the climax of the song came, Bella felt almost as if she was outside of her body. It didn't matter that there was nothing to lift her high as Elphaba was drawn at that point in the song. Bella felt that she existed in every inch of space inside the the huge auditorium. Her eyes pricked with tears, the emotion threatening to strangle her voice, but she pushed on, bringing the song to a close.

When she'd sung the last note, she gasped, finding herself completely breathless. Her ears were ringing, and though it was only Edward who clapped and whistled for her, she heard the thunderous applause she remembered from when she'd seen the play on Broadway. Her entire body was trembling with adrenaline, and she might have fallen except Edward was suddenly there, his arms around her, holding her close.

Bella giggled maniacally, leaning against his chest. She'd never felt so high in her entire life.

"You were amazing," Edward whispered against her ear, taking the mike from her collar and tossing it away from them.

"Oh, God," Bella said between titters. "That was... and I..." She shook her head, suddenly overcome with ridiculous tears.

Instead of telling him what she felt, Bella reached up, cupping his face with her hands. She lifted herself onto her tiptoes, kissing him voraciously, all the pent up energy that vibrated under her skin coming out in her desperation. She couldn't get close enough. She wished she could meld herself to him, into his body, so he could know her mind completely - know what she was feeling in that moment because she had no words to explain it.

For his part, Edward didn't seem to be complaining. His hands went to the small of her back, pushing her ever closer as their lips moved together.

When Bella felt like she was about to pass out between the adrenaline and the lack of oxygen, she grudgingly loosened her grip on his face. "You know," she said between gasps, "if you were really desperate to get me into bed, you could have told me. This is a little over the top."

He took a step back, his hands still firm on her waist as he looked at her. "Bella, I swear. That's not what I was trying to-"

Bella laughed, smothering the space between them to kiss him again. "Shut up, Edward."

"I promise. I won't even kiss you for a... a week if you'll believe me," he growled against her lips. In spite of his words, Edward's arms wrapped around her, pulling her hard against him again.

"Shut up, Edward," she said again, her voice reedy. "You're definitely getting laid for this." The only thing keeping her from ripping his clothes off right then was the threat that Benjamin was wandering around somewhere. She pulled back, looking him right in the eye, feeling powerful from the gift he'd given her. "Take me home. Your home. Now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So like…my friends, spoil the hell out of me.
> 
> Passing along my get well wishes to my normal beta, jadedandboring. Plummy stepped in to beta for me this time. Thanks also to jfka06 and barburella.
> 
> Oh yeah – sorry for cockblocking ;)


	12. Take Me Baby, Or Leave Me

_**"Take me for what I am  
Who I was meant to be  
And if you give a damn  
Take me, baby  
Or leave me"** _

_**~Take Me or Leave Me, Rent** _

* * *

They weren't going to make it back to his apartment - that was becoming increasingly apparent. Bella was molded to his side, walking awkwardly because she wouldn't stop kissing him. Even if he wanted to stop kissing her - and why would he want that - he couldn't have. Her hands were on the back of his head, holding him firmly to her lips even as they stumbled in the vague direction of the exit.

Edward was relieved when they got to the point where curtain was replaced with something more solid. His hands on her hips, he pushed Bella back against the nearest wall offstage. It felt better when he could press the length of his body against hers. The need her words had sparked in him -  _Take me home. Your home. Now._  - was so utterly insatiable, he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. Popular wisdom led one to believe that in a moment of incredible lust, all thought was completely obliterated. Edward knew now that notion was entirely false. Rather, his brain was inundated. There were so many ways he wanted to touch her, so many things he wanted to do. He supposed the theory might have originated because his mind was so overwhelmed with possibilities, he was downright flustered.

Something nagged at the back of his thoughts as he drew his hand down her leg, hooking his fingers around the back of her knee. It tried to catch his attention as he hitched her leg up around his waist.

Jesus, she felt so incredible, and the moan that vibrated against his lips as he moved against her made him feel like he was about to lose his mind.

This idea had worked better than he'd planned.

Wait. His plan.

This had not been his intention.

It took all of his considerable control to break their kiss. "Bella..."

"Hmm?" she answered, her lips going to the underside of his jaw.

Edward's eyes threatened to roll back in his head. His fingers squeezed the underside of her leg where he held her firm to him. "We gotta... stop," he choked out, tilting his head back to accommodate her kisses. "I have to... tell you... something."

Bella pulled back to look at him, her eyes hooded and glassy. She seemed confused.

With a deep sigh of regret, Edward rested his forehead on hers, closing his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. She was similarly breathing raggedly, the feel of her chest rising and falling beneath thing making it all the more difficult to consider doing what he had to do. Slowly, Edward set her leg down and took one step back, keeping his hands at her waist. Finally, he opened his eyes again, finding her look held a lot more trepidation than it had moments before.

Adoringly, he stroked the back of his knuckles down her cheek, hoping like hell that his fear wasn't displayed as plainly on his face as he felt it was. He was so afraid she wouldn't want him. He leaned in, kissing her forehead and the bridge of her nose chastely as he reached back, drawing her hands from around his neck down to twist with his between them. "If we don't stop, we're going to give Benjamin and the security around here quite a show. There are cameras everywhere," he teased, putting on what he hoped was a light smile.

Even in the dim light he could see Bella was blushing.

Reluctantly, Edward made his tone more serious. "But we do need to talk before we... Before we do that."

Bella's lips were pressed into a straight line as she stared at him wearily. He could almost see her putting together pieces in her head. "How worried should I be right now?" she asked finally. "If you did this to butter me up to tell me something..."

At that Edward couldn't help but grimace. He just shook his head lightly, tugging on her hand. "I was planning this anyway, before I decided to tell you..." He ran his hands through where his hair used to be restlessly. "Or maybe that doesn't help my case any."

"Edward," Bella groaned.

He laughed nervously. "I'm sorry. I just don't know how to say this."

She studied him carefully for a moment before looking down at their joined hands. "Take me home. Your home," she told him for the second time that night. He hated that the passion in her tone just minutes before was now totally missing. He hated even more that she sounded scared.

Sighing again, he held her hand, leading her out of the Paramount quietly.

**~0~**

The ride home was filled with an uncomfortable silence. The only thing that kept Edward from going right out of his skin entirely was the fact Bella held his hand over the console as they drove.

How many times had he rehearsed what he was going to say? In the end, words seemed to abandon him. Bella sat next to him, keeping a couple of feet of space between them on the couch. Edward found he couldn't look her in the eye.

"I, um... When my parents died, I was in a bad place, a really bad place," he began, staring down at his hands. "I missed their funeral because I was in a coma." He scoffed, the old, too-familiar pull of frustration making his fingers curl into fists. "It was all so stupid, the way they died. And I was so fucking angry.

"I started to..." Shit. This was so hard. "I don't know. The guy who killed my parents, who would have killed me... he was hardly older than I was. I was so fucked up angry, I hated the fact that he was already in jail so I couldn't track him down and..." He let his story trail off, because he didn't know what he would have done now any more than he had then.

He took a deep breath. "To this day, I have no idea what made me to do it. I guess I was just obsessing over the fact that guy could get into our house, take our things. I would take these long walks around the neighborhood I was living in with my foster family, and I started looking at all the houses. I started to notice the places that had dogs, the places that had easy to get in fences."

Beside him, Bella took a sharp breath. He waited, but she said nothing.

"I had no good reason - none. I wasn't hungry. I had a roof over my head." He swallowed hard. "I really have no excuse. I just started breaking into people's homes, like ours had been broken into, and taking random things."

"Like what?"

Edward jumped, startled to hear Bella's voice after such a long silence. He exhaled slowly. "Um... I don't know. Whatever caught my eye, I guess. I took a poster once, right off a kid's wall."

"But why... I don't understand," she pressed. "You had to have been thinking  _something_."

"I don't know what to tell you," he admitted. "I was in a lot of pain. I'd have done anything not to feel what I was feeling. Some people fall into drugs; I fell into crime." His voice was soft, filled with shame. "The adrenaline... the power... I wish there was some nobility to what I did. I wish I could say I targeted bad people and stole from them. The truth is, they were all faceless to me. I chose homes that were challenging, like I thought I was outsmarting someone, I guess." He chuffed. "I made sure I didn't look at the photographs on their walls. I didn't want to acknowledge they were real people."

"Is that all you did?" she asked when he didn't continue right away.

Wishing he could sink right into the floor at that moment, Edward shook his head. "Eventually, I met some people..." He was editing. He'd met Alec when he was seconds away from getting caught by a pair of policemen after a robbery gone wrong. If not for Alec, who grabbed him by the arm, pulling him inside another, empty house, he would have surely done time. "They, uh... introduced me to other activities. We robbed empty stores. Small stores. And uh... two or three man cons. We ran two or three man cons," he finally spit out.

There was silence again, an awkward, heavy silence. It took all of Edward's patience not to turn to her, shake her shoulders...beg her to say something, anything.

"You lied to people's faces..." she said slowly, just processing.

Completely miserable, he nodded. "Fuck. I'm not trying to make excuses, okay? I realize there's no good excuse for what I did. But I was a fucking orphan. I had no family. These people... they were my family. It was fucked up and childish and..." He shrugged helplessly. "It was like...having big brothers around. When they were proud of me, I felt like the cool kid. And they all understood. They understood my anger. I didn't have to explain to them why I was so moody like I did to my foster parents or the kids at school. They just slapped me on the back and made jokes or handed me a beer or... you know, whatever."

Finally he looked at her, knowing his eyes were pleading. "Bella I swear... I never hurt anyone, at least.. not physically. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I didn't do jobs with the guys who took guns or knives. I didn't go anywhere near the drug dealers or anything like that."

"Stop!" Bella took a deep, shaky breath. "I know you wouldn't hurt anyone like that," she said, but her voice wasn't steady. She had doubts, though he could see she was trying to fight them. His stomach twisted sickeningly. Of course she doubted him. He'd just told her he lied to people's faces for the express purpose of cheating them out of money. "When was the last time you..."

"Over two and a half years ago."

"Why did you stop? I mean, I'm glad you did, but why?" Bella asked softly.

His lips quirked, and he wished with everything he was that he could say he came to his senses on his own. Taking a deep breath, he reached out, wrapping his fingers around her wrist loosely. When she didn't try to wrest her wrist from his grasp, he drew her hand toward him and up under his shirt. Looking her in the eye, he guided her hand to his side, pressing her fingers lightly against the scar he knew was there. Bella gasped, her eyes going wide and questioning.

Wordlessly, he slipped his shirt off so she could see. It was actually a cluster of scars. Her fingers were against the ugly, lopsided bullet wound, but there was also a roundish scar where a tube had been shoved through his side into his lungs after they'd collapsed and two smaller incisions where Carlisle had operated on him, saving his battered internal organs after hours upon hours of surgery.

"I worked a job... a con, actually. It was a group con. Three of us. We cheated a lot of rich men out of a lot of money." Edward tried to breathe evenly, though inwardly he was savoring her touch. Her fingers moved on him so gingerly - as if she were afraid the wounds still hurt. "One of the guys, his name was Santiago, he got it into his head that I'd taken more than I deserved. He pulled a gun and shot." He turned carefully, showing her the spot high up on his back where the bullet had exited his body after nicking his lungs, among other things.

Bella's hands went to her mouth, pressing down hard. Her eyes were watery as she stared at him in horror.

"Hey," Edward said gently, touching the pads of his fingers to her cheek. "I'm right here. I'm fine. Carlisle... he's an amazing surgeon. He fixed me up. I mean, I don't have a spleen, but who needs that, right?"

Bella said nothing, but she seemed to calm slightly. Edward continued. "When I woke up, Carlisle was there. The same doctor who worked on my head when I was a teenager." Edward huffed lightly, running his hands along the scar at his head. "I could tell he was disappointed in me, and I was angry at first. I was so ready to be out of there so I could go after Santiago, and I told him that, too. I don't know... I guess I figured I might as well go for broke if he already thought the worst of me.

"But then he reminded me that my whole life is on borrowed time. I was supposed to die when I was 17, but my parents traded their lives for mine. He said it was what any parent would have done, and I shouldn't feel guilty unless I wasted their gift." He smiled slightly.

"Bella," he began again a few moments later. "I swear to you, I'm not that guy anymore. I'm never going to be that guy again. I-"

"Shhh." She reached over, putting two fingers to his lips. Edward bit the inside of his cheek, watching as she stood. His heart pounded hard against his chest as he waited for her to walk out his door.

Instead, she climbed back onto the couch, facing him as she straddled his lap. The way she was looking at him made him feel like she actually could see the depths of his soul, his every minute secret, as she stared into his eyes, her hands running through the stubble on his head. Finally, a sort of resolution seemed to flash through the brown depths and her eyelids fluttered closed. She leaned forward, beginning to kiss his the bridge of his nose up to his forehead. Her fingers scraped lightly along his chest, sending delicious shivers down his spine.

"Bella," he whispered when her lips reached his. He kissed the corner of her mouth once, his cheek resting against hers. "You don't... Why are you still here? Aren't you disgusted by me?"

She backed off a bit, tilting her head and looking at him seriously. "I feel like I probably should be." Her expression became soft and shy. Ducking down, she laid her head on his shoulder. "The thing is, Edward... love is irrational. The more you love someone, the less sense anything makes," she said with a sigh. "I think I would still be here even if you told me you were still robbing people blind."

Keeping one hand on her back, Edward gently worked his fingers underneath her chin. He tilted her face up so he could look on her. "You love me?" he asked, his voice awed.

She bit her lip, suddenly looking younger than her 20 years, and nodded slowly. Edward felt dizzy, intoxicated with her presence and the feel of her still in his arms after everything he'd told her. "Bella..."

"What, are you going to try to talk me out of it?" she challenged. Her smile was small as she looked at him then, but her eyes were somewhat amused. "The thing about me, Edward, is that I don't make choices very easily. You of all people know that. But when I do choose a path... Well, I'm stubborn." Her grin broadened. "You can't scare me so easily."

He raised his head off the back of the couch, kissing her exultantly. "I don't want to scare you," he murmured between kisses. "I don't want you to be afraid of me. I just... didn't expect you to react like this."

She gave a little grumble and again leaned away from him. "Believe me, I heard everything you've said. I'm not going to lie... it's scary. It's really scary. But I could see how hard it was for you tell me those things.

"I told you that my dad is a cop. Well, he also taught me a lot about forgiveness. He goes to work every day and tries to treat every person he arrests with respect no matter what he arrests them for. He treats them like they're human beings. Sure, they've done something wrong and he absolutely believes they should face the consequences of their crimes. But he also believes that every single one of them can be reformed." She cupped his cheek in one hand, looking at him intently. "He taught me that one of the worst faults of our society is the way we treat our reformed criminals. What good is paying your debt to society if society doesn't treat you like one of them?"

"But I didn't pay my debt to society," he pointed out.

"You didn't go to prison," she corrected lightly. "But prison is just what history has come up with to solve a mass problem. It's just one solution, and every person is different. Just because you didn't lose your freedom doesn't mean you didn't atone for what you did."

She kissed his lips sweetly, lingering for only a moment before she straightened up again. "I know you, Edward Masen. You've been so good to me, so patient when I was being...well, a little ridiculous. Nothing I've ever seen in you would make me believe you wanted to hurt people. And honestly, even if I didn't know you, the fact that Esme, Carlisle and their family trust you is enough for me." She looked at him. "They all know, right?"

He nodded. "I really have no idea what I did to deserve you," Edward murmured, pulling her face back down for another kiss.

She snickered. "Something very wicked," she teased. She kissed the skin above his lip and the tip of his nose, looking at him with a mischievous smile and big, vixen eyes. "Can we have sex now?"

Edward threw his head back, laughing because she was so amazing, and he was beyond relieved. This woman... this bright, beautiful, wonderful woman turned him around in circles and twisted him up in knots all at once. He wrapped his arms around her waist, about to get up when she pushed him back.

"No. I want to do it here." Her face flushed bright red, as if she just realized what she'd said. "I mean.. i-if that's okay," she stuttered shyly.

Wiley vixen one moment, innocent girl the next.

He was so far beyond smitten, it was ridiculous.

"Bella," he rumbled, his voice throaty as he kissed a trail up to her ear. "There is no way I don't want you. Cowgirl on the couch would be lovely, however..." He lifted his head, pursing his lips in aroused amusement. "I don't have condoms in my end table."

Keeping her eyes on him, Bella reached around, digging her hand into her back jean pocket. Biting down on her lip, her eyes alight with excitement, she held up a condom. "Any other excuses, Masen?"

"Yeah," he said, his voice almost a growl as his lust for her grew. "One more thing."

He forced himself to gain control of his most primal nature, overcoming the urge he had to rip all her clothes to ribbons because he couldn't be inside her fast enough. He breathed deeply, calming himself so he could speak with the sincerity she deserved.

When he felt more in control again, he reached out, taking her face in his hands. He looked on her, hoping she saw how precious she was to him, hoping she understood because three little words couldn't possibly hold enough meaning for what he felt for her. "I love you," he said. "I'm so, so in love with you."

Her answering smile was glorious, but he hardly had time to enjoy it because he was just to eager to kiss her again. Judging from the way she attacked his lips, Bella was on the exact same page. They were needy for each other and done with waiting.

As they kissed, Edward let his hands slip upward from her waist. His fingers brushed along the wonderfully silky expanse of her front, circling the skin around her belly button to feel her muscles contract as she sighed against his lips. She wriggled on his lap making his breath catch in his throat.

In retaliation, Edward dragged his fingers up her torso. Instead of retaliating against her, he ended up doing himself in even worse. He broke their kiss even as he cupped her breasts in his hands. "Fuck me, you're not wearing a bra."

Bella simpered at him, thrusting her chest more fully against his palms. "Someone dragged me away in the middle of the night. I didn't have time to get all dressed up."

Grinning at her, knowing he was about to be a brat, Edward looked down between them, pulling her jeans away from her body. He peeked while she giggled. "Hmmm," he hummed mock seriously. "Well, you seem to have remembered your undies." His eyebrows furrowed and he tugged her pants further forward. "Jesus Christ... are those boy shorts?"

His lips were attached to her neck the next second. Bella gave a little squeal of pleasure and surprise, tilting her head back. "You, ummm. You like boy shorts?"

"On girls," he rumbled against her skin. "On you?" He sucked lightly on a spot just under her chin. He thought he might devour her whole.

Bella groaned. "Edward," she breathed. It only made him crazier.

He managed to let her go when she pushed lightly on his shoulders. She stood in front of him, looking at once bashful and incredibly beguiling. He was about to reach for her again, his skin itching to be against hers, when he realized she was taking off her shoes. He felt breathless, watching with anticipation as her hands drifted down her body, stopping at the button of her jeans.

If he bit into the inside of his cheek any harder, he was definitely going to draw blood. He couldn't help it. Watching Bella's jeans slip down her shapely legs revealing the little boy shorts he'd only glimpsed before was far and away the sexiest thing he'd ever seen in his life. He groaned, sure he was going to come in his pants like a twelve year old boy with his first nudie mag.

Edward stood, his hands automatically seeking the delicious strip of skin above the line of her panties. She surprised him again by immediately hooking her fingers onto the hem of his jeans. "Fair is fair," she said, beginning to unbutton his jeans.

"Fair is fair?" he snorted at her. He leaned down, pressing his lips against her ear. "Yet I'm shirtless and you still have your shirt on..."

"Baby," she chided, reaching down and pulling her shirt up and off.

"Baby," he said, but his was a throaty endearment. He ducked his head, eager to taste her pert little nipples. Bella groaned and squirmed under his tongue, but he held her fast, palming her ass with both hands to keep her still.

Eventually, Bella did get the better of his jeans, yanking them down his legs right along with his boxers. Edward bit down lightly on her nipple, making her yelp, before he released her. "You had to one up me?"

She grinned up at him cheekily, her warm hands wrapping around his length. Edward moaned, pulling her roughly against him. "I want you. I need you," he growled against her ear.

"Yes," she agreed, stroking him with one hand even as she reached over to the couch where the condom had fallen. She tilted her head up, finding his mouth as she rolled the condom onto his cock. He almost stopped her; her fingers moving over him were going to be his undoing before they even started.

Edward sat on the couch, hooking his fingers into her delectable boy shorts. Leaning forward, he kissed her stomach, teasing her sensitive skin as he pulled them down slowly. "You're so g'damn gorgeous," he murmured, looking up at her from underneath his eyelashes.

Her hands were on his shoulders, keeping herself upright as he looked on her in full for the first time. She was blushing, her lips sucked into her mouth with her sudden nervousness. "Come here." He pressed lightly on her waist, urging her forward.

She straddled his lap again, shivering a little in the slight chill of the room. Edward ran his hands up and down her back. He tilted his head to kiss her even as he reached one hand between them, finding her clit. She gasped and then groaned. "You make me so crazy," she breathed.

He chuckled lightly. "Yeah well, right back at you."

A slow smile spread across her face and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed him softly, sweetly as she raised her hips. Taking hold of his cock, Edward guided himself inside of her as she slid down his length.

They moved together slowly at first, acclimating to the feel of each other as they shared ever deepening kisses. His hands studied the contours of her back, finding divots and lines he made a mental note to explore with his tongue later. Her hands felt wonderful running through the stubble of his hair and clutching the skin at his shoulders.

It took no time for their steady rocking to become more frantic. Their lips parted simply because they had no brain power left to concentrate on kisses when they were so busy touching and thrusting. Their lips were close enough still that they were breathing in each others panted breaths and moaned words.

"Edward... I..." she began but she cut off, her fingernails digging into the flesh of his shoulders as her back arced and her head tilted back. The sensation of pain along his back combined with the sight of her graceful body arched above him, because of him, pushed Edward into an intense orgasm. He wrapped his arms around her body, holding her tightly because he could do nothing else.

It was only after he'd regained the edge of his senses that he realized he'd buried his face against her breasts. His head rose and fell with her erratic breaths, and her head rested on top of his. He only moved enough to get the condom off, tossing it on a cheesy coaster that sat on his end table.

"Edward?" she asked after a moment.

"Hmm?"

"That was kind of the best thing ever."

He chuckled against her skin. "Yes," he agreed. He lifted his head, kissing her soundly before looking her in the eyes. "Stay?" he asked softly.

She smiled, laying her head on his shoulder. "Yes."

Happier than he could ever remember being, Edward wrapped her safely in his arms. He stood, waiting for her to wrap her legs around his waist so he could carry her to his bedroom.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Awwwww. And then they lived happily ever after.
> 
> Oh, wait... I have some tricks under my sleeves and anyway, we have to get to the production of Wicked, right? Right.
> 
> Thanks to JasperLuver48 for looking this over for me. Endless thanks to jfka06 and Barburella for all their love and support...even if Barburella continuously tortures me by putting Carlisle/Jasper plotbunnies in my head. GAH. CARLISLE IS A EUNUCH


	13. Leap Of Faith

_**"Only thing to do  
Is jump over the moon"** _

_**-Over the Moon, Rent** _

* * *

Bella didn't quite want to wake up. She was sore, more sore than she had been after practicing her rather athletic dance moves for _Out_ _Tonight_  for hours upon hours. She stretched carefully. Usually the limited space of her dorm room bed was tolerable, but occasionally she longed for at least a full sized, if only for mornings like this when she had aching muscles to soothe.

Instead of encountering the open air at the edge of her bed, Bella's toes encountered a stubbly, muscular leg. There was a grumble near her ear, an arm tightening around her waist, and a nose tickling the skin of her cheek.

Her eyes flying open, Bella turned her head to the side and found herself staring at Edward's face, relaxed and innocent in sleep. His lips, so near hers, pursed, searching for hers even though he didn't wake. Closing her eyes, Bella obliged, kissing him softly. She opened her eyes again just in time to see his mouth quirk upward at the corners as he fell back into deeper sleep.

Laying her head on her folded hands, Bella merely watched him as he slept.

There was no question that Edward brought out sides of her Bella was previously unaware existed.

Determined to not make the same mistakes she had with Jacob, Bella had made up a litany of rules and erected walls so she would not be made a fool of again.

Yet here she was, completely moon-eyed and ridiculously in love.

Throughout her life, Bella had never been jealous of the people around her falling in and out of love. It seemed to her that life was hard enough without the tumultuous up and down ride she watched others take. She found roller coasters as exhilarating as the next person, but who the hell wanted to live on one?

It was probably why she'd fallen into a relationship with Jacob the way she did. Though she had no interest in the head over heels love her friends consistently searched for, it was only natural that she occasionally ached for physical affection. She did love him, and being with him was easy.

Being with Edward though...

Throughout her life, she never could quite understand how her friends - men and women alike - could abandon all logic. It was one thing to read about the rose colored glasses of love but quite another to experience it. There was a part of her, a voice growing smaller and smaller until it faded away to nonsense, that thought she must be the stupidest girl on the planet.

Edward was an actor - a fact that made her nervous enough initially. Then to have him confirm that he'd used those skills to scam people?

How many times had she seen this story play out on Unsolved Mysteries and shows like that? She knew how it ended: with everyone around her shaking their heads because come on, she should have seen it coming.

When she brought Edward home to meet her father, as it would seem inevitable she would have to, what would he say if he knew?

Carefully, Bella reached out, running her fingers along the scar on Edward's head. She shuddered, trying to imagine how it felt to wake up an orphan.

She ran the backs of her knuckles over his cheek, remembering the events of the night previous.

How sweet he was to arrange such a wonderful surprise for her.

When he appeared at her door at almost midnight, she'd known he was up to something. Her resolve not to rush things with him was already crumbling, and perhaps that was why she'd had the foresight to stick a few condoms in her back pocket.

After what he'd done, she was so gone for him. She wanted him inside her. She would have taken him in beneath her skin or molded herself to him until they were a part of each other if she could have. Never in her life had she felt so insanely horny - absolutely needy to feel his skin on hers.

He felt it, too, she had no doubt of that. How could they ignore the energy between them? The inferno heat of passion? And yet, he'd stopped her. He wanted to be completely honest with her before she gave him everything. It had terrified him to tell her - she could see that - and he'd been incredulous when she still wanted him.

She trusted him, trusted his word. Whether that made her a fool blinded by love was irrelevant. She was too far gone down this path to turn off it.

Running her fingers over the horrifying gunshot scar on his side, Bella shook again.

It was strange and frightening to think that he was ever part of that dangerous world. It was one thing to know it existed out there somewhere, quite another to see what it could do.

How close she came to never knowing Edward existed at all.

Scooting closer to him, Bella leaned in, pressing a soft kiss over the scar tissue. Edward's hand, loose around her, twitched against the bare skin of her back.

She left a trail of moist kisses along his side and then at his chest, nuzzling his skin with the tip of her nose as her fingers traced feather-light circles along his inner thigh. He squirmed in his sleep, making the tiniest little whimper at the back of his throat.

Bella smiled, bringing the palm of her right hand to cup the hot silk of his flaccid length. She let her fingers slip along his flesh, teasing the patch of skin between his cock and his balls. The feel of him growing hard beneath her hands was wonderful, stirring the need in the pit of her belly.

It had only been one night, but already she was addicted to his body.

She watched as his lips parted, making his occasional whine louder, and kissed the underside of his chin, flicking her tongue against his skin. She began to stroke his length as she dragged her teeth along his jaw line.

"Oh," he said softly, his voice no more than a breath. He wasn't really awake. His lips moved, trying to find hers, but she dodged away, sliding down his body. She pushed lightly on his shoulders and he obediently fell back onto the bed.

She teased his cock with her mouth, first running her tongue along the underside of his head. Edward gasped, his hand landing on the back of her head. His fingers tightened around her hair. "Bella?" he rasped, his voice gravely with sleep and heavy with lust. "What..."

Smirking, because as soon as he woke fully her actions would speak for themselves, Bella closed her lips over his head, flicking her tongue against the hot flesh. As she worked her mouth over him, taking in inch after inch so slowly, she used her tongue to stroke him.

She and Angela had attended a passion party a number of months previous where her roommate had purchased a book with funny illustrations called "Tickle His Pickle."

Suffice to say, Bella had recently borrowed it.

"Bella. Baby. Oh, fuck," Edward babbled. He was making an effort to be more gentle as he came fully conscious. His fingers had loosened their hold on the back of her head and now ran to the skin behind her ears. If she could have, Bella would have purred with contentment at the way he touched her as she blew him. It was so loving and intimate.

She felt adored.

Wrapping one hand around his base, Bella stroked as she continued to take more of him in. Though it took considerable coordination, when she could expend enough concentration, she also teased his balls with the her other hand, tickling the space between and around them.

Edward groaned, his fingers tugging at her ears lightly.

His hands on her and the noises he was making were riling her up quickly. Bella found herself squirming, pressing her hips against the comforter to find some measure of relief. She moaned, the sound vibrating against his cock.

"Oh. Oh!" Edward cried, his hips bucking up. She wondered if that meant he was close. She didn't know his body well enough. At least, not yet.

She would though.

And that knowledge filled her with so much happiness, she almost forgot to breathe.

Wanting so much to bring him pleasure, Bella worked her mouth and tongue over him faster, moving her hand in time with lips.

His hands were back on her head now, and he moved her at the pace he needed. She surrendered control, following his silent direction, trusting in him completely. She loved the way his body shook, and the totally wanton, wild cry he gave when he came.

It was awing that she could do that to him.

As he gasped for breath, Bella climbed back up his body, straddling his hips. His hands automatically went to her waist, his long fingers curling around her as she leaned down, kissing him, sharing his taste.

It was so hot that he let her do that.

Jacob had freaked right the fuck out.

"Mmm," he moaned into her mouth. "Waking up with you was already going to be the best good morning ever, and here you go sweetening the pot."

Smiling impishly, she laid her head on his shoulder, enjoying the feel of his body beneath her and his fingers walking up and down the length of her spine. She was still antsy, wanting to feel him inside her again, but she figured it was polite to allow him some time to recover.

Besides, the intimacy of laying like this, skin to skin, was more. More than she'd ever expected existed out there.

She was just so overwhelmingly happy.

"I was worried that you would regret this... us... in the light of the morning," Edward said softly.

Bella lifted her head to look at him. "Regret us?"

He traced the edge of her lips with the tip of a single finger, his expression happy but haunted. "After what I told you last night? Sometimes, things are more... real in the morning."

Pressing a small kiss to his lips, Bella sighed. "I know I'm young, but I'm not a child," she chided lightly. "I know that you aren't a fairy tale. You're real, and I'm real." She kissed him more fully. "And this is real."

His smile was much more light as he looked up at her, stroking her cheek. "It is real," he agreed. "Sometimes, I just can't understand that I would be this lucky."

She kissed him again, showing him how she felt because she didn't know that the words would come out right. She didn't feel like he was the lucky one.

Wrapping his arms around her, Edward pushed off the bed, flipping them so she was the one pinned beneath his body. His weight on her and his body brushing against hers, elicited little whimpers of neediness from her. She didn't think she would ever want to leave this bed, content to spend the rest of her life having him over and over and over.

She didn't even mind the ache in her muscles.

As he parted her legs and pushed inside her, his lips never leaving hers for more time than it took to draw in a breath, Bella reflected that even if it made her foolish, she could never be anything but thankful that love had found her.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay so here's the deal. I'm sorry for the delay on this update. I got really verklempt over the flow of this whole fic. In retrospect I see where I got knocked off track. So this is kind of a transition that probably should have been part of the last chapter. I should be back on track now and back to updating more steadily. Thanks so much for your patience, and sorry for the short chappy!


	14. Seasons Of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Not too important but if you're curious where in the play Edward is during dress

_**YouTube: Rent Live On Broadway - Tune Up 3/You Okay/One Song Glory, and Contact if you want to see Angel's death.** _

* * *

_**"It's time now  
To sing out,  
The story never ends.  
Let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends"** _

_**~Seasons of Love, Rent** _

* * *

_**~Opening Night - Dress Rehearsal~** _

"Mmm. My goodness, you're an ugly woman," Alice chortled as she finished affixing Edward's wig to his head.

Edward rolled his eyes and shook his head. He still felt awkward in his costume - tucked as he was with tights, high heeled shoes, a dress, and a wig on - but there was no time left to worry about that. This was the real thing. "Thanks, Al. Really."

She just chuckled. "Off you go," she said, waving him away.

"You're not going to tell me to break a leg?" he teased.

"Honey, please," she chuffed. "In those heels? You probably would."

Shaking his head, Edward made his way toward the stage, listening to be sure he still had time. He grinned. Alice was so quick, Mike was barely past the first stanza of his solo and had the stage to himself for the time being. Edward hurried, hoping he could catch Bella before she had to make her entrance for  _Light My Candle_.

He spotted her backstage, waiting at the door she would soon be disappearing behind, tugging at the skirt she wore. Her hair was long and wild down her back, frizzed up, with the blue streaks Alice had told her to get. She was gorgeous, but he always thought that. Frankly, he found her most beautiful that very morning when she'd been asleep in his bed without a shred of makeup, her head still cradled on one of her schoolbooks.

Between studying for finals, preparing papers, and rehearsals, the only way Edward and Bella could see each other the last few weeks was if she brought her books with her. This was the compromise Edward had reluctantly agreed to. It was worth it. Though she brought her books to bed with her, and he frequently woke to find her still clacking away at her laptop, having her in his bed made him almost unbearably happy.

Knowing his time was limited, Edward crossed the stage quickly, ignoring the contained chaos. Everyone was milling - actors and Emmett's crew included. He heard Garrett whistle and flipped the bird in his general direction.

When he got to Bella, he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her up against him. She gasped, startled, but soon melted into his embrace.

"Wow," she murmured, turning in his arms and tilting her head up for a kiss. Even taller in heels, Edward lifted her slightly, his hands cupping her ass. "I've never made out with a girl before."

He chuckled, amused. "Never? Don't you know that's what college is for?"

She pretended to pout. "Angela wouldn't cooperate."

Before that image could make him uncomfortable - it would be a little while before he could release his cock from its tuck - Edward stooped to kiss her again. He kissed her hard, still somewhat perturbed by the fact she had to sing this next song with Mike. He smirked against her lips when she moaned into his mouth.

"Hey, lover," Jasper's voice admonished as he smacked Edward hard on the ass. Edward jumped, abruptly breaking away from Bella. "You better let her go before she misses her cue."

With a sigh, Edward pressed one more delicate kiss to Bella's nose. "You're amazing," he whispered before letting her go.

She flashed him a wide grin, her cheeks flushed even in the dim light, and waggled her fingers at him before ducking through the door.

"You know if Esme catches you doing that tonight, you will be a dead man," Jasper warned, taking Edward's hand. "She's supposed to look pale during that scene."

Edward smiled at the other man. He rolled his eyes and made the Boy Scout sign. "I'll be on my best behavior tonight. Promise."

Jasper raised an eyebrow and snickered. "Yeah, I don't believe that for a heartbeat."

_**~Opening Night~** _

"Can you see? Is it packed?"

"Well, not everyone is in their seats yet, Jess, but Esme said opening night was sold out."

"Oh, jeez. I'm going to faint."

"Opening night jitters. You'll be fine, you fucking pansy."

Edward shook his head, stepping up beside a very green looking Mike Newton to peer with a handful of his fellow cast members out the curtain. The auditorium was filling with people. Edward didn't mind them, really. Oh, certainly he had a mild case of jitters - that vaguely sick feeling that was only natural when you were close to walking on stage where so many eyes would be staring - but he was more eager to see if two seats in particular were filled.

During any show, there was a small section up front reserved for the family members of the performers. Last season, when other cast members were vying for who got to use the reserved area during which performance, his heart had ached with an old, old pain.

He would never have to use those seats, he thought. He had no family and couldn't see that changing.

Now, though, his lips quirked up in a broad, proud smile when he saw the two seats he'd asked for were filled. He chuckled to himself, noting that Alec looked severely out of place. Heidi, beside him, was dressed nicely and looked excited. Alec was dressed down, though it looked like he'd made more of an effort than usual to tame his messy hair.

Freshly invigorated, Edward clapped Mike on the back. "You'll be fine, Mike." He slung his arm around the other man's shoulders, pulling him close. "Cuz if you make my girl look bad, I'm just gonna have to kill you." He grinned widely at a shocked looking Mike, patting him on the cheek before he walked away.

~0~

"Great work, everybody," Esme boomed backstage during intermission. "Keep this level of energy up. A couple of things. Mark, you need to keep your mic on straight. It got away from you a couple of times. Mimi, remember to breathe during  _Out Tonight_. And Angel, for god's sake, you should not be eye fucking Mimi when she and Roger are doing  _I Should Tell You_."

Edward frowned and ducked his head against Bella's hair. He hadn't meant to break character. It was just that his eyes were drawn to her.

"So?" Carlisle asked, coming up to his wife with an uncharacteristically anxious expression on his face. "How was my on stage debut. Was my line okay?"

Esme laughed and cupped his face. "Calm down." She kissed him sweetly, grinning. "You were perfect. No one could have delivered the line better."

"Sisters?" Mike and Tyler said together, imitating Carlisle's tone of disgust from just a few minutes before when Maureen and Joanne had made out in front of his table after claiming to be sisters. His character only had the one line in the four minutes he was on stage.

Emmett strode up, putting his arm around Rosalie and making a mock angry face. "You know, shaking your naked ass at my father is going to land us on some Springer like show."

Rosalie smiled at him sweetly. "Your mother made me do it."

Emmett sighed and turned to his sister. "We're the only ones who are normal," he complained.

"Ha!" Alice shook her head. Then she clapped her hands to get everyone's attention. "Alright, everyone to the dressing rooms. We have to get ready for New Years and some of you need more attention than others. Angel, I'm looking at you."

Edward grumbled, reluctantly pulling away from where he'd wrapped his arms around Bella. He kissed her neck, nipping softly. "You were fabulous, by the way."

"Me?" she laughed. "I was watching you do  _Today 4 U_. I couldn't dance like that normally, let's not even talk about dancing while singing in high heels."

He leaned in to kiss her again, only to have someone grab him by the back of his shirt. "Angel, for fucks sake. I have to get you ready so we can just slap you into the dress and wig after  _Seasons of Love_ ," Alice groused, hauling him toward the dressing room.

"Alright, alright," Edward grumbled, batting her hands away. "I still say we should have changed her New Years Eve costume. I don't want to go as Pussy Galore," he whined.

"And miss out on Jasper as James Bond? Not on your life."

_**~0~** _

Edward breathed a little easier when his part was, essentially, over. He slipped off stage, wrapped in a long white sheet and headed for the dressing room to change into his jeans and jacket.

"So all that... was that supposed to mean you died during sex?"

"Gah!" Edward jumped, startled when he found himself suddenly face to face with Alec. "What the hell are you doing back here?" he hissed, looking around to see if any of the technicians and various other people backstage had seen him. Alice glanced their way but said nothing.

Alec just gave him a sardonic look. "It's not like you have stellar security back here, Ace."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I didn't die during sex. Don't read too much into it." He looked up, both curious and inexplicably nervous. "So?"

"I can dig it," Alec said, nodding carefully. "It's about squatters, drug addicts, and gays."

"You really have a way with words, don't you?" Edward said with a laugh.

"Hey, you called it. I guess I'm uncultured," Alec said easily, shrugging. "It was really weird seeing you dancing around in a dress. Weird, but... I mean, you were, pretty or some shit. It didn't look bad. Just weird."

Edward grinned as Alec struggled with words. He clapped his friend on the shoulder, knowing it was as high a compliment as he could have received under the circumstances.

"So, if you're dead that means you can get out of here right? Or at least come keep me company in the lobby if I'm not supposed to be back here. I know Heidi was enjoying the show."

"You're such a gentleman, leaving her out there alone," Edward chided. "I can't go anywhere. I'm not done."

"Why not? Do you get to come back and haunt them?" Alec asked, looking excited at the prospect.

Edward chuckled. "No. It's kind of tradition. The cast gathers at the end and does one more reprise of  _Seasons of Love_."

He cocked his head, listening to what was going on on the stage, and motioned for Alec to follow him silently. They made their way to the side of the stage where Edward watched Bella tearfully singing her part of  _Goodbye Love_ before she darted off stage.

Her upset expression turned into a happy smile when she saw him standing there. Her smile only dropped slightly as she stepped into his arms and saw Alec standing beside him. "Hello again," she said, and Edward knew the uncertainty that flitted across her features was because she knew as well as he did that Alec shouldn't be backstage.

"Alec isn't a big fan of rules," Edward explained wryly.

Esme's voice, sounding a little more haggard than before, broke into their little bubble then. "Angel, why aren't you changed? Mimi, Alice is waiting for you in the dressing room. You don't have  _that_ much time. And you..." She paused, her eyebrows furrowing as she looked at Alec. "Who are you?" He opened his mouth but Esme threw a hand up. "Never mind. Just don't get in the way," she demanded before she hurried off. "Collins! Did you find the money? If you didn't, go find Carlisle and tell him to hand over whatever's in his wallet..."

"What is she talking about?" Alec said curiously. He was always curious when it came to money.

"It's just prop money," Edward explained. "Collins - you know, my boyfriend - hacks the ATM to give money to anyone who knows the code."

Alec's eyes went wide. "That's awesome," he laughed. His expression became serious. "Is that really possible?"

Clearing his throat, Edward wrapped his arm around Bella's waist, steering her away from Alec and toward the dressing room. "You better get going. Alice is gonna have a hell of a time making you look like you're on death's door."

_**~0~** _

Finally, the last note was sung, the curtain came down and the house lights came up. Backstage, the actors, musicians and crew gathered, all of them vibrating with energy.

"Fantastic job, everyone," Esme beamed. "I'm so proud of all of you. Change quickly so we can get everyone out of here, and then we're going out to celebrate, on me!"

Everyone gave a whoop of pleasure and headed for the dressing rooms to change.

"Bad ass. A party," Alec said jovially.

"Who said you were invited?" Edward asked, shaking his head in amusement.

"He can be invited," Esme interrupted before Alec could retort back. She looked from Edward to Alec and smiled. "I have no idea who you are, but if you're backstage, I'm going to assume you helped."

Alec grinned at her winningly. "That's me. Very helpful."

Esme seemed amused. She turned back to Edward. "Since you're already dressed down, why don't you come help me mingle?"

Edward nodded. "Sure," he said, taking her arm and glancing over his shoulder at Alec. "Come on. Let's go find your poor, abandoned girlfriend."

**~0~**

It was almost an hour before the theater was empty except for the cast, crew, and a few family members. Edward, leaning against the wall with Bella in his arms as she chatted with Heidi, watched Esme stash the cash boxes of the night's take below the counters of the box office. She stacked each one neatly before bolting the three cashiers' windows and locking the door behind her.

"She doesn't take the money with her?"

Edward turned his head, grimacing slightly at Alec's softly spoken words. A nervousness he tried to push away as ridiculous began to prick at his senses. Alec was always hyper aware of the flow of money - who had it and where they had it. It was just a side effect of what he did.

He would never target someone or something important to Edward.

"Not opening night. She likes to celebrate opening night and leave all business for the morning," Edward murmured tightly.

"Ah." Alec turned toward him and grinned. "So where is this shindig, anyway? And will there be alcohol?"

Edward snorted. "With this crowd? There's always alcohol. Speaking of which..." He tapped Bella's shoulder, getting her attention as she drew something out of his pocket that Esme had given him earlier. "Here."

She looked at the item he'd given her, perplexed for a moment before understanding dawned on her. "Edward!" she cried quietly, leaning down to him. "This is a fake I.D."

"I know," he said, nodding solemnly.

"Well, where did you get it?"

"Bella, calm down. I got it for you," Esme said, chuckling. "Oh, I know. It's rotten of me to be corrupting such a young soul, but really. It's just one year, and I want you to be able to celebrate with us."

Bella's answering smile was shy and she blushed. "Thank you, Esme. I can pay you back for -"

Esme waved her hand. "Don't even think about it," she said, chuckling. "Now come on, everyone. Let's go."

"I see what you did here," Alec said under his breath, falling into step beside Edward as they company made their way to the doors. "You went from one family of criminals to another!"

**~0~**

The company made their way to a bar down the street from the theater, effectively taking the place over. Not that the bartenders seemed to mind. Esme slapped down a shiny, black credit card and that silenced any protests they may have had.

"It's a good thing my dad couldn't come until next week," Bella mumbled, tossing back a shot someone had put in front of her. She winced. "What the fuck was that?"

"Didn't anyone tell you to keep an eye on your drink, little girl?" Edward teased her, nipping lightly at the corner of her chin. "Someone might try to slip you something."

She laughed breathlessly. "Yeah, well... I might be concerned, except I have this boyfriend who has hasn't taken his eyes off me all night." She nuzzled his cheek with her nose. "I'm pretty sure he's got it." She leaned in closer, her eyes mischievous as they held his. "For the record, I don't mind if he wants to slip me something."

"Minx," he rumbled. Grinning smugly, Edward leaned in, thinking he could easily get drunk by licking the remnants of alcohol off her lips.

"You guys are disgusting," Alec groused from across the table.

"I think it's sweet," Heidi argued, looking over at them with a soft wistfulness.

Alec sighed, looking at Edward. "You're giving my lady ideas, Masen," he growled, but he placed a rather sweet kiss to her forehead and tightened his arm around her.

Before he could respond to that, a commotion got the table's attention.

Jasper had climbed directly onto the bar and was holding his hands to his mouth.

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!" he shouted. He stuck two fingers in his mouth and whistled. Loudly. "Yo! Everyone! Eyes up here for a moment, yeah?"

When he was satisfied he had everyone's attention he took one step forward onto a bar stool, holding his hand out. "Can I get my lady love, the beautiful Alice Cullen up here?"

Alice was laughing, her eyes alight with curiosity as she put her hand in Jasper's, letting him help her up on the bar. "I swear to God, Jasper Whitlock, if you're trying to do a body shot off me..."

Everyone laughed at that, and Jasper's eyes momentarily went dark with lust as his eyes swept her body. He quickly shook it off though. "Why, Miss Cullen. That would be lewd." He waggled his eyebrows at her playfully, holding both her hands in his as he dropped to one knee. A gasp and more than one squeal went through the crowd.

Without taking his eyes off Alice, whose eyes looked about ready to pop out of her head, Jasper spoke again. "Hey, Carlisle! My intentions are to propose marriage to your daughter. Are you alright with that?"

"Hmmmmm," Carlisle hummed loudly, the broad grin on his face belying the unconcerned tone he affected. He looked to his wife. "I don't know. Esme, what do you think?"

Though her eyes were glistening with tears and her hands pressed to her lips, Esme took a deep breath and shrugged nonchalantly. "She could do worse. I suppose I'll allow it."

Jasper's expression became soft and tender as he looked up at Alice. He loosened his grip on her hand just long enough to reach into his back pocket, producing a ring box. "Alice," he began gently as he opened the box. "You are my light, my life. Will you -?"

"Yes!" Alice interrupted, too excited to let him finish. She giggled, happiness radiating from her tiny form as she bounced in place. "Yes, yes, yes. Of course I will."

Edward laughed lightly, noting that Jasper's smile was so wide it looked almost painful. He watched as the other man stood, slipping the ring onto her finger before Alice threw herself into his arms. They kissed to the cheers of their friends and family, and Jasper dipped Alice low, his lips moving exuberantly with hers.

"See?" Edward barely heard Heidi whispering to Alec. "That's how it's done."

Alec just shook his head, kissing her soundly. "You like how I do you, baby," he murmured seductively.

Shaking his head, Edward let Bella pull him over to where the newly engaged couple were being engulfed with hugs and congratulations.

His friend would just never learn.

**~0~**

"Gotta hand it to you, you theater folk know how to put on a pretty happening party," Alec admitted, stepping outside with Edward later on that night.

"Not as rowdy," he said easily.

Alec scoffed. "Right, but then again... less likelihood of police involvement."

"There is that."

Silence fell between the friends, and Edward tilted his head. Alec suddenly looked a little... sallow. "Are you okay?" He frowned and took a step back. "You're not going to blow chunks, are you?"

Alec flashed him a quick, nervous look and then laughed. "Don't be an asshole. You know I can hold my liquor." He leaned back against the wall, staring up at the sky. "Well, your friend in there kind of stole my thunder but.. Well... What are you doing the day after Christmas?"

Edward blinked, his head jerking back in surprise. "What? I don't know. Bella's been trying to get me to go to her Dad's for Christmas so we might be in Forks still." He rubbed the back of his neck, a little nervous. "I mean, if I go."

"Wow," Alec said, whistling. "Meet the parents and everything, eh?"

"Looks that way." Edward shook his head, trying not to let that anxiety get to him tonight. "Anyway, why do you ask?"

Alec stared up at the stars again, shoving his hands deep in his pockets. "Well... I kinda need a best man that day."

For the second time, Edward started. He turned toward his friend, eyes wide. "No way. You're shitting me."

Alec smirked. "Afraid not. We're getting married.

Edward laughed out of pure shock. "What...did you knock her up?" Marriage and Alec just didn't seem to go together. At all. He expected his friend to punch his shoulder, but instead, the other man just grimaced slightly, his skin looking even paler. "Holy fuck..." Edward muttered. "You did! You knocked her up."

"How 'bout that? Guess the rubber was no match for my boys, eh?" Alec said, managing a weak smile.

"Wow." Edward stood still as he tried to wrap his head around Alec being a father. The idea made him a little nervous. Still, his friend was, at his core, a good man. Hadn't he always been there for him? "Well, the answer's of course. You know I'll stand for you. Nothing would make me prouder."

"Don't get all mushy on me," Alec warned, slipping back into his usual, casual demeanor. For one brief moment before they went back inside, his eyes were serious. "Thanks, Edward."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to jadedandboring - who is so proud I'm FINALLY beginning to get the hang of Oxford commas - and barburella - who is gonna be pissed that I posted this before she got to read all of it.
> 
> Patience... not one of my talents.


	15. Intermission

_**INTERMISSION** _

* * *

"Can you calm down please?" Bella asked, laughing lightly as Edward squirmed in his seat, recounting all the things he'd done wrong during their Christmas visit with her father. "You made a good impression."

"That was making a good impression?" Edward balked. "Jesus. I'll make sure not to piss him off..."

"Yeah, don't do that." Bella laughed again. "Come on. I can only imagine what you'll be like - protective of your only daughter."

Edward grinned at that, his whole body going warm at the very idea. He could be a father. He could have that with her.

Smiling, he reached over, unwrapping the fingers of her right hand from the steering wheel. He held her hand over the shifter. "Just one daughter?"

She blushed, squeezing his fingers. "Trust me, Edward," she said softly. "Charlie likes you."

"Oh, really?" He smirked. "I'm sure he liked that I took you to a hotel rather than spend the night chastely on the couch." His smile fell as he recalled more of their conversations. "And I'm sure he was thrilled that I've never seen the inside of a college classroom."

Bella sighed, tugging his hand. "A college degree doesn't make you a better person. You're doing fine. You do good, honest work."

He hummed, staring out the window for a moment. It was needless assumption that Charlie Swan would be less than thrilled at his line of work before the Cullens had saved him. He wished like hell he could erase his past so that Bella would never have reason to be ashamed of him.

Knowing him well enough to understand he needed a little space to brood, Bella sighed, extracting her hand from his. She flipped on the radio and paid attention to the road.

Edward's negative thoughts were eventually interrupted by the sound of her soft hums. He'd been leaning on his hand, his elbow propped against the window. He turned his head to stare unabashedly. For long moments, he drank in her beauty, finding all the tiny physical things he loved: the way her hair fell in soft waves, her lips quirked up as she mouthed the words of the song on the radio, her distracted, melodic hum.

Whether or not he deserved it, she was with him, and she was proud of who he was.

He couldn't change his past, but with Bella at his side, he could continue moving forward, away from who he'd been. He was changing again, for the better, and she was his reason.

Shifting in his seat, Edward rested his left hand on her upper thigh, not trying to start anything, but just needing to touch her. She spared him a glance as she drove, her smile adoring.

**~0~**

Bella dropped him off at his apartment, headed for her dorm so she could change for the wedding. He was nervous about having her come in contact with that part of his life, but typically speaking, Alec's friends - Edward's old friends - were unnaturally well behaved during weddings. Even they called a moratorium on all untoward shenanigans to honor the sanctity of a marriage.

Pushing that thought to the side, Edward only stayed home long enough to grab his suit. He knew Alec had to be going out of his mind by then.

Sure enough, when Alec opened the door to admit Edward, he looked distinctly green. "Where the hell have you been?" he snapped.

"Motherfucker, it's barely 11:30 in the morning. I was in Forks four hours ago, and I know your ass was still in bed," Edward retorted.

As he walked into the apartment, Edward found they were not alone. He didn't expect to be, but he was surprised to find Felix among the milling guys. "Edward," the other man greeted. "Come to hang out with the lowlifes again? I'm surprised. I was just telling Alec that you're a failure as a best man. Don't you know it was your job to get him drunk off his ass last night?" He snorted. "It would have made this part a lot easier to get through."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Right. A hangover is exactly what he needs."

Felix threw an arm around Alec, punching his shoulder roughly. "If you'd have done it right, he would still be drunk right now."

Seeing Alec's weak smile in response, Edward tilted his head. "Well, come on. Let's see this tux of yours." Really, he just wanted to talk to his friend alone. Alec would never admit that he needed to talk, but Edward could see he did.

Given the out, Alec nodded. "Guess there's no reason not to change now," he allowed, following Edward to his room. When they were safely behind closed doors, Alec let out a gush of air, sitting on the bed and slumping all the way forward with his head in his hands.

"You invited Felix?"

"No, I didn't invite Felix." Alec sounded highly annoyed. "Jane did."

"You invited Jane?" Edward asked, surprised. Jane didn't hide the fact that she despised Heidi. Then again, Jane despised most people.

Alec sighed and looked up. "What, I'm not gonna invite my sister to my wedding? She may be a bitch, but we're still family," he pointed out. Then he groaned. "Holy fuck... I'm getting married. What the fuck am I thinking?"

Edward didn't answer right away. Instead, he sat beside his friend, keeping a polite amount of space between them. "Level with me, Alec. I know Heidi is pregnant and you want to do right by her, but marrying when your heart's not in it is just going to hurt all three of you."

"Who are you, Dr. Phil?" Alec scoffed. His derisive expression faded almost instantly and he slumped. "It's not like I don't ... love her." Edward knew his friend found it difficult to articulate such things, so he sat quietly, keeping his look open so Alec would know he could speak his mind. "It's just... What business do I have being a husband, huh? And a father..."

For a moment, all his bravado faded, and when he looked up at Edward, his eyes were wide and lost. "I don't want my kid to be like me, Edward. I don't want him to be anything like me. He's already better than all that."

Shocked at his friend's admission, Edward considered his words carefully.

The very night he'd gotten out of the hospital after recovering from being shot, Alec had pressed a gun into his hands. He said he had an idea of where Santiago was and had only waited to get to him because he figured Edward deserved first shot. That night was the first and last time Edward tried to convince him to give up his life of crime - forget about stealing and violence.

Now, though, it was a whole different world. Thinking about how much he loved Bella, Edward wanted to believe that if he were in Alec's shoes and Bella were in Heidi's, he would have given it all up in a heartbeat to be the man she deserved.

"Alec... if you're ready to get out of all this, you know I'll help you," he finally offered quietly.

His friend was quiet, staring at his shoes. It spoke volumes that he didn't dismiss Edward right off. "What the hell am I qualified to do? I'm a 27 year old high school drop out. Let's get real."

"There are options," Edward insisted. "You're not as stupid as you pretend to be. You could get your GED pretty easily." He hesitated because he knew he had no right to offer this, but the Cullens had helped him. If he vouched for Alec, perhaps they would help his friend too. "And I can talk to Emmett. I could probably get you a job working with my crew until you figured out what you wanted."

Alec smirked. "Yeah, right. Can you figure that? Me letting your chucklehead boss tell me what to do?"

"Emmett's a good man. He's not an asshole," Edward defended.

"I know that." Alec sighed. "I don't know, man... I can't imagine... And then, what about Janey?"

"Jane doesn't need you to look after her," Edward said gently, trying to cover his exasperation. He knew he had no right to be so irritated at how Alec looked after Jane. Once upon a time, he'd looked out for Edward exactly the same way. "I know she's your family, but you're about to get married, start a family of your own. Your wife and child should come first, right?"

Alec frowned and didn't answer, seeming to be deep in thought.

"Just think about it," Edward said finally. He clapped the other man on the shoulder and stood. "And get dressed. Heidi will be pissed if you s how up in jeans."

Alec snorted. "Damn, I wish though. I hate this fucking monkey suit."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, so do I."

"Yeah. You know, it's not too late. If you'd rather wear one of Heidi's bridesmaids' dresses..."

**~0~**

Bella craned her head, looking around the little church, feeling awkward. She looked around, but the groom and best man were not yet standing at the end of the aisle. She sighed, feeling out of place without Edward at her side.

"Bride or groom?" one of the ushers asked.

"Um," she stumbled. Being as they were not yet her friends, Bella had no allegiance to either of them. Glancing at the groom's side and seeing it was quite a bit less full - which was saying something considering there were a very few people there to begin with - Bella decided to sit on Alec's side.

As she was seated, Bella tried to remind herself that it was a wedding, and it was likely that many of the guests didn't know each other; that was why people were staring at her curiously. She herself was glancing around, just taking in everything and everyone.

Bella gave a little start when her eyes fell on a young woman in the front pew. Her features were very similar to Alec's. What was startling was the way the woman was glaring. Her eyes held a hint of malevolence that chilled Bella right to her core.

Judging by her features, she had to be related to Alec. Edward had mentioned that Alec had a twin sister, but said he didn't think she'd be at the wedding. This had to be her, but why she was glaring, Bella had no idea.

Somehow, she resisted the urge to glare back.

Finally, Jane turned back around in her seat, finding something else to look at.

Bella breathed a little easier until she suddenly felt a looming presence at her side. The hairs of her arm stood on end, and she jumped when a low, rumbling voice spoke near her ear. "And here I thought I'd met all of Alec's friends."

Her head snapped quickly to the side and she found herself faced with an intimidatingly large man, his face bent close to hers. As he straightened, Bella's eyes widened. He was broad and so tall he towered over her even sitting. Every cell in her body seemed aware and ready to bolt. Bella swallowed thickly, tapering down her ridiculous nervousness. "We only met recently," she responded vaguely in what she hoped was a polite tone.

His answering grin was a leer. "Well, that's one thing I'll say for Alec. He's always had good taste in... friends." The way his eyes raked over her body and the leer on his lips made it obvious what the hulking man thought she was to Alec. He put his arm over the back of the pew behind her.

Hunching inward, away from the man's arm, Bella bristled. She stood and moved to the pew one row back, hoping he would take the hint.

Of course, he didn't. The large man merely twisted in his seat to talk to her. "My name is Felix," he offered. "Any friend of Alec is welcome to be a friend of mine," he said, offering his hand.

Repulsed at the idea of touching him, Bella was searching for a polite way to get him to back off when a tall, slender man came up. "Felix. I need your help."

Felix frowned, his eyes sparked with annoyance as he looked up at the other man. He sighed and looked back at Bella, his expression charming... and creepy. "Maybe I'll catch up with you at the reception," he said, reaching over to tap Bella's chin. He didn't seem to notice that Bella wasn't even remotely receptive to his advances.

Again, Bella felt a great relief as he walked away. She shook her head slightly, looking around at the other guests warily.

Something about this whole gathering was making her uncomfortable.

Her disquiet was quelled a moment later when Edward stepped into the room at Alec's side. Automatically, Bella felt more at ease. She saw when he scanned the crowd and lifted her hand to wave at him. The moment his eyes found her, he grinned. It was that same happy, lopsided smile that made her heart speed and a strange sense of giddiness well in her. Her cheeks flushed and she resisted the urge to duck her head shyly.

He was, as usual, outrageously handsome. The suit looked good on him, though Bella had yet to see him look bad in anything. His hair was still too short and bristly - their run on Rent had finished only six days before - but still, he looked undeniably sexy.

Bella bit her lip, and Edward smirked back at her as if he knew what she was thinking.

Throughout the service, Bella mostly kept her eyes on Edward. As it was a Catholic wedding, he stood at Alec's side throughout the whole ceremony. He was attentive to Alec, but his eyes often strayed back to her, his smile warm even from across the room, his eyes betraying a wistful happiness, as if he were speaking the words of love and commitment along with the priest.

It both scared and awed Bella that she wanted this with him... someday.

Was he thinking the same thing?

The idea brought a smile to her face, and the priest's words fell away as she briefly lost herself to daydreams of what their future might hold. She was only brought back to the present as Edward stepped off to the side where a stand was set up. A quick glance at the program she'd been handed told her that along with being best man, he was Alec's chosen lector and would be doing a reading from the Old Testament.

Though she'd never been one for Bible verses, Bella did enjoy listening to Edward's deep, smooth voice echo through the little church.

Finally, after much singing and standing and kneeling and praying, the bride and groom were wed. Bella waited at the edge of the aisle until Edward, following Alec, Heidi and the rest of the wedding party, passed by her. He took her hand, pulling her into the aisle with him and holding her close to his side as they walked. "You look amazing," he rumbled against her ear as they walked.

She tightened her arm around him. "Look who's talking."

He rolled his eyes, tugging at his tie awkwardly. "Feels weird."

Laughing, she put her free hand against his chest, pulling the tie out of his hands. "Well, it looks good. Trust me."

**~0~**

The reception was at a small hall that bordered a pretty park. The wedding party was called upon for photos. Bella reluctantly kissed Edward goodbye, retreating to the warmth of the hall while he got to freeze for the sake of posterity.

Inside, she found the bar and ordered a Pepsi.

"Pepsi?" a voice snorted, startling her. Bella swung around with dismay, finding herself once again facing the large man from earlier. Felix he said his name was. "At least add a little rum to that. Spice it up." He nodded at the bartender. "On me."

"No," Bella said firmly, looking at the bartender and then back at Felix. "I'll take a Pepsi, unadulterated, please."

Felix laughed again. "Baby, there's no need to be so uptight," he said, hand on her arm.

Bella yanked her arm away. "I'm sorry. You should know I'm here with somewhere else," she said lowly, glad at least that she didn't have to cause a scene in a church.

He blinked at her and then threw his head back, laughing raucously. When he calmed he leered again, leaning into her personal space. "Well, where is he then?" he challenged.

"Edward is outside taking pictures with the rest of the wedding party," she bit out, paying for the Pepsi the bartender handed her. "Now if you'll excuse me..."

Pivoting on her heel, Bella quickly made her way for the privacy of one of the outer hallways. Rude as Felix was, she should not have been surprised when he followed her, stopping her forward progress by shooting one arm out to lean against the wall in front of her. "Now, come on, sweetie. Just hang on a second. Masen, huh? That's interesting. Very interesting."

"Will you please get out of my way?" Bella snapped, irritated.

"Calm down," he said, snickering. He leaned in again, forcing Bella to back up until she was pressed against the wall. "Masen's going to be busy for a little while. Plenty of time for us to... talk." The way his eyes again drifted over her body made Bella shudder.

She swallowed hard and took a deep breath through her nose, trying to keep her tone steady as she spoke. "Are you slow? I am not even remotely interested in you. Get. The hell. Away from me."

Again, not waiting for him to respond, Bella spun on her heel, going back the way she'd come. Eager to escape Felix and the creepy feeling he left crawling on her skin, Bella made a beeline for the womens' bathroom. "Sanctuary," she muttered under her breath, relieved that no one was in the powder room. She sank onto one of the lush couches, holding her head in her hands as she breathed a little easier.

It took Bella a moment to realize she could hear sniffles and the other unmistakable sounds of someone crying softly in one of the stalls in the bathroom. Her first impulse was to leave. If she were the one crying in the bathroom, Bella knew she would have wanted privacy. Then she saw the white lace of Heidi's wedding dress peeking out from beneath one of the stalls.

Wondering if she was overstepping her boundaries, but concerned for the bride, Bella stepped into the bathroom. "Heidi?" she called softly. "Are you okay?"

There was a pause as Heidi's breath stuttered. She sniffled once, loudly and then emerged from the stall, a forced smile on her face. "I'm sorry," she said, wiping tears away. "It must be the hormones. I know I'm not supposed to be crying at my own wedding."

"Everyone cries at weddings," Bella assured, touching the other woman's shoulder awkwardly. "Aren't you supposed to be outside taking pictures?"

"Oh.. um. The group pictures are done. They're just snapping a few shots of the boys now," Heidi said, taking a deep breath and pulling herself up straight.

"Um..." Bella began uncertainly. "I know we don't know each other very well, but if you need to talk, I'll listen."

At first, it looked as if Heidi had every intention of brushing off Bella's offer, but when she looked up, she faltered. Her eyes filled with tears again, and she leaned heavily on the sink in front of her, abruptly sobbing.

Acting mostly on instinct, Bella wrapped an arm around the other woman's shoulders, leading her into the powder room so she could sit on one of the comfy seats. She left her side only long enough to fill one of the little paper cups with water. Heidi drank greedily until she was gasping for breath. "I'm sorry," she said again. "It's just... I'm sitting here, wishing like hell that Alec was one of those men who took off the moment he heard I was pregnant."

Bella started, completely shocked at the turn in conversation. Seeing the look on her face, Heidi hung her head. "I know it seems like a terrible thing to say. I just don't see any other way out of this."

"I'm not sure I understand," Bella said slowly.

Heidi's answering smile was sad. "I don't want to get Edward in trouble. He's always been so kind to me. He's managed to overcome his past, so..."

"I know about Edward's past," Bella interrupted, wondering what that had to do with anything. Her eyes went wide as a thought went through her head. "Is this... I mean, is Alec..."

"Edward got out," the other woman whispered. "Alec hasn't." She put her hands over her eyes, a fresh wave of tears overtaking her. "Oh, God. I love him. I love him so much. But what am I going to do?"

Bella was reeling. She abruptly understood the position Heidi was in. She'd thought about it often enough since Edward had revealed his past. The way she loved him wouldn't have changed even if she found out he was still a thief and a liar.

Though, he had lied about Alec...

Shaking her head, Bella returned her attention to the sobbing woman beside her. "Heidi... Just because you've married him, doesn't mean it's too late. You can get away from him if that's what you think is the best thing." She tried to remain neutral, letting the woman know she had options. She could get Charlie to help, if necessary.

But Heidi shook her head. "You don't understand. Alec... He would never give up his rights to me or the baby. He would insist on being part of the baby's life."

Legally, he would have rights, Bella realized. If he fought for his rights to the child, he would be able to see it.

"You understand my predicament," Heidi said wryly, seeing the look on Bella's face. She took a shuddering breath, calming again. "So this is my life, now. I'll stand by him and lie for him, because I don't want my baby's daddy to be in prison." She breathed in slow again. "I do love him. I do. And he's a good man..."

At a loss for what to say, Bella merely sat by the other woman, rubbing her shoulder soothingly.

Wiping away her tears, Heidi's hand drifted down, cupping her stomach protectively. "Who knows. I wasn't ever enough for him to change, but maybe she will be."

**~0~**

Bella exited the ladies room just a minute after Heidi did, deep in thought.

At least that explained why she felt so uncomfortable. It wasn't a stretch to figure that some of the people at the wedding were from Edward's past. He'd admitted to knowing some fairly unsavory types.

Felix would definitely count as unsavory.

It bothered her to no end that Edward had lied about Alec when they first met, but Bella was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, he'd introduced them before he'd told her the whole truth and since then had been a blur of finals, the play, and Christmas.

Looking around the main hall, Bella found Edward quickly, smiling as he spoke to Alec. There was a definite pride in the way he looked at the other man. Their camaraderie was undeniable, obviously much deeper than any other friendship in Edward's life.

She knew from experience that one couldn't help whom they loved. That fact must be true of all types of love, friendship included. Having severed all other ties with his past, Bella concluded that Alec must be very important for him to still be part of his life. She also knew Edward was protective, and if he trusted Alec around her and the Cullens, she could trust him, too.

She could trust Edward had his reasons for keeping Alec around.

As if attuned to her nearness, Edward looked up, his smile deepening when he saw her. "There you are," he said, hurrying quickly to her side. Cupping her face in his hands, he surprised Bella by kissing her deeply, completely unabashed about his very public display of affection in front of his friends. "Dance with me, Bella," he rumbled near her ear.

After that, Bella was having a hard time remembering she was a little bit pissed. She wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling as she melted against him. "You want to dance?"

He nodded, kissing her again as he moved them out to the dance floor. "I just don't want to have to let you go for a little while," he mumbled against her lips.

With a sigh, she let go of all her worries. "That sounds really nice," she acquiesced, deciding that all her questions were better left for another time.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: My, my, my. You're all so nervous about Alec. Hmmmm.
> 
> Thank you to jadedandboring, jfka06, and barburella for always letting me harass them. Much love. And thanks to all of you for your continuing support.


	16. The Good Man Scorns The Wicked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I apologize for the lack of review replies. Barburella kept me at Disneyland all day. I know. How dare she.

" _ **And Goodness knows**_

_**The wicked's lives are lonely** _

_**Goodness knows** _

_**The wicked die alone** _

_**It just shows when you're wicked** _

_**You're left only** _

_**On your own"** _

_**~No One Mourns the Wicked, Wicked** _

* * *

Edward shivered as he slipped into his clothes. The worst part of any winter morning, besides climbing out of bed in the first place, was getting out of the shower. It didn't matter how toasty warm the heater made the room, it was always freezing when his skin was wet.

Stepping out of his bathroom, Edward felt quite a bit warmer at the vision that greeted him.

Bella spent more time at his apartment than her dorm room, so he got to wake up with her at his side frequently. He had to admit he was spoiled by the sleepy good morning kisses she pressed to his lips before she fell back to sleep. On the relatively few days she did end up back at her own place, Edward often woke in a sour mood, missing her terribly.

Noticing that the blankets had slipped low on her shoulders, Edward stepped over to the bed quietly. As he pulled the blankets back up, he kissed her forehead with the slightest pressure, sighing because he wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed with her, but he was going to be late for work.

Just as he was about to pull back, he felt Bella's fingers slide through the belt loops of his jeans, keeping him in place. She tilted her head up, finding his lips without opening her eyes. It was a slow, lingering kiss, and once he realized that this was no peck goodbye, Edward leaned over her, his hands on either side of her head as he deepened the kiss. She tasted minty, like toothpaste, and he realized she must have sneaked in to brush her teeth while he was in the shower.

Which meant she was playing possum when he got out.

Edward's lips turned up as he kissed her harder. That she drove him to the sweetest brink of insanity was an understatement. Half the time, he felt out of his mind and out of his skin for her, totally distracted when she was even in the same room. He wondered if he'd ever get over the awing thought that this girl - this smart, beautiful, wonderful woman - wanted him and loved him as he loved her.

"Bella," he growled warningly against her lips when she began to undo the button of his jeans. "I have to go to work."

Kicking herself free of the confines of her blankets, Bella ignored him entirely. Edward was frozen by a shiver of desire as she undid his zipper. His crumbling willpower fell away completely when she yanked his jeans and boxers down his hips. He groaned, giving in as her hands wrapped around his length.

His kiss then was possessive, hard, as he crawled over her. She returned his kisses eagerly, her tongue sliding along his as the same pace she moved her hands over him. Again he groaned, trailing his rough kisses across her jawline, nudging her chin backward with his nose so he could linger at the skin of her throat. "You'll be the death of me, Bella. I swear you will." Lifting his head so he could look at her, he found she was smirking, looking very satisfied with herself. She was devilish and utterly gorgeous beneath him, her nude body and bedroom eyes only his to savor. He lowered his lips to her neck again, biting hard enough that she yelped. "You like that don't you - how crazy you drive me? That you can make me ignore everything else?" he accused, dragging his teeth to the spot where her shoulders met her neck. "You want me to get in trouble."

"No," she protested, her voice breathy. She shook her head lightly, her grip on his length firm enough that he hissed in pleasure. "I just want you."

Those simple words went straight to his core, winding his desire tight around any and every other thought. The whole rest of the world could wait, his job included, because he needed to be inside her. He was only tangentially aware of the awkwardness of his movements - his pants tangled around his ankles as they were. She moved with him, parting her legs and guiding him to her entrance.

His pace, as he thrust in and pulled out of her, was fast, hard. They were no strangers to quickies, having christened the prop closet at the theater more than once. Her hands were still between them, rubbing her clit. They kissed with open mouths, panting, breathing each other in. Their eyes were opened and locked, the connection between them so intense in that moment that emotion choked him.

"I love you," he murmured, his voice more like a rumble of thunder than actual words.

Her smile was radiant. She moved her hand to feel where they were joined, letting him slip between her fingers as he thrust in and out of her, and Edward was almost lost it. Gasping, he slowed for a moment, holding himself up on both arms and closing his eyes tight.

"Baby, no," Bella murmured, kissing the edge of his mouth. Her fingers tightened around him, creating the most delicious sensation. Her voice was sultry as she spoke, the sound going straight down his spine. "I don't have class today. I'm going to lay here all day, touching myself just thinking about how sexy you look when you come."

"Jesus Christ," Edward whimpered, thrusting against her particularly hard.

"Come for me," she commanded.

He did. Hard. His groan strangled in his throat as his hips bucked against her.

Collapsing atop her, Edward hid his face against her neck, breathing hard. His brain felt scrambled - worse than those 'this is your brain on drugs' commercials. Apparently, his brain on Bella was a mess of barely coherent thoughts. Bella's fingers were gentle in his hair. If she was uncomfortable with him sprawled on top of her, she didn't say so.

As soon as he was able, Edward rolled to the side, bringing her with him so he could kiss her senseless. "Fucking hell, Bella," he mumbled between kisses. "That was ridiculously hot. Where did this dirty mouth come from?"

"I don't know," she admitted, giggling a little at his tickling pecks. She cupped his face in between her hands, looking at him with strangely shy eyes. "I wasn't lying though."

Edward groaned, leaning in to kiss her roughly, his fingers tight against her side. "You're trying to kill me, minx." He kissed her again, his lips demanding. "Do you have any idea what it's going to do to me, being at work all day, thinking of you here, in my bed, touching yourself?" That he was going to be hard all day was inevitable at that point.

Again, she smirked, looking so very pleased with herself. She kissed the tip of his nose innocently. "Come home for lunch," she suggested.

His cock twitched, already aching. With a groan, he rolled away from her, standing and pulling his pants up. She laughed when he winced. "Keep it up, Bella," he said harshly, but he couldn't help his smile at her obvious pleasure. He leaned in, kissing her sweetly against her lips before he nuzzled the side of her head with his nose. "Just know this... I will have my revenge," he threatened near her ear, snaking his hand down to take one nipple between his thumb and forefinger. He squeezed hard, and she gasped.

"Really," she said when he was almost to the door. Her eyes, when he looked back at her, were hooded, darkened with want. "Come home for lunch."

Again his cock twitched in his jeans, and Edward bit the inside of his lip to cover another groan. He grinned at her. "I'll think about it," he said with a wink.

It was going to be a long morning.

_**~0~** _

"Earth to Bella. Hello?"

Bella blinked, snapping out of her sleepy reverie. "I'm sorry, Angela. I must have drifted off," she apologized, rubbing her eyes. She smiled as her friend set a plate of pasta in front of her. They'd scored a dorm with a kitchenette that semester, and Angela had been dying to try it. Of course, it was difficult as they were both frequently with their boyfriends.

Angela just chuckled. "Classes kicking your ass this early in the semester? We've only been back to school for a couple of weeks." Her friend grinned, tilting her head mischievously. "Or is it that Edward visited for lunch again?"

"Not today," Bella returned, knowing her cheeks were flushed and her lips turned up in a smile at the thought. "I've just been tired, that's all." She shrugged, picking up her fork, and breathing in the smell of the pasta deep.

Abruptly, Bella's stomach churned, the smell of garlic and lemon hitting her with the force of a mack truck. She pushed her chair back so quick it toppled. She only made it as far as the sink before she retched.

The room seemed to spinning crazily when Bella finally got a handle on herself. She was vaguely aware that Angela was rubbing her back, running the faucet. "Oh Angela, I'm sorry," she moaned.

"Bella, what are you apologizing for? I hardly think you're doing this on purpose just to insult my cooking."

Taking another moment to be sure she wasn't going to retch again, Bella cupped her hand under the cool water, bringing it to her mouth. She spit, hating the way there was no getting rid of the taste of bile in her mouth. "I know you've been looking forward to tonight," she explained, leaning heavily on the counter. "I've just been feeling lousy the past couple of days. I didn't want to ruin it for you."

Angela looked concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, it's nothing major," Bella assured with a smile, righting her chair and sitting back down, leaning as far away from the past as she could. "I just hope it goes away quick. The auditions for Wicked are next week."

"Hmmm."

Bella's eyes narrowed slightly as she caught the surprised expression that flitted across her roommate's face. "What is it?"

"It's probably nothing," Angela hedged. "Just.. you know... you're tired … and throwing up." She waved her hand as if Bella should be drawing obvious conclusions.

At first, Bella was perplexed. It took her a few seconds to realize what her friend was implying. "Oh... Oh!" She raised a hand to her mouth, abruptly horrified. After she and Edward had gotten together, she'd gone on birth control, but getting in the habit of taking the little pill every day at the same time had proved... challenging. "Oh, fuck. Angela..."

"Okay, okay," her friend stood at her side, rubbing her back again. "Don't panic. It's probably nothing."

Bella's phone chimed then, making her jump a mile. She picked it up with trembling fingers, finding a text message from Edward waiting.

"We can go to the store really quick and get a test," Angela continued.

"Edward's in the neighborhood," Bella said wryly, proffering Angela her phone so she could see the text message. "He wants to pick me up to go to his place."

"Well, what do you want to do?" Angela asked softly.

Trying to think around her rising panic was difficult. "I, uh... Shit." She breathed in and out slowly. "He'll know something is wrong if I say no."

Her friend smiled wryly. "That's very true."

Bella smirked in spite of herself. "Ah, hell. There's no way I'm going to be able to keep this from him one way or another."

~0~

Though she knew that she was making Edward nervous with her distraction, but she didn't know how to put into words how scared she was. He tried everything to get her to talk, and when that didn't work he did his damndest to make her smile.

"Bella," he finally said, his voice pleading. "Tell me what's wrong. Whatever it is... let me help." He took her hands in his, playing with her fingers as they sat together on the couch.

Knowing it was time to face the music, she turned, throwing her legs over his lap.

"Sweetheart, you're shaking." Edward held her hands tightly. "You're really scaring me. Tell me what's wrong."

She bit her lip hard. "It may be nothing..."

"Whatever has you this upset isn't nothing."

Before she could speak, there was a sudden commotion. Several someones pounded up the outside steps, their voices urgent. Both Edward and Bella paused, cocking their heads and listening. When the voices came closer to their door, Edward stood. "Go to my room. Please."

"I don't -"

"Bella, please," he said urgently.

She was about to argue, but then there were scratching noises at the door and voices whispering. "Hurry up. Hurry the fuck up!" she thought she heard someone hiss.

"Fuck," she muttered under her breath, torn because she didn't want to leave him if he was in danger. But he didn't look scared. No. He looked furious. It made Bella believe that he probably knew who was at the door.

Turning on her heel, she walked quickly to his bedroom. Sitting on his bed, she drew her legs up close to her chest, just listening to what was going on in the living room.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" she heard Edward hiss.

"We, uh... we fucked up," Alec's voice drifted back to her. He sounded shaken.

"We didn't -" a woman's voice began but was cut off.

"We fucked up!" Alec said again, louder. "This is so... and the police were right on our tail."

"And you thought it was a good idea to lead them here?" Edward asked, incredulous. "Are you out of your mind? You can't be here."

"Oh, don't be such a bitch," another voice joined in. Bella's blood ran cold. It sounded a lot like Felix - the man with personal space issues she'd met at the wedding. "They didn't see us come to this particular complex. It'll be fine. We just need to lay low for a few hours."

As if on cue, the distant sound of sirens could be clearly heard.

"What did you do, Alec?" Edward demanded.

"Look at you," the woman's voice shrieked shrilly. "You're such a fucking hypocrite. Like Alec didn't save your ass how many times? And he never said a fucking word."

"That's different, Jane. Just tell me what you did!"

The arguing voices faded into the background as the door the Edward's room came open, startling Bella. She stood, automatically stumbling a few paces backward when she saw the hulking figure in the doorway. She didn't miss the fact he was tucking a gun into his waistband, or that his knuckles were bloody - as if he'd punched someone or something very recently. Felix's scowling face turned to a sly smile as he sauntered toward her. "Well, well, well," he said softly. "Look what Edward has hidden away back here. No wonder he's so uptight."

Bella said nothing, her throat suddenly gone dry. She did narrow her eyes, folding her arms over her midsection in an instinctively protective gesture.

"What is it, Princess? Are you surprised to find that Edward isn't the golden boy he tries to pretend to be?" Felix scoffed. "People don't change, babycakes. He can pretend all he wants, but he's the same scum the rest of us are."

"Edward is nothing like you," Bella spit out between clenched teeth. "How fucking dare you try to drag him down where you are? If you had any kind of decency at all, you'd leave right now."

Felix's smile fell, and he scowled at Bella. "No wonder you're with Edward. You're just another bitch who thinks she's better than everyone else." As he spoke he stepped toward her and wrapped his fingers around her wrist.

"Let go of me," Bella demanded, yanking her wrist back. "Get away from me or I swear to God..."

"You swear what?" Felix snarled, pulling himself up to his full height to tower over her.

In answer Bella brought her knee up straight into his groin. Crying out in pain, Felix doubled over. "Fucking whore," he hissed.

Quickly, Bella darted around him. She'd only gotten a few steps when the doorway was filled again, this time by Edward, Alec, and the blond woman who'd glared at her during the wedding - Jane. "What did he do?" Edward demanded, taking her hand and looking her over anxiously.

"I didn't do anything. It's your whore who kicked me," Felix hissed, his lividly furious face frightening.

"I told you to get away from me," Bella yelled in her defense, suddenly very aware she'd hit a man with a gun. She looked at Edward, yanking her hand out of his grasp too. "I don't know what the hell is going on here, but I want none of it. I'm getting out of here."

"Bella," Edward said pleadingly, reaching out for her again.

She recoiled away. "No! I can't deal with this. I'm a cop's kid, okay? This is..." She shook her head. "Too much."

As she pushed passed him, toward the door, Jane grabbed her arm. Bella hissed, trying to pull away, but the other woman held her fast. "You can't leave." She turned to the rest of them. "Edward, she'll run straight to Daddy. The cops will be all over our ass in a minute."

"Get your hands off her!" Edward snapped.

"Let her go, Jane," Alec said, looking down at the floor.

"But Alec -"

"I said let her go!"

Though she seemed anything but happy about it, Jane let her go. Her expression was deadly as she glared at Bella. "I swear, I will kill you myself if you tell anyone."

"She won't tell," Felix said with a scoff. "She'd be putting Edward the magnificent in trouble with us."

Bella looked up, her eyes locking with Edward's for one, two heartbeats. He looked utterly torn - angry, anguished, and torn. She wanted more than anything for him to come with her, away from the ghosts of his past.

But when she turned for the door, he didn't stop her.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you so much to jadedandboring, barburella, and jfka06


	17. Wishing Only Wounds The Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Again, so sorry about the review reply situation. I'm trying to get all my WIP ducks in a row and recovering from the holidays. Woo! Hopefully, I'll be back on track soon. Sorry about the wait!

" _ **Don't dream too far**_

_**Don't lose sight of who you are** _

_**Don't remember that rush of joy** _

_**He could be that boy** _

_**I'm not that girl** _

_**Ev'ry so often we long to steal** _

_**To the land of what-might-have-been** _

_**But that doesn't soften the ache we feel** _

_**When reality sets back in"** _

_**~I'm Not That Girl, Wicked** _

* * *

Edward watched the front door as if this were all some elaborate ruse, and Bella would come inside any moment with a mischievous smile and an, 'I had you going, didn't I?'

"Don't worry," Alec said, clapping his friend on the shoulder. His smile was weak, his voice a little shaky - as it had been since they arrived - but he was trying for his usual, cocky demeanor. "She'll be back. Heidi tried to make me choose between her and Janey, and she came crawling back eventually."

Swinging around, Edward batted Alec's hand away from him. "If you ever say something so stupid to me again, I'll..." He trailed off, his nose flaring as he tried to calm down. He stared hard at his friend. "What you don't understand, what you've never understood, is that Heidi is better than any of this - better than you and definitely better than Jane." He shook his head, still seething. "I swear to God, if I didn't owe you my fucking life several times over, I'd throw your stupid ass to the wolves so fast your head would spin."

Losing his temper entirely, Edward grabbed Alec by the his shirt, shoving him hard against the wall. "If you've cost me the only thing in my life that has ever mattered to me, we're done, you get that?"

"Get off him, you asshole!" Jane shrieked shrilly, barreling into Edward's side. He shook her off, stepping a pace away from all three of them.

"Well, pardon the fuck out of me for calling in an old favor," Alec seethed, looking livid. "You know I wouldn't have upset your squeaky clean life if it weren't an emergency."

"Alec," Edward said, exasperated, "for fuck's sake, it's not like you're here because Heidi kicked you out again. You're here because you fucking killed somebody! Are you kidding me with this?"

"He wasn't dead," Jane insisted. "I saw. He wasn't dead."

"That hardly even matters. The fact that you have to question it at all is beyond insane. What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded of his friend. "You're a husband and about to be a father. I thought you were going to stop this shit, and then you go and pull this? Alec, when it was you and me, we never went in with guns. Never."

Alec's eyes flicked nervously over to Felix, anger draining visibly from his features. "It wasn't exactly my idea,"

"Don't be a little bitch," Felix interjected, coming forward. He still had the gun in his hand. "Don't act like you didn't know what was going on."

Thinking quickly, Edward grabbed a shirt from the top of his dresser and used it to snatch the gun away from Felix. The larger man growled, stepping forward, but Edward held out his free hand in a stopping motion. "This is my house. You think I trust you in here with a gun?" He shook his head, the heavy metal thing feeling uncomfortably heavy in his hand, especially since it might have killed a man that night.

Christ what a mess.

"All of you, get out of my room," he growled. "If you're not gone in the morning, I'm calling the police."

"Listen to mister high and mighty," Felix scoffed. "Or was it someone else Alec found running from the cops years ago?"

"That is the one and only reason you aren't out on your ass right now. Leave! "

Scoffing again, Felix exited the room followed quickly by Jane. Alec lingered, looking half pissed, half guilty. "Edward..." he began, but Edward shook his head.

"I can't talk to you right now. I can't believe you would put me in the middle of this, put Bella in the middle of this."

There was a moment of tense silence as Edward sat on the edge of his bed, not looking at his friend. Part of him felt like he was being unreasonable. It was true that Alec had saved him a number of times without every asking much more of Edward than a place to sleep when Heidi was mad at him. But this was above and beyond the worst thing Edward had every done.

"I'm sorry," Alec said finally right before Edward heard the soft snick of the door closing.

**~0~**

Somehow, between worrying about the situation with Bella and worrying for Alec, Edward fell into a restless sleep. He woke with a start, knowing that something was terribly wrong but not remembering immediately what it could be. He reached out, his hands looking for Bella before he even opened his eyes.

She wasn't there, and as Edward came fully awake, he remembered why.

Alert, Edward listened. Someone was moving around in the apartment. Gritting his teeth, Edward went to deal with whomever had decided to test him on his threat to call the police if they were still there in the morning.

In the living room, he found only Alec. His friend was sitting on the couch, his eyes trained on the television. "I'll get out of your way," he said tersely. "I just wanted you to know that the guy is fine. It was just a flesh wound."

Edward sighed, sitting on the couch. "What's going on with you? You get married and instead of growing up you sink deeper?"

Alec scoffed. "Don't talk down to me, asshole."

"I'm not trying to be a prick, Alec. I don't give a shit what Jane and Felix do. You are better than that. Smarter."

"Lay off Janey," he grumbled, but it was more out of habit than anything else. Again his bravado faded, and he looked nervous. "I didn't know what to do. Heidi lost her job."

Edward winced. Bad timing at it's finest."Shit."

"Yeah," Alec nodded, sounding bitter. He wrung his hands in very un-Alec-like anxiousness. "I just...I don't want my kid to have nothing. He deserves the best, starting wtih the best doctors. Remember Renata got knocked up a few years ago? Remember that baby died and she almost died?"

"That was a tragedy," Edward said, shaking his head. "I don't think the best doctors in the world could have prevented that. Besides, that's one thing you don't have to worry about. Pregnant woman can get prenatal health care."

"And what about after that?" Alec challenged. "Also, Heidi needs things. She needs clothes because she's gonna get big soon. You think the government's gonna pay for that? Hell no. That's all on me. No one else is gonna care if she has to wear a trash bag. No one else is gonna care if my kid has a carseat. Did you know you can't even take them home from the hospital without one?" He rubbed his hand against the back of his neck anxiously. "The list of things you need for a baby is like a thousand miles long. What - am I gonna have to go dumpster diving or some shit?"

"Alec, I can't imagine what a huge responsibility it is...but this isn't the way."

"This is the only thing I know," Alec interjected. "It's different for you, Edward. That's the thing you never understood. You've always had a never needed that money - you still don't. You've never had to wonder where your next meal is coming from. It's not gonna be like that for my kid. It just isn't."

"And when you end up in jail or dead? Where is your kid going to get the money he needs then?" Edward challenged. "Come on, man. You could have been responsible for a man's death! "

Alec pushed off the couch. "Shut up. Just shut up," he growled, raking a hand through his hair furiously. "Do you know how much of an asshole you sound like right now? When did you get so fucking self righteous?"

"I'm only worried-"

"Yeah, yeah. You're worried about me." Alec waved his hand, moving quickly to the door. "Well, fuck off. I can take care of myself."

_**~0~** _

Edward stood outside Bella's dorm room door, clenching and unclenching his fists nervously. He had no idea what to expect when he knocked on the door. He knew Bella was home - he'd seen her car. Beyond that, he didn't even know what he was going to say. He was fairly certain groveling would be involved.

With a sardonic grimace, Edward idly wondered what Alec would think of this. He was utterly terrified of a diminutive girl.

Summoning his courage, Edward knocked on the door.

"Oh!" Angela said, obviously startled when she opened the door to find him there. "Hey, Edward," she said tightly, and he couldn't help but wonder what Bella had told her. "Bella's inside. I'm just... I'll be going now," she said awkwardly, stepping around him.

Edward watched her go, grateful they wouldn't have an audience for this conversation. He took a steadying breath before he stepped into the room. "Bella?"

She was sitting at her desk by stood as he entered the little space and closed the door. When she crossed her arms defensively across her chest, Edward felt a lump rise to his throat. She looked more sad than pissed, and that worried him. "Bella..." he began again, but he didn't know where to begin.

"What is there to say, Edward?" she asked, her voice sounding worn and raw. To his horror, when she raised her head it was immediately obvious she'd been crying recently. "I understand what happened last night."

"Talk to me, Bella," he said, taking a step toward her. He wasn't entirely sure what was upsetting her and didn't want to dig himself deeper.

She looked down again. "I was upset last night, do you remember?"

Realizing that he'd completely forgotten her distress the night previous - before Alec and his friends had arrived - Edward felt lower than a cockroach. He let out a long, hissing breath, his shoulders slumping.

"Last night, I thought I might be pregnant," Bella said flatly.

Edward's head snapped up, his eyes wide.

"I'm not," she said quickly.

As his mind recovered from shock, he realized how scared she must have been the night before, not only for herself but for an innocent life. It was no wonder she'd gone as far as to knee Felix in the groin. "It won't happen again," he said fervently, meaning every word. "Alec... I don't think he'd be stupid enough to pull anything like this with Felix again."

She chuffed and looked away. "You're telling me he's going … clean, or whatever?"

Edward didn't answer. He didn't need to. "I've told you before, love is irrational. Before last night, I would have said that it didn't matter what you brought into my life. You're a good man, and I love you so much, Edward," she said on a breath.

His stomach clenched, waiting for the seemingly inevitable but.

I want to say it's worth it because you're worth it. And if it was just me, that's fine." She looked toward him, her eyes filled with tears. "But thinking like that... it's a fairytale. It's never going to be just us. Whether it's Esme and everyone else... or the family we would have eventually... As long as you're still friends with Alec, then something like what happened last night will always be a possibility."

For long moments, Edward didn't speak, but let her words wander and rearrange themselves in his head. "Are you saying... Are you asking me to choose between you and Alec?"

"I would never ask you to make that choice," she said in a whisper. "What I'm saying is, if I choose to be with you, knowing that Alec may pop into our lives unexpectedly, dragging us into whatever he's gotten into, that's my fault. I couldn't blame anyone else for the fallout, whatever that may be."

"Bella..." Edward started. He wanted to tell her he would drop Alec like a bad habit for her. He wanted it to be true. But he couldn't make himself form the words. "You don't understand... Alec... You don't understand what he did for me. He saved my life. I can't just abandon him right now. He's in a bad place."

"I know there has to be history between you," Bella said quietly. "I know you wouldn't keep him around if he wasn't important to you. I wish you'd been honest with me about who he was, but I understand why you weren't."

She sniffled, looking like she was doing her damnedest not to cry again. "Besides, none of that matters. What I'm telling you is what I can handle and what I can't. I get that Alec himself is fairly harmless, but do you know that last night was the second time I've run into Felix alone?"

"What?" Edward asked, instantly furious.

"He cornered me at the wedding. He didn't know I was with you, and he was fairly aggressive when he hit on me. I didn't think much of it because I didn't think I'd ever see him again. He  _is_ dangerous, Edward."

"I know that," he said quickly. "That's why I was so furious last night."

At that, her eyes narrowed. "Yes. Do you understand how worried for you I was last night? Things could have gotten ugly too quickly, and Felix had a gun," she said, anger evident in her voice as she stared at him hard.

Edward's expression softened and he took another step toward her, frowning when she stepped back. "I was never in any danger, Bella."

"Oh, don't give me that. You're not a stupid man, Edward," she said furiously, volume to her voice for the first time that morning. "You don't have as much control over your friends as you think. And for that matter, if Alec was really your friend, he never would have thought of involving you in a potential murder. A  _murder_ , Edward. You and I both could have been accessories to murder."

"It won't happen again," he insisted. "It's never happened before, and I won't let it happen again."

Bella shook her head. "Unless Alec had no access to you, I just don't see how you can promise that."

"Tell me what to do," he begged. "I'll do it. Anything you want. Anything you need."

Again she shook her head, closing her eyes tightly though she couldn't stop the twin tears that fell down each cheek. "This isn't about what you need to do. This is about what I need to do. After Jacob, I promised myself I wouldn't let fantasy interfere with reality. The reality of the situation is what it is. I can't change that."

"Bella." The way he said her name was a plea. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and kiss her, remind her what it felt like when they were together. He'd never felt so complete. He could feel a wound being ripped right through the center of his being - a wound that he knew wouldn't heal if she was really going to leave him. He pushed away panic, his thoughts nonsensical. He couldn't make sense of the idea of living without her.

"Please," she begged him, her voice cracking. "You have no idea how hard this is. Please understand."

"I'll tell Alec to fuck off," Edward blurted hastily. "Just please don't..."

She shook her head fervently this time, pressing her back against the wall. "You can't do that. Not for me. If you can't do it for you, then you shouldn't do it. Period. I can't let you resent me for that, either." She sniffled loudly, the silence yawning between them. Edward could practically feel a chasm opening, splitting the space they stood on far and wide while he was helpless to stop it.

It was Bella who broke the silence between them. When she spoke her voice was thin, no more than a whisper. "Edward... I think you should go."

**~0~**

Edward drove away from the university in a daze, not daring to let himself feel anything until he was safe behind closed doors. But rather than go to his apartment, he detoured, finding himself in the long ago abandoned house where his parents had died.

In the darkened, dusty hallway of his childhood home, Edward began to pace. He moved quickly across the floor, his thoughts still blurred around the edges as memories and musings assaulted him. He felt if he stopped, the absolute fury that was building in his blood stream would get the better of him, and he would destroy something.

On the one hand, it seemed that every cell in his body was screaming Bella's name. He still felt her on his skin, heard her husky laugh in his ear, and remembered just the way she tasted on his tongue. He was desperate for her, and in his despondency, he was prone to panicked thoughts. The urge to overreact was strong. Part of him wanted to change his number, his address, hell, he would change his name if it meant he could prove to Bella that Alec was no longer a part of his life. No price was too great to pay if it meant they could be together.

But back in this house it was hard to ignore what Alec was to him - how far back they went. He remembered each and every time Alec had been there. Even with little things, as when Edward had obviously struggled with shaving his hair off after he saw the scar again, Alec was an honest to goodness, true friend. And for what reason? It hadn't benefited Alec in the slightest to help him out the way he had. In that whole world where Alec still lived, people didn't do favors without expecting one in return. As his friend had pointed out, he'd never asked Edward for anything up until recently.

Edward growled, squatting down with his head in his hands as his thoughts spun crazily.

The idea of abandoning Alec felt wrong altogether, especially now. He could sense his friend was at a tipping point. He wanted to be good, renounce his wicked ways so he could be a man his wife and child could be proud of. He just didn't know how to do it yet. When he made that choice, he would need someone to help. How shitty would it be if Edward wasn't there the one time Alec needed him most, especially after he'd promised to be?

Bella's words had caught him off guard though. Accessory to murder.

Even when he was still part of that underground network of criminals, he saw himself as above the lowest of the low. He would never kill, never deal drugs, never harm another human being pysically. There was what he did, which was bad, and there was what people like Felix did, which was unfathomable.

Though he was far from ignorant of the law, what he hadn't allowed himself to grasp was that just knowing about the things they all did was a crime. Somewhere out there, a man was suffering the effects of a gunshot wound. Someone else was talking with the police, having just fallen victim to a theft. Though Edward had played no part in it, he knew who was responsible. He was culpable...and so was Bella.

All this time that he'd been leading a straight life, he'd been in constant contact with Alec, and he knew that whole time that his friend hadn't been coming by his money honestly.

Edward clenched his fists, livid that Alec had, in fact, made Bella a criminal by coming to his apartment the night before.

Just as quickly, Edward's fury was replaced by shame.

Bella was right. He knew what he was signing up for when he kept in contact with Alec. It was no one's fault but his own that he hadn't made the decision that Bella had come to. He was the one who brought her into this. As long as he was friends with Alec, as long as he had any knowledge of what went on in that side of town, he was making her a criminal because he was one. That wasn't Alec's fault; Edward had made that choice.

She was also right that he wasn't in control as he wanted to believe. If it came down to a choice between being caught and involving Edward in anything - even a murder - Alec had already proven he wouldn't think twice. Edward wanted to believe that loyalty to Alec would keep Felix from doing something as stupid as shooting him or hurting Bella, but he knew well enough that men like Felix had no honor.

Smaller things began to occur to him, like finding Alec smoking marijuana in his apartment. He knew, to Alec, the act was innocuous, but that was part of the problem. Alec didn't live honestly, he didn't think with that mindset - in terms of what society thought was right or wrong. He probably never would.

Edward sat down heavily on the floor of the house that was all he had left of his parents, of his original, not so shady life. Bitterness crept up his throat, coating his tongue and permeating his thoughts. For a moment he felt wildly sorry for himself, utterly miserable about his situation and all the things that, no matter how much he wished, could never be undone.

Hours might have passed as he thought, but when he stood up again, and locked up the house where his whole life had veered off course, two thoughts were abundantly clear to him.

First, he couldn't be friends with Alec. Not anymore. He'd lost too much and stood to lose much more if he let their friendship continue, no matter how true it was, no matter how much he owed to the other man.

Second, he'd been a fool to think that he ever could have been good enough for Bella. He made a silent promise to stay away from her - to not taint her life any further. She deserved so much better than a common criminal. She was too young, too pure, to be tainted by the bullshit in his fucked up life.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, the good news is that we're approaching the end of the story. I suspect this will be over within about five chapters, I should think. Soooo the sad can't possibly last long, right? Right.
> 
> Love and kisses to barburella and jadedandboring.


	18. I Hope You're Happy Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sigh. I got through some review replies but not all. But it's progress, right? Anyway. I love you all, and your reviews make my day.

" _ **I hope you're happy now that you're choosing this**_

_**I hope it brings you bliss** _

_**I really hope you get it** _

_**And you don't live to regret it** _

_**I hope you're happy in the end** _

_**I hope you're happy, my friend"** _

_**~Defying Gravity, Wicked** _

* * *

"Bella, are you sure you're going to be okay?"

Bella didn't realize she'd been sitting still on her bed for minutes on end, staring into space, until Angela called her name. Her eyes darted to her friend, and she took a deep breath. "I'll be fine," she said, trying to convince both of them.

Angela gave her shoulder a sympathetic squeeze before she walked out the door, on her way to meet Ben.

Taking a deep breath, Bella stood and walked out to her car as if in a trance.

To say it had been a hard week was an understatement. What she had been through in her break up with Jacob was nothing. It was a paper cut. Being without Edward, she felt like she'd been shoved into an iron maiden laden with spikes.

And the bitch of it all was that she'd done it to herself. Her heartbreak was of her own design, her own wishes and principles.

The worst thing Edward had done was help a friend who had saved his life. That should have been a good quality.

She knew she had good reasons, logical reasons to break up with Edward, but in the worst moments, she wished he'd actually done something to end them. It would be so much easier if there was some incompatibility, some hurt he'd inflicted that she just couldn't get around.

They meshed well together. They were in love. There should have been no problem.

Bella sighed as she pulled into the parking lot of the theater, looking around anxiously.

Part of her wanted to turn tail and run.

It was audition day, and Bella didn't know how she was going to handle seeing Edward again. She didn't know how she could get through a whole production, seeing him nearly every day.

What if...

Well, it seemed pompous to think so, but say she won the role of Elphaba. Edward would make an amazing Fiyiero.

Could she handle that?

After having the last week and a half to think about it, she'd decided she couldn't stay away. When the whole situation with Jacob went down, she'd lost almost her entire support system and a place she felt comfortable.

The Wolves were Jacob's friends that she'd inherited. The Cullens felt more like her friends, her family in a way. They were people she'd found on her own, relationships she'd cultivated and worked toward.

On top of losing Edward, she didn't think she could handle losing everyone else.

_Remember, jumping into his arms is not acceptable. Bursting into tears is even less so._

As ready as she was ever going to be, Bella got out of her car.

"Hi, sweetheart," Esme greeted her. "How are you?"

Bella looked up, immediately suspicious about the tone of Esme's voice. She was radiating maternal sympathy. Obviously, she knew something.

It made sense that Edward would confide in the Cullens. She was glad he had someone to go to about this. The question that came to mind was whether or not they resented her for hurting him.

Then again, much of the time, Bella resented herself for hurting him.

Dropping her gaze, Bella finally answered. "I'm fine."

Esme looked like she wanted to say something else, but just nodded. "Well, if you're ready, we'll get right to it then."

For a minute, as Esme lined up the song she would be auditioning with, Bella's head spun. Of course, she'd known the song the director picked would be  _Defying Gravity_ , but she hadn't been prepared for how it would feel as she amped up to sing it.

She remembered Edward's fingers wrapped around hers as he led her through the darkened hallways of The Paramount, the adrenaline that coursed through her bloodstream when the song came to an end, her voice still echoing off the walls, and Edward's arms around her - the pride and adoration in his eyes.

For a moment, as she remembered, she thought of how it felt - like she could fly, like she would never come down.

Holding on to that emotion before she could feel its loss, Bella nodded at Mrs. Cope at the piano and cleared her mind of everything besides the song.

Hadn't she told Edward once? That was why she loved acting. She could be someone else for minutes or hours at a time. Someone graceful and strong. Someone whose heart wasn't shattered into a million of sharp edged shards.

Right then, a few minutes respite was welcome. She disappeared into the character as she sang the section Esme indicated. It wasn't the same as The Paramount - this theater didn't have the acoustics - but as her voice filled the space, Bella did feel a tinge of excitement and adrenaline.

She realized how very much she wanted this part.

"That was beautiful, Bella," the director said, her head down as she scribbled on her notepad. "You know the drill. I'll post my decision at the end of the week."

Bella nodded, turning to leave when Esme called her back. It was obvious the older woman was wrestling with her next words. "I realize it's none of my business, but will you at least tell me if Edward's okay?"

A chill went down Bella's spine as she started. "What? What do you mean?"

Esme looked confused. "Last week, Edward asked Emmett for a reference to another crew. He wouldn't say what was wrong, but Emmett said he seemed very upset. We tried his phone, but it's off."

"Oh," Bella said on a breath, clapping her hand over her mouth.

"Did something happen between you two?" Esme asked gently.

"Um," Bella hedged, trying to think. "Yeah. But I never thought he'd..." She blew out a breath, frustrated and sad. "I'll talk to him."

"I don't want to put you in a bad spot if there's something going on," Esme said, holding her hand out in a stopping motion. "We've just been concerned about him."

"I'll talk to him," Bella reiterated. "He shouldn't lose all of you. Not because of me."

**~0~**

Bella tried Edward's phone only to get the 'the number you dialed is no longer in service' message. She drove to his apartment, but his car wasn't there. Frustrated, she composed a note to stick under his door, asking him to call.

"He's not there, you know."

Stooped to push her impromptu note under Edward's doorway, Bella jumped a mile in the air when she heard a familiar voice and felt a presence behind her. She swung around to find Alec, his hands shoved deep in his pockets, staring at her.

There was something in his eyes. He didn't look dangerous, though she could see he was skirting the edge of anger. He looked more hurt than anything else.

Startled, she pressed her back against the door.

Alec rolled his eyes. "Jesus Christ," he muttered. "I get it. You're scared of me. I didn't do anything to you but whatever."

Bella bristled. "I'm not scared of you, you ass. I wasn't expecting anyone to come up behind me, that's all."

He scoffed. "Yeah, right. You're not scared of me. I'm sure it's someone else who got Edward to ditch me."

"Actually," Bella argued, "I told him not to ditch you because of me. And it's not like I'm scared that you'll hurt me or whatever. I don't think you'd do that. But can we skip the part where we pretend that what you do for a living is legal and knowing about it won't get me arrested?"

Alec looked down and didn't say anything.

Bella sighed, calming down. "Do you know where he is? It's important that I talk to him, and he isn't answering his phone."

"I would have thought you'd be the first to know where he went. He doesn't live here anymore," Alec said, gesturing to the apartment.

"He doesn't live here?" Bella repeated dumbly. "I don't understand. Where does he live?"

"Beats the fuck out of me. He told me to stay the fuck away from him. His exact words. Like I would follow the stupid prick," he muttered bitterly. "He said that he was sick of his past coming back to haunt him, and that included me."

Bella winced and slumped against the door, trying to stave off panic. The idea that Edward had disappeared off the face of the planet and that she would never see him again was horrifying.

"So if he's gone, what are you doing here? " she asked quickly, trying to quell the urge to cry add her head spun.

"Heidi always liked this place," Alec mumbled. "I thought maybe we could rent it, but they're fucking Nazis in the rental office. Guess my money isn't good enough."

When Bella didn't say anything, he continued. "So you didn't know all this?" Alec asked, his voice harsh.

"No," Bella breathed. "I haven't talked to him in a week and a half."

"What did you - break up with him unless he threw how many years of friendship down the garbage?" He scoffed. "That's cold."

"That's not the way it was," Bella insisted. "I wasn't trying to manipulate him." Shaking her head, Bella pushed off the door and headed for the stairs. "I don't know why I'm trying to justify myself to you, anyway."

"Yeah, yeah," Alec called after her. "I'm just a lowly fucking criminal. Not worth the dirt on your shoes."

She swung around, gripping the banister as she glared at him. "Keep feeling sorry for yourself. Has it done you a lot of good?" She sighed and turned around again. "Don't you get it, Alec? Edward gave up everything in his old life except for you. He cares about you. He loves you. He'd have helped you anytime you asked. I bet he'd still help you now, wherever he is, but no. You're too busy throwing a pity party to see that. Because obviously, it's a flaw in my character that I can't accept that you're a thief, and this close to being a murderer.

"Well you know what? I love Edward. Because I love him, I'm not going to sit here and smile like you're the greatest thing in the world for him. You aren't."

"Edward's a fucking grown man," Alec argued, but his voice didn't have even half as much anger as it had a minute before. "Before you came along, he could decide for himself who he could be friends with. He's my brother, and he walked away from that because of you."

"Don't throw that brotherhood crap at me. Big brothers look out for their little brothers."

"I have!" Alec hollered. "His stupid, green ass would have gotten pinched by the cops years ago if it wasn't for me. Not to mention he never had any idea how to handle himself around the others. They'd have picked him off in a week if I wasn't there to help him."

Bella shook her head. "I'm not blaming you, because Edward made his own choices, but what if the police had caught up with him then? When he was just an angry kid? Maybe he'd have done some time. Maybe he'd have a record. But he'd be free of all the shit you're tangled up in.

"But you caught him. You dragged him deeper, and when he tried to get out, you kept him where you are." She pushed up the three steps that separated them and pointed a finger at his chest. "That's not how a big brother protects his little brother. Do you know what happens if you go down? He's culpable too."

"Nothing happened! " Alec cried towering over her.

"Take responsibility for what you did!" she shouted back. "It happened. Just because you didn't get caught doesn't erase what you did. It's there, and if it gets back to Edward, it could destroy everything he worked to build. If you want to protect him, why aren't you concerned with protecting that?"

Alec didn't have an answer, and Bella didn't want to waste any more time banging her head against a brick wall. She turned and walked quickly to her car, trying to figure where Edward would have gone.

**~0~**

By that evening, Bella was no closer to finding Edward than she had been that afternoon. Desperate, she found herself outside the Cullens' door, wringing her hands fitfully as she waited for them to answer.

It was Carlisle who came to the door. "Bella? Is everything okay? I'll go get Esme."

"No," she said quickly, stepping in the foyer as Carlisle stepped to the side. "I mean, yes. Call her, but I need to talk to you."

"Esme!" Carlisle called. "What's going on?" he asked Bella in a lower tone.

"I need to know... I mean, is there anywhere you know of that Edward would go? Any friend or relative who isn't part of the group?" Bella asked anxiously.

Esme's eyes, as she descended the stairs and saw Bella, became instantly concerned.

Carlisle pursed his lips. "Can you tell us what's going on?"

Thinking it over, Bella decided to tell them the truth. After all, they knew of Edward's past.

"This situation is very serious," Carlisle said gravely when he'd heard everything.

"I know that," Bella said, a little impatient. "That's why we fought. But you guys, the group... it's all he has. If he's staying away because of me, I need to talk to him. And I need..." She trailed off, her throat tightening so much, it was difficult to speak. "I didn't break up with him because I never wanted to see him again."

Carlisle and Esme exchanged a glance. "I'm sorry, Bella," Carlisle said softly. "I'm just as worried as you are, but I don't know where he would have gone. You're right. He has no other family, no other friends that I ever knew of."

Bella groaned, slumping forward in defeat. "He can't have just disappeared," she muttered into her hands.

"Hmmm," Carlisle mumbled. Bella looked up to find a thoughtful expression on his face.

"What?" she asked eagerly. "Anything you can think of would at least be a start."

"Well," Carlisle hedged. "I don't know if he would still have it, but... the last I knew, he still owned the house he grew up in, the house where his parents died."

Bella's eyes went wide. "He would go there, especially now that he's thinking about his past." She breathed a little easier, hopeful for the first time in many hours. "Do you know where it is?"

Carlisle nodded slowly. "Well, no," he hedged. "I could find his address from the hospital forms when he was admitted when he was a boy."

"Then what are you waiting for?" Esme prompted.

"It's not ethical," Carlisle said with a frown.

Esme gave her husband an incredulous look. "If it were Emmett?"

Carlisle's lips quirked and he nodded. "We'll go now."

"Thank you," Bella said on a breath.

**~0~**

It was almost ten at night before Bella had what she needed and was on her way to Edward's old place. As she drove, she drummed her fingers nervously on the steering wheel, not knowing what she would do if he wasn't there.

A huge weight lifted from her chest when she turned onto his block and saw his car parked in the driveway of a house. Leaning her head on the steering wheel, Bella breathed deep, letting relief still her trembling hands.

Calmer than she'd been in hours, Bella took in her surroundings.

It looked like it was a nice house once, but it was obviously neglected. The lawn was overrun, and the whole place dark.

Frowning, Bella pulled her jacket tighter around her, walking up to the door uncertainly. Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, she knocked. She thought she heard a shuffle but it paused before the door opened. Somewhat irritated at all the anxiety he'd put her through, Bella slapped her palm on the door several times. "Edward? Open the door, please."

There was another pause before she heard the lock turning and the door came open. Under other circumstances, Edward standing there in a ridiculously oversized coat and gloves would have been funny. The uncomfortable atmosphere between them drained any humor from the air. In the moonlight, she could see his eyes were cautious, and his wary expression made her feel slightly nauseated.

"How did you find me?" he asked at the same time she asked, "What are you doing here?"

They both sighed, and Edward answered first. "This is my house," he said gruffly.

Bella frowned, hating the coldness in tone. "Why are you so bundled up?"

There was a pause, as if he was debating on whether or not to tell her. "There's no electricity here."

Bella's heart twisted. "Edward, it's too cold for you to be-"

"I'm fine. It's no worse than camping," he interrupted.

"But do you even have the water turned on? How are you-"

"No one's lived here for years, Bella," he interrupted again. "Nothing's turned on. And again, I'm fine. What is it you came here for?"

"I came..." she stumbled, suddenly unsure how to express her concern. Was she being silly to worry for him? "I came because... I wanted to know why you didn't try out today," she finished lamely.

He chuffed and leaned on the door frame. "I'd think that would be obvious."

"Well, I must not be that smart," she retorted, annoyance tinging her tone.

Shifting, Edward looked away from her. "Like you said, I was living a fantasy. The fact of the matter is that my past puts everyone in danger. They're all good people."

"That's not what I..." Bella scoffed, trying to feel her way around a conversation written in braille. "Listen, it's really cold out here, and I'm not in Eskimo gear like you are. Can I at least come inside?"

For a second, Bella thought for sure be was going to say no. Then his shoulders slumped and he took a step backward. "Yeah, come in."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to barburella and jfka06...both of whom called me a hussy this chapter.


	19. Kiss Me Too Fiercely

" _ **Just for this moment**_

_**As long as you're mine** _

_**I've lost all resistance** _

_**And crossed some borderline** _

_**And if it turns out** _

_**It's over too fast** _

_**I'll make every last moment last** _

_**As long as you're mine"** _

_**~As Long As You're Mine, Wicked** _

* * *

Out of the corner of his eye, Edward saw Bella rub her arms, shivering slightly in the cold. He wanted to reach out to her, wrap her tight against his body to keep her warm.

It was taking everything in him to keep his face clear and unreadable. Inside, his emotions could not be more chaotic. He'd been shot before, and that had hurt less than he was aching now. He felt absolutely ravaged.

It was more than just the pain of losing Bella, although that wound in and of itself had found every nerve ending in his body and stabbed at it with sharp, thick needles, one time for each pulse of his heart, day in and day out. But on top of that agony, he was roiling, filled with shame because he'd never truly taken responsibility for what he'd done in his misguided youth.

Bella's rejection was exactly what he'd been afraid of when he'd told her of his past. She'd accepted him then, and he'd begun to believe he truly had put that part of his life behind him, where it could never effect him again. He'd begun to believe he could be deserving of a normal life - true friends and a wonderful girlfriend.

He'd begun to think he'd gotten away with everything with naught but the jagged gunshot wound to remind him that that part of his life had ever existed at all.

Then everything had gone to hell in the space of a single evening, and now he felt completely lost, drifting without tethers in the vast, freezing void of space. He was no one's son, and his friendship had the potential to put the only people he cared for in danger.

That was why he'd withdrawn from everything and everyone. His head was spinning, confused about what he should want and what he deserved. He wasn't sure what to do about the mistakes he'd made, both now and when he'd woken up an orphan.

But as he watched Bella shiver in the bitter cold of his old house, part of Edward wished he had chosen a more hospitable place for his exile.

As they walked, she strayed close to him, bumping his side with hers. It was natural, he figured, because the house was dark. The only light came from the living room where a fire burned hot in the fireplace, warming the small space. He'd uncovered and dragged the couch as close to the fireplace as was safe, but there were blankets and a sleeping back spread on the floor, too.

Edward felt a measure of relief as Bella stepped away from him, moving closer to the fire. She knelt on the floor, her body relaxing slightly as she warmed up.

"What did you come here to say?" Edward asked, his voice flat. He sat on the edge of the couch, furthest from where she knelt, getting out of his Eskimo jacket, feeling like a taste of the cold air around him might keep him grounded.

Bella didn't answer immediately. He saw her take a deep breath, staring at the fire before she spoke. "Edward, I don't think... You shouldn't give up the Cullens. You shouldn't give up acting."

"Why?" he asked, his voice wry. "This is what you wanted, isn't it?"

That got her attention, making her turn away from the fire to stare at him with incredulous eyes. "You think I wanted you to walk away from everything? This is your life. I never wanted to chase you away from that. I never wanted to chase you away at all!"

His laugh was raw. "It's like you said. It's not just us. It's never going to be just us. I exposed Esme, and Carlisle, and everyone else to the people in my past just by being around them. Alec's been to the theater, right?"

"But they weren't involved," Bella argued. "Alec isn't going to show up at the theater with Felix and a gun."

"Can you guarantee that?" Edward challenged. "You were right." Bitterness was creeping into his voice, his tone rising in volume and strength. "You were right about everything. I can't control Alec. I thought I was reformed, but I was kidding myself. I'm wasn't - I'm not. I'm still a criminal."

Bella stood, facing him. "You're not!" she insisted.

He looked up at her, his eyes hard. "Aiding and abetting, accessory. These are crimes, Bella. You said it yourself."

For a moment there was silence as Bella tilted her head up, staring at the ceiling. "So what? You're going to live your life away from everyone and everything you love because of one mistake."

Again, he had to laugh, and he stood, anger getting the better of him as he stepped closer to her, his voice dropping to a growl. "Weren't you the one who needed to live in reality? This is what reality looks like. Either I'm a good man, or I'm not. Either my friends, my past, will effect everyone in my life or it won't. You wanted me out of your life, I'm out. What is the problem here?"

"This is not what I wanted," Bella protested, wrapping her arms around her torso, standing her ground as he approached. "I didn't want you out of my life completely."

He was so close to her now, he only had to sway for his body to brush hers. Anger bubbled inside him because she'd been right about something else, too.

He did resent her. As much as he didn't want to, he couldn't help it.

He hated that she'd yanked everything away from him. As much as she said she wasn't making him choose between her and Alec, when she walked away from him - from  _them_ \- she'd made it impossible for him to even want to be in the other man's presence.

He hated that he'd been honest with her about his past, bared his soul so she could reject him before he knew what it was like to be inside her, to be part of her, to be whole, only to have her withdraw her acceptance at the first complication.

"What did you expect?" he asked, his voice low and dangerous. He saw her flinch, but she didn't move. "Did you want me to go back to the theater? To sing and dance and pretend I could take being so close to you when I can't touch you?" He chuffed, resisting that part of him that wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her until she understood: being without her, able to see her but not touch her, would be torture.

"You need someone," she said insistently, but he noticed her voice wavered. "Everyone needs someone to go to. Friends. A support system. A community. They're your family."

His smile was wry and ugly.

Though the Cullens had gone out of their way to help him, to save him from a bad situation, it had taken Bella to bring him closer to all of them, to make him realize what he had in them. He'd begun to feel safe, comfortable, as part of their brood - the family of the theater group.

But there was one complication she was neglecting to realize.

They loved her, too.

"Don't you get it?" he asked, his voice remarkably steady though he felt ready to explode. He didn't understand. How could she push him away, and then come to him like this, confused that he didn't want to come closer? "I can't be where you are. You made a choice to destroy us. Your choice, what you had to do, remember? You said I couldn't fix what was broken."

Her eyes were wide, filled with pain and frozen on his. Edward wanted to turn away, but he felt trapped. His mind screamed, every cell in his body aching to hold her. He was so angry, wishing with everything in him that she would get it, that she would turn and walk away because his will wasn't going to last while she was right in front of him.

"Let me go," he all but begged. "Let me disappear. It's only fair."

"I can't... I can't do that," she whispered.

"Goddammit!" Edward said with a snarl, closing the last inch between them. He wound his arm around her waist, pulling her flush against him. She gave a startled cry but didn't pull away, instead winding her fingers through the fabric of the sweater he wore. He leaned down, his forehead against hers, letting their noses brush as he tried to calm down, tried to make himself step away from her again.

Before he could regain control of his body, she tilted her head up, capturing his upper lip between both of hers.

Groaning against her mouth, Edward gave in. He tilted his head, taking control of the kiss as his hands moved to the small of her back, holding her tightly to him.

Everything inside him, all the hurt and confusion of the last ten days seemed to take control of his actions. He knew he was probably being too rough, but then, Bella didn't stop him. She didn't try to push him away, in fact only pulled herself closer. She didn't whimper when his kisses became crushing but matched his intensity, her tongue slipping into his mouth.

He didn't even know when it happened, but somehow, they were kneeling on the patchwork quilt rug of blankets and pillows he'd brought from his old apartment. Her fingers were pushing his sweater and shirt up his body while he tried to get her out of her jacket, the sound of the zipper loud amidst the noises they were making, muted as they were against each others mouths.

They moved like they'd been choreographed. He slipped out of his sweater and shirt as she threw her jacket to the side. They were apart for only seconds. Edward shuddered as Bella's hands pressed flat against the skin of his back. Her touch, her kiss, rough as they were, were like a taste of a home he'd spent the last week and a half trying to convince himself he would never see again.

With a growl, he pushed forward, anger renewed because he realized it wouldn't last. Nothing had changed. The fact that he loved this woman with a passion that he didn't always know what to do with didn't change the reality of the situation they were in.

And that pissed him off.

He'd never wanted anything the way he wanted Bella. Even when his parents had died, it didn't occur to him to get down on his knees and beg. He would, for Bella. If he thought it would make a difference, he would have paid any price.

She was on her back below him now, and he was straddling her hips. They were both breathing raggedly, frozen for a moment as tension crackled and spat between them, matching the cracks and pops of the fire. Her eyes, as he looked down on her, were hooded with lust and a reflection of the hurt frustration he felt.

That pissed him off, too.

What right did she have looking hurt when she was the one who'd done this to them?

Sliding down her legs, he tugged at her jeans, yanking them down to her knees along with her panties. It only took a second, and then he was pinning her body down with his, reclaiming her lips. She kissed him back just as voraciously, her hands caught between them as she tried to get his button undone. He had to admit he was making it difficult, the way he kept pressing his hips into hers.

He only pushed his jeans and boxers down enough to free himself, and entered her without preamble. They both moaned, stilling for just a moment, just a heartbeat because they'd both missed this so much, missed being them, missed being joined in this way.

Edward's pace, when he began to pump into her, was fast and frantic. He was trying to outrun the emotion he'd worked so hard to taper down.

 _I love you,_ he wanted to cry, instead clamping his lips and teeth down on her shoulder.

She tilted her head back, and her fingernails dug hard into his flesh as she cried out in pleasure.

 _I love you_ , he thought again, fucking her as if he could prove it with his body alone. He loved her more than anything. Why couldn't that be enough?

She wrapped her legs around his waist,raising her hips to meet his fevered pace. "Edward," she moaned.

"Bella," he responded, her name pulled from the core of his being. It was amazing how much emotion one word could contain. It was a plea and a promise, pleasure and pain.

He felt her tighten around him, her cries becoming more breathless and her body arching up against his. He groaned, thrusting harder into her, aching for release because his body felt war torn - consumed with passionate love and total anger.

For long minutes afterward, he lay on top of her, his head buried at her neck, her chest rising and falling below his body. Her hands rested against the slick skin of his back, an odd sort of stillness settling over them, silence interrupted only by the fire that cracked and popped too sedately.

With a groan, Edward rolled onto his side. Moving automatically, as if magnetized, Bella rolled with him, curling up under his chin. He hesitated a moment before he wrapped her in his arms, closing his eyes, marveling at the few moments of peace it brought him while his mind was still hazy with ecstasy.

The chill of the air against his damp back had the effect of clearing his thoughts. He shivered, reaching over to pull one of the blankets on the floor next to them over their bodies. Bella pulled back as he tucked the blanket around them, but only enough to look at him.

Sighing, Edward traced the line of her lightly pouting lips.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and below the pad of his finger, her lower lip started to tremble.

His heart began to ache, the familiar weight settling back down, crushing his lungs in a vice grip. "For what?" he asked, his voice flat again.

She closed her eyes and breathed deep and slow, calming herself. "I'm... confused. It's all just... It's a mess, and I don't know what to do," she admitted softly.

Neither of them spoke. Edward simply didn't know what to say.

"I know what I want," she murmured, threading their fingers together. "And I still... I know I can't be swept up in the intensity of..." she gestured helplessly between them, searching for words. "Of us."

She sighed, playing with his fingers. "When Alec showed up that night, I was so scared. I thought I understood the world you came from. I thought I could deal with it as long as I didn't have to see it..."

"But then you did," he filled in.

She looked up, a spark of fury in her eyes. "You can't blame me for being scared. It's not normal... people hiding from the cops, waving guns around, talking about crimes gone wrong."

"I can't blame you," he agreed. "Not for that. You were right. It shouldn't have happened. I never should have put myself in a situation where that was a possibility, and I really shouldn't have let all of that get anywhere near you," he said tightly.

"You told Alec to fuck off," she said slowly.

It wasn't a question, and his hands froze. "How do you know that?"

She gave a little scoff. "I ran into him outside your apartment... your old apartment, I guess."

His body tensed, a different kind of anger shooting through his veins.

"Nothing happened," she said quickly. "He yelled, I yelled. It wasn't pretty, but it wasn't ugly."

Edward rolled onto his back, not sure what he was supposed to feel. He stared up at the ceiling, watching the firelight cast odd shapes in the darkness of the room.

"Edward..." Bella began, her voice hesitant. "I never had a problem with you. I still want us," she whispered. "I want it more than anything..."

He took a deep breath, not daring to look at her. If he looked at her, he would take her in his arms and never let her go.

She wasn't the only one that needed to deal with reality, though.

"I don't know what to say," he admitted finally, speaking to the ceiling. "I want us too, but it's not that simple anymore."

He heard her breath stutter, and she tried to slip her hand out of his, but he tightened his grip, needing her to understand. "You were right," he said, still not looking at her. "You said you didn't want to force me to choose because I would resent you. I... I do resent you. It's not fair, but it's what I feel. I know it's not your fault. All you did was make me see what I'd turned a blind eye to for years. All you did was show me what my willful ignorance could cost me."

He closed his eyes, hearing the hitch in her breath. He was almost positive she was crying, and that killed him. "I'm just so angry right now, Bella. I'm angry at you for leaving me and for yanking the wool from over my eyes. I'm angry at Alec because he did save me, and he's a good man, a good friend, but I'm beginning to understand that he won't ever change. And I'm so pissed off at myself for not seeing this all sooner."

Shaking his head, he slipped his fingers to her wrist, skimming the skin of her arms lightly. "And it's made me realize... I've been just drifting for years. I rolled into stealing on an impulse. I followed Alec because I thought he was worth following. When Carlisle offered to help me, I nodded and did what he said, let his son give me a job, let him take me in. I did all of this without any real thought about what I wanted in life."

Taking a deep breath, summoning his willpower, he finally turned his head to look at her. Sure enough, there were tear tracks on her cheeks, though she wasn't sobbing. With a regretful sigh, he raised his fingers, wiping her tears away. "It wouldn't be fair to just jump back into something with you. I love you, Bella. So much. But I need to figure some things out." He left it unsaid that he needed time for the wound she'd dealt to heal.

Bella bit her lip, looking like she might just burst into stronger tears. She breathed through her nose, controlling her reaction as she nodded slowly. "I … I can understand that. That's very wise."

He chuffed because it didn't feel wise. Most of him thought he was crazy. She was giving him a chance, an opening, and he'd missed her so much.

"But I do think you should come back to the theater," she said in a rush. "I won't crowd you. I won't push you. We can tolerate each other's presence, can't we? So neither of us has to lose them? If you can't, I get it. And if that's the case, I can move on. You need _someone_ , Edward."

"Don't talk about leaving the Cullens. That's ridiculous." He grumbled a little, pressing a sweet kiss against her forehead. "What's the point of me going back? I missed auditions, didn't I?"

"Yes, but there's always room in the supporting players. You know that." She paused a moment, hesitating. "Maybe... Maybe it will be better that way. We can learn to be friends first, and maybe... there's still a chance for us."

Edward stared at the ceiling again, considering.

Knowing that they were a possibility had brought him no small amount of relief. He still ached horribly, but he felt like he could breathe. His head space was still a mess of storm-dark clouds and the occasional hurricane gale winds, but it felt survivable now.

Could he see her almost every day, watch her work, and not get ahead of himself?

His lips quirked slightly. "I'll think about it," he promised.

_**~0~** _

As Bella got out of her car at the theater, she couldn't help but glance around the parking lot, hoping to see Edward's car.

It wasn't there.

She tried not to feel so crushed, but it was difficult. She'd hoped he would be there, after their conversation several days before.

At least he'd promised not to disappear again, she reminded herself. If he decided to move on entirely, he would call.

She trusted him to keep his word.

She still felt horrible that she'd inadvertently chased him away from his only support structure, but what could she do but hope he would realize that he needed them? She realized it was asking a lot to suggest that he come back to the Troupe where they would be in contact on a near daily basis.

Still, she'd hoped...

Shaking that thought away, Bella headed toward the theater, trying to put on a smile as the others waved or called to her. She even contributed to the conversation as they all milled around the blank bulletin board that would soon hold the cast list for the Cullen Acting Troupe's production of Wicked.

She kept looking to the door, waiting for Edward to appear.

He didn't.

Esme did appear, making the normally hyperactive bunch quiet down to an excited hush as she stepped toward the board. She pinned the cast list up and quickly stepped away as the players converged.

Bella found that in spite of everything with Edward, she was holding her breath as she looked up.

"Wow, Bella! Congratulations!" Jessica was the first to squeal, and suddenly everyone was hugging her or clapping her shoulder.

Bella's eyes were still stuck on the cast list. It wasn't difficult to find her name. She was right at the top.

_**Elphaba ~ Isabella Swan** _

The only thing that could have broken her from her stupor was the velvety voice she heard above all others.

"Congratulations, Bella."

Swinging around, she almost cried out with pleasure when she saw Edward. His smile was small, but he looked genuinely proud.

Bella's answering grin could have lit the whole room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Love you guys. Love jadedandboring. Love, love, love.
> 
> With me?


	20. Stop Studying Strife

**Main Cast List for Wicked:**

**Elphaba - Bella**

**Glinda - Rose**

**Fiyiero - Jasper**

**Boq - Mike**

**Nessarose - Jessica**

**Wicked songs on YouTube (if you want):** **bit . ly / igPKdf** **\- As Long As You're Mine**

* * *

" _ **Dancing through life**_

_**Mindless and careless** _

_**Make sure you're where less** _

_**Trouble is rife** _

_**Woes are fleeting** _

_**Blows are glancing** _

_**When you're dancing** _

_**Through life"** _

_**~Dancing Through Life, Wicked** _

* * *

Some people stressed at the beginning of a production. There always seemed to be so much to do - too much - in what limited time they had.

Bella rather liked the happy chaos.

This time around she was still enjoying herself, completely in her element, but there was a bittersweet edge to the goings on around her.

The fallout from her break-up with Edward was everywhere.

"This stage is complicated," Bella overheard Emmett grouse to his mother one day. "Edward was the best guy we had. He understands all these trap doors and moving walls."

"And you don't understand it?" Esme challenged.

"Yeah, I'm fine, but I'm only one man, Ma," Emmett complained. "The new guy definitely takes some looking after. Edward was my point man." He sighed rather dramatically, and Bella reflected that being around theater folk must have rubbed off on him. "He listens to you. Tell him to come back."

Esme sighed at her son. "Give him some space, Em. He's just trying to figure out where he stands." There was a pause before she continued. "At least he's back with the group."

"Hey, kid."

Bella started as Alice hip checked her side. She crooked her finger, beckoning Bella toward the changing room. "Come on. We've got about a thousand measurements to take."

"Sounds like fun," Bella said with a sigh.

"I'm loving the costumes," Alice said conversationally. "So pretty. And the guys! I absolutely love Jasper's costumes. All vests." She frowned. "Except for the Scarecrow thing."

She grinned at Bella. "You and Rosalie get all the fun things though. Scepters and big dresses."

"And wigs," Bella said with a grimace. "I'm actually not looking forward to that part. And being green. I'm not looking forward to being green."

"You're going to love it," Alice said, stretching Bella's arms out to begin measurements. "So, how are you, hon?"

Bella breathed in and out slowly, knowing what Alice was talking about but not particularly wanting to address it. "It goes," she said quietly.

"You know, my mother was quite intent on casting Edward as Fiyiero," Alice said softly. "All things considered, I guess it's a good thing he didn't get a chance to try out. Elphaba doesn't get to interact with the Ozians very much."

"He would have been perfect as Fiyiero," Bella replied. "Not that Jasper isn't good."

Alice laughed. "My man could pull off any part."

"You're right, though. It is easier," Bella admitted.

"It's always difficult, awkward even, when you have to work with someone after a break-up," Alice sympathized, patting her shoulder.

They lapsed into easy silence for a few minutes as Alice measured, humming as she worked.

"Hey, Alice?" Bella said after a little while.

"Hmm?"

"How do I get on Rosalie's good side?" She offered the other woman a half hearted smile. "To be honest, I don't know who was more upset that Jessica didn't get Glinda, me or her."

"Ha. Rosalie is... Well, I won't say she's harmless," Alice mused. "I don't think she has a problem with you, Bella."

"I don't know about that," Bella muttered dubiously. "We were running through  _What Is This Feeling_ the other day, and I didn't think she was lying when she sang about loathing me."

"Rosalie does have the bitch-glare down," Alice said with a laugh. "If you want an in with her, get to Emmett first."

"Noted," Bella said with a nod. "Thanks."

**~W~**

Bella shifted from where she stood near Mike, Jessica, and Tyler. She was trying not to glance across the room where Edward sat against the wall between Jasper and Rosalie.

Inwardly, she debated just where they stood. Would it be too much for her to speak with him as part of a group?

The relatively few interactions they'd had so far were amicable, if a little awkward. They were almost shy around each other, their reactions full of half-smiles and stuttered greetings.

It was an odd space to be in. Neither of them were so angry that the sight of each other was grating. Quite the opposite, actually. Bella still smiled automatically when he walked in a room. It still felt odd not to go to his side right away.

Bella was startled when she felt warm hands clamp down on her shoulders, slipping under the collar of her shirt. She looked to the side finding Mike grinning at her widely. "Hey, girlfriend," he greeted, beginning to massage her shoulders.

Though his touch irritated her slightly, Bella calmed her initial reaction to shrug him off. He was just being Mike, after all. "Hey," she greeted quietly.

"So listen," he began. "I was wondering if, maybe you'd like to go out some time. See a movie, or get dinner, whatever?"

Bella balked, jerking away from Mike's hands as she stared at him. "Mike that's..."

He held his hands up in a placating gesture. "Whoa. I thought you and Masen were over. Did I misread things?" He glanced across the way to where Edward sat and made a face.

Following his gaze, Bella caught the end of Edward's stare before he looked down and away.

It made her feel slightly better. If he was still attached to her enough to glare when Mike touched her, then she could put aside her idle worries that he would lose interest in her.

Turning back to Mike, she offered him a small smile. "Not to go all Friends on you but... we're on a break, that's all."

Mike's eyebrows crinkled in amusement. "Well... is it a seeing other people kind of break?"

Bella quirked an eyebrow. "Obviously, you didn't pay very good attention to Friends, did you?"

He shrugged. "Wasn't really my thing, I guess."

"Look," Bella said with a sigh. "You're really sweet -"

"But I'm not Edward," Mike finished for her, looking more amused than anything else.

Pursing her lips, Bella nodded slowly.

"I didn't know you were that serious," Mike said conversationally.

Bella looked off, not focusing on anything in particular.

That was the problem with her relationship with Edward - it was too serious. Being serious about him was one thing, but the complications in his life seemed more surreal at the theater. They were dealing with issues that stemmed from fleeing criminals with gun. Most of the relationship drama at the theater was quite a bit more fickle - not as insurmountable as the drama queens of the Troupe made it out to be.

Mike was still looking at her expectantly, waiting for her to respond, and Bella was relieved when Esme strode into the room, clapping her hands to get everyone's attention.

"Okay, kids, that was a great first week," she said loudly as they all settled. "Elphaba, Glinda, Fiyiero - my suggestion is that you get together outside the Troupe and talk. Your interrelationships all change drastically throughout the play..."

As she spoke, Carlisle appeared in the doorway behind her. He made a shushing motion to the rest of the Troupe as he snuck up slowly. When he grabbed her firmly around the waist, Esme screamed, loud and shrill.

The gathered players laughed as she turned in her husband's arms and smacked his chest. "Carlisle Cullen! That wasn't funny!" she scolded, but she was smiling.

"Oh yes, it was very funny," Tyler called, giggling somewhat maniacally. He turned his attention to Carlisle. "What's happening, Doc C? Have you come back to steal the show?"

"Yeah, Esme, I think Carlisle would make a much better Wizard than Tyler," Eric contributed, cackling.

Carlisle held up the hand that wasn't wrapped around his wife. "No, no. I'm afraid I just wouldn't be able to top my stunning performance of last season. I am officially retired as an actor."

A few minutes later, Esme released everyone for the evening. Bella was halfway to her car when she decided to duck back into the theater, looking for Jasper and Rosalie to see if they were open to Esme's suggestion that they get together.

She found Jasper easily enough, but as he was walking with Edward, Bella ducked into a practice room, out of sight.

"So, I know it's been a week, but I wanted to tell you, it's good to see you again," Jasper was saying.

"Thank you. It never occurred to me that I would miss this place as much as I did," Edward said softly.

Bella felt the weight on her chest get infinitesimally lighter. With his words, she could at least be sure that she'd done the right thing, going after him. With all the over thinking that she'd done in the wake of their break-up, she'd wondered more than once if it was pure selfishness to drag him back to the fold, especially after he begged her to let him disappear.

"Hey, man. If you're not busy, what do you say we grab a beer?" Jasper asked.

There was a pause, and Bella held her breath, hoping he would say yes.

"Your fiancee doesn't need you tonight?" Edward hedged.

"Alice and Esme are busy tonight. Something about the costumes. Anyway, I'm a free man for the evening."

"And you want to spend it with me?" Edward asked, but he was laughing.

"What can I say, man? I miss your kisses from last season," Jasper said, joking around.

Edward laughed again, and Bella found herself smiling at the sound. "Okay, let's go out for a beer. But if you think you're getting a kiss at the end of the evening, you have another thing coming."

"Ah ha, you say that now. But maybe with a few drinks..."

~0~

Most days, Edward was glad that he'd decided to come back to the theater. The camaraderie made him feel like he was a part of something, and it was an anchor of sorts. He didn't feel so alone, so different when they all welcomed him with open arms.

It was unquestionably hard to see Bella every day. Sometimes, he would take a step in her direction automatically only to remember everything that had happened between them and the absolute uncertainty his life existed in at the moment.

It left a bitter taste in his mouth, and he couldn't bear to think of her with aggravation tainting his thoughts. He wanted to feel like he deserved her, but at the same time, he hated that she'd made him feel like he didn't.

He wondered if she would be proud. He'd made progress - found a little house for rent not far away. He'd found a construction job on his own, without Carlisle's help, though he did let Emmett put in a good word for him.

It was amazing how much he missed talking to her; how much he wished he could share his life with her.

Still, for the most part he was able to enjoy his time back at the theater. It was harder to lose himself in a character when he was just a member of the chorus - a lowly Ozian - but there were still songs and dances to be learned. As usual, he spent his evenings learning everyone else's music along with his own.

Some days, though, were harder than others.

While the principles ran through their individual scenes, the Ozians were supposed to be rehearsing music with Bob. Banner, however, had taken a call in the middle of practice and hadn't been back for a good twenty minutes.

Everything was fine until Tyler and Jessica turned from lamenting that they hadn't gotten the parts they wanted - their favorite past time for the last three weeks running - to gossiping about their fellow castmates.

"Mike asked Bella out again, did you know?" Tyler said, snickering.

Edward bristled, his ears perking as Jessica chuffed. "Persistent little fucker, isn't he?"

"I swear he likes being turned down," Tyler snarked back.

That was a relief at least, Edward reflected, but he climbed to his feet, striding quickly out of the room before he could hear more.

Though he knew better, Edward found himself propelled toward the auditorium. He reflected that he might just be a masochist. So far, he'd been able to avoid watching Bella, busying himself with studying lines and music.

Now, he leaned against the jamb. Of course he had to appear when Bella was along with Jasper on the stage.

"This scene is critical because you're going to have to sell us on the idea that you start to fall for each other right here," Esme was saying. "Fiyiero, we need to see how intrigued you are. You're trying so hard to drift through life without having to care about anything, and yet here is this impossible woman who cares about too much. Her strength amazes you, and even as she's here, calling you on all your bullshit rather than giving in to your charms, you're smitten. You don't want to be, but you are."

Edward laughed lightly to himself, wrapping his arms around his shoulders as Esme turned to Bella, going over Elphaba's changing emotions for Fiyiero.

He watched them begin to play out the scene, finding himself smiling when Bella stood on her tiptoes to get in Jasper's face.

"Do you think I want to be this way? Do you think I want to care this much?" She sagged backward and looked back at Jasper with a pleading look that made Edward's heart ache. "Don't you know how much easier my life would be if I didn't?"

"Do you ever let anyone else talk?" Jasper returned.

Edward turned away, seeking the solace of an empty practice room. He didn't need to be jealous of a fictional relationship.

He couldn't help but smile, remembering that Bella had not been jealous when he was the one with Jasper.

Edward couldn't say that he found the idea of Jasper and Bella together hot.

He couldn't deny how much he ached for Bella. He missed her. He missed talking to her. He even missed arguing with her. Before last September, he didn't mind going home alone, but lately, the silence of his new home made his skin crawl.

He'd wished that a new home, a place where Bella hadn't been, where he had no memories of her, would be easier to cope with. Instead, he only wanted her there more, to make new memories because she belonged wherever he was.

Not for the first time, Edward wondered why he didn't just give in. He was almost positive that if he went to her, she would welcome him back with open arms.

He recognized the fear that made his throat close and his heart beat out a nervous rhythm.

It didn't take a genius to realize that the reason he'd been drifting so aimlessly since his parents died was because investing in something meant he would hurt if he lost it. Bella had caught him completely unaware, and his life had been destroyed for a second time when she left him, ripping her love away suddenly and leaving a whole mess of painful questions behind.

Yes, it physically hurt him not to be able to take her in his arms, but the uncertainty of the future made him twitchy to say the least. Before he was right in the middle of it, it had not occurred to him that he was putting himself, and her in turn, in a compromising position keeping ties to Alec. What else had he not considered? What other part of his past might come back?

How many second chances did he get to do the right thing?

What would send her scurrying away from him again?

The sudden commotion of loud, panicked voices broke into his troubling thoughts, and Edward felt a chill go down his spine. Peering out the door of the practice room, he could see the players all rushing toward the auditorium.

"What's going on?" Edward asked, grabbing Mike's arm as he joined the rush toward the auditorium.

"I don't know," Mike said quickly, looking ashen. "Rose ran back here. She said that part of the scaffolding collapsed. Someone's been hurt!"

 _Bella_ , Edward thought desperately.

Pushing through the other players, Edward sprinted toward the stage.

~0~

Production shut down for over a week after Jasper was severely injured when the Time Dragon Clock fell onto the stage. It was only a matter of dumb luck, his stepping backward instead of forward, that he hadn't died. While his injuries were somewhat gruesome - his arms and torso were littered with long gashes and his the bones of his leg had been fractured - they were not life threatening.

Save for a few minor scratches, Esme and Bella had not been harmed.

Now they were getting back to business. As always, the show must go on.

Edward would have been lying if he didn't admit he was nervous.

It wasn't a matter of being on the stage. After the disaster, he knew Emmett had gone over all the work his crew had done with a fine tooth comb.

Edward was nervous because Esme had asked him to step into the role of Fiyiero, and he'd agreed.

There would be no avoiding Bella now.

"I know things between you and Bella are... strained," Esme had said, pulling him into her office a couple of days previous. "I know it's a lot to ask for. It's not the same as Mike and Jessica having to work together. I want you for the part, but I'll understand if it's not possible right now."

She'd looked tired and stressed. As much trepidation as he felt, Edward tried to lighten the atmosphere. "Tyler is going to hit the roof. I didn't even audition."

That had brought a smile to Esme's lips. "I can deal with Tyler. I just want to be sure you'll be okay."

"If Bella's okay with it, then I can be to," he'd said quietly.

Now, he wasn't so sure. Since they were over a week behind schedule, Esme had wanted to get through all of the duets before moving on to the group numbers. Fiyiero and Elphaba had only one song together, but it was a love song.

Edward offered Bella a small smile as they came out to the middle of the stage. He noticed the wary way she glanced upward and took her hands, giving them a light squeeze. The anxiousness he saw in her eyes quieted some, and her smile was more genuine as she looked back at him.

At Esme's direction, they knelt together at center stage, still holding hands. Edward scarcely heard their director's comments. Even just holding her hands like this, being able to touch Bella instantly brought a warmth to his bloodstream. He hadn't realized it, but the space at his very core that had been gouged when she left him had become frozen solid. As he looked on her - tenderly, as the scene called for - he felt that space come alive again, the feeling slightly painful as one might expect when warmth chased the chill from their bones.

The music began, and though there was Mrs. Cope playing at the piano, and Esme watching them from the audience, the whole world condensed to a tiny bubble. It seemed, as Bella sang, that she was singing to him as herself, and not as Elphaba to Fiyiero. There was a familiar adoration in her eyes as she looked at him, her gaze never dropping, and sang of making this moment last.

There were a few beats between her verse and his where they were supposed to lean forward, stealing soft, sweet, little kisses. At that point, he wasn't even following direction, he wasn't acting. It was utterly impossible not to kiss her.

When their lips met, he was home. All the uncertainty of the last few weeks, wondering what he wanted and where his life was going, faded away.

He wanted her, and he would fight for that, even if it meant he had to fight himself.

Rather than break their kiss as he was supposed to, he loosed one of his hands from hers, bringing it up to cup her cheek. His lips moved harder on hers, more possessive. A tiny noise from the back of her throat, almost a whimper, vibrated against his skin before she melted forward, responding to his kiss in turn, her freed hand going to the back of his neck.

They kissed deeply for a solid minute before the noise of the theater, of reality, permeated their little bubble.

"Hey, kids!"

Both gasping, startled, Edward and Bella turned toward Esme. The director was grinning broadly at them, obviously amused. Edward glanced back at Bella, seeing that her cheeks were burning a bright red. She ducked her head, meeting his eyes again, and a smile spread across her face despite her embarrassment.

Esme laughed. "Come on. Let's get through this scene, and we can call it a night. If you're ready this time, Fiyiero?"

Looking over at Bella, Edward smiled and took both her hands again. He raised her fingers to his lips, kissing her knuckles tenderly. "I'm ready," he said as much to Bella as Esme.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: See? That wasn't too bad, was it?
> 
> I think we have three more chapters, but there should be a fair amount of action in them, so we'll see how it goes.
> 
> All my love to jadedandboring, my adverb Nazi. HUMPH.


	21. Happy Is What Happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mah bad. I've been misspelling Fiyero's name. I'm actually surprised only one person called me on it!

**YouTube vid:** **bit . ly / KRgB** **\- Defying Gravity**

* * *

" _ **We couldn't be happier,**_

_**Right, dear?** _

_**Couldn't be happier** _

_**Right here** _

_**Look what we've got** _

_**A fairy-tale plot** _

_**Our very own happy ending** _

_**Where we couldn't be happier -** _

_**True, dear?"** _

_**~Thank Goodness, Wicked** _

* * *

_**~Early February~** _

"Balloons? You brought me balloons?"

Edward tried not to smirk as he set the obnoxious display of balloons and flowers down on the coffee table by the couch where Jasper sat, his casted leg propped up in front of him. "Alice said you were pissed at me."

"And balloons was your answer?"

Laughing, Edward looked behind him just as Bella came through the open front door, a ginormous gift basket in her hands. He took it from her, setting it down next to the balloons. Jasper sat up, his eyes wide as he took in the basket and its many, many treats.

"That's more like it," he muttered gruffly, reaching for a a dark chocolate bar that lay on top of the basket. He unwrapped it, looking slightly less moody than he had a minute before.

"So, what has you angry at me?" Edward asked, settling into the arm chair across from Jasper. He flashed a grin at Bella as she crossed, going to sit on the couch next to their injured friend. He extended a hand to the space between them, smiling wider when she didn't hesitate to twine their fingers.

Looking at their joined hands, Jasper's dour expression softened, and he shook his head. "That is exactly why I'm pissed off at you," he muttered, nodding at them. "You fight fate, fight what you know is right, you force fate to do something drastic. Then fate resorts to desperate measures and throws a dragon at me to make it so you two would stop ignoring each other." He crossed his arms, looking petulant as he chewed on his chocolate.

Edward glanced at Bella, seeing she was tilting her head, looking concerned. "You really blame us?" she asked uncertainly.

Jasper looked up, rolling his eyes a little and smiling at her. "No, not really. I'm just moody at being laid up while y'all get to have fun." He reached over, squeezing her arm. "Actually, I'm really glad you weren't hurt, if I haven't told you before."

"I'm sorry you were," she said softly.

"Eh," he said with a shrug. "Alice likes my war wounds. She says they make me even sexier, which I'd have thought was an impossible feat," he joked, grinning.

"Obviously your ego isn't broken," Edward muttered.

Jasper chuckled. "So. No more drama, then? You guys are okay?"

Looking at Bella, Edward squeezed her hand. "We're working things out."

"That's good. That's really good. Because between you and me, the UST and the angst and all the longing glances while the other wasn't looking - it was driving me nuts," Jasper muttered.

Edward's brow crinkled. "What the heck is ust?"

"U-S-T, unresolved sexual tension."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bella blush and duck her head. "We're working on it," she mumbled.

_**~March~** _

"God, I'm so glad your hair is back," Bella mumbled against Edward's lips. She was straddling his lap on his couch, running her hands through his thick hair. The tendrils were soft against her fingers, and she sighed contentedly, kissing him again and reveling in the feel of his hands splayed wide on her back.

"Mmm," he rumbled, nipping lightly at her lips. "I'm glad, too, because that feels amazing."

Resting her head on his shoulder, Bella closed her eyes, shivering with anticipation as he swept her hair back so he could press tender kisses to her neck, chin, and cheeks.

They were taking things slowly, again. There was no escaping the fact that her leaving him had left a wound that needed time to heal. He was more wary than he'd been before, a little more reluctant. There were times when he lapsed into silence, and she wondered what he was thinking about when his brows were heavy on his face, his lips pressed into a hard line. She thought he might be thinking of Alec, because she knew he missed his friend; still grappled with the guilt of abandoning him to his dark life.

Still, they were both a little more grounded as they approached their relationship again. They were both young, and neither of them had their life figured out. She still had no idea what she wanted to do, and it was quickly approaching a point where she would have to choose a major. Edward similarly agonized over what he wanted out of life.

They were struggling together though, and that was what counted.

While they tried to figure out who they were as individuals and as a couple, their physical relationship rekindled somewhat chastely at first.

He'd told her early on that he didn't want what happened on the floor of his parents' abandoned home to happen again. Their bodies had communicated so much anger that night - passionate anger. He didn't like the idea that he'd been so rough with her. Bella understood what he meant. That night had been all about their combined frustration - with each other and with the state of horrendously painful confusion they'd existed in since their break up.

" _When I touch you,_ " he'd murmured, holding her close, breathing in the skin at her neck, " _I only want to express all the good things I feel for you._ " He'd taken her hand, pressing it flat against his chest and holding it there as he looked into her eyes. " _You're my heart. That isn't ever going to change_."

It was difficult to be patient - her want for him was intense. Still, she remembered how tolerant he'd been with her, never pushing her as she struggled, wanting to be sure she was doing the right thing, being with him. How many times had he told her she was worth the wait?

He was worth the wait, too.

Though, he made it so difficult sometimes. Like now, when he took her earlobe between his teeth, nibbling gently as his hands worked under her shirt, teasing her skin.

"Edward," she sighed on a breath, the word both a warning and a plea. Her thoughts were becoming clouded, her body awakening with his touch.

His only response was to shift, moving them slowly until Bella suddenly found herself lying on the couch with his weight on her. Her hands roamed up his back, curling around his strong shoulders, pulling him closer.

When his hands brushed up the skin of her stomach, continuing on until his fingers skimmed the edge of her bra, Bella gasped. "Edward," she moaned again when he began to run the pad of his fingers around one nipple.

Their kissing had turned into groping before, but somehow, today, it felt like it would be impossible to stop. She wanted him so badly, wanted his bare skin up against hers, wanted to feel his length in her hands and inside her. She ached, remembering what it felt like when they were connected.

"Edward, I -" She wanted to tell him that they needed to stop before she spontaneously combusted, but he silenced her with his lips, kissing her until they were both breathless.

"I don't want to stop," he murmured, his lips skimming her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. He raised a hand to cup her cheek, and the look in his eyes was so tender, Bella forgot to breathe for a handful of seconds. "I love you, and I want you."

She whimpered, her hand cupping the back of his neck. She pulled him down, needing his mouth on hers.

Again, he broke the kiss. They were both breathing raggedly. She pouted when he sat up straight, instantly missing his weight on her. He laughed lightly, standing and pulling her up with him, instantly wrapping his arms around her waist and putting his lips back to hers.

How they managed to get to his room, she didn't really understand. They didn't take their hands off each other, both a little clumsy as they unbuttoned and unzipped. As they kissed and walked, Bella tried work the buttons of his shirt with a surprising degree of success. He let go of her only long enough to shrug out of it and yank his undershirt over his head before his hands were back on her waist, pulling her close.

When he finally got around to tugging her jeans down he chuckled, the sound deep and rich as it vibrated against her lips. "I missed your little boy shorts, Bella. You have no idea," he murmured against her ear, his fingers exploring the cloth covered parts of her.

She sighed, slipping her hands into his jeans to cup his ass. "I missed you," she said simply, running her nose along the scruffy underside of his chin.

He groaned, hooking his fingers into the hemline of her panties and pulling them down. "God, yes. I have missed this. I've missed you."

When they were free of their clothes they knelt together on the bed, hands at each other's sides as they kissed deeply. Bella closed her eyes, marveling at how utterly cherished she felt when he held her like this. They moved until they were both sitting between each other's legs, their limbs spread out lotus style and their bodies touching.

He pulled back after a moment, one hand firm on her back while he lifted the other to brush her hair away from her face. "I do love you," he said, his voice low and serious.

Her whole body was heated, her heart filled to bursting as she smiled, resting the back of her hand against his cheek. "I know," she whispered. "I love you."

His kiss then was reverent, slow, and gaining intensity. Bella's heart hammered against her chest as she breathed through her nose, wanting to stay locked in this very moment for as long as she could, forever, if it was possible.

Though his mouth never left hers, his hands drifted down between them. His long fingers stroked her gently, drawing little moans from the back of her throat. When he positioned himself at her entrance, she spread her legs to welcome him.

When they were joined and she could feel him deep inside her, filling her, Bella couldn't help but appreciate that they'd waited. Rough sex, the hard and fast kind that marked their last union, had its place. The passion she felt for him was a heady thing, and there were times when that emotion could make her movement, their movements together, frantic.

This, though, the slow, steady way they rocked, was its own kind of bliss. This was their bodies communicating all the things they felt that words could never express. The tumultuous time they'd been through had served to deepen their connection, and as hurt and mistrust faded, they could finally be together again without lingering uncertainty. The happiness she found as he moved inside her, his lips and hands moving with her, was a level of euphoria she'd never experienced before.

She tilted her head back as his teeth scraped her neck.

Reaching her hand between them, she splayed her finger around him where they were joined, feeling him move in and out of her.

Edward moaned. "Fuck, you are ridiculously hot, you know that, right?"

Bella blushed, pleased at his words, and flexed her walls around him.

Again he groaned, coaxing their tempo to a faster cadence.

"Oh," she breathed. "Edward... I want..."

She needed to feel him, needed him deeper, needed him to consume her. He seemed to understand what she wanted, and he pressed them forward so she was laying on her back, her legs wrapped around his waist and his larger body hovering over her.

"Yes," she sighed, letting her hands wander to his ass, brushing and squeezing.

He thrust particularly hard into her when she ran the pad of her finger around his entrance, teasing him. "Fuck. Bella."

And that was exactly what he did, beginning to drive into her quicker.

Slow and sweet, hard and passionate. The love she felt for him spanned all spectrums, and Bella basked in the power of it.

_**~April~** _

"Earth to Bella."

Alice laughed as Bella blinked, coming fully awake. "Tired?"

Alice was brushing out Bella's hair so she could get her into the long wig she wore as Elphaba. The repetitive stroking motion of the brush had lulled Bella to sleep. She yawned. "Yeah, I've had a pretty heavy classwork load the last few weeks."

"Uh huh," Alice said with a snort. "Studying. That's what the kids call it these days." She brushed Bella's hair off her shoulders and pulled her shirt away from her neck, giving her a knowing look in the mirror.

Bella blushed when she realized the skin where her shoulder met her neck was lightly bruised, marked by Edward's teeth. "Well," she said ruefully, "I suppose Edward doesn't help where sleeping is concerned."

"Edward what?" Edward said, walking into the room. "I heard my name."

For a moment, Bella couldn't answer. She was biting her lip, taking in Edward's costume. "Holy crow. For the record... you in a vest is..." She didn't have words. It was taking all of her brain power to keep her from jumping right out of her chair and throwing him down on the floor. "Well, it's much better than you in a skirt."

Alice sighed. "Yeah, that's one of the more disappointing things. I was so looking forward to seeing Jasper in that costume."

Edward looked amused, glancing from Bella to Alice. "Jasper wears vests all the time."

"Not red ones!"

_**~0~** _

"This wig itches like crazy," Bella, groused, and Edward laughed lightly at her.

"Hmmm," he hummed, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Wasn't it you who called me a whiner when I said that last season?"

She made a face at him but let him kiss her anyway.

"Hey," he murmured quietly. "You're trembling. Are you okay?"

"Just nervous," she said with a sigh, laying her head on his chest.

"About?"

"It's silly this late in the game, but after what happened to Jasper, I'm just...nervous," she began. "We're going to start practicing _Defying Gravity_ with the lift."

He shifted her in his arms so he could cup her face. "Emmett and I both quadruple checked it, Bella," he murmured. A few weeks before, Emmett had officially asked him to come back to his crew, replacing the guy who had been responsible for the dragon mishap. Edward had hesitated until the other man reminded him that first of all, he'd earned his position on his own merit and secondly, he would be around to double check the craftsmanship, thus making Bella - and the rest of the crew - all the safer.

Edward looked at her seriously, holding her gaze. "You know I wouldn't let anything hurt you, right?"

She breathed in deep and nodded.

A few minutes later, Edward made his way to the auditorium to watch the rest of the rehearsal. He had checked the mechanics a ridiculous number of times, but he was still nervous as they ran through the motions, getting Bella secured on the lift smoothly and quickly.

Every time she ascended to the top of the stage, his heart skipped a number of beats.

Bella, on the other hand, seemed to be taking it in stride. She was laughing the first time she reached the top, waving down at everyone on the stage. He wanted to shout to her to be more still, but he knew that he was just being paranoid.

"You're worried about her, aren't you?"

Edward looked up as Emmett sat in the seat next to him. "I get what you're feeling, man," he said without waiting for Edward to answer. "When we got Rosie up in that bubble thing? I didn't even know I was gritting my teeth until I realized my jaw was aching."

"It's a little nerve wracking," Edward admitted, crossing his arms tightly over his chest.

"Whoa! This thing gives a little jerk before it starts, doesn't it?" Bella said from the stage.

"Yes. That's why we're going to practice it. Practice getting into it, and singing through the jerk," Esme said. "Okay, let's take it from that part. Elphaba and Glinda are by the door with the broom, the guards are trying to get in. While Glinda argues with the guards, Elphaba, you run back here and one of Emmett's crew will be there to get you in the cinch."

They ran the scene a few times with Bella stumbling over her lines, "It wasn't her. She had nothing to do with it! I'm the one you want. It's me. It's me!" as the lift jerked her.

They worked for about an hour before Bella got the flow of things and was able to complete her part, throwing her arms wide with her broom prop in hand as she sang the last, powerful verse of the song. As it had at The Paramount, her voice filled the space, and Edward found himself awed.

Beside him, Emmett whistled. "Ya know, she's got talent."

"I know," Edward murmured.

"What would you do if she ever wanted to go on to the majors?"

Edward paused, turning that question over for a moment. "You mean if she was with a traveling group?"

"Yeah. Or Broadway, even."

"I'd pack a bag and follow her," he said certainly. No matter what happened, he had no intention of being without her again.

"Yeah," Emmett muttered, looking uncharacteristically thoughtful as he stared forward.

On stage, Bella descended. Even from where he was in the audience, Edward could see her cheeks were pink and her eyes lit up. He couldn't help his grin, remembering how she'd tackled him in exhilaration afterward.

"Okay, let's run the whole song at least once before we break," Esme directed.

"She said she doesn't want to do this professionally though," Edward murmured conversationally. "She's still trying to figure out her major."

"Cool, cool." The conversation lapsed for a moment as Bella and Rosalie sang the first part of the song angrily at each other. As Rosalie sighed and sang her entreaty to Bella, Emmett spoke again. "Rose is auditioning... for one of the big groups."

Edward's head snapped to the side. "Really? Wow. That's... Wow."

"Yeah," Emmett agreed with a slight grimace. "She can do it. I mean, she's ridiculously talented. And I'm crazy hopeful for her."

"But it's a game changer?" Edward guessed at the trepidation in the other man's voice.

"We haven't talked about it." Emmett rubbed the back of his head. "I'd follow her anywhere," he admitted, "but I don't know if that's what she wants."

"Have you asked her?"

Emmett tilted his head, his lips quirking up and down. "Well, no..."

Edward laughed at the look on the other man's face. "Ask her, idiot. She's probably waiting for you to ask."

He expected Emmett to wave him off as Alec would have, but instead the larger man looked curious. He gazed up at the stage, watching Rosalie, and nodded slowly. "Makes sense, doesn't it?" He shook his head and stood, clapping Edward once on the shoulder. "Thanks, man."

Edward was a little stunned as he watched Emmett walk off.

The rest of rehearsal he sat, realizing how quickly and easily he'd become ingratiated with the Cullens again after his split with Bella. She'd told him that she'd gone to Carlisle and Esme when he disappeared. He knew that at least Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie had to know why he almost hadn't come back to the Troupe. Still, they had welcomed him back like a friend, like a brother.

How easily Emmett took his advice.

He remembered hanging out with Jasper a few months before, how he'd seemed genuinely happy that he and Bella had gotten their act together.

Even the other members - Mike, Tyler, Jessica, Eric... all of them - accepted him, drew him in as much as he would let them.

His family, as Bella had said.

Edward turned the idea over and over in his mind, his eyes straying to Bella on the stage, listening now to something Esme was saying. She turned toward the audience, catching him staring, and smiled at him.

This was what happily ever after looked like, he reflected: his family restored; a beautiful, talented girlfriend who spent many nights in his bed, in his arms; the spark of a career he could truly succeed at.

But what of his lost brother?

Edward's heart gave a painful lurch in his chest as his thoughts strayed, as they often did, to Alec.

He didn't regret his decision, knowing he had a responsibility to keep the people he cared about safe, to keep himself safe and out of trouble. Still, closing the door on Alec felt so wrong.

What would have happened if Carlisle closed the door on him?

What would happen if Alec did want a way out? Could he make it with no one to help him?

It was an uncomfortable weight around his shoulders, a constant nagging that shaded his otherwise sunny future. Logically, Edward knew that many things in life came without closure, without certainty. Alec might go his whole life and be just fine.

Knowing it was a useless thought - it wasn't as though he could go track Alec down again, he'd made his choice - Edward did his best to shake away the foreboding feeling, the nameless fear that tugged at the edge of his psyche.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you enjoyed that! :) I think we have two more chapters left... and maybe an epilogue (probably)
> 
> Thanks to jadedandboring, barburella, an d all of you!


	22. I Meant Well

" _ **No good deed goes unpunished**_

_**That's my new creed** _

_**My road of good intentions** _

_**Led where such roads always lead** _

_**No good deed** _

_**Goes unpunished!"** _

_**~No Good Deed, Wicked** _

* * *

"Edward, I need to study."

"The trouble with schools is, they always teach the wrong lesson," Edward crooned, the sound vibrating as his lips ghosted along along the shell of her ear. Bella shivered.

"I'm not kidding," she murmured, tilting her head to meet his eyes. "I'm going to fail this class."

He rolled his eyes. "You're not going to fail, and I don't know what you're complaining about. I'm just practicing."

It was her rolling her eyes then. She rolled slightly, kissing the end of his nose. "I hate to break it to you, champ, Fiyero is not making out with Elphaba at that point in the play - he's flirting with Glinda."

Edward made a face. He stood then, and Bella wanted to pout that he'd actually listened to her, but then he took her hand, tugging her up off the bed. Wrapping one arm around her waist, he began to spin her around the room. "Let's go down to the Ozdust Ballroom. We'll meet there later tonight. We can dance till it's light." His grin was wide and lascivious as he pulled her close so they were almost nose to nose. "Find the prettiest girl," he sang against her lips. "Give 'er a whirl." He spun her out before drawing her back in, this time kissing her soundly.

With a sigh, Bella gave in and wrapped her arms around Edward's neck, pulling him closer to kiss him more thoroughly.

He hummed against her lips, pressing her backward until she was sitting on the bed. Not breaking their kiss, he pulled at the hem of her shirt, dragging it up and off her.

"Mmm!" Bella protested, still caught against his lips. She pushed him away slightly. "Edward. You're such a bad influence."

Laughing, he kissed her again, pushing her back gently until she was laying on the bed. There, he gazed down at her, the look in his eyes tender and adoring as he brushed his knuckles along her cheek, first one, then the other. "It seems we're at a crossroads, then," he murmured, pressing the pad of her thumb over her lips.

"Are we?" she asked, a little breathless as he traced one finger down the line of her neck.

"Mmm," he hummed. "I want to do a little character study." He sighed dramatically. "And you are intent on impeding my work."

She laughed, the little tittering sound turning into a low moan when his questing fingers found her nipples through the thin bra she wore.

"There's no sex scene," she reminded him.

"This is all background work," he explained in mock seriousness. "I try to be very thorough with my work."

His lithe fingers undid the button of her jeans. Whimpering before she could stop the sound, Bella helpfully lifted her hips so he could slide them off her. Edward groaned. "Have I told you I love you in boy shorts?"

She smirked, wiggling as his hand splayed over her cloth covered center. "You may have mentioned it."

His expression became softer, his eyes raking over her from her ruffled boy shorts all the way up to her eyes. He cupped her cheek. "Have I told you I love you?"

Despite the slight chill in the room and her nude body, Bella was warm from her core to her fingertips. She smiled, reaching up to run her fingers along his chin. "You've said that," she said softly. "But I like hearing it." She tugged on his shirt, pulling him down to her. "And I love you, too," she whispered before she kissed him.

Without lifting his lips from hers, Edward rested his hand first on her stomach, then slipped his fingers beneath the band of her panties.

He used his fingers on her first while he kissed her, but once she was wriggling beneath his attention, Edward pulled out, slipping her panties down and off. Pushing her legs open, he knelt between them, pressing kisses along her thighs until she moaned his name, and then using his tongue between her folds until she screamed it.

Watching her catch her breath, he undressed slowly. It never failed to amaze her - the way Edward looked at her. She'd heard of being wild for someone, but hadn't seen that personified. His expression was at once feral and possessive. His want for her was so raw, his passion so much a part of him that she could see it in his eyes, couldn't possibly argue that he wanted her and her alone.

When he lined himself up at her entrance, Bella sat up, accepting him inside her easily. She wrapped her legs around his waist, winding her arms around his neck as he began to move with her. She kissed the underside of his chin, angling her hips to draw him deeper.

"So good," Edward groaned.

"Baby," Bella moaned, falling back onto her elbows, "we're fucking hot together."

He leaned down against her and into her, wrapping his arms around her, his hands strong against her back. Pulling her back up against him, he held onto her, supporting her weight as he moved faster to his release.

Afterward, he fell beside her on the bed with a grunt, panting and blinking as he stared straight up. "Okay," he mumbled.

"Okay?" she asked, a little perplexed but amused at the way his eyelids blinked sleepily.

"You can study now," he said amiably, rolling onto his side and slinging an arm over her stomach.

Snorting, Bella rolled over, cradling her head on her hands and looking at him. "You're lucky I love you, Edward."

He grinned a goofy smile at her, raising her fingers to caress her cheek. "I know."

**~0~**

"For the record, I would have looked better in that vest."

Edward smirked, crossing his arms and leaning against the statue set. "Your fiancè informs me of this on a daily basis," he told Jasper. "That being said, I still make this look good."

Jasper shook his head but didn't argue.

It was toward the end of the season - almost go time - and Jasper was doing a lot better. His injuries had healed to a great extent. He walked with a limp and his scars were still livid red, but he continued to heal.

"So, things with Bella going well?" Jasper asked after a moment.

Edward couldn't help his grin. "Things are good. Really good." He laughed. "You know, the strange thing is, everything is almost exactly as it was last season, and yet everything's different. Not just with Bella, but with my entire life."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, my job for instance. I still work with Emmett's team, but it feels different now that it's something I earned rather than something that was handed to me. I had no intention of coming back, but Emmett recruited me. Now I'm looking into getting my certification so I can use some of the equipment." He left out the rest of the plan he and Emmett had spoke of. If Rosalie was to win a spot with the traveling troupe, Emmett wanted Edward to take over as head of the construction team.

"And my relationship with Bella..." Edward trailed off. "We went through a real rough patch, you know, but we're stronger for it. Better. That she's seen that part of me, really experienced it, and she still loves me."

"And she had her part in all that," Jasper pointed out mildly.

"Right," Edward said with a nod. "Not to mention, with everything that went on, well... it's helped to understand that I have friends here. Real friends."

"It's a humbling thing," Jasper mused, agreeing. "Since I found this place, I really feel like I have a family to go to, hell or high water."

They were both distracted by the commotion of voices just off stage. Edward shifted, turning so he could see what was going on.

Bella came on the stage with most of the rest of the cast following her.

Edward inhaled so sharply, he started choking as air went down the wrong pipe. He bent at the waist, his hands on his knees as he coughed and tried to catch his breath.

When he raised his head, Bella was standing in front of him with her hands on her hips. "You knew where I was," she pointed out. "You knew this was going to happen."

"Yeah," Edward wheezed. "But, baby... have you seen you? You're..."

"Green!" Jasper input, bursting out laughing.

Tyler laughed, coming up to Bella and patting her on the shoulder. "Your boyfriend is a genius."

Bella sighed, folding her arms. "I'm a lucky woman."

**~0~**

By the time opening day rolled around, Edward had more than gotten used Bella's greenness.

Skulking just off stage, Edward was watching Rosalie and Bella performing  _Defying Gravity_. It never failed to make his heart race and his chest swell with pride.

His girl was amazing, there was no denying.

As she reached the crescendo, her voice filling the auditorium, Edward felt his smile grow along with the music. A natural adrenaline flooded his veins. The song was powerful, and he knew that every person in the audience had to be feeling that same intensity.

Which meant, naturally, that once Bella was secure again on the ground, released from the security loops of the lift, he could see even from across stage she was high as a kite.

Spotting him, she ran, even in her big costume and cumbersome, long wig. He grabbed her around the waist, spinning her around.

"Was it okay?" she asked breathlessly.

"Okay?" He laughed, spinning her around so he could pin her against the wall. "You were incredible, Bella." He leaned up against her, capturing her lips for a moment. "You're always incredible."

"Edward," she groaned, pushing him back. "I'm all green."

He took her hands, looking at her in mock seriousness. "You could look like an oompa loompa. It doesn't matter to me, because I love you."

He leaned in for a kiss only to find himself being yanked backward. "I care if you get green all over your costume, pretty boy," Esme grumbled. "Go get ready for the scene change."

"If you insist," Edward said with a sigh, casting a rueful look at Bella. He winked at her before he retreated to the dressing room to change.

**~0~**

Opening night was going entirely too smooth - that should have been the first indicator that something was about to go colossally wrong.

Edward had just changed into his Scarecrow outfit, sans the hood, when he thought he heard a familiar voice. His stomach twisted, his every cell on high alert as he hurried out into the hall.

"The show's almost over, hon," Emmett was telling someone Edward couldn't quite see behind his hulking frame. "You can't be back here."

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't important," a female voice insisted, and Edward's heart sunk.

"Heidi?"

Emmett and Heidi both turned. The lovely young woman gave a start. "Jesus Christ, Edward. Is that you?"

Grimacing impatiently, Edward waved his hand. "What's going on?"

Heidi glanced nervously at Emmett. "Can I talk to you alone?"

Quickly, Edward turned to Emmett. "I got this, Em."

Emmett didn't look happy. He was looking suspiciously between Heidi's ginormous baby belly and Edward. "You know if Mom catches you..." he hedged.

Edward nodded. "I know." He grabbed Heidi by the arm and gently led her a ways down into a quiet practice room. "Are you alright?" he asked gently.

She laughed, the sound raw and bitter. "No. No, I'm not alright."

He guided her into a seat, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"It's been bad, since you two fought," she murmured. "He's just been..." She shook her head, looking up. "He misses you, Edward. He doesn't say it, but I know he misses you."

Bowing his head, Edward leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. He felt like a heel and didn't know what to say. He was sorry but at the same time, he wasn't.

"It was the right thing, you know. To leave him?" Heidi took a deep breath, obviously trying not to cry. She failed. "I was stupid. I was so stupid."

"Heidi, what happened? I don't have a lot of time," he said gently.

"Well, we had a fight tonight. I told him you had the right idea, and that I was going to leave him, too," she said, sniffling.

Edward said nothing, waiting with trepidation for the other foot to fall.

Heidi looked up at him, tears falling miserably. "See, he stupidly told Felix about how your director leaves the opening night take in house overnight," she said, her voice so small that he could hardly hear.

All of Edward's breath left him in a whoosh. "Oh, God. He wouldn't... Alec wouldn't..."

"That's what I thought too," Heidi said. "For months, every time I've heard Felix or Jane bring it up, Alec shut them down." She took a deep, shuddering breath, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. "But tonight, when we fought, all of his anger was directed at you."

"You think he's coming here tonight," Edward said numbly.

"I know he is. He's here. Felix and Jane are here. I followed them."

"Fuck," Edward murmured, his stomach churning anger, disappointment, and betrayal.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," Heidi said tearfully. "I... I knew I had to tell you. I don't have any right to ask you this... but do you think... do you think you can talk to him? I'm sure he'll stop, once he sees you. I'm sure he wouldn't do this to you."

Edward closed his eyes, trying to figure out what to do. Part of him wanted to go charging through the auditorium. He wanted to drag Alec and his crew out by their collars, and he wanted to beat Alec senseless. There was no honor amongst thieves, but there were lines that just couldn't be crossed.

When he opened his eyes, he was met with Heidi's tear streaked, pleading face. He breathed in and out slowly, his gaze straying down to her distended stomach. She was seven months along to his reckoning.

He remembered Alec's worried words just before the wedding. " _I don't want my kid to be like me, Edward. I don't want him to be anything like me. He's already better than all that._ "

If he could make it two more months without being pinched, maybe the sight of his son or daughter might be that final piece Alec needed to ground himself, get out of the game for good.

"I'll do what I can," he murmured finally.

**~0~**

It was a good thing he didn't have many lines after he reappeared on stage. And once he had Bella in his arms again, it was easier to slip back into his roll, even knowing that Alec, Felix, and Jane were probably watching them.

Time passed in a whirlwind after he and Bella ran behind stage, escaping Oz as the last words were sung and the curtain came down. Then there were bows set to thunderous applause, and though he usually found the audience's pleasure exhilarating, Edward found he was barely able to smile as he took his turn. His eyes scanned the people, but it was no use. The house lights were too bright for him to make out many features.

He dressed down quickly, the excited banter of the other players hardly a thrum in his mind. He barely acknowledged the back-slaps, smiling only wanly when someone clamored for his attention.

Hobnobbing with the patrons afterward was difficult. He put on a tight smile and tried to concentrate on conversation, but really he was scanning the crowd, hoping to figure out where Alec, Felix, and Jane were hiding. Of course, they weren't so stupid as to let him know they were there.

Most of the theater-goers had left when Bella finally came out from backstage, followed by Alice. They had the act of getting her green makeup off down to a science, but it still took a while.

Putting on a more genuine smile, Edward pulled Bella into his arms. "You were amazing, Bella. Really," he murmured, kissing the side of her head. He held her perhaps a bit too tightly and for a beat longer than necessary before releasing her to the crowd. Though several people wanted her attention, Edward could see she was glancing at him, her expression perplexed and slightly worried.

Guilt twisted Edward's gut.

He knew he should tell someone. He knew he should just call the cops. There was no way he should get involved in this.

But Alec was his brother. Whatever bad blood existed between them now, there was still that connection. Just one more chance for him to set it all right, to stop the other man from self destructing when there was an innocent life counting on him.

Edward couldn't look at Bella when they were getting ready to leave. "Why don't you go with Alice and Jasper?" he murmured against her ear. "There's something I need to take care of."

She protested, but he was able to get her to go on, though she didn't look pleased about it.

Feeling utterly low and horrible about it, Edward drove in the opposite direction of the rest of the cast, pretending he was headed back home. Giving it a few minutes, he doubled back.

Everything was still locked up tight, as Edward suspected it would be. He had the key though. Emmett had given him one when they were working weekends double and triple checking the very technical set, and he'd never asked for it back.

Sure enough, when he got inside, Edward found the alarm system bypassed. A ripple of fury passed through him. He didn't want to believe this was really happening. Quickly, he made his way to the front of the theater, where the box office was located.

He moved relatively silently, so he was able to sneak up on Jane, who was acting as lookout. Of course, that was probably a bad idea as the minute he opened his mouth, he found a gun pointed at his chest.

"Whoa. Easy! Keep it cool!" he yelled, his hands up in a peacemaking gesture so she could see he wasn't similarly armed.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Masen?" Jane shrieked, not dropping the gun.

"Put that thing down," Edward growled, amazed his voice was steady given that his heart was working triple time.

Alec and Felix appeared. The look on Alec's face was both furious and very guilty. "Jane!" he barked. "Put your gun down."

Jane glanced at him and backed away, holding the gun out for a few more tense seconds before she dropped it.

"What are you doing, Alec?" Edward asked, his eyes flicking between the three of them. Suddenly, this all seemed like a very stupid idea.

Alec chuffed. "Get the fuck out of here."

"You know I'm not going to do that," Edward growled, taking a step toward him. "You're stealing from them, you're stealing from me."

"What about it?" Alec hissed, and Edward could see the hurt in his eyes. "You don't give a fuck about me, you expect me to give a fuck about you? Get real."

"You're caught. I'm telling you now, put back anything you took, and you can just walk away. All of you can just walk away."

Felix scoffed. "Don't believe him, Alec. After what he did to you? He's just looking for an excuse to get you out of his life for good."

"If that was true, I would have called the cops, but I didn't," Edward snapped. "I could have told Esme to take the money this time, but she would have known something was up, and she would have been prepared. Use your fucking head."

"He's lying," Felix said, glaring at Edward. "I bet he already called the police. Wouldn't that impress all your little friends," he sneered. "You just want to play hero." He raised his gun, leveling it at Edward's head.

"Felix, what the fuck," Alec cried. "You're not gonna shoot him."

"Says who?" Felix said, his eyes still intent on Edward. " You're blind if you don't see it by now. He's not one of us. He'll turn on you. He's already turned on you, and he knows too much."

"Jesus Christ. This isn't the fucking Godfather, okay? Put the fucking gun away."

"We gotta get the fuck out of here," Jane said, looking around, seeming paranoid. "If he called the cops -"

"I didn't!" Edward insisted, keeping his eyes on Felix. "I came here because I don't want Alec's kid growing up without his dad."

"Come off it. No one believes you give a fuck about us lowlifes."

"I -" Edward began, but was cut off by the sound of a faraway voice.

"Edward?"

Bella, Edward realized, his thoughts going white with fear for her. He'd already taken his first step forward when Felix shoved him hard, sending him sprawling. Edward recovered quickly, but Felix and Jane had enough of a head start that they got to her first.

As Edward came around the corner, Felix had Bella by the arm and was pressing her against the wall, waving the gun in her face, screaming at her, asking if she was alone.

"Get your fucking hands off her!" Edward snarled, enraged. Heedless of the two guns in the room, he threw himself at Felix, knocking the larger man off center and away from Bella.

There was a flurry of fists and snarled curses as the two men tussled. Edward was too entirely furious to be slowed even by Felix's hard hits. There was a lot of yelling, both from the fighting men and the three others in the room.

It was chaotic until the loud clap of a gun being fired shocked both Edward and Felix into stillness.

Jane had her gun pointed in the air. "Fucking idiots," she seethed and pivoted to point the gun at Bella.

"Jane, you get the fuck away from her," Edward said, his voice low and dangerous as he climbed to his feet. "Get that thing away from her."

"Shut up," Jane snapped. "Like you have any fucking right to talk to me. I have a gun, asshole. I should just shoot you both and get it over with."

"Jane," Alec said, holding out a hand. "Jesus fuck... with the fucking guns. You're not gonna shoot them."

"Edward," Bella said cautiously, her eyes flitting between Jane and Felix before landing on him. "What's -"

"Shut up!" Jane cried again, stepping closer to Bella. Edward growled, taking a step toward the woman, but the cold look in her eye stopped him. "Try it, Edward. I will shoot her. You stay the fuck away from me."

That might not have stopped Edward except he heard the click of another gun and knew Felix was behind him again.

"Jane, fucking stop it!" Alec tried to grab at his sister's arm, but Jane elbowed him sharply.

"Fuck off, Alec. I followed your lead. I did things your way with them last time. It's been nothing but trouble. You think you can trust him? Well, you can't. And you definitely can't trust this bitch. You know she despises you." She turned her cold glare back to Bella. "Is there anyone else coming?"

Bella's eyes narrowed, and Edward could see the anger amidst her fear and confusion. "You told me to shut up, and now you're asking questions? Pick one!"

It all happened very fast then.

Jane's face twisted in fury, and with a little growl she pulled her arm back, hitting Bella hard with her gun in hand. With a cry, Bella fell to the ground, holding her cheek. Edward flew at Jane, shoving her hard. Before he could do more than that, a rough hand grabbed him by the arm, pulling him away.

"Don't you fucking touch my sister," Alec snarled, pushing him toward Bella.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Edward yelled, but before he could go at his former friend, he felt a touch on his arm, holding him back.

Bella sat up, wrapping one arm around his. He could feel she was trembling, but her breath was steady.

"Shit," Jane's low oath distracted them. When Edward looked, he saw the woman was staring at something on the ground. He followed her glare to see Bella's cellphone where it had fallen away from her, face up, on the ground near Jane's feet. "Shit! She fucking called the police."

"You bitch," Felix swore, raising his gun and pointing it at Bella.

"No!" Edward cried. Moving instinctively, he launched himself off the floor, barrelling toward Felix. The clap of a gun firing filled the air, and Edward found himself falling backward. He landed on the floor with a gasp, an agony he'd never known blossoming around his stomach.

"Edward!" Bella screamed, on her knees at his side. Her hands fluttered at his chest.

"What have you done?" Alec yelled. "Felix, what the fuck have you done?"

"Edward?" Bella's voice was near his ear, but Edward was having trouble concentrating. It sounded like she was crying, and he could feel her hand on his face. "Please, please hang on, okay? Please."

He tried to wrap his mind around words, trying to tell her a million different things at once. He was sorry. So sorry. She'd given him a second chance, and he'd wasted it. He tried to move, because he knew she was still in danger, but any movement made him absolutely breathless with pain.

She pressed down on his wound then, and Edward heard himself scream before he could help it.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she cried.

It took him a minute to figure out the other noises, the chaos all around them, as Alec arguing with Jane and Felix. He couldn't wrap his mind around their quick, angry words long enough to discern meaning.

"Stay away from us!" he heard Bella yell. He struggled to open his eyes again and found her glaring fiercely at someone.

Jane. Jane was standing over both of them, gun in her hand.

Alec, his face desperate, grabbed her arm, spinning her.

Edward actually saw the spark at the gun's barrel, and the red bloom over Alec's chest as he flew backward against the wall. Automatically, his body lurched toward his friend, but agony and Bella's hands kept him pinned down. "Alec," he called weakly. Darkness tugged at the edges of his vision.

"Edward, please. Stay still. Oh, God. Please."

Jane's face had turned into an expressionless mask of complete shock, the gun tumbling from her hands, falling to the floor.

Felix was nowhere to be seen.

Alec was gasping, his breaths wet, as he slumped against the wall. He was staring sightlessly forward. "I'm sorry," he said to everyone and no one before he fell to the side in a heap, his eyes closing and his breath rattling, wet with the blood that was no doubt spilling into his lungs.

"No. Alec," Edward groaned, again trying to move, his every instinct to help his friend, his brother. He cried out with the pain that wracked his body.

"Baby, please. Please stop. You're making it worse. Please."

Bella.

Bella was crying and begging him.

Somehow, Edward found the strength to roll his head so he was looking up at her. Sure enough, her beautiful brown eyes were overflowing with tears. Even with the gash that marred her cheek where Jane had hit her, she was so beautiful, she awed him. And he felt at once so stupid, that he had wasted his time with her, and grateful that she would be the last thing he saw before the end.

"Hear that? Help is almost here," she murmured to him.

He didn't hear anything besides her voice or see anything besides her pretty face.

It took the last bit of his strength to raise his hand, covered as it was in his own blood, to brush her cheek. "I love you," he rasped. "I'm sorry."

His hand fell to his side as blackness took him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay... just remember. If you kill me, I can't tell you what happens next. *goes to hide behind jadedandboring*


	23. I Have Been Changed For The Better

" _ **I've heard it said**_

_**That people come into our lives for a reason** _

_**Bringing something we must learn** _

_**And we are led** _

_**To those who help us most to grow** _

_**If we let them** _

_**And we help them in return** _

_**Well, I don't know if I believe that's true** _

_**But I know I'm who I am today** _

_**Because I knew you"** _

_**~For Good, Wicked** _

* * *

Edward came awake suddenly, as if pushed from a deep, dreamless sleep into ice cold water.

That was exactly what it felt like. Every inch of his body was assaulted with the pain of a frigid grip. His body stiffened, arching at the middle as he gasped, the sound grating like rubber being stretched and dragged over a corner. The movement brought with it a sharp stab of agony that hit like a sucker punch to his gut and radiated out from there.

"Edward? Calm down. You're safe. You're in the hospital, and I'm giving you something for the pain right now."

For a minute, Edward was in too much pain to think clearly, but the voice soothed him.

"Just breathe in and out slowly. The medicine will take effect faster if you're breathing correctly," the voice instructed, and Edward was lucid enough by then to hear the tightness in the tone. The speaker was obviously pained.

Deep breaths? Well, that was all well and good, except that each breath sent another wave of torment through his body.

It was getting better though. It took him another minute or so to realize that the pain was lessening.

"Good," the voice murmured. "That's very good."

With the pain at a more manageable level, Edward found he could think concretely again. The voice, he realized, was Carlisle. For a moment he drifted in his memories. He remembered waking in the hospital after his parents died, and then again after Santiago shot him.

Edward's eyes flew open, and he looked around the room in a panic. "Bella?" he rasped, grabbing Carlisle's arm urgently. He remembered suddenly everything that had happened, and that there were two maniacs with guns in the same room as Bella, who was completely defenseless.

"She's fine. You just missed her," Carlisle said quickly, squeezing his arm. "She hasn't moved from your bedside since we wheeled you out of surgery at four this morning. Esme finally managed to coax her down to the cafeteria just a few minutes ago." His lips twitched. "I'm sure she won't be pleased to find you woke up when she wasn't here."

Infinitely relieved, Edward rolled his head to stare up at the ceiling, putting together bits and pieces of information. He licked his lips, finding them cracked and, like his mouth and throat, unbearably dry. "Water?" he asked.

Carlisle frowned. "I'm afraid not. Sorry, Edward. Your stomach can't handle water just yet." He offered up what looked like a lemon lollipop. "This will help."

Skeptical, Edward lifted a hand, noting the way his arm trembled with weakness as he did, and took the thing. It had a slightly lemon taste and did have the effect of stimulating the inside of his mouth to produce moisture. "Thank you," he murmured, swallowing thickly. "How bad?"

"It was bad, Edward," Carlisle said, his voice tight again. "Bad enough that they had to call me into surgery to assist, even though I wasn't working last night."

Rolling his head again, Edward found Carlisle's eyes filled with remembered pain. "That was the shock of my life," the older man said softly. "I had no idea it was you when they called." He tilted his head. "Bella must have reached Esme right afterward though, because she got to the hospital only a minute or so after I did."

Edward's head spun, guilt making the discomfort in his stomach area all the worse.

"You very nearly bled to death," Carlisle continued. "And we were hard pressed to repair what was damaged, but..." He took a deep breath. "It will be a long recovery, but I think you'll be just fine. Eventually."

Feeling a lump rise to his throat, Edward swallowed again, licking his crackled lips. "I'm sorry," he said in a whisper. "I'm so sorry."

Carlisle offered him a small smile, and squeezed his arm. "I know," he assured.

Before Edward could ask for all the gritty details, the door to his room opened. He heard a little gasp. Carlisle stepped back as Bella rushed to his side. "You're awake."

"Yeah," he said, searching her carefully. He raised his shaking hand to her cheek, brushing the bruised skin around the gash on her cheek with a feather light touch. He was ridiculously grateful when she didn't pull away.

"I'll give you a few minutes," Carlisle murmured, turning toward the door.

"Carlisle," Edward called with what little volume he could muster. He didn't take his eyes from Bella, but saw out of his periphery that the older man stopped. "Thank you."

Carlisle just nodded, then stepped from the room.

Focusing again on Bella, Edward tried to read her expression. Her eyes were watery and, like Carlisle, she had dark bags under her eyes. Edward realized suddenly that he didn't know how much time had passed since he'd been shot. He could bet from looking at them that neither Bella nor Carlisle had slept since then, though.

"Bella..." he whispered, but trailed off, not knowing what to say.

Her lower lip trembled. She sat heavily in a chair by his bedside, her hand going to his cheek. Tears spilled over, and she gasped lightly before she spoke. "You're not a cat, okay?" she said shakily. "You're not 50 Cent. You can't do this to me again. Not ever."

He put his hands over hers, winding their fingers together and tugged lightly. She came willingly, laying her head carefully on his chest. It was only a few minutes later that her sharp breaths gave way to small sobs, and she clung to him, crying out her residual terror. Edward closed his eyes, his heart twisting. He hated that he'd caused her this much pain.

And he was terrified she was going to leave him again.

"I was so scared," she said, her breath heaving. "You have no idea what it was like last night. No one could tell us what was going on, and you were in surgery for so long." She gasped. "And there was so much blood, Edward."

"Shhh," he soothed. "It's okay. I'm fine."

"You're not fine," Bella growled, raising her head. "You've got tubes and wires hanging all over you. You almost died last night. And I... we..."

"I know," he said, his voice thick and heavy with guilt. "I swear, it..." he trailed off, a thought occurring to him. His eyes went wide.

Bella knew him so well. In an instant, her expression softened. She looked more sad than scared then. "Oh, Edward..." She wrapped her other hand around his, clasping his hand in both of hers. "They, um... They tried to save Alec," she said gently. " But the damage to his lungs was too much. He died about an hour after they brought you both in."

Edward looks away, again rolling his head to stare at the ceiling. For several long seconds, he couldn't breathe. His eyes filled with tears, and he found he couldn't choke back the sob that rose. Somehow, the pain that radiated through his abdomen as his breath hitched was nothing to the agony in his heart.

He couldn't believe it.

He didn't want to believe it.

Closing his eyes for a long moment, Edward wallowed in grief and guilt. He didn't know what to feel. He was so angry - pissed as hell that Alec had been so fucking stupid, that he had to lead this dangerous life when there were people depending on him, that his baby would never know its father.

That Edward had to lose the only brother he'd ever known.

But he was so guilty.

Alec had saved his life again and again, and Edward had failed to save his at every turn. What if these last months had made the difference? What if, by walking away, Edward had taken with him the last chance his friend had at grasping a good, normal life?

Yes, Alec had come at him, looking to stab him directly in the heart by stealing from the very people who mattered most to him. Edward couldn't forget why they'd all ended up in the theater in that situation in the first place, but it also didn't seem to matter. In the end, Alec had saved him again - saved him because he saved Bella's life.

How could Edward ever be anything but grateful for Alec's last act?

"I'm so sorry," Bella whispered, her hand tender against his cheek, wiping away his tears.

Her touch was what he needed to ground himself again, to put walls on this mourning feeling that threatened to consume him.

He didn't know why she was there, crying tears not for herself, but for his loss, even though she knew nothing of Alec except that he'd brought fear and devastation into her life. He couldn't quite understand why she was still there beside him. She had every right to be angry. He'd broken his promise, and her worst fears had come true: his past life had come to destroy people she loved.

But answers to his questions had to wait. As he caught his breath, exhaustion hit him again, the weariness of his body so total that he couldn't have fought it even if he wanted to. His heart heavy with grief and his thoughts muddled with too many unanswered questions, Edward fell back asleep clinging to Bella's hands like a lifeline.

**~0~**

Esme wouldn't let him apologize. For some reason, Edward found that very frustrating.

"But... I ruined the production!" Edward finally said in exasperation.

His director pursed her lips, looking slightly amused. "Well, that's just silly. First of all, it's just a damn play, Edward. I'm much more concerned about you. As long as you'll be fine, the play can go to hell," she said fervently. She sighed. "Obviously, the part was cursed. After what happened to Jasper, I should have called the whole thing off."

"Alec is... was my friend. He was trying to steal from you because he was angry at me," Edward pointed out.

"And why you think you're responsible for his actions, I'm not entirely sure," she responded gently. "He paid for what he tried to do with his life. His sister and their accomplice are in prison, and you're recovering from a gunshot wound. A gunshot wound, Edward!" She shook her head, looking teary. "What point would my anger serve?"

She patted him on the cheek then and stood. "I should let you rest. Concentrate on getting better, and we'll call it even."

**~0~**

The outpouring of love and support over the next few days was overwhelming.

It had just begun to occur to Edward that he'd found a family with the Cullens, but thinking it and seeing it in action were two completely different animals.

It was, he reflected, the first of his three hospital stays that his room was overflowing with balloons, flowers, and stuffed animals.

Though they all had some idea of the situation, the Cullens and the rest of the Troupe had been nothing but supportive. Mike even thought it was a little bit cool, that Edward had touched the criminal element. He kept asking ridiculous questions when he came around.

Edward did notice that, of everyone, Jasper seemed the quietest. The first time he saw the man, he didn't look him in the eye. Every time after that, he would sit quietly while the others visited, casting the occasional glower in Edward's direction.

The third day Edward was in the hospital, they finally ended up in his room alone. Alice had only managed to drag Bella home to shower and change her clothes because Jasper agreed to stay.

At the look in the blond man's eyes, Edward almost wanted to call the women back.

"Say what you need to say," Edward said finally, resigned.

"You're an idiot," Jasper snapped.

Edward sighed. "I know that."

"I don't get what the hell was going through your head."

Swallowing hard, Edward stared up, his heart twisting as he thought about his lost friend. "I know I should have turned him in, called the police... done anything but what I did," he murmured. "But I had to give Alec one more chance. I couldn't... I couldn't give up on him."

Jasper sat up, and his expression was not as severe. "I understand that. What I don't understand is why you felt you had to go it alone. It would have been different if you had told us - me, Emmett, hell, even Esme."

The blond man leaned in closer, his eyes and tone sincere. "Edward, I get that this whole bit about family is new to you, but I thought you were beginning to get it."

"I am," Edward said, his voice raspy with emotion. "I do... but that's the thing. Alec was my family, too."

"I realize that," Jasper said with a sigh sitting back. "We all understood that, and we could have helped you help him, if that was possible." He grimaced. "Or we could have helped you know when to let go."

Edward blinked, thoughts shifting in his head, rearranging themselves.

He realized abruptly that he was to Jasper what Alec had been to him.

Suddenly, he felt lower than low for disappointing his friend.

His brother.

"It's not going to happen again," he said fervently.

Looking a touch amused, Jasper quirked an eyebrow. "I think I've heard that before."

"Well, I mean it this time," Edward muttered lamely.

Jasper sighed and looked down. "Here's the thing, Edward. For whatever reason, this family has accepted you as one of their own. The Cullens take that commitment very seriously. Did you know the police were threatening to press charges against you for aiding and abetting since you didn't report them right away? Esme talked them out of that."

"I didn't know that," Edward admitted softly.

"There's not a damn thing they wouldn't do for you, and that goes for me, too. So, I'm going to ask you not to shit on that," Jasper said bluntly. "You survived. Again. Against all odds, you're here, and you're going to recover. You've got a family. You've got a smart, beautiful girl who thinks you hung the moon. There's nothing, and I mean nothing, that's worth risking all of that. Again."

"Alec was my last tie," Edward said, his voice a contrite whisper. "There's nothing else."

Jasper studied him intently. "Are you sure about that?"

Edward opened his mouth to respond resolutely, but then shut it again.

There were always loose strings.

**~0~**

The morning before Alec's funeral, Edward received an unexpected visitor.

"Heidi," he said, offering her a sad smile as she crept into his room. "I was hoping you got my call."

She looked at him with uncertain, red-rimmed eyes. "I would have been here sooner, but I didn't think you'd want to see me."

"Sit down," he commanded gently, his look straying to her rounded belly. "How are you holding up?"

She let out a shuddering sigh. "I, um..." Her face crumpled, and she started to cry. "I'm... I don't know how I'm supposed to be. I'm heartbroken. I miss him so much, but..." She looked up, her teary eyes full of guilt. "Part of me is relieved."

Edward said nothing, but merely waited for her to continue.

"That's horrible. I know it's horrible," Heidi babbled. "But all this time, the hardest thing has been not knowing how it would end." She sniffled loudly, calming slightly. "This is not the outcome I would have wanted, but..."

"At least now you know?" Edward supplied.

"Yeah," she admitted. "There's no more wondering where he is, and if he's coming back. There's no more hearing sirens and wondering if it's because of something he did." She put a hand to her belly, her small smile sad. "I have our boy, the very best gift he could have ever given me. That's what matters now."

"It's a boy?" Edward asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"An Alec?"

Heidi pursed her lips, shaking her head slowly. "Would you believe, Alec didn't want that? We were still arguing but, I think I'm going to go with Alec's choice: Marcus Anthony Scarpinato."

"My middle name is Anthony," Edward said conversationally.

Heidi smiled. "He knew that."

**~0~**

The day after Edward got out of the hospital following a very lengthy, arduous stay, he went to the cemetery where is friend was buried. Bella walked with him, her arm through his, supporting him both physically and otherwise.

Edward still couldn't quite comprehend how he'd gotten so lucky, that she'd stayed with him even through the worst mistake of his life - which was saying something considering the stupid things he'd done.

The flat headstone was fresh, having just been put in a few days before. The black marble was shiny, and there were fresh flowers already bunched in the canister that sat before the grave. Bella took the flowers Edward carried and carefully added them to what was already there.

Edward imagined that if Alec was there, he would be shaking his head. 'Fucking flowers, man?' He could practically hear his friend's voice. 'That motherfucker down there got a six pack of brew, now that's a gift a dead guy could appreciate.'

Bella stood and took his hand, helping him kneel on the damn grass. "Do you want me to give you some time?" she asked gently.

His throat too tight to speak, Edward just nodded, squeezing her fingers and hoping she understood how much he appreciated her patience, how much he appreciated her.

She leaned in, pressing a lingering kiss against his cheek before she stood. "I'll be here," she promised, and walked a good distance away, studying some of the other stones and giving Edward the privacy he wanted.

Sighing heavily, Edward looked at the smirking image of Alec that grinned at him from the center of the slab. He read the inscription.

_**Alec Theodore Scarpinato** _

_**1985 ~ 2012** _

_**Beloved husband, father, friend.** _

_**Forever young, forever in our hearts as we were in his**_.

Edward didn't realize he was crying until his vision clouded with tears. Laughing wryly, he brushed them away.

"I know," he said aloud, "if you were here, you'd be calling me a pussy right now."

He sighed, looking down at his hands. "I'm sorry doesn't seem like enough, so I'm not going to say it. You and I... We did what we had to do. I've accepted that, and I hope you have, too.

"I wish.. I wish a lot of things, Alec. I wish you would have let me help you. But those kinds of wishes, they're useless. So I wanted you to know, I'm doing what I can now.

"Yesterday, I held your son in my arms. He's a strong boy. He looks like you. Has your eyes, even." Edward took a deep, steadying breath. "I know how much you loved them - Heidi and your boy, your Marcus. So here's the thing. I promise I will do for them what I couldn't do for you." He shook his head, regret making his throat momentarily too tight to speak.

"God, Alec, I should have thought of this sooner. I don't know why I didn't. I guess I just didn't think about my parents' money for so long. I didn't think about how, though I didn't want it, maybe it could have helped you.

"Hell, I don't know. You probably wouldn't have accepted it," he said, laughing humorlessly. "Hindsight, and all that. Either way... I wanted you to know, I gave my parents' house to Heidi and Marcus. I'm going to help them as long as they need it. I'm going to look after them, because I know that's what you wanted."

He paused for a long moment, listening to the sound of the wind blowing through the trees, wondering if his friend could hear him, could rest knowing his family was being cared for.

"Most of all, Alec... I wanted... I needed to thank you. You saved my life so many times. You saved my girl, and she's everything to me. Anything I could have ever done for you...it wouldn't be enough to thank you for that. I sincerely hope that not a day of my life goes by that I don't thank you for the chance you've given me. I promise I won't waste it."

He bowed his head, tears overcoming him again. After a moment, he felt a soft pressure on his shoulder and knew Bella was there. He reached back, wrapping his hand around hers and squeezing tightly.

When he had calmed, he kissed the palm of his free hand and pressed it to the earth. "Goodbye my friend, my brother."

He stood then, with Bella's help, and she rubbed his shoulder. "Are you ready?" she asked after a moment when he hadn't moved.

Breathing in and out slowly, Edward looked at her, and as he did a lightness came over him. He stroked her cheek and kissed her once adoringly. "Yeah. I'm ready."

* * *

" _ **It well may be**_

_**That we will never meet again** _

_**In this lifetime** _

_**So let me say before we part** _

_**So much of me** _

_**Is made of what I learned from you** _

_**You'll be with me** _

_**Like a handprint on my heart** _

_**And now whatever way our stories end** _

_**I know you have re-written mine** _

_**By being my friend"** _

_**~For Good, Wicked** _

_**  
** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There will be a short epilogue.
> 
> Thank you to barburella and jadedandboring


	24. Children Will Listen

" _ **What do you leave to your child when you're dead?**_

_**Only whatever you put in it's head** _

_**Things that you're mother and father had said** _

_**Which were left to them too** _

_**Careful what you say** _

_**Children will listen** _

_**Careful you do it too** _

_**Children will see** _

_**And learn, oh guide them that step away** _

_**Children will glisten** _

_**Tample with what is true** _

_**And children will turn** _

_**If just to be free** _

_**Careful before you say** _

_**"Listen to me""** _

_**~Children Will Listen, Into the Woods** _

* * *

At five years old, Marcus Anthony Scarpinato was an exact, albeit miniature, replica of the father he never knew.

How he inherited Alec's attitude without being raised by the man Edward didn't quite understand, but it was what it was.

"How goes it, Marky boy," Edward teased, picking him up from Heidi's house for an afternoon.

Marcus scowled at him. "How many times do I gotta tell ya, Unc? It's Tony now."

Edward tried not to snicker and failed. Why Tony? According to the little boy, Marcus was just not as bad ass as Tony.

His exact words.

"You got a new car," Tony observed.

"Your powers of observation are stunning, kid."

"Obs... obs...obs... What. Ever." He rolled his eyes and climbed in the back. "Why is this car so lame?"

Alec's little boy asked so many questions. Last time, he'd given Edward a headache with an endless string of, "But, why..."

Bella had laughed at him and told him he'd better get used to it.

"Hey. My car is not lame," Edward grumbled. "It's a good car."

"It's a lame car," Tony argued. "Not even Mommy has a car like this."

"Well, if you'd rather not be out in a car like this, I could always take you home," Edward said, rolling his eyes.

For a minute, Tony seemed to contemplate it. "Nah. I'll live. I just hope no one from my school sees us."

At that, Edward had to laugh.

~0~

When they exited the theater a few hours later, Tony was uncharacteristically silent. The lightsaber he'd been swinging around enthusiastically throughout the whole movie - they'd gone to see The Empire Strikes Back in 3D - hung limply from the hand Edward wasn't holding.

"What's on your mind, kid?" Edward asked, bumping his side gently as they walked toward the food court.

Tony shrugged. "I was jus' thinkin' about Daddy."

Edward's heart twisted, and he stooped, picking up the tiny Alec and setting him on a bench so he could look at him face to face. "Tell me about it," he said simply.

For once, Tony dropped the tough guy act, squirming and looking every bit the little boy he was. "In the next one, Luke saves his daddy even though he's all evil, huh?"

"Yes," Edward said carefully, not sure where this was going.

Again Tony shrugged, looking sad. "I was thinkin' if Daddy was alive, maybe I could have saved him from being evil."

"Look at me, kid," Edward requested softly. The little boy looked up. "Who told you your Daddy was evil?"

He screwed up his face. "Grammy."

Edward sighed, trying to keep the anger from his expression. Heidi's parents could always be depended on.

"I found a jacket that used to be Daddy's, an' I was using it like a blanket," Tony went on. "And Grammy took it away. She said it was better if I didn't even think about him because he was bad and evil and Mommy was stupid for ever being with him."

"Marcus... Tony. I want you to listen to me, okay?" He waited until Tony nodded, biting his lip. "You did save your daddy, because you are the very best part of him. You are all the good things he was and none of the bad."

"Sometimes, Mommy says I drive her crazy, just like Daddy used to," Tony hedged.

Edward chuckled lightly. "See, but that's why your Mommy loved your Daddy."

Tony made a face. "Adults are weird." He paused. "Does Bella drive you crazy?"

Laughing again, Edward pulled the boy off the bench and set him on the ground again. "Yes. Bella drives me absolutely insane."

"And thas why you love her?" Tony verified.

"Among other things. Yes," Edward said with a smile.

They walked on and had almost arrived at the food court when Tony spoke again. "Hey, Unc?"

"What's up?"

"Mommy said you're going to have a little boy soon."

Edward felt a proud smile spread across his face before he could help it. "Yes. That's right. Very soon."

"But, you're still gonna wanna hang out with me, 'cause I'm the coolest, right?" Tony said, trying to sound brave, but Edward could hear the hint of worry in his tone.

"Of course," Edward said, infusing his tone with complete seriousness. "Who else do you think is gonna show him the ropes, huh?"

"Thas right!" Tony exclaimed, brandishing his lightsaber with a bright grin. "I'll be the bestest big brother ever. You'll see." He paused. "He can be my brother, right?"

"Sure," Edward said easily, the idea warming him.

"Know what?"

"What's that?"

"Mommy said I might have brothers and sisters soon, but I think I'll like your baby more."

"Why is that?" Edward asked softly.

Tony hesitated. "'Cause if I has to have a 'nother Daddy, I think I like you better than Afton. Also," he continued without letting Edward comment, "I think you should name him Anthony, 'cept we'll call him something else than Tony, 'cause there can only be one little bad ass, and that's me!"

"I'll have to talk to Bella," Edward said softly, ruffling the boy's hair. "Hey, kid. Do you know what your name would be if you were a droid?"

"What?"

"N2Nee."

**~0~**

Bella was going over a few concept sketches when she heard the key in the door. Automatically, she smiled, always more comfortable when Edward was home.

"Bella?" he called as soon as he opened the door.

"I'm in the kitchen!" she called back.

A minute later, her husband of two years appeared in the doorway, his smile widening when he saw her.

Even five years later, the sight of him still made her heart gallop in her chest.

"Ouch!" she yelped, her hand going to the apex of her, as of late, very swollen belly. She winced, breathing in and out.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, dropping to his knees beside her.

"It's nothing. Your son is happy you're home," Bella said, unclenching her teeth as their baby did a happy dance on her internal organs.

Grinning at her, Edward pushed her shirt up so he could rest the side of his face against her skin. "Hey, in there," he admonished lightly. "Don't be so hard on your mother!"

Smiling, Bella ran her hands through his hair. Her grin faltered slightly when her fingers ran across the ridge of the scar hidden there.

How little it would have taken for none of this to happen.

She breathed lightly, willing the heaviness away.

Once, what seemed like a long time ago, she'd made a promise to herself that she would not live in the fantasy actors were capable of creating. Despite all that, with Edward, she'd known the fairy tale of a love that transcended logic.

Of course, they'd also survived the nightmare of a life that was a little too raw and real for her tastes.

It had been a little over five years since that night in the theater where Edward had lost his best friend and she had almost lost him. Since then, they'd found a balance. There was magic in their life, in the way they loved each other, but there were also the trials of every day. They paid bills, dealt with the issues that came and went, and supported each other no matter what.

Edward kissed her belly once and stood, sitting in the chair next to hers. "Marcus... Tony," he rolled his eyes fondly, "said we should name him Anthony," he said conversationally.

"You already vetoed Anthony," she pointed out.

"I just thought it was cute."

Bella chuckled. "Well... Tony is always the charmer."

"He said he wanted our baby to be his brother," Edward said quietly.

Reaching out, Bella took his hand. "Well, that's fitting."

Her husband looked up at her, his eyes sad. "That doesn't scare you?"

"Why would it?" She squeezed his fingers, having a feeling she knew where his thoughts were going. "He's a good boy, Edward. And you've been such a positive role model in his life." She smiled gently. "It's always been nice, watching you with him. I can't wait to see you with our little boy."

He lifted his free hand, placing it on her belly and breathing in heavily. "Heidi's parents told him again how bad his father was."

Bella grimaced. "Well, Charlie isn't like them, you know that. And Renee doesn't know about your past." She disentangled her fingers from his so she could cup his cheek. "I love you, Edward. You're going to be a wonderful father."

His lips quirked, and he sighed. "I hope so."

"I know so," she countered.

"It's strange. I haven't had any contact with that life - unless you count Tony, and I don't - for five years. But I'm always waiting for it to come back and bite me," he admitted, his voice soft.

Again, Bella made a face. Knowing there was no point in keeping it from him, she silently slid the envelope they'd received in the mail toward him.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Edward picked it up. He frowned when he saw who it was from. "I don't want to read this, do I?" he murmured.

"It's just a courtesy letter. Felix is eligible for parole this year," she said slowly. When his face twisted in fury, she continued. "It's not a big deal, Edward. He probably won't get it."

"But what if he does?"

"He doesn't know where we live. He doesn't know where Heidi lives. It's not an issue," she said firmly.

"But it could be," he argued.

Bella opened her mouth but couldn't dispute that.

Jane and Felix had both blamed Edward and Bella for their predicament - had sworn revenge when they were being led away in court.

Of course, Jane and Felix had always been dramatic bastards.

"We'll deal with it if he gets parole, which he likely will not," she reiterated.

He growled, getting to his feet and running his hands through his hair in agitation. "I hate this. I hate that I can't get away from it, get you and the baby away from who I was."

Bella shook her head, using the table to support herself as she got to her feet. Crossing to him, she took his hands out of his hair and brought them back down. "No one's life is perfect," she said lightly. "And if this is our challenge, well... It's better than a lot of things."

He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her as close as her distended stomach would allow. "As far as lives go, this life is better than anything I could imagine."

"See?" she said, smiling as she kissed him. "Don't regret who you were, Edward. It made you who you are. And I love you. How could that be a bad thing?"

Rather than answer right away, he kissed her again, letting his tongue glide along hers before he pulled back slightly. "I love you, and I don't deserve you at all. But...as long as I have you, I'm not letting you go."

"Well, that's settled then." She kissed him once more, a quick smack on the mouth, and unwound herself from his arms. "Now, come on. I have to drop these sketches off with Esme."

**~0~**

"These are gorgeous, Bella. Wonderful, as usual." Esme looked up from the sketches that Bella had brought.

When she'd graduated three years before, Esme had hired Bella to work with the theater in marketing. Whenever they did shows, as they were gearing up to begin work on Into the Woods, Bella was in charge of getting the word out around town. She worked with a few other businesses, but the theater and the troupe were her favorite clients.

Putting the sketches down, Esme glanced at Bella quirking an eyebrow expectantly.

Bella rolled her eyes but smiled as she nodded, and Esme gleefully put her hands on her belly. "How's my grandson?"

Both Edward and Bella laughed at that. Since Rosalie and Emmett were constantly touring with Rosalie's group, and Alice and Jasper showed no interest in reproducing, Esme had informed Edward and Bella in no uncertain terms that she was adopting their child as her own. Their little boy could expect to be spoiled rotten in true indulgent grandparent style, and that was the end of it.

"I think he knows he's on stage," Bella said wryly. "He's dancing. You feel?"

"Yes," Esme said, grinning widely. "Well, good. Since you two ditched me, I'll have fresh meat soon enough."

"Jeez," Edward groaned, shaking his head. "You make it sound so devious."

Chuckling, Esme looked up at Bella. "Well, I know better than to ask you. With such dramatic parents, I have no doubt this child would make his entrance right on the stage. But Edward," she turned to him. "You know, it's not too late to audition. I have room for you."

Edward smiled at his friend and old director. "I told you, Esme. I'm done. Officially retired. Besides, you already got me and my team building the sets. What do you need me on stage for?"

"You were good, kid," she said with a sigh. "Really good. You too, Bella. I miss having you both in my production." She tilted her head, studying Edward carefully. "I always thought you had a passion for acting."

"I did," Edward said, smiling as he remembered. "But that's the thing." He stepped to Bella's side, wrapping his arm around her. "I used to do this because I needed an escape from being me. Now? I'm exactly who I want to be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Huge thank you to my girls for getting me through yet another story. You know I love you.;
> 
> Huge thanks to all of you for sticking with me and for your lovely reviews. I'm so sorry I got bad at replying. I hope you know I love you all, sincerely.
> 
> What's next?
> 
> This story is being replaced in my update schedule with a Jasper/Emmett slash story... However, I do have two E/B WIPS. Tomorrow is Another Day is set in the post Civil War era. Do The Right Thing has a FBI Daddyward.
> 
> I will be, in the near future, beginning a fic modeled after The Counte of Monte Cristo (sp?). This will also be E/B.
> 
> Goodbye for now, and thank you again. Mwah.


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